Thursday, November 28, 2002

A major shout out to WPIX who rebroadcasted old episodes of The Magic Garden today, following a reunion special. The show was a huge part of my childhood, as it was for most kids in the NYC metro area and to see it again after like 20 years was so amusing. It totally made my day.

Apartment. Still not living there. So not happy.

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

Clear sign that I 1) have a subconcious contempt for NJ Transit and 2) I need my ears cleaned out: Last night, Vicki and I were walking to Penn Station, and she was on the phone with Dexter. This is what I heard her say: "KB has to catch the old dirty train..." I started laughing because I thought that was the pefect way to describe it. Vicki looked at me kind of funny. Because what she really said was "KB has to catch the 11:30 train."

Can someone please tell me why some people say "So I says..."or should I say "So I sez..." Now, I may be a copy editor, but I'm not a stickler for grammar. But this makes my skin crawl. Sez is not a word, people....

Apartment-o, Apartment-o, where fore art thou Apartment-o?

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

It's November 26. WHERE IS MY APARTMENT??????

As if tomorrow's commute home won't be bad enough (Thanksgiving WEBS, don't you know), we have the "storm of the century" coming, a whopping 3 inches of snow! It's only been in the past few years that the local news teams get all hyper over weather, and therefore blow everything out of proportion. Remember the 24 inches we were supposed to get two years ago and we got NOTHING? It's one thing to be wrong, but to hype it up and then be wrong is just annoying. I guarantee that every channel will have reporters stationed all over the tri-state area, because you know, nobody can look outside their window and see how much snow is falling.

Monday, November 25, 2002

I only have one thing to say about this whole Augusta no-women policy thing -- if it were a man of any other race than caucasian not being admitted, all hell would break loose. The sponsors would have backed away immediately and CBS would say something. But because women are in a majority, it is still OK to not include them and not lambaste them for it. Let's face it, the men at this club are sexist pigs, remnants of the Old South, and want to keep their little clubhouse free of womenfolk. They don't stand for the majority of men, thank god, but when you have sports writers, analysts and fans defending this type of bias (one of my favorite sports writers says it's OK because this is their last bastion to keep a male bonding thing sacred. Oh, please, a woman playing through isn't going to impede on much ball-scratching time), it makes my stomach turn. Just substitute a black or Asian man for a woman here and tell me if that's right. It's wrong to discriminate, PERIOD. Why can't people get this through their fat heads?

Thursday, November 21, 2002

Thanks to Star Jones for reminding Aaron that East Coast people don't find it strange when a woman is 27, single and not saddled down with three children, unlike his mother who seemed to find this notion shocking. And I'd also like his stuck-in-the-1950s family to know that women can have tattoos and its not a sign of the devil or something. I swear, when Brooke said she had one, you know they were thinking it was like a heart with barbed-wire around it, scrawled with the intitials of an old boyfriend. Or like a big cheetah standing on a cliff, holding a cub in it's mouth.

And note to the happy couple -- it seems like geography is going to be an issue for you two. Maybe over the course of you're engagement you'll learn to compromise, like most people do when they're just dating.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

This is a hoot:
A coalition of religious and environmental groups is launching a "What Would Jesus Drive?" campaign Wednesday, hoping to get people to switch to more fuel-efficient cars.

Tonya and I ruminated the topic for a moment. Forgetting the fact that the man drove a mule, not a Ford Explorer, I said that Jesus would be breaking the law by driving barefoot if he had decided to, while Tonya says he'd totally be a mass transit guy, which I can see. He'd always get a seat on the subway -- would you want to be the one refusing a seat to your lord and savior? (I bet even Jesus would find some of that "Poetry in Motion" just plain confusing). No cab driver would have the guts to charge him a fare, and if he was commuting to Northern NJ or the outer boros, he could just walk across the Hudson and East Rivers, thus avoiding the rush-hour crunch. So Jesus, if living in the NY area, could do without a car just fine, and isn't that fuel efficient?


Well, the apartment is for all inents and purposes, finished. Just a few details to be added here and there. The thing that's holding it up is getting our heat and electric meters installed, and then having someone to come inspect. So god only knows when I'll be moving.

On the way home last night, Des and I were listening to Christmas carols, and we hear the Christina Aguilera version of "The Christmas Song" which was recorded a few years ago. Anyway, we noted how much more "urban" Christina thinks she is now than she was back then and that the lyrics of the song would have come out so much different if she'd recorded it now. Like, instead of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire," she'd opt for "Like yo yo yo, dos chestnuts wuz roastin' on an open flame, a'ight." And then there'd be some gangster rapper guest-star (though Eminem would work best) doing in the whole "Dey know dat Santa's on his merry mother- f*#%ing way" part...

