Tuesday, April 30, 2002

Is there anything worse than when your fingernail is ripping off.? Not the whole thing, but just enough of it to hurt. Ugh.

Monday, April 29, 2002

So. Frontier House. Let me start by saying that I thought this series was going to be interesting, but maybe a tad bit dry and boring. Well, I don't see how it can be with the "It's not fair" wealthy Los Angeles family, the militant "suck it up and tough it out" Tennessee clan and the humble, nice father and son from Boston. In the first two hours alone, I've seen more whining and bitching about each other than on the Real World and Survivor combined. And I've shouted at the TV more than I did during The Bachelor. Here's why.

OK people, you sign up to live life like a pioneer in late 1800s Montana and you think you're going to be able to bring makeup??? This was the It's Not Fair women. The mom practically had a nervous breakdown at not being able to bring her lipstick. I swear. She cried over the notion of being 'ugly'. Then she and her daughters smuggled it in anyway. The dad isn't much better. He was all uspet because he wasn't going to be able to shoot anything with the 'terrible' guns given to him by PBS, and he couldn't use the super expensive antique gun he bought for his son. He was the biggest "It's Not Fairer" of them all because *gasp* they don't have regular tea bags and the tea leaves fall apart in his hot water!!

Then you have the Tennessee mom and dad who seem to forget that they were the only family that had a completed house to move into, and just criticize the It's Not Fair whiners at every opportunity. (I think this stems from the It's Not Fair dad having had a vasectomy, so birth control won't be a problem for them, while Militant mom wanted to bend the rules so she could use her birth control pills) While I'm sure it's tempting to vent about them, was it really necessary for mom to show off her stash of rations to compare to the whiners who have two more children and not as much food left? And why would anyone want to take charity from you people when you're all so pompous about it?

And then there's the African-American men, who are probably the normalest of them all and they are the only ones that had to build their house from scratch bc of what would've been the son's salary in the late 1800s, which translated to nothing. They didn't complain about anything in the first two episodes, so I'm hoping they do the best out of them all.

The rest, though...come on, what did you think it was going to be, Little House on the Prairie? Oh yeah, that described life's hardships on the frontier, too. If one thing is lacking, it's a hot young guy for us female folk to drool over while he cuts wood shirtless. It's not fair!!
Seinfeld, the greatest show ever??? It was good and all but...
Why oh why is MTV bringing the Beach House back to Sleazeside? It's like someone in their scouting department went to Belmar and just assumed every town on the Jersey Shore was kicking and in the need of more reason for WEBS to invade in the summer. Now they're coming back, four years later.

This NY Times article, however, would make one think that the town is nothing without their MTV, and that the locals should be pleased that such an honor has been bestowed. Oh please.

And don't get me started that they're calling this the Shore Thing or whatever it is. Locals don't refer to it as going "Down the Shore", only people who need to drive over a half hour to get to Sea Bright, Pt. Pleasant, LBI, etc. use this touristy moniker.
Did anyone else see the HBO America Undercover "Small Town Ecstasy" last night? I've never been so outraged, saddened and dumbfounded at some dude I've never met. The whole thing is about a guy named Scott who is heavy into ecstasy after suffering a midlife crisis, then encourages his way underage kids to 'roll' right along with him. He's 40 and hangs out a raves. He dressed like he was 16, talked like he was 16 and had the mentality of a 4-year-old, and my theory is that he let his kids partake in the drug action because he didn't want to be labled a hypocrite, and wanted to be the 'cool dad'. That's all well and good, but you had to see this guy. If you didn't want to smack him for being so obnoxious, you felt incredibly sorry for him because you wonder what got him to this point. The kids finally wise up (after seeing a brain scan of their 18-year-old user brother who has the brain of a 45-year-old for all the damage he's done) and voice to him that it seems like he's choosing the ectasy over them, and he's all in denial about it. It was the most intriguing thing I've seen this year. HBO has to be commended for showing such shocking stuff like this because it's a real eye-opener. And it makes you glad for the parents you've got.

Sunday, April 28, 2002

As I was driving home before, I passed the local firehouse. A few years ago, they decided to lease their main gathering area to Gymboree, and since then it is a tight squeeze when driving down that street, for all the Jeeps, luxury SUVs, minivans, Volvos and other suburban status symbols parked outside on Gymboree days (which is like every day). Today was no exception. But this time, I actually got a laugh out of all the 'look how much money I have' cars parked out front. Parked peacefully among all the mommy mobiles was a newer Mustang, and it stood out like a sore thumb. I then realized that whoever was the child of that car was probably going to be the most well-adjusted of the Gymboree kids. Or would at least have the best personality.

