Saturday, July 31, 2004

It was one year ago today that this conversation happened. Notice the last line of the post. I didn't think at the time the trade was going to result in probably my most ecstatic post ever just three months later. Or lead to my most dumbfounded/agog/awesome! Valentine's Day ever the following year. I'm not sure the Yanks knew exactly what they were doing when they got Aaron Boone, but damn, I sure think it worked, don't you?

So I just came back from a walk on this excruciatingly humid morning, in the hopes of getting some story ideas (the best ones come while walking and on the PATH for some reason, but I wasn't about to take a train ride just for that) and instead I came up with a theory on my gender. Those of you who know me know that I can't stand getting the up-and-down from creepy guys. But today I got it (probably because I'm wearing my way awesome Yankee cap) from a very cute guy and I was like "Wow! What an ego boost!" As I walked on, I got all pissed with myself though because that's kind of shallow and made me feel like a hypocrite. But then I realized it's because young DECENT guys who check you out, like this gent, don't make you feel creeped out because they are subtle. This guy actually smiled nicely at me, which is the total right way to go. The skeevy, "Hey baby-sweetheart-honey" guys (especially the married ones -- who just become instant assholes, because, dude, that's just SO wrong) look you up and down like you'd be lucky to have THEM and that's just gross.

So in short, if the guys out there want to check out a woman, don't make her feel threatened or like she's a piece of meat or something. You get more mileage with a smile than with a "Hello there, mama" or whatever the current Creepy Guy pickup line is any day.

Friday, July 30, 2004

I've added a links section to the side in an effort to inspire some to start blogs (ahem, Dexter and Vicki and everyone else for that matter) and for others to update theirs more (I'm looking at you, Liana!). These are the sites I visit on a daily basis, so I encourage y'all to do the same.
Things you should not overhear your office manager say at work. "Yes, my boss would like to schedule a fire drill sometime before the Republican National Convention..."

Ken and I were the only ones to hear it, and considering we just HAD a fire drill a few weeks ago (and normally only get two a year), you can imagine the "Gee I Feel Safe!" looks we just exchanged....
Leave it to the news of a new Yankee Stadium proposal to put me in a not-so-good mood this Friday morning. Ask a real Yankees fan if they want a new Stadium built and they will tell you there is no need. Ask a Yuppie who goes to two games a year and wants sushi and an aesthetically-good looking stadium to get his ass out to the ballpark more, and he will tell you he's all for this. Judging by the tone of this article, it's probably going to happen.

This just means that whenever I go to have Complete and Total Kids, they will never see a game at Yankee Stadium. This just depresses me.

PS -- To all those saying that the current Yankee Stadium isn't even the old Yankee Stadium, so it's not really The House that Ruth Built anyway -- Shut the fuck up. Since the Stadium renovation, just look at all the cool stuff that's gone down at 161st and River Ave. From Chamblis' homer to July 1, 2004, there's enough history packed in there to give it landmark status. I can deal with a renovation, but a totally new park? No. You can bet your ass I'll be out ther protesting this till the cows come home should it ever come down to that...
Sing it with me now: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Contreras? He is totally Maria in the Yankees' version of The Sound of Music. Can't you just picture Torre, Stottlemyer and Cashman hanging out in the locker room trying to figure out if Jose should stick around or be sent to be a governess for a widower and his seven singing kids, er, Columbus? Dude, I am totally getting tired of his whole Dominate-With-No-One-On-Base but Suck-Every-Other-Scenario mentality. He's a freaking quiet head case. People compare him and El Duque, but that's kind of an insult to Hernandez who has proven time and time again he can handle the pressure situation. I give him one more start and if he sucks...well, something has got to be done. I know there's an arm shortage, but it's almost like you just anticipate a loss, or an extremely hard-fought win, whenever Contreras goes out there and that's just ridiculous. He has good stuff, but there's a reason I'm way excited he pitched last night and not the game I'm going to tonight....

