Friday, April 30, 2004

If you ever needed a reason behind why Yankee fans rock the house, just look at how everyone got so behind Derek Jeter in his Slump. Here's a guy making more money than most fans ever will, a reason right there for fans to get bitter about him not hitting, especially against the Sox. But every time he came to bat, and every day The Slump got bigger and bigger, fans at the Stadium would raucously cheer him on. Because despite The Slump, he is OUR Derek Jeter. He has his four Rings. He made "The Play" in Oakland in 2001. He is the one you want in the box in October. He is our El Capitan.

That is what made me so upset when the Red Sox were going after A-Rod and they were going to push their "beloved" Nomar away. Fans were like "Well, it's a no-brainer." But is it? The heart and soul of your team for the biggest bat in the land? I don't know. I can't imagine the Yanks without Jeter, which is why I put the little Post-It next to his ornament on my work computer that reads: El Capitan -- We'd Never Trade Him For A-Rod. And two months later, we totally got A-Rod without giving him up. And A-Rod MOVED TO THIRD BASE. That is respect. That is what you do for the heart of your team.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

The Derby is this weekend, but there aren't that many fun-named horses running. Since I usually go with my favorite name, I'm a little stumped this year, but I think I'm leaning toward Imperialism for two reasons: It goes great with the whole Evil Empire theme and the horse's trainer is a 21-year-old woman. Considering horse trainers at triple crown races are usually a smarmy bunch of old guys, it would be a nice change of pace.
Were all the teenage girls deprived of their cell phones Tuesday night? Did the rest of the country go crazy voting for the other AI contestants just to get rid of SiNOTra? Or did people finally realize how bland he is and not bother voting for him? Whatever it was, it's about damn time. Now he can go back to being a kid who likes to sing instead of a so-so singer who just happens to be a kid. And what does the show mean by torturing George? Last night, when announcing who was safe, it was "George, step back from the group...because Jasmine is safe!" The hell? Whatever, American Idol.

So I finished The Da Vinci Code last night. Am I going to get tarred and feathered for saying I thought it was only OK? The main character is a bore, it bordered on pretentious with some of its theories and I knew who the bad guy was almost as soon as he was introduced. It was a quick read, so that was good, and some of it was educational and you could tell a lot of work went into researching it. But worthy of all the hype? I don't know....

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

So the Yankee Medallions the NY Post is giving away kinda freak me out. Are you supposed to wear them? I'd feel a little stalkerish if I did so. Even The Chicken wouldn't go that far... Speaking of, thanks to Shirley, The Chicken is now on Friendster. Shirley's goal is to make him the most popular chicken ever, and even I had to get permission to be The Chicken's friend. Don't worry, I won't let him get too big for his britches.

Monday, April 26, 2004

The B-Day photos are here.
I cannot tell you how tired the two days that were my 27th birthday have made me, but I guess that tells you how much fun I had. Let’s start with the Yankee game. Sigh.

Well, the weather didn’t turn out to be as much of a problem as Jose Contreras, but when it did start to rain, we were covered, so it was all good there. I guess Tonya and I worried so much for nothing! Joining us for the game were Carolyn, Rick, Melissa, Jesse, Eric and Liana and pretty much the entire fan base of the Boston Red Sox who seemed to all be in our section. Even the little boy sitting in front of me, donning Red Sox paraphernalia. I know this sounds cute, but when the kid starts angrily screaming “SHUT UP!” in response the Yankee fans chanting “Let’s Go Yankees,” he ceased to be anything but a little pain in the ass.

Anyway, The Dunkin Donuts Subway Race was brought back this season, and lo and behold, the jelly donut on the track slowing down the trains is back, too. And while last year I thought a jumper on the tracks would be way more appropriate, Eric was all confused thinking that a homeless person or a fire on the tracks was more like it. Liana suggested construction was probably the real reason the trains got delayed.

In the 6th inning, Tonya was all “Take out your camera.” And I was like “Why? Is A-Rod coming up to strip?” But then she motioned to the scoreboard where all the Happy Birthday wishes were being flashed, and woah! There’s my name! Tonya had been very stealth at work and sent away for my name to be put up there, too.