Friday, April 26, 2002

It took me a little while, but I just realized that I once interviewed Jason Giambi's replacement at first base in Oakland. Carlos Pena was playing for Northeastern at the time (circa 1998. Consequently, the interview took place the day before David Wells' perfect game. Don't ask me how I remember this), and Delaware had just beaten his team for the America East Title. It was hot as hell that day, and he had every right to be in a bad mood, but he was the nicest, nicest, nicest college-aged person I ever interviewed. He just seemed happy to be playing baseball and he probably knew he was going to be drafted a few weeks from that day. He ended up going 10th overall to the Texas Rangers and I forgot about him until I was reading the Yankees/A's game story and the name Carlos Pena rang a big ass bell in my head. Turns out he's got 6 homers already and he's making quite an impression. I just thought I'd share.

Thursday, April 25, 2002

So I was trashy and watched the finale to The Bachelor. All I have to say is, oh puhlease. While any woman who thinks she's 'in love' with this self-centered shmuck must be a complete moron herself, I must say that it was The Bachelor's family that really pissed me off. After meeting his first possible fiancee (oh how lame does that sound?), they ripped her apart for her honesty. She said she kind of puts up walls in her relationships because she's been hurt before. Well, The Bachelor's sister snootily says something along the lines of What was up with that, "Get over it." Obviously, this woman has never had the privelige of being hurt before, as she sat smugly next to her yawn-inspiring husband. I think the real issue was that the possible fiancee (still lame-sounding) was pretty and they are a far from a good looking family. Not that I normally judge people on their looks, but their snotty, holier-than-thou attitude made them 10-times uglier.

His Bachelorness isn't much better. He isn't even near good looking in my book. But this whole thing just seemed like an opportunity for him to get as much ass as possible with no strings attached, and that type of woman will do anything for fame. Well, except the one he ditched because she wouldn't sleep with his sleazy ass after knowing him for like 3 weeks....

I'm sure Des is going to have good stuff to say about this. Although she wasn't smacking the TV with a magazine like I was when the jerk "proposed"....
"Men do not take parental leave because they know they'll get funny looks. When women do it, other women will look funny at you," says Chesler. "If they have no children, they're torn with envy and resentment and doubt toward your choice. This is how it is."

OK, that's it. This is taken from a story about Take our Daughters to Work Day and I have to say that every male and female in this country needs a reality check. If I see a woman taking maternity leave, I think 'Good for her. It's going to be hard for her to come back after bonding with a child, but good for her.' I'm not sitting here, being my evil single self (as Chesler seems to think of anyone without kids) thinking 'Ooh. She's making a huge mistake. And hey, why can't I have 3 months time off to sit at home eating bon-bons and watching soap operas? Married women with kids get all the breaks!'. No, I actually am happy with my station in life and happy for anyone who decides to have children or to not have them. Since we were all little kids at one point, don't we all remember how great it was to see mom or dad come pick us up from school when we were sick? Or stay at home to take care of us? I think there's this preconceived notion that single people think women with kids become lazy or all about their family. Or even worse, that we single people are jealous. I don't think this way at all. To each his own. I don't want people knocking my choices in life, so why judge someone else?

As for men taking time off, if that happened in my office, I'd give him a big pat on the back, not a funny look. It's about damn time parents took equal responsibility for their kids. It's a shame children only bond with dad on the weekends, and if a man is brave enough to stand against his macho friends and stay home to raise his child (um, which is supposed to be the most important thing in his life anyway) more power to him.

I plan on having kids someday. And you can bet I'm going to make sure I raise them to not be as stupid and assuming as Ms. Chesler.
After an evening of office karaoke (where watching Tino come to bat for the Cardinals against the Mets was more interesting than many of the maudlin songs people were picking to sing), I got home and decided to watch last night's episode of Felicity. I must say, it gave me bad dreams because I was so fed up with their neatly tied up graduation. The only nice thing I can say about the episode (and the whole freaking season) is that Keri Russell is a believable cryer, something you don't see to much of lately. It'll be interesting to see who dies in the following episodes, and this whole flashback thing they've got planned. Maybe Ben will finally give up his flannel button-down shirts and he and Felicity will have a conversation above their standard whisper.

Wednesday, April 24, 2002

Apparently, Chris, Amy K. and I are to blame for Mike Brey leaving the UD basketball team. Move over, Voodoo, you've got former Former Review Sports Editors nipping at your heels! Since we wrote about him not leaving (which he wasn't at the time), we "cursed" the whole damn team, and they'll never win another championship again. Me thinks the blamer is just jealous that we were there for not one, but two trips to the NCAA men's b-ball tournament, while the following staffs have never had the joy of the tourney experience. Awww. Too bad. Since Chris was attacked more in this column, visit his blog to check out his response.