Friday, November 15, 2002

Because of the "spectacular" terrorist threat (why am I picturing Ice Capades when I see that word and not bombs dropping and lots of death? Anyway.), they just passed around our emergency contact sheet here at the office for our approval. OK, they didn't say that was the reason, but you know that's what it is. I've never understood this concept. Yeah, like, if we're running for our lives someone will REALLY stay behind and call all of our loved ones to tell them we're OK...
Why did Michael Jackson have to go and get so weird? I mean, the man made some of the best dance songs of our generation and now he's a laughingstock, which is his own fault. What is it about being a celebrity that makes people act so freaking whacko?

The Village Voice gave Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets an OK review. I think I'm going to faint.

And I am mucho pissed offo that every day since Nov. 1, the day I was SUPPOSED to move, my train has been 10-45 minutes late every morning. This moving limbo so sucks, let me tell you...

Thursday, November 14, 2002

Tonya just got me revved up over Bloomberg's commuter tax plan. His whole excuse that commuters use city services is complete bullshit. Because, as Tonya puts it, our company is probably playing a nice sum of money for our 1) cleaning people to take out the garbage and 2)paying a regular tax like everyone else who lives here to have the city take away said garbage. Also, isn't a huge chunk of the money made by city businesses coming out of commuter's pockets already? At the very least restaurants and delis are benefiting from me when I need my breakfast and lunch, Duane Reade when I need Advil, Hallmark when I need a birthday card... Mikey-poo, you can count on me bringing my lunch from now on if this tax goes into effect. And I'll shop in NJ for whatever I need. And forget buying another MetroCard (some commuters pay the 60 bucks for a monthly, don't forget) -- I'll just walk wherever I have to go. To paraphrase Tonya, who works in this city to make it the world business superpower that it is? Um....

Oh, and let's not even discuss the notion of an Olympics in this area because we all now know that the money for it is nonexistent and that any money made off it won't fill in the hole, starting off another cycle of debt...

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

New Pet Peeve:
Delis that sell chicken noodle soup with, not noodles, but spaghetti. Firstly, it doesn't taste as good and secondly, you can't eat spaghetti with a spoon nor soup with a fork, so it's a no-win situation. Thick noodles is the answer. Somebody please listen.

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

I'm not sure I agree with the placing of VH1's 100 Love Songs (numbers 1 and 3 kinda piss me off because they're recent) but some deserve big shout outs. I mean, How Deep is Your Love is in the Top 20, a classic cheese song, but so deserving. Des, her Big Sis Liz and I used to say we were going to walk around in circles and sing it, just like the Bee Gees do in the video, to freak people out. And Frank made it with Fly Me to the Moon, which is bordering on cliche, but at least it wasn't The Way You Look Tonight. And You Don't Bring Me Flowers -- woo-hoo! That, coupled with It Must've Been Love are two of my fondest college memories, usually involving a sing-along session.

And sorry, but these electronic phonics books kids have are no match for Speak and Spell and Speak and Math. Texas Instruments of the 80s could kick anyone's ass any day.
Like Dr. Phil, the Chicken is tired of playing a supporting role. So, Ladies and Gentleman, I give you his own advice column, Dear Chicken.
In "Well Duh" news for today, British researchers are saying that smoking pot on a consistent basis is worse for the lungs than smoking cigarrettes on a consistent basis. Would the filter/no filter thing be a dead give away???

And speaking of cigarettes, we just had one of our 'is-there-a-fire-or-isn't-there' alarms, where we're all stuck waiting for the evacuater person to answer our 'red phone' and no one does, so we make the decision to tramp down 10 floors to safety. Well, there was no fire, but there was a hot FDNY fireman downstairs scoping out the scene. When we got the 'oh-sorry-no-fire-our-bad-for-making-you-scared' OK, hottie fireman lit up a cigarette. I just found this funny -- a smoking smokin' fireman. The irony is endless.


Monday, November 11, 2002

You know, Eve is a total wench for biting that apple. Because of her, we're supposed to suffer in child birth and I'm sure God decided to take that to the next level and provide us with cramps once a month. I am suffering today. I want to beat Eve up.

And I want to beat up aggressive drivers. And NJ Transit (40 minutes late today). And whoever is slowing up the process with my apartment. But actually, I'd just settle for my bed and a nice long nap right now.

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

Only five minutes into The Bachelor and he's pissed me off by insinuating that his wife should stay home and raise his children. And the worst part is Helene seemed to agree with him to sell herself to him. It's one thing if that's her conviction, but I really think she said it to please him. Ugh.

And I've noticed on a lot of message boards that people are talking about Helene's "Jersey" accent. FYI -- she has a Philly accent. Everyone I knew from the Philadelphia area talks the way she does. Just listen to the way she says "Family" and you'll know what I'm talking about.