And what's with people wearing the collars of their polo shirts all up and stuff, like it's 1985? Is James Spader in Pretty in Pink suddenly the style icon of 2004???

Thursday, July 29, 2004

This is where I out myself as a Complete and Total Yankee freak. In case you, like, didn't already know:

I've been thinking about my love for the Yankees and my love for writing lately and how someday I hope to write something so fabulously moving about my favorite team that George Steinbrenner names me Yankee Poet Laureate and I get seats next to the dugout for free. My dad suggested a love song, as he (and several other people, apparently) believes Rod Stewart's You're in My Heart isn't about the love of a good woman, but the love for Rod's favorite soccer team. But I can't write music, so maybe I'll have to write a poem instead. Although I did re-write a few Sinatra songs with Yankee-fied lyrics, but that doesn't count because it's not original. Hmmm....

But Spike Lee's already done the movie version of Yankee love. A few years ago during the amazing Concert for New York, NY filmmakers were invited to make short movies about things that were essentially New York to them. About halfway through the emotional and rocking show, they got to Spike's. It opened with darkness and a little prick of light in the middle of the screen that got bigger, and right then I was like "Holy shit, that's the 4 Train coming out of the tunnel at Yankee Stadium!" Yeah, I'm one-track minded like that. I'm also right like that. He ended up making this lovely black-and-white highlight montage of the Yankees, with Ray Charles' version of Come Rain or Come Shine playing over it. The song itself is perfect to express favorite team love. Just check out the chorus:

Days may be cloudy or sunny
We're in or we're out of the money
But I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine.

Ah, so true.

It was October, and the Yanks were playing the Mariners in the ALCS, so I can see why Spike chose them over his beloved Knicks. But dude, as much as I respected him as a sports fan, I never thought he'd be the one to just GET loving the Yankees and be able to translate it on screen. I'd taped it (along with the other short films, which were all quite funny and heartwarming), but I have no idea where it is now, so I might just get the DVD...

Wait! I did once write a poem about the Yankees. It was in October of 1996, I was a sophomore at UD and the Yankees were about to start the World Series and I think I was trying to impress a guy or something. I wrote this little ode in about 20 minutes:

I admit this now
And with no shame
That I'd skip a class
For a baseball game.
I'd miss tons of notes
And lots of lectures to boot
If it meant a game I could watch
And for the Yankees I could root.
Home runs and strikeouts
Are more important any day
Than sitting in class
Wasting the afternoon away.
I'd rather study things
Like a single or double
Maybe this is why
My grades are in trouble...
To hell with that, though
The Series has come
My team's still in it
Can't say the same for some.
November is coming
And grades can be saved then
But this is a Yankee World Series
Who knows when it will happen again?
So excuse me
If my attention's not there.
It's time for the Series
For everything else, I haven't a care.


And you thought it was a fluke that Shakespeare and I share a birthday....


Note to self: Do not praise anyone on the Yankee pitching staff again for fear of jinxing them. See: Scott Proctor. Even though it was Heredia who couldn't get the job done, and quite frankly, I duck under the bed whenever Joe Torre brings him in. You know there's a shortage of middle relievers when he's still around.

OK. So I watched Amish in the City last night. Can I tell you how awesome the Amish came off compared to the city "kids" (I have a hard time referring to 20-year-olds as kids)? But that's because the producers went with the fame whoriest of fame whores when it came to selecting them. It's funny, too, because you could see the smarmy "I'm going to be the center of attention!" looks on their faces fade ever-so-quickly when they figured out the show was about the Amish kids adjusting, and not them so much. I just hope the Amish "kids" didn't come away thinking that that's how the rest of America behaves, but they seemed too decent for that.