In other news, I got my Big Shiny Frying Pan for my birthday! It's Calphalon and light enough to sautee all those pretty peppers in colors of red, green and yellow that I'll never eat, but just want to look at while frying. I'm convinced I will now be a master chef. When we get the new place, everyone is invited over for an 8 course meal, all prepared in said Frying Pan.

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

I'm never listening to the 70s music channel in the morning anymore. I have the Carpenter's "Close to You" stuck in my head. Not exactly a rocking birthday tune.
My response to everything is "I'm 25 today!"

"That'll be $1.89."
"I'm 25 today!"

"Did you read that file?"
"Screw reading. I'm 25 today!"

"May I please speak with Don?"
"Sorry, wrong number. I'm 25 today!"

It's just so much fun to announce your birthday, like being 6 again. I should've brought in cupcakes and Hawaiian Punch. Oh well. I'm 25 today!!

Monday, April 22, 2002

Taking a breather from shopping for my birthday present, The Chicken found time to show off more of his life for the camera.

Sunday, April 21, 2002

To the freak who keeps finding my site by looking for "Tara Lipinski, slut," I have one question for you: Why keep coming to my site? I mean, there is nothing perverted here. Unless you like hearing people whine about their jobs and the Yankees and expensive apartments or something.

Since I'm worried that this weirdo is a perv, I'm not posting any pictures from my pre b-day party as I don't want anyone I know to get stalked. But I had a great time with Dexter, Vicki and Hollis. We started off at Moe's Caribbean, watching the Yankees with 80s music as a soundtrack (it was heaven for me) then headed to Polyester's, where we met up with more friends of D and V. We got there just as the male revue was ending, and I am more grossed out by male strippers than ever. There were many of them, ranging in size from a little person stripper (he scared Hollis and I) to the tall sweaty one who kept banging into me while trying to 'seduce' the girl behind me. Then the strippers left, and the really scary men were let in. I now know why women go to gay men's clubs to dance -- to avoid the freaky males who scream "desperate", and don't know when to leave a woman alone when all she wants to do is dance with her friends. Case in point, the man who sounded like he was from Jamaica who asked me to dance. When I flashed my left hand, it wasn't to give him the finger, it was to show off my "wedding ring". I switched my claddaugh ring to my left ring finger, turned it around, and voila! I'm a married woman! He still didn't go away and I finally just smiled sweetly and said "Sorry!" He moved onto Hollis later, and she told him that she couldn't dance with him because he was black and would dance better than her. It took him longer to leave her alone, but he finally did. When it was time to go (after some great 70s dance music, which was more enjoyable when the freakazoids were hitting on other groups of girls), Hollis, Vicki and I made our way off the light-up dance floor (ala Saturday Night Fever) and if we thought the scary men were dancing, the scarier ones were waiting by the bar. As we tried to leave, they popped out from the walls like a haunted house. Several tried grabbing at us, (one patted Hollis on the head), propositioning us, etc. As I put it, it was like running through a gauntlet of freak men. We made our way out, and I'm still recovering.

Thursday, April 18, 2002

Funny things from the Yankee game:
-- The beer vendor yelling 'Hey alchoholics, get your beer here!'
-- The new Yankee Jumbotron starting lineup. No longer do they show just the mugshot of our beloved Yanks, but now it's like a clip of them laughing, or swinging a bat and smiling at the camera, complete with their name across the bottom of the screen. It looks like the opening to a soap opera, so I kept referring to the screen as 'As the Yankees Turn'.
-- Jorge's error early in the game prompted me to say 'E 2, Jorge?'. Ba dum dum.

Is it me, or are there more hot guys in the city these days? Must have something to do with the weather.

Wednesday, April 17, 2002

Augh! What a missed opportunity. Penny Crone, the extremely annoying (she gets to cover the Yankees and is very obnoxious about it. Anyone who calls themself a journalist, yet asks Jim Leyritz if she was his 'good luck charm' during the 1996 World Series post-game show, should be smacked, and hard.) CBS news reporter, who used to be annoying on FOX 5, was just across the street talking about the crane that came down before. Tonya and I were ready to go down and beat her up for being so teeth-grindingly stupid when it comes to the Yankees, but, alas, work has kept us where we are.
Am I the only one turned off by male strippers? Is there anything grosser on the planet?
A crane working on a new building at the corner of 42nd and Madison came crashing down today, into the street and by some miracle, no one was hurt. The street, however, is covered in steel, according to co-workers. It's only two blocks away. I may go take a looksee.
So, I didn't wake up a multi-millionaire today. But I am going to tonight's Yankee game, so that's almost as good as winning millions upon millions of dollars...
When my dad and I were leaving for work this morning, my mom asked if we'd won the Big Game. My dad replied, 'Yes, and now we're going to work just to be eccentric."