OK, I have to take a shower because I feel dirty for watching him make out with three women he claims to have deep feelings for. Tool.
They're remaking A Summer Place? Dude! You can't mess with classics! It has to be one of the most corny/unintentionally funny movies ever made. Just to hear Sandra Dee utter the lines "I washed my hair for you Johnny" and be dead serious while holding onto this hat that covers her entire face except for the built-in sunglasses is..unremakeable! Granted, it could be interesting, but would be so lacking in the 'oooh-we-can't-say-that-because-it's-the-50s' department. Like the scene where Sandra's character is telling her dad she likes to dance around topless in front of her window and feels naughty about it -- you can't write stuff like that nowadays!
It's a good thing I didn't want to vote yesterday. Because of working late and train delays, I didn't have time to get to the polls even if I wanted to because NJ polls close at 8. Supposedly, only 37 percent of the voters from my town turned out yesterday, and maybe the fact that most of the people work in NY and don't get home until late is the reason. So, what's my beef? Why is it we only get off for presidential elections, and even that's iffy. Something that's supposed to be so important, our right to vote, is limited to 14 hours. Let's see, I'm away from my house 12-14 hours a day. How am I supposed to vote, again???

I'm reading the second book in the Princess Diaries series (for research and for fun. Teen fiction is so less depressing than Oprah's Book Club and more complex than the books Kelly Ripa recommends), thinking that since I saw the movie, I wouldn't have to read the first book. Well, I'm going to have to because I think Disney just stole the name from the book and made their own god-awful movie. The second book is so much smarter than the movie and and SOOOOOO much was changed for the screen. I get the feeling Disney just wanted a "Cinderella-makeover" story (remember curly hair = bad, straight hair = good) to make a buck. Note to self: If my books ever make it and someone wants to make a movie out of them, Disney is allowed nowhere near them.

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

Thank god it's Election Day -- I was getting pretty fed up with all the mudslinging going on via telelvision ads, especially when they came one after the other after the other. But some of them were unintentionally funny with their dramatic music (think soap-opera-villain-about-to-kill-someone music) and the most scathing quotes imaginable about the candidate. My favorite are the ones that accuse the person running of being against environmental protection and they show what looks like a sewer running off into a little stream, in black-and-white. The horrors!!! Like, why hasn't the candidate supporting this ad run to the EPA and reported this sad little sewer and stream pollution? Oh that's right, because it's fake. After a while, you can see how things are twisted around to make the candidates rival look better. It's so sad.

We saw the apartment last night and it looks to be coming along. It's bigger than I expected and Carolyn and I found a great pizza place around the block. We can't move in for a little while longer, though. Ugh. We have to move soon, before I find anymore quilts and sheets that I like...

Sunday, November 03, 2002

Moment for me to sound like an old fogey -- Nick Carter sounds NOTHING like Jay Black....

And if New York gets the 2012 Olympics and I'm still working there, I'm taking those two weeks off. It's bad enough with summer tourists in the city NOW. It would be cool, though, to see a few events. If they're affordable, that is. But what really bothers me about this prospect is the fact that they may use this as an excuse to build a new Yankee Stadium. I'd really like to smack "I'm-such-a-hero-and-big-Yankees-fan-so-do-what-I-say" Rudy Giulliani for ever entering this thought into anyone's mind....

Friday, November 01, 2002

I think I am a bonafide expert on chick-lit. That is, books that are targeted at the Sex and the City-loving, single twenty-and thirtysomething female. The sad thing about this trend is that the books are all following the same formula and getting crappy results. Such as:

-- The main character works in Publishing or PR and is unappreciated at the office. She may be laid off sometime in the book
-- she has the reqiusite insecure girlfriend, married/dating seriously girlfriend and one gay male friend.
--she smokes
--she's trying to diet
--she lives in either New York or London
--she dates someone who is bad for her only to be rescued by a nice guy she usually blows off early in the book. He may even be her best guy friend.
--her parents are nutjobs
--she and all her friends will find true love in the end.
--she will have the best sex of her life with her new soul mate. Or the bad guy.
--she just bought a one bedroom condo and drives a crappy car
--she is only happy while dating

Now, I love Bridget Jones because Helen Fielding used a sense of humor with it. And since she waas kind of the intro to all this, her stuff isn't cliche. Even if it came out today, she has the cliche requisites, but does stuff with them that the reader won't expect. Marian Keyes only went too cliche once with Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married but her other books rock and Anna Maxted did well with Getting Over It. Other than that, I can't recommend another chick book. Some of the worst offenders of force-fed cliches: Jemima J., Party Girls, Bad Boy, Running In Heels. And those are the ones I can just remember off the top of my head...

Never, even in the good books, is there a mention about these girls enjoying being single, which is just sad. Then again, we all want the happy ending, so if she falls in love realistically, I might cut it some slack. Falling in love is great, but it doesn't happen for everyone and I'm so tired of people trying to force it on themselves because they don't want to be alone. I think these books only foster that notion, which kind of worries me, but then again, I've read them and I'm not about to start doing "8-minute Dating" just because the main character has found true love...