And I'd like to thank Dexter and Vicki for lending me their DVDs of the first season of Once and Again. I'd only caught it from the second season on, so now I'm catching up when I'm not watching Yankee games or fame whoriest of fame whores. If no one has ever seen it, go out and get it. You'll need a box of tissues and some anti-depressants (chocolate is my drug of choice) after every episode, but in a good way.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Yeah, so I'm wondering how much work we're actually going to get done at the office today. They're literally constructing a new office on the floor, complete with saws, hammers, and other implements of destruction and it's quite, uh, loud. What sucks is that they're building this new office in front of the only windows I can see from my cubicle. That's right, no more natural light of any kind for our floor! Unless you have a private office, of course. Looks like I'll have to rely on the rain-related pain in my formerly broken wrist to know what the weather's like from now on....

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Et tu, Duque? Damn, what is it about the starting rotation that can't seem to stay healthy? Oh, yeah, age. At least it's not his shoulder. And I heard Kevin Brown might start on Friday, so I guess that's something.

Oh, and I'm mucho impressed with Scott Proctor lately. His response to pressure situations, coupled with the fact that he's kinda cute (sue me - and the rest of the season ticket crew for that matter - for noticing) and older than me by a few months (I don't like it when the Yanks are younger than me. Makes me feel weird. I'm looking at you Brett Prinze, with your two-month youngerness...) makes me hope he sticks around for awhile.

PS -- I didn't think it was possible, but Sasquatch, uh, doing his thang is just as loud as a thunderstorm. He and Mother Nature were competing just now for who could make the most noise and shake the walls more. You think I'm kidding...

Memories...

Just felt like reliving the moment again...ah, thanks, Aaron.
During our Monday night dinner last night, we talked about Seabiscuit briefly, a good movie that came from an even better book. And how The Godfather was apparently a much better movie than the book. Now I know a lot of movies are based on books, and some of said books-turned-into movies are favorites of mine, but I'd like to focus on the books I loved that got cheapened on the big screen:

Simon Birch = A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving. No way, no how did the movie come anywhere NEAR the awesomeness of the book. I gave up on the movie after about twenty minutes when I realized this.

Where the Heart Is = Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts. A nice, feel good book that I read years before Oprah had it in her book club. I blame Oprah for making the book popular and then Hollywood realizing it could make a chick flick out of it. Oddly enough, Ashley Judd was in both this and Simon Birch.

The Green Mile = The Green Mile by Stephen King. I actually didn't mind the movie so much, but the book to me was so much better.

Circle of Friends = Circle of Friends by Maeve Binchy. One of the most perfect books I've ever read with a realistic ending turns into an OK movie with an ending that's wrapped up in a nice little bow. I don't get why authors can write books that don't end so happily and people will buy it and read it, but Hollywood doesn't think people who pay to see movies want an "unhappy" ending.

The Princess Diaries = The Princess Diaries series by Meg Cabot. OK, say what you want, both the movie and the books are for a pre-teen audience. But I must make a confession right here. I LOVE the books. I heard they were getting re-printed with more "mature" covers to sell in the grown-up section of the bookstore, and if you ever see the books, pick one up. Smart and funny. Which the movie was not. But I blame that on Disney for taking a great, witty story and turning it into a mediocre, almost stupid one.

This is actually a cool site that lists books into movies. You can check by movie or book title.
This morning I woke up in a bad mood, and not because Mariano scared the bejesus out of me again last night (though had they lost it certainly would've made me feel even worse). No, I got angry when I realized there's something (or somethings) that I have to accept right now and deal with. I'm not one of those people who gets all uplifted by accepting things. No, I get pissy. (Not with other people though. I keep my pissyness to myself.) I guess that makes me an "I'll do it, but I don't have to like it" sort of person.

So I'm stomping along listening to angry songs on the I-Pod (Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out is perfect for such occasions) and thinking through stuff for my story when I remembered this wonderful bit of wisdom from Dawson's Creek --Oh, shut up. You know you watched it too. Anyway, it was in the finale where Dawson was whining about something or other, and Joey tells him something along the lines of "Don't you know how lucky you are? You're a writer, Dawson. You get to live life twice." Remembering this made me feel less pissy. Because it's so true. The things I can't do or have in real life, I can totally let my characters experience, and that's something. It might not be acceptance, but what the hey?

