Monday, March 31, 2003

Here he is, the Chicken in his photogenic glory. Click on the photos to make them larger.
So we get the Yes Network, but it looks like we've lost Derek Jeter. He's writhing around in pain on the ground as I type. This does so not look good.
And we all thought Canadians were so nice. I'll just hope it was a freak American that thought this up. I mean, why boo Matsui? He hasn't done anything wrong except play extremely well, and from what I've seen of him he's not a bad person. Boo Steinbrenner if you don't like his tactics. This stuff is just so elementary school.

It's Opening Day!!! But I'm actually kinda depressed because I can't see Opening Day (or Night, since they play this evening) because of this freaking dispute between YES and Cablevision. But fear not, I'm giving the two stubborn asses a week to work things out, and if not, I'll get DirecTV in my room. It'll be like 50 bucks a month extra, but I can't explain the weight on my heart right now at not being able to watch my team all season. I need to get a life, I know, but the Chicken was threatening suicide over the matter, so something has to be done.

Speaking of, the Chicken had a great photo shoot around the apartment yesterday, but for some stupid reason I can't load the pictures onto my photo site. I will figure it out, though, because I know you all just read this to see things about the Chicken and not me. It's a cross I have to bear, living with such an enigma...

Sunday, March 30, 2003

It's cupcake day (No, not Opening Day. You don't open a baseball season on a Sunday night. Sorry, ESPN.), and supposedly YES is trying to salvage the first three months of the season with Cablevision. I'm not getting my hopes up.

Well, this weekend has been fairly tame. We had a Jersey Girl friday night and went to the bar two doors down to hear The B Street Band do Bruce covers. It was way too crowded and packed to enjoy too much of the music, though they played the good stuff and Carolyn and I entertained ourselves by singing along to Rosalita. Des had the comment of the night when we were trying to scooch our way past all the drunk asses to an open spot past the bar -- "If I'm not whacking everyone with my ass, I'm knocking them out with my breasts."

And while I worked on my book last night (which wasn't my original intent, but then I started and my imagination was en fuego and I got that fulfilling feeling from a simple outline than I have in a while) I watched the World Championships of figure skating. And I have to say, Dick Button has just gotten meaner and smarmier over the years. He mellowed out for a while there, but last night he was in full, rip-apart-skaters-he-doesn't-like,-give-major-props-to-his-favorites mode. He makes Simon Cowell look like, well, Paula Abdul in the criticizing department. He really needs to tone down his praise of his favorites , too. I actually think he was going to cry over how great Michelle Kwan's performance was last night. Crying from a skater -- OK. Crying from an announcer -- what the hell??

Friday, March 28, 2003

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Earlier, a co-worker was saying that she thinks the normal, down-to-earth people of the world are far outnumbered by nuts and weirdos. Truer words have never been spoken.

So, CNNSI.com has picked their favorite sports movies (I'm too lazy to put a link in) and one of their "Shoulda Been Contenders" for a football movie is "The Program". Pardon me for laughing so hard, but this is probably one of the worst movies of ALL TIME, let alone worst FOOTBALL movies. I just saw it recently, and holy jeez was it funny. Unintentionally funny, of course. And cliche. But the funnyness wins out. A 33-year-old Craig Sheffer playing a college student. All the women wear blazers with shoulder pads. The crazy steroid guy. The obligitory rotten father. Maybe they named it because of it's unintentional comedy, but in my XX chromosome opinion, "Rudy" is a far better football movie. Oh, and they say the director did a better job with "The Program" than he did with "Major League". What were these writers smoking when they wrote that?


Wednesday, March 26, 2003

I can't even read a sports column without getting a political agenda (both Clemens' and the writer's) thrown in my face. Sigh. The writer seems to want players to start spewing liberal opinions to shut up all the conservative players and fans. Um, yeah, I'm paying out the ass for a ticket to see the Liberals and Conservatives play political hardball, not the Yankees and Red Sox play nine innings of baseball. Keep telling yourself that, Mr.Yeh.

I swear to god, the two-party system and this incessant "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality is what's tearing this country apart, not the war itself.
I kinda blanched at the idea of country music on American Idol last night, not because of the genre, but because it's easier for me to judge the contestants when they sing songs I know and I can rip on them for sucking. But then I thought, Think of all those great mainstream country songs of the 70s and 80s and maybe one of the contestants will do one of those. Or maybe not. Where was Let Your Love Flow? Islands in the Stream? Queen of Hearts? I Love a Rainy Night? Sigh. Nobody has an appreciation for the great old songs anymore.

Monday, March 24, 2003

"Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both Oh yes, they both Oh yes, they both reached for The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,Oh yes, they both reached for the gun for the gun." Dear God make it STOP!!!