The game ended, badly (but we stayed till the last out and the unfortunateness that is Liza Minelli’s version of New York, New York), and we headed into Hoboken to hang at a bar for a bit. That’s where I opened my gift from Liana, Eric, Jesse, Dexter and Vicki – a gift certificate toward an I-Pod!!! I totally freaked out. When I told my mom the next day, she was like “Uh-oh,” because she and my dad were going to give me money for one, too, but it all worked out because I ended up getting a bigger I-Pod than I anticipated. What can I say? The Hoboken Crew and my parents kick ass.

I’d been waiting an entire year to bust out the karaoke machine Dexter and Vicki got my for my b-day last year, and it all came down to Saturday night. And boy, it got used all right.

It seems like everyone arrives at once, and Sarah and Ken both bring baked goods, which is way awesome because sugar is always welcome. Carolyn baked me a “special” (but in a good way, not the way she was describing it) baseball birthday cake, whose pretend candles I got to blow out later while wearing a tiara provided by Melissa. But you all want to hear about the entertainment portion of the evening, so here it goes:

After everyone mingles for a bit, Tonya valiantly joins me when we start off the evening with Def Leppard’s Love Bites. We sometimes like to sing this at work – no joke. Anyway, we totally rock out on all the pain and frustration of the song. I mean, the two Yankee losses at that point were really hard to take.

We then all segue into a rousing rendition of Hey Jude, which I think partly makes Carolyn and Rick ditch their plans in the city because it goes off so fabulously. It’s even better later when we all belt out We Are the World. Dexter takes on the Bob Dylan part, Eric does the gruff Bruce Springsteen, and Tonya rocks out with the Cyndi Lauper “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, to reah-lize that a chay-nge can only come…” moment.

Other highlights of the evening:
-- Love is a Battlefield comes on and Dexter’s like “We’ve gotta sing it like we’re prostitutes!”
--Gina and I try to find something in our range and go with Margaritaville, and when we get to the part of “searching for my lost shaker of salt” Tonya screams from the other side of the room “Where’s the salt?!”
-- Colette and I sing Maniac and Dexter actually does a mean Jennifer Beals.
-- Shirley and Vicki join Liana and Eric on Kung Fu Fighting, and you don’t realize how many “Oh, oh, ohs” there are in the song till you see them on the screen.
-- Vicki brings Jason over to me because he’s not a big fan of SiNOTra’s either, which is always good to hear, so that’s when Tonya and I do our own version of Mandy, a much better version, I am sure. Especially since we made it “Oh, Andy” to describe our pain from missing Mr. Pettitte.
-- At some point I start singing “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake (yes, Whitesnake) with Jesse, but Tonya takes over his part when she exemplifies the bestest heavy metal esque voice in the room. I think Tonya is now planning a career change.
--The topper of the night had to come when Rick finally decided to sing a song, and he joined Eric for “I Want to Know What Love Is.” Carolyn stopped brushing her teeth to take it all in. I think the most classic moment of the song was when the word “about” came up on the screen and Rick was all “Hey, Eric, you can say Aboot!” being that Eric is Canadian and all.
-- We close the evening with an inspired New York, New York because that damn Liza version was still ringing in my ears. Our version was much, much better, of course.

All in all, an excellent evening. I totally have to have another one because it’s a sacrilege that no Lionel Richie got sung and that no one busted out with Against All Odds or Henry Nilson’s Without You. And Sasquatch didn’t come down and join us. So yes, we’ll have to do it again sometime….

Saturday, April 24, 2004

I'm way too tired to blog about the entire b-day evening (and no doubt you know I wasn't happy with the slaughter of the Yanks on my 27th) but I just gotta say one thing -- I have the awesomest friends on the planet. And that's worth more than a million wins on any birthday.

Friday, April 23, 2004

And so I am 27, which means I now officially have more years than the Yankees have championship titles. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that. But let's revisit my 17th birthday for one of the awesomer stories in my Yankee fan history:

My birthday fell on a Saturday that year and the Yankees were home, so of course I told my parents I wanted to go for my birthday. My dad got tickets from a work friend and off we went on one of the rare sunny April 23rds in recent history. As we were driving up, I told my dad I wanted Don Mattingly to hit a home run because it was the 23rd and he was number 23. Well, Mr. Mattingly wasn't exactly blowing the cover off the ball at that point in his career, so my dad said I had about as much chance of that happening as Lou Gehrig coming back from the dead so number 4 could hit me a home run too. Get it? 4/23? That comes big later.