Monday, July 26, 2004

This morning just continued to build on the somewhat crappy weekend (saved by Vicki's b-day party and a hearty lunch with The Complete and Total Parents yesterday). Remember the Jammed Yankee Toe of the 2001 World Series? Yeah, well the pain, which I haven't had since right after the Series came screaming back today. Thankfully, walking seemed to make it a little better, but damn, is my Yankee heart in the big toe of my right foot or something?

However, it is so great to come into work and have a friend who is going to be just as pissed off as you about the last two games. Tonya lifted my spirits greatly when discussing how thug-like the Red Sox are. I believe her choice words, should she ever confront them, would be "You could be a street gang, except you play baseball."
What. Ever.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Yeah, yesterday's game sucked. But what pissed me off most was the admiration the Fox announcers seemed to have for Varitek for "inspiring" his team or whatever they were saying. Yeah, it's a real inspirational man who makes the first push while wearing all his protective gear -- then grabs the dude he's fighting with by the crotch. Later, McCarver seemed to realize this, but when the fight first broke out you could almost hear him and Buck beaming like proud parents.

I just want to see a normal brawl against Boston. One that doesn't begin with a Boston player acting like a hot-headed asshole with hurt feelings (remember, it was Pedro, then Manny that started the brawl back in October because they were...well, I'm not even going to attempt to get in their heads). Dudes, have a legit gripe for starting that shit, and not because your frustrated that you're not so close in the standings.

That should be the standard for all baseball players. You'd think they were women the way they get so pissed off with each other over little things and then start fighting. Yeah, it's kinda entertaining, but then when you hear someone's been hurt or thrown out of the game it's just like "Grow up, guys."

That said, I have been majorly pissed at the way the Yankees get hit so much. OK, there's a bunch of good hitters in the lineup. But Mr. Pitcher Guy, be a man and actually pitch to the person your facing. Plunking him on the shoulder, butt, throwing over his head -- that's a fucking coward move. Just give up the intentional walk.

The Yanks will probably retaliate tonight, because men in sports never learned that whole "get revenge by winning alone" thing. I know you've got to stick up for your players or whatever, but I'd rather my starting pitcher be concerned with getting the Red Sox out than avenging his teammates. I think A-Rod did a good enough job defending himself anyway.

Then again, I don't have a penis, so what do I know?

Friday, July 23, 2004

Oh, Tom Verducci. You are usually so on-target. I don't get your ranking Tim McCarver No. 2 as one of baseball top analysts. Here's what he has to say:
"Tim McCarver: Most analysts simply explain in further detail what just happened. McCarver has the keenest sense of anticipation of any announcer, no better exemplified than when he presaged Luis Gonzalez's walkoff bloop hit in the 2001 World Series."

Dude, this is totally what I HATE about McCarver. I hate announcers who feel this need to build up drama and tension, like what's going on before them is a dramatic play not a baseball game.The game speaks for itself. If you don't know a 3-2 pitch is exciting until an announcer tells you as much, there is something wrong with you.

McCarver and Joe Buck are masters of "see I told you so, I'm so psychic" moments. Like they'll say "Martinez has 5 strikeouts on the day. The 1-2 pitch...There's number 6!" It's bad when you can predict what an announcer is going to say soley because of their Keen Sense of Anticipation. Maybe some fans like this. It just makes me roll my eyes and turn on the SAP button.
I find it funny that earlier this week at work, we joked that the two day games were "Afternoon Delights" complete with Tonya singing the chorus for us. And yesterday's game totally lived up to that, in the non-sex euphemism sense. I mean, come on, "Sky rockets in flight"?? That's Sierra's home run right there. It was awesome because when the bottom of the 9th began, Tonya and I agreed to go to Duane Reade (she for prescription eyedrops for her pink eye, me for saltines and ginger ale. We were the picture of health in our Yankee Cubicle Kingdom yesterday) when the inning was done. Ruben must've known how much we were ailing and decided to end the game right there with his gigantoid homer. I thank him for this.