Tuesday, April 16, 2002

Hollis and I will not be coming to work tomorrow, as we plan on winning the 300 million offered by the Big Game. I got our tickets last night, and when we win, we plan on adopting every puppy in every pound. And of course, we'll be ladies of leisure, and men will pursue us for our money. We've decided only Derek Jeter is worthy, however.

Just to note: We got out early from work yesterday because it was 75 degrees outside and 512 degrees in the office. The air conditioning was lacking and they probably thought we'd sue if we died from heat exhaustion, so for only the second time in my time here (the first being the fire/blackout) they let us go early for something other than a holiday or national catastrophe.

Monday, April 15, 2002

Back by popular demand...the life and times and photos of the good-luck Yankee Chicken!

Saturday, April 13, 2002

So, I just read one of the saddest advice column letters. A woman wanted to know why a guy she had a great date with didn't call her back. This was the columnists response:
Dear Mary:

A guy I know met a waitress at a comedy club in New Jersey and thought he'd found the woman of his dreams. In the car on the way home he started telling his friends, "Wow. She's great. I'm going to call her tomorrow." As the miles passed, so did his ardor. By the time the car pulled into Manhattan, he was saying, "Uh, I don't think she's my type at all." He threw out her telephone number.

The point here is that men are often creatures of the moment. They want what's in front of their face, but once it's out of sight ... well, you can finish that sentence. Obviously, not all men are like this, but enough fit this dismal description to keep women off-balance. And do you want to hear from a guy who's so unreliable? I recommend not calling him. It's unlikely you'll get a satisfactory explanation for his behavior, and why give his ego such a boost?

What the hell? Do men REALLY think this way? If so, you are a bunch of assholes. I hope to god this isn't the reason men have lost interest in friends of mine or even myself. Just because they're not in front of you? Jeez. At least have a good reason like 'she's a psycho' or 'she's left handed', not 'oh, I haven't seen her in 10 minutes. Why is she so great again?' Shame on you.

Friday, April 12, 2002

Today I am a trouper. My partner is out and I am feeling like hell, but I'm going to stick it out as long as possible because my boss is out next week and the more we get done today, the easier it will be. I've been told I can leave (Everyone is looking at me sympathetically. I must look like shit. I certainly feel that way) but I'm dreading the train ride to NJ. I've already upchucked twice, and I'm not sure I want to do that on my favorite piece of transportation. Though it would serve them right. Speaking of, there were no Amtrak or NJ Transit trains leaving Penn Station last evening because of some fire in some tunnel. There were firemen all over the place and tons of displaced commuters. I ended up staying with Hollis because I wasn't about to deal with taking a Path train to Newark and then dealing with the chaos (literally tens of thousands of commuters) that was probably going on there. But did any of this make it on the news, or in the papers today? No. So I'm left to wonder what really did happen.

Oh, I just want my bed and a blanket....

Thursday, April 11, 2002

Note to annoying people: when you sneeze, cover your G-damn mouth and don't be so freaking loud about it!

Wednesday, April 10, 2002

Today I am pissed because I want an apartment in Hoboken. Now. And I can't afford it because landlords are greedy bastards. Always.
Screw you, greedy bastard landlords.
It cracks me up when people see a broken escalator and get all whiny about having to, god forbid, walk up the stairs. It's even funnier when there is a long line for an escalator and no one on the huge staircase next to it. And they wonder why obesity runs rampant in this country.

And as a big Sinatra fan (Italian mother, dad from Hoboken, I have little choice), I've been irked by something I've seen a lot of lately -- young people claiming 'The Way You Look Tonight' is 'their song'. People, the man recorded a ton of romantic songs and this is the only one you bother listening to? It IS a good song, don't get me wrong, but it shows a huge lack of imagination on young people of today's part.

Tuesday, April 09, 2002

So I only caught the last five minutes of it, but I'd like to go off about the stupidity of the women on 'The Bachelor'. One woman actually had an anxiety attack after not getting picked by this ass to be in the final four of wifedom. These women just make the rest of us look bad, like we can flip our on and off switches to be in love with somebody and if they're rich, you automatically fall in love with him. It's sick. It's disgusting. And don't even get me started on the smarmy bastard that these women are going pyschotic over...