So we get to the game and it's awesome because Paul O'Neill is in his water-cooler throwing prime and hits a grand slam, but of course it's not enough because I think Terry Mullholland was pitching that day, and you know what that meant. Mattingly gets up late in the game and promptly deposits a big shot into the right field upper deck. I was all "Wow, thanks, Don!" but it doesn't stop there. They do the Tail of the Tape thing where they "measure" Mattingly's home run and guess how many feet it went? 423 feet. Needless to say my dad and I were like "Whoa" and if The Chicken had been around back then, I'm sure he would've been like "B-Gock!!". Totally one of the coolest moments I've ever had at a Yankee game.

Remind me to go thank Mr. Mattingly for that present tonight. If the weather holds up, that is. I think I heard 6-7 vastly different forecasts, so I guess it's just wait and see...

Thursday, April 22, 2004

I've become a weather stalker when it comes to Yankee games that I'm supposed to go to. Tomorrow, for instance, is like the end all, be all of Yankee games for me: Yanks/Sox, my birthday, A-Rod yet to homer in the Stadium and 9 good friends to share it with. Mother Nature, however, loves to throw me a rainy birthday more often than not, and tomorrow's forecast is for "showers." Sigh. The past week, Tonya and I have been staking out, all the local news sites and their weather centers, etc. in the hopes that the big blob of green that's sitting in the central US on all the weather maps just evaporates and that's it. No rain! Just clouds! I can even take a shower or two before and after the game. I'm willing to sacrifice a nice birthday weather day for dryness from 7-11 p.m. tomorrow night - -and considering I'm owed a nice weather birthday because of last year's freezing ass, cloudy day, I don't think I'm asking for too much.

Now if only the baseball and weather gods will listen....
So American Idol was kinda disgusting last night. I'm majorly pissed that SiNOTra was spared another week in favor of someone who could, oh, actually sing. But the worst part about it was during the breakdown of votes. It was completely evil when Ryan all pompously was like "George, go join the top group" because you totally knew that Ryan knew the "divas" weren't the top group and wanted to see George go over to them and then be like "Sucker --- just like the rest of America who thought that was the Top 3." It was mean to George, it was mean to "the divas" and it was just plain classless. Dude, if you want to have screwing with people's heads for dramatic value, just go to Fox.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Oy. SiNOTra totally mangled Mandy last night (or as I text-messaged Tonya: Nooooooooooo!), but the Yankees made the most of their mess and came out like gang-busters, so it all evened out in the end. Can I say how much I like bunting A-Rod? Totally rockin'!

And it was awesome when Jasmine sang "I'll Never Love This Way Again" -- because we totally had that Dionne Warwick album when I was a kid and I have fond memories of getting stuck in a hanging garment bag/storage thingy at the age of 4 while that blasted from our stereo. I was in the attic and my mom was in the kitchen with her friend, so she couldn't hear me yelling for help when the zipper got stuck (it's not like I was suffocating, I could only zip it up halfway being like two feet tall at the time). Finally, in what was probably my first show of Taurus/Italian temper, I stomped my foot angrily and busted a hole through the bottom and was able to slip out that way. I didn't tell my mom what happened, but she figured it out a few weeks later when she saw the hole and my beloved stuffed mouse JB was still in the bag. I wasn't a very stealth child, I guess....

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Time for the inner dork in me to come out...It's Barry Manilow night on American Idol! I think Tonya, Carolyn and I are the only people under 50 who are way excited by this. My biggest fear is that SiNOTra will get saddled with Mandy or Weekend in New England, which are the big, belt 'em out like you mean it songs, and he'd probably turn it into a coo-coo, crazy cat lounge number.

And yes, Barry is a little, uh, scary. Tonya was watching him just before and she said it was hard to look at him. His face is just too tight or something...

Monday, April 19, 2004

What's that sound? Oh, yes, that's me offering up the world's largest spanking to the entire Yankee team, but in particular:

-- Kevin Brown: Dude! Three-run lead!!! SPANK
-- A-Rod: Jesu Cristo, man, just hit the damn ball! SPANK

OK, now that it's out of their system, there are still 15, count em 15 games left with Boston. No need to freak out just yet, people.
So I'm finally dressed properly to deal with the temperatures in my office. It's been way hot in here the entire winter, and since the heat is still on, I'm way comfortable in a skirt and T-shirt. Alas, it promises to get up to 86 degrees today, which means I'm going to be a frying, swampy ass mess by the afternoon. Sigh.