What I don't get is the Daily News' decision to tout how bad the Red Sox are on the back page this morning. Did they not see yesterday's drama at the Stadium? How awesome El Duque was (god, I really didn't know how much I missed him till he came back), what a pitcher's duel it was over all, the home run finish? It's not even like the game ended late...

Thursday, July 22, 2004

It's like an eclipse has hit the office -- It's a weekday, the Yankee game is on TV, and on CBS, a station our work TVs actually gets. So we can actually sneak a peek at it without having to rely on "watching" on Yahoo. Rare, my friends, very rare indeed.

Too bad I'm ailing with a tummy ache and battling mounds of work to really enjoy it. Sigh.
Happy Birthday wishes to Vicki today!

Ah, the St. Ann's Feast is back, though shorter this year for some reason, and just two blocks from my apartment. That means lots of greasy dinners the next few days...but no B-Street Band this year. Hmm....

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Random questions from the latest soul-searching e-mail forward:

Did you like high school: What wasn’t to like?

Did you go to college: Yup. Loved every minute of it.

What annoys you: Sasquatch’s big feet in the wee hours; self-centeredness; not getting listened to when you know you’re right about something; Curt Schilling

Are you watching TV right now: There’s a Yankee game on, dumb question.

Best book you last read: Lonesome Dove in January. I’m waiting for one to live up to it.

Celebrity crush: Not sure I can say for fear 36 other women will start crushing on him too. That’s usually what happens when I crush on normal, non-celebrity guys, anyway.

Something that confuses you: Math. That’s why I majored in English.

Are you happy with your height? I’d look like an ingrate if I said I was unhappy with 5-9. It's just fine by me.

Your favorite toy: As a kid – Tub Town, my Smurf Bigwheel and JB my stuffed mouse. At 27 – My IPod

Any shortterm goals: To finish my book, at least so my buds can read it and find the characters based on them.

Any longterm goals: To get said book published.

Your dearest wish: Well, it won’t come true if I admit it, right?

Last celebrity sighting: The soap guy who came up to the office and Tonya took to lunch the other day.

Something that turns you on: OK, James Lipton – being on the same wavelength.

Something that turns you off: Arrogance; being told “You’re the type you take home to meet mom.” Blech.

Something that surprises people about you: That I’m half Sicilian. I guess the blonde hair and blue eyes throw people off -- or the fact that I don’t walk around with a gun, saint statue and a loaf of Italian bread all the time.

Something that surprises you about other people: Different people surprise me in different ways.

Last time you laughed so hard it hurt: Monday night, discussing, uh, womanly things with the crew.

Feeling right now: Tired and mildly shell-shocked. It was a long day.



That's it. I'm not reading ESPN.com anymore. Or at least until my bitterness with them wears off. Today, they have a poll of "Which team do you least like to see in first place" which I just see as them having there only to goad on Yankee haters even more than they already do. And of course, the Yankees are leading the poll with 49 percent of the vote. It wouldn't irk me so much if it was another site doing this. ESPN, though, has about six columnists who lead the rallying cry of Yankees Suck! and they are some of the most read columns in the country. I know there have been Yankee haters since 1903, but this site makes it the in-style thing to be anti-Yankee. It borders on stupidity now because I've heard people get challenged on their Yankee hatingness and they can't even really point to a reason why.