Don't know what's more frustrating: Figuring out how to get in touch with someone you haven't spoken to in years or having almost every song from Chicago stuck in your head. I loved the movie, but there's only so much I can take.
The snarky comments were in full effect last night at Dexter and Vicki's second annual Academy Awards soiree, so much so that our host likened us guests to the robots and Mike Nelson on Mystery Science Theater 3000. I take that as high praise. And I can officially say I like have a cousin who like has a friend who is like an Academy Award winner. More on that later.

The party was swingin'. There was more food than you could shake a stick at, if you were so inclined. Vicki won the psychic friend award by picking the most winners of the night,coupled with the new double secret scoring system. I won Mike's SAT-like quiz on Oscar history, though my score wasn't better than Dexter's who had taken it earlier in the week. So he's got Trivial Pursuit and that over me now, and I will take this moment to be a nerd and swear that I'll be him at something brainy. I could've beaten our fair hostess at picking winners, if only I'd gone with Adrien Brody for best actor. I did in my office Oscar pool, because my cousin was friends with him growing up in Queens. My dad says it's like when Delaware made the NCAA tournament and he picked them to go all the way in his office pool, even though they didn't have a chance in hell -- you just have to go with your connections. But no, I didn't use my one degree of separation from a nominee last night and I walked away a loser. But maybe now there's hope for Delaware men's basketball!

After the fiesta, Shirley and I got whistled/muttered at by gross men on the way home. Once by garbage men, once by two guys sitting on their stoop. Shirley figured it's because they'd seen Adrien Brody lay one on Halle Berry, and they were inspired. God help us all if that's the case!

Friday, March 21, 2003

Here comes my Why I Hate Ignorant Protestors rant. I heard this woman at an antiwar rally in Times Square on the radio this morning. She was trying to make an argument that everyone hates the US (which is probably true) and we have to "Like, stop, like playing God." Now, the word Like comes out of my mouth way more than I'd, well, like, but this woman sounded so freaking ignorant when it came out of her mouth that way. Thanks for showing how articulate my generation is! I honestly think there are people out there who are protesting for and against war because they just want to throw their opinion out there, no matter how misguided. You haven't heard my opinions on the actual war matter because I have no military training, haven't seen the files on Iraq and quite frankly, my opinion isn't going to stop the war or push it forward even more, so what's the point?

But to those who are so antiwar, please, if you're going to say anything, just say "War Sucks. Please End It." Even tote out the "Make Love, Not War" but these people who keep going on and on about oil, anti-Americanism, anti-Bushism, playing God, etc. sound like they're protesting the freaking country their from rather than a war itself. I read a story in the NY Observer a few weeks ago about one of the antiwar protests in the city. A fire truck was trying to get through a crowded street to get to a fire, but protestors were whining that they truck was there to try to break up the protest. Um, OK. They started yelling at the fireman, calling them fascists. One of the firefighters actually carried Mychal Judge's body away from the smoldering World Trade Center, in the midst of pure chaos that was Sept. 11. And now he's a fascist for going to save more people? Ugh. It's idiocy like that that make my blood boil. Plus, I wonder where the hell these people find the time to leave their jobs to go protest an afternoon away, (even though that incident happened on a weekend) but whatever.

And those who are protesting for the war need to make their cases better too. None of this "We're fighting for the freedom of our country" stuff. Iraq wasn't invading us, after all. If they want to say something, how about a nice "Let's support those people willing enough to (not defend, mind you, as we're not under attack) stand up for what our country believes in, even if it means risking their life." Or even what's been creeping into the back of my mind that "Saddam hasn't proven himself to be the biggest truth teller and you know, he's probably got weapons of mass destruction that we've never even imagined. So let's get his ass out of power and not hurt the innocent."

And to those foreign countries protesting the United States, I'm sure you've been waiting for this moment for a long time, where you could rally together and spew about how much you hate us. Because people hated this country long before the war (except maybe during WWII) and they will long after it's over. I don't even pay attention to them any more because I don't even think they know what they're supposed to be protesting, except that they hate America and need people to know it.

So, my fellow Americans, no matter what side you are on, just know that Freedom of Speech is a great thing. Use it wisely.



Thursday, March 20, 2003

The war started while I was at Dexter and Vicki's, and when I got home, Des and Carolyn were watching the news too. We switched to MTV to see what they'd have to say and I gotta say, I liked it A LOT better than the networks. Why? Because they were the most laid back and not scaring the crap out of everyone. It seemed like all the other stations had countdown clocks, nervous looking reporters, buttoned up anchors, etc., just enough stuff to start making you antsy. Well, MTV's John Norris was dressed very casually and instead of trying to freak us the hell out, MTV educated us on Iraq, and gave us some pop star pespectives. And while Fred Durst and 13-year-olds aren't my first choice for editorializing, at least they weren't donning gasmasks and talking above air raid sirens. It's bad enough I have my own imagination to contend with, let alone have the networks making me think of what retaliation might be coming our way.