Monday, April 08, 2002

Hello, JK Rowling. If by chance you're reading my page, I'd like to ask you something: When the hell is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix coming out??? It's been almost two years since the Goblet of Fire! This is as bad as waiting for the Soporanos to come back on the air. If I ever become a bigtime writer, I hope I get two years to complete a book.

Sunday, April 07, 2002

Now, the moment you've all been waiting for...Karen's Krappy photos! The world will rue the day I purchased a digital camera...

Friday, April 05, 2002

Wouldn't it be great if we could send all the bitches (female and male) to a special planet where they all have to live together? I'm convinced the only reason there are bitches on this planet is because there's always only one in every nice circle/office/dorm/etc., and the good-naturedness of the other people around them can drown them out for the most part. On the new planet, the bitches would get to see what it is like to deal with themselves on a daily basis, and then have to suffer with it as punishment for the evilness they have inflicted on all the nice people. Wouldn't THIS world be a bettter place without them?
Bayeayeayeabe, oh I get chills when I'm with yooooooouuuuu oh woah oh woah...
yes, Sherrif's When I'm With You was the last song I heard today....
Does anyone else want to slap Cara from the Real World? I hate girls that think every guy should be in love with them and get all pouty when they can't have them. She thinks she's god's gift -- puhlease!

Thursday, April 04, 2002

Per Yankee fan friend Tonya, until he starts doing something for the Yankees, their first baseman will now be known as Jason "What HaveYou Done For Me Lately ? (sung like Janet Jackson) " Giambi.
This is by far the funniest story of the year. Where else would you find one of baseballs' best pitchers getting beat up by his wife, a woman best-known for writhing around on cars in Whitesnake videos? It's classic!

Speaking of baseball players, I had a dream I was hooking up with Derek Jeter but then I told him there was another guy I wanted to be with so I couldn't hook up with him anymore and I said I was very sorry. He didn't seem too upset -- he started hooking up with another chick. I think she was supposed to be a friend of mine. Weird.

Wednesday, April 03, 2002

Anyone who owns a boat would be disturbed by this story. And anyone who owns a boat knows that this isn't a first. The fact that people in A LOT of boats (from Jet Skis to Yachts) drive like complete maniacs on the Manasquan and off the Monmouth County coast is always in the back of my mind when I go out fishing or crabbing on our boat. There need to be tougher laws on the water because it's like the freaking Wild West out there with people making their own rules. It's frightening, but these assholes with big egos think they're indistructable and show off like crazy and put the rest of us at risk.
I have a bone to pick with you men folk out there. It has occurred to me for some time that you are very non-discreet in doing a once over on members of the opposite sex. Since I just took a stroll through Bryant Park and was ogled by every scary man in New York City, I felt the need to commend those of you who manage to do the 'up and down' without the woman seeing. For some reason, this feels less skeezy. The fact that I was in pants and a long-sleeved shirt leads me to believe that that randy spring feeling makes anything not nailed to the floor once-over worthy. And let me tell you, I'm not about to go around singing "I Feel Pretty" because a bunch of fat dudes in business suits (or even cocky hot guys in business suits) felt the need to look me up and down. It's just plain creepy, even though you seem to think this is a measure of appreciation. Ugh. I'm so not looking forward to skirt season for this reason.
Such a wonderful morning! 69 degrees and blue skies. Makes me start humming "Lovely Day" by Bill Withers or "It's a Beautiful Morning" by the Young Rascals. Now if only the work would go away...

Tuesday, April 02, 2002

Antagonists suck. Especially when they are stupid.

Monday, April 01, 2002

Does anyone know where I can get a fake pigeon? Or even a dead stuffed one? This is vital to the first book in The Rooster Named Chicken Goes to... series, as he comes to NY and befriends a pigeon.
Apparently, the NJ Transit fare hike was no April Fools Day joke. 274 bucks got sucked out of my account and into the great unknown that is NJ Transit for my monthly pass. I can tell you that waiting in the overcrowded waiting areas at night and any other kind of aggravation will not be taken so easily from now on. The bastards.

Mr. Met was standing obnoxiously outside Penn Station today, promoting his even more obnoxious team. I had run into Hollis and I asked her if I should run over to him and punch him then run away, it being Opening Day, and me being a Yankee Loyalist and all...

I've just had one of my cupcakes and am enjoying quite the sugar rush. It would be nice if it lasted all day.
Tis Opening Day, and aside from the annual Opening Day cupcakes, you can expect me to update my Yankee Journal every day. Or at least I hope I can...