I'd like to bring up the case of the All-Star game. No, let's go to before that to when Jeter flew into the stands and busted his face and suddenly all the sports writers around the country realized what Yankee fans have known all along -- the man is freaking awesome. Even weeks later, you still see all these columns, sports shows, message boards repeating that notion. So during the All-Star game, Jeter gets a rousing ovation because the columnists have told everyone it's OK to like him, but despise the rest of the Yankees (who got a nice round of boos). I garauntee you, if that Jeter made that catch and all the sports sites decided to ignore it, Jeter never would've gotten that ovation, which is just sad.

Maybe I should be angry with the Pavlovian fans for behaving this way, but it still totally sucks that someone has to literally draw blood to get the Yanks praised for anything on ESPN.com. Whatever.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Dear Chicken



Dear Chicken,
How do you get your herbs to grow so wonderfully? Do you think they would get proper light in the jail cell of a white-collar crime prison?
Martha


Dear Martha,
I am not a fame whore, therefore you will never see me on TV telling people how to grow my A-Rod Basil and Jeter Parsley so they can use it in some fancy shmancy pesto sauce and that I could make said pesto sauce and keep things neat as a pin in the kitchen at the same time. In short, figure it out yourself.

Dear Chicken,
I am a Yankees fan dating a Red Sox fan --


Dear Misguided,
Get out now, while there's hope.

Dear Chicken,
Which Yankee game do you count as your most favorite?
HobokenHo


Dear HoHo,
That would be like picking my favorite child. I love a 4-2 regular season win against the Devil Rays as much as a 6-5 ALCS Game 7 win against the Red Sox, where Pedro Martinez blows the game and Aaron Boone hits a moon-shot of a home run in extra innings thereby crushing the souls of the Boston faithful and making me so delighted I almost cry. Oh, did I just say that out loud?

Dear Chicken,
My fiancee and I are thinking of getting married in October. Any suggestions on how to do this around the playoffs?
Bachelor Bill


Dear Bachelor,
First off, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! The Yankee Chicken is always happy to hear of Yankee fans marrying and then procreating more Yankee fans. If I were you, I'd wait to get married in November. It's too risky in October. You could be off on some island honeymoon where there's no television. And even though I am just a Yankee Chicken, I know you can take a break from, uh, procreating, and feel the need to see a Yankees score. Trust me, wait till the offseason, Bill.

Ah, another Boone brother beats the Red Sox in extra innings with a home run. This time it was Bret, a.k.a. Sleepy (I mean, look at the man, he always looks like he just downed a handful of Sominex), a favorite here at The Complete and Total Bisch. Tonya says she wants to take the Boone family out for dinner. I say she should find Aaron's wedding registry online (my roommate Melissa found it and we had fun perusing it one night) and send him the $300 dollar toaster nobody bought and say it's from Bret. Everybody wins on that one!

Let's just put last night's game away in our memories. I had to watch most of it from outside the bar the crew and I frequent on Mondays (it was too nice to sit inside, and my seat had a good view of the TV), and Liana and I just happened to look at the TV at the same time when the ball dropped between Matsui and Lofton. We both flinched. Scary things will do that to you.

Monday, July 19, 2004

Not sure how much I'm going to be able to post this week because my boss is out and on top of my normal workload I'm stuck reading stories about how Elvis has healing powers and is coming back to life in 2007. Don't ask. But it promises to be a crazy one, this week. I hope I come out of it with my wits still about me.

So, I am going to call this the weekend of things that didn't live up to the hype. After hearing rave reviews about Prince from co-workers, I'm happy to say I saw a very good show on Friday night. But it wasn't the most spectacular thing I'd ever seen for one big fat reason -- Dude, Prince, if you're going to trot out your old faves, at least sing the chorus! Which he didn't do for When Doves Cry. This made me kinda sad. But he is one hell of a performer, has a great band, and was surprisingly awesome with acoustic, yes acoustic, versions of Raspberry Beret , Cream and Little Red Corvette. I think my favorite part of the show (aside from the lady with the blood curdling scream sitting behind me) was the three guido/frat guys who came with their girlfriends sitting a few rows ahead of us. They stood up and belted out every song and danced and basically went nuts. Then when Prince came out for his encore with Purple Rain, they literally whooped and hollered and HI-FIVED EACH OTHER. Then they swayed and sang along. And they didn't even seem that drunk. Totally left me scratching my head.