Oh, and I saw the National Guard in the 33rd St. Path Station today. And unlike in the past, this time they were carrying rifles. As Dexter put it after seeing them outside the Empire State Building yesterday, it's quite sobering.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Yeah, so the knives in my kitchen that can't cut chicken worth a damn can slice straight through a bagel and into my thumb, as I found out this morning. I can't explain what metal in skin feels like. Wait, I can -- like a metal paper cut, only deeper and creepier. It's funny, because when I was starting to cut the bagel I thought "Wouldn't it be funny if I cut my hand and had to get stitches because I can't miss work today with my partner being out?" Ha! I am such a psychic, even thought I don't need stitches, thank god.This is my second kitchen mishap with my hands since living on my own. The first was in Astoria, with a nice deeper, more bloody cut from a tin can top slicing my finger open. The scar still hurts on occassion, making me think I'm like Harry Potter and can sense when evil is afoot. It resulted in my parents getting me the Saftey Can opener for Christmas. Now I will have to ask for a bagel slicer for my b-day. Klutziness, Kitchen items and Karen, all starting with K....

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

I just took the iVillage "Prince Charming Test", even though I hate the whole fairy tale metaphor for finding the love of your life -- very cliche to want a prince to rescue you. Anyway, I got the Court Jester. Yea me! I think this is because while I'm semi picky about dating (meeting guys in bars has never been my thing and I don't believe in being set up. This makes me very "stubborn" in some friends and family members' books), I'm very low maintenance in relationships. Though I sometimes think guys I've dated wanted high maintenance, whiny, whipcrackers for some strange reason, but whatever:

The Court Jester
Your favorite man in tights is funny, a great sport and always keeps you entertained…This works for you because you're not looking for someone to take care of you financially or even emotionally. You can do that on your own. What you want is a companion who will see you through the good times and make the bad times a little better (or at least have you laughing through your tears)...

Then again, while I like funny guys, I can't stand the ones that always have to be funny, try to be funny and aren't or are self-depreciatingly funny. Everyone I know loved Bob from the Bachelorette, but I couldn't take his constant self-bashing. So maybe I need the Court Jester who knows how and when to be funny. That's probably as high maintenance as I get. Oh, and the whole cooking thing, but that's another issue for another day.

Monday, March 17, 2003

I seriously don't understand the popularity of velour track suits. Sure, they may be comfortable, but every time I see a woman in one I think " Hip Grandma from Brooklyn moves to Miami." Just look back to the 80s -- only elderly women wore them. Can youth-oriented mumus and housecoats be far behind?
What an eventful day this is. First off, it's Dad's b-day, so the Chicken and I wish him a happy one. It's St. Patrick's Day, of course, and not only will they have a parade for my dad as he likes to say, we might just have a war, too! And it was 8 years ago today I got my acceptance letter to Delaware. Aside from the whole prospect of war, I'd say it's good stuff all around!

And what a difference a 60 degree day makes. Good moods all around!

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

So I got a subscription to Highlights for Children today. It was funny to get the follow-up e-mail that said "Your child's first issue will arrive in four to six weeks." Um, what child? This is for me! Because I miss Goofus and Gallant, uh, I mean, it's for research purposes...

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

This proves that our government ain't too bright and very unculinary aware. The french in fries refers to the cut, not the country. And I'm sucked dry in taxes every year so someone can get paid to change the menu...

Monday, March 10, 2003

After hearing the theory "A man talking on a cellphone in a club/bar is irresistible to women" like three times now, I have to make my voice heard: NO IT DOESN'T. Maybe to some women, but I don't think a piece of plastic attached to one's ear makes a man more attractive. Here's what I think when I see a guy out on a Friday night, busy yacking it up when he's supposed to be having a good time with his friends:

1) He just wants attention and he's using a very stuck-in-the-mid-1990s way of going about getting it. We all have cell phones now. You are not cool.

2) He has a girlfriend and she's chewing him out right now for not being with her.

3) He has a girlfriend and he called her because he misses her.

4) What an ass -- he's supposed to be out with his buds but he's too good for them so he has to talk to someone else.

Note, that not one of those was "Oh, he's so hot because he looks so important."

I'm sure there are women who fall for this. But there's a reason for that --- they are probably very shallow and looking for Mr. Important and Wealthy and that's the only reason they're attracted to Mr. Telephone Man. Or they're subscribing to my theory Number 3 and want to break him and his gal up. Why would any man want a woman that? Then again, they're probably made for each other if that's the case...