And this 11 a.m. game today is throwing me off again. I think the Yanks have played a total of two night games since the season began and that's just not cool when you have to work all day...

Saturday, April 17, 2004


Friday, April 16, 2004

Yesterday, Tonya called my attention to the Fox promo for tonight's Yankees/Sox game. It's a little 30-second spot that showcases all the drama of last year's ALCS, with the requisite Pedro pointing at his head and foreboding music, etc. Well, at the end of it, the last scene is the Sox bench jumping up in victory. Like THEY won the ALCS. I looked at Tonya and was like "the hell?" and she was like "exactly." I saw the ad again last night and was very interested to note that in all the "drama" of the 7 games, Fox failed to include the biggest, most dramatic moment of the whole damn series -- Aaron Boone's home run. Either the Fox promo department is really stupid, or they really do hate the Yankees. Because, HELLO!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

What I learned from American Idol last night:

-- Unless you are Sam, you cannot sing As Time Goes By. I'm sorry, SiNOTra. That goes for anyone else, too. If you are not in war-time Morocco with Rick and the Nazis , you cannot sing this song.

-- There may come a point in your life where you do something so good with your talent, it makes you cry. Which is what happened when Fantasia, who I'm on the fence about, sang Summertime from Porgy and Bess. She was damn near amazing and she cried when she was finished because she KNEW, and not in an egotistical way. She was doing something she loved and aced it. She made me realize I need to devote more time to writing because I know when I have a kick-ass day of copy editing, it sure as hell doesn't make me want to cry.

And yesterday I made the faux pas of calling Kevin Brown Kenny Rogers. I don't know why the hell that happened, but it did. I apologize, Mr. Brown, because in your three starts as a Yankee, you've done far better than Kenny did in his entire time in the Bronx.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Check out what your Smurf name would be. Though I totally don't think mine is right considering it gave me Chanaukah Smurf and I'm CATHOLIC. But whatever.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

This rain is REALLY starting to get annoying, but I can't help but remember back to 1998, when I was a junior in college and it rained straight through the first 12 days of May. Don't believe me? Check the almanac -- it's a great site for finding out the weather back to 1973. That's if you have no life, like me. On a related note, it got extremely hot right after the deluge. So maybe there's hope for the Northeast yet. Though I'd settle for 70 degrees and sunny, no problem.
After watching A-Rod on Letterman last night, I am convinced: One of his legs is probably bigger than my entire body. He has the most massive stems I've ever seen on a person. I noticed it when they were playing in Japan but figured it was just the way the uniform was cut. But no, he is just all-around gigantic.

Monday, April 12, 2004

A word to the Yankees: Don't. Let. Bubba. Go. Yeah, yeah, I know there's no room for him -- make room. There's a tenacity about him that will make him valuable during the long haul. Why the hell did they have to go and get Kenny Lofton?? And do we really need TWO backup first basemen? Whatever they do, DO NOT TRADE HIM. He totally needs to be a Yankee. And I haven't been this jazzed about a rookie since Jeter, so I'm not just spewing randomly here. I liked Nick Johnson and Shane Spencer and the like, but none of them gave me the vibe that Bubba has in his weekend in the Bronx. Make him the heir to centerfield -- I don't think anyone will regret it.

Friday, April 09, 2004

If, uh, anyone wants to show how much they really, really, really love or appreciate me on my birthday, you can get me the gift that keeps on giving: seats from Yankee Stadium. My b-day is two weeks from today and they go on sale Monday, so get cracking!
So Liana and Eric hosted Cranium Conga night for the Hoboken Crew and I have to say we are a pretty creative bunch. It was so much fun, I didn't get home till 1:30 and you can bet the only thing that got me out of bed this morning was this afternoon's Yankee game. Woo-hoo!

And Liana absolutely kicks ass because when I had to make a design out of clay for the clue "Something you find in the backyard" and I was shaping my landlord, she got it correct with my landlord's full name. Yeah, he's kinda hard to forget.