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Well I hit the jackpot today with annoying people en route to work, which took way longer than usual, I'm guessing because of a few snowflakes. Here's a look at the people who peppered my commute:

1) The little accented woman dressed way to young for her age at the bus-to-the-Path-shelter: When I got to the shelter, the bus was there and long line of people getting on. Knowing I was the last person thus far, I knew I wouldn't get on because there was already standing-room only when the bus pulled up. Well, tell that to Miss Chi-Chi (reference to To Wong Foo...) who is now two people behind me. She starts yelling to the people on the bus "can you all move in? I see space, you can make room." The girl in front of me and I just exchanged a 'this is going to be a great day' glance. The line is barely moving for lack of space, and Miss Chi-Chi keeps on with her you're-all-stupid-and-trying-to-keep-me-from-being-ontime spiel. The girl in front of me finally says "There's no room!" but Chi-Chi motions that there is so much space on the bus. I don't know what crack she was smoking, but she really thought there was space. In the end, we let her cut in front of us to ride on the bus stairs. Probably illegal, but I think the bus driver was hoping he'd stop short at some point...

2)The crossing guard nazi. Now, I've seen her on a number of occasions. My neighborhood is flanked by schools, so there's guards at every corner. Most of them are super nice and call you 'hon', but while this woman is probably nice, ugh... She screams at you (and sounds like Bonnie Tyler on high-speed dubbing) if you start to cross and she hasn't told you. Like you're not an adult who knows to look both ways. And she doesn't shut up. EVER. She's screeching the whole time "Wait, OK! Come on, Come on! NO! I told you to wait!" and I have a feeling she was placed at this specific corner because there are no residences nearby. But I had to hear her the whole time I was waiting for the bus, after the Chi-Chi incident, which wasn't helping.

3)The train clique. I should've known that I wouldn't escape these self-important loudmouths just because I don't ride NJ Transit anymore. I forgot that several NJ Transit lines come into Hoboken, and their riders take the Path to NY. One such train clique (3 guys, 2 women, all middle aged) plow on and take this opportunity to stage "We're So Funny and Clever and We Want to Make Sure You All Know It!" during the painfully long Path ride. Do we really care about one woman's roast beef incident? Or their inside jokes about Thanksgiving and 'Davey and Goliath'? No one told them to shut up, but the dirty looks going through the car should've been enough to silence them. And of course they rode straight through to 33rd Street, and of course they blocked the cute guy I was trying to make eye contact with who got off at 23rd Street (where all the cute guys get off for some reason). Ugh.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

American Idol is so freaking manipulative. I'm sooooooooooooo sure that they couldn't read the viewer vote winner. And since the judges know who they've picked, you know that they know who's won. Why do they need an envelope??? I've lost faith in reality TV, especially when it comes out of FOX.
It's amazing how being a sports fan has made me change my views on religion. It's Ash Wednesday today, and being Catholic, I should probably go and get ashes. But the thing is, I haven't been to a mass that wasn't wedding/baptism related,(not even on Easter and Christmas), in I don't know how long. I think it would be hypocritical of me to go today and act like I'm devout, because even though I have no problems with the Man Upstairs, I haven't really ever been that diehard of a Catholic. I think of all the Catholics who do go to mass every Sunday, who go to confession, who take the religion seriously and how they must feel every Easter and Christmas when those who never show up do come out, make the church standing room only, and act like they're all religious. It's like when I see how packed Yankee Stadium is during the playoffs, when these people don't go to any games in the regular season. It's annoying as all hell. And somewhere there is a commandment that says to keep the Sabbath day holy, and are the twice-a-year Catholics (and other religions who only show up for the big days) really doing that? I guess what I'm saying is I do not want to be a religious front runner. If you're going to say you're "religious" or "devout" walk the walk and talk the talk and start doing your part in the "regular season."

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Is this book by David Wells really going to cause THAT much controversy around the clubhouse? Does Derek Jeter not have 4 World Series rings? Are the Yankees not a bunch of grown men who can keep their personal lives outside the Stadium while they do their jobs? As I get older, the less I see reason for the whole "Bronx Zoo" thing, only that the media blows it more out of proportion than it is for entertainment value. Especially since I've been on the media side of things, and I know what goes through editors' heads. Not that the Yankee "controversy" isn't a mar on the season. And if the players are so worried about their hurt feelings that they can't bat over .250, well then they shouldn't be playing baseball. But get over it, everyone. All the tabloids, all the players, George, et al, you need to stop your melodramaticness and get a life.

Monday, March 03, 2003

Men like gossip just as much as women. Why else would the Anna Kournikova/Sergei Fedorov marriage be the second-from-the-top story on all the sports web sites today?

Vicki, Dexter and I had a marathon round of Trivial Pursuit this weekend. Dexter walked away with the pie, and I am kicking myself for not knowing that the Yankee Stadium ground crew are known as the "Dragsters." Or that squid can have 18-inch eyes. Sigh.

And is it me or is everyone speaking VERY LOUDLY today? My tolerance for annoyance is very low at the moment, so that could be it, too.