Thursday, April 08, 2004

So we watched The Bachelor last night to see our neighbor Jesse Palmer meet all his new lady friends and it was pretty entertaining. There were a few Hoboken shout-outs (he even mentioned it, despite the fact that ABC was all "Meanwhile, back in New York," when discussing his teammates joking about him when they were really IN NEW JERSEY) and there are some psychos in the bunch already. The first episodes always freak me out because you realize how dillusional some women are. Because you should seriously not be feeling sorry for yourself at 21 for not being married. That's just disgusting.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

An Albany newspaper polled people in the area about their Yankee fandom. I was a little disappointed to see that at least half only became fans in the late 90s, but what can you do? These would've been my answers:

Name: KB
Age: 26
Profession/Daylight Activities:
Copy editor
Hobbies and/or Addictions:
Reading, writing, The Yankees.
Where are you from?
Middletown NJ
How long have you lived in Albany?
Um, I live in Hoboken.
How long have you been a Yankee fan?
I was raised a Yankee fan
How did you become a Yankee fan?
My dad brainwashed me as a kid. The Yanks even made cameos in bedtime stories when I was little. Wait, what do you mean Lou Pinella wasn't in Rapunzel?
Favorite Yankee Moment(s):
Oh man, you can't pick just one. Abbott's no-hitter is huge because that was probably the first truly great Yankee moment I ever witnessed; Leyritz's homer in the 1996 WS; The Yankees winning the 96 WS; Tino's Grand Slam in the 1998 Series; Aaron Boone bleeping Boone.
Worst Yankee Moment(s):
Ugh. 2001, Game 7; 1995, Game 5 against the Mariners -- the first real heart break; and 1994, when they were so going to the World Series and then the jackasses went on strike.
Favorite Yankee player (in own lifetime):
Bernie, Mariano, Randy Velarde and Mattingly
Most hated Yankee player (with reason why):
Darryl Strawberry. Because he was a former Met with no conscience and yet everyone still loved him. Kenny Lofton might usurp him if he keeps his attitude up.
Currently, most loathed opposition player:
Kevin "Cowboy Up" Millar; Roger Clemens; Pedro and his oven mitts.
What, if anything, would you be willing to trade for another Yankee championship?
My landlord. Where do I drop him off for the trade?
Steinbrenner: Evil genius or just plain evil?
The man isn't evil at all. He does what he's supposed to do. Sure, he's a bit nuts at times, but it comes with the territory. More owners should be like him and we wouldn't have to deal with all this whining so much.
More disliked: Mets or Red Sox?
Red Sox, but the Mets were right up there in the late 80s early 90s.
Favorite sport overall:
If on death row, last dinner request:
What the hell does this have to do with the Yankees? This isn't even a question on Inside the Actor's Studio.
While I go in search of Mike Mussina to give him the most biggest spanking ever (but A-Rod and Gary Sheffield get cookies for their efforts), see how The Chicken enjoyed the past week.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Well, if the Average Joes have taught us nothing, at least we come away knowing that nice girls, as well as nice guys, finish last.

How depressing.
A very happy Opening Day to those who aren't of the Yankee faith. The cupcakes were made, and if I do say so myself, they're one of the best batches I've ever concocted. That could be because The Chicken helped, though he was more about eating them than making them. He was all confused, too, because the Yanks opened last week, the O's and Sox were playing last night and now today is called Opening Day. I'm right there with him on that one. It would be nice one year to just have everyone open on the same day. In April. None of this March 30, Opening Night in a foreign country stuff anymore.

Anyway, here's to 162 games of the good stuff. It should be a hell of a year.

Friday, April 02, 2004

The Complete and Total Bisch is a Complete and Total Crank this morning. Don't mess with me today. Especially when you try to come between me and the Yankees....

Thursday, April 01, 2004

OK. I have a confession to make. And I know I'm going to take some serious ribbing for this but just hear me out. I am totally in love...with Sasquatch! Yes, the bane of my existence the past 15 months! Stop laughing! Aside from his heavy foot-stomping and creaky bed, he's really a great guy. We've been hanging out a lot recently, and he loves The Chicken (though The Chicken isn't quite sure what to make of him yet), the Yankees and of course, me. So while I know this is going to come across as quite a shock, you have to know that it's actually quite a good thing. Of course I'll still write about his loud-ass feet, but I love those loud-ass feet and don't you forget it.

And if you haven't forgotten, it's April Fools Day. Gotcha!