Yesterday wrapped up the weekend with a trip to see Farenheit 9/11. OK, I was totally not shocked by it. Somewhat disturbing and left me shaking my head, but not shocked. If you watch the news every night and have some idea of what's going on in the country right now, that's basically what Moore shows you, with is opinions tossed in every now and then. I don't see how this is shocking. Sad, yes, because you see it all at once and it's a lot to take in, but not shocking. If you're shocked, you're not doing your homework. I didn't like Bush going in, and I still didn't like him coming out. I don't feel like a changed person, but maybe that's for on-the-fence voters and diehard Bush supporters or something.

Frankly, I was more disturbed to learn Michael Moore supported Ralph Nader in 2000, a candidate who was said to have sucked some votes from Al Gore. And we all know how close the election was that year. And in the movie, Moore goes on about how he dreamed Al Gore was president and everything was right with the world. Ahem. I don't like being preached to by someone (and that includes other celebrities) about how people need to go out and vote when their votes probably are what inadvertently got Bush in office to begin with. I guess they've learned their lesson or something, but still.... I fucking hate politics.

Joe Torre for president!!!

Friday, July 16, 2004

10 years ago today I first set eyes on the University of Delaware campus. 10 years later, I am a better person for it.

Off to see Prince tonight with Colette and Dexter at the Brendan Byrne Arena. What's that, you say? The name has changed to some crappy corporate sponsor? I refuse to believe it. PNC is still the Garden State Arts Center, too, for those who didn't know.
My blog got two link shout-outs on other blogs this week, so I'm going to link right back. I've never spoken with him, but Joe is a fellow Jerseyite/Yankees fan, which is always a good combination worth promoting. Matt is a fellow Hobokenite/Yankees fan whose UberPlexer will also link you to his fab Yankee vs.Yankee Hater and Les Expos blogs. Check 'em out, folks.

Quotes from this morning:

Ken, on Martha getting sentenced to house arrest: "But her house is so big!"

Tonya, on the rumor that Randy Johnson wants to be a Yankee: "I've never wanted the scary looking man so bad."
I love seeing police dogs in the PATH station, even though you're not sure if they're looking for bombs or drugs or aliens or something. They always look so happy when they see people going by and everyone, even the most jaded-looking business dudes are always like "Awww, what a cute doggie!". Every now and then there's a black Lab, who looks a little like my old Lab Rookie, and it's comforting that he gets all hyper sometimes and looks like he's going to yank the arm off whichever cop is holding onto him. Because that's exactly how my dog behaved and he wasn't all trained-up like a police dog.

Hoboken is great because it's such a dog town. I don't know where these people are living, because dogs are banned from the apartments of most of my friends, but good for them for getting one. (Although I hate when everyone parades them out during a street fairs because the poor animal is just going to get stepped on and you wonder if the owner is just showing off.) Vicki and I were oooohing and ahhhing over puppies at a pet store the other night, but then the golden retreiver I liked started getting all hyper and barking and I was like "Ah, now I remember why I can't own a dog in an apartment." I hate reality checks like that.
Last night I hung out with my friend Jill, who also just happens to be as diehard a Yankee fans as they come. We were talking to a friend of her friend, who just happened to be a Mets fan, and felt the need for the whole "We swept you two weeks ago! Ha-ha-ha!" to which we were both like "Yeah, whatever." You see, that sweep was bigger to Met fans than it was to Yankee fans. One, I hate interleague play, so this series never holds that much weight in my eyes, and two it came right after sweeping Boston.

I feel bad for the Mets in this sense because aside from the usually tepid Philly rivalry (with the exception of now, since they're both fighting for first), they don't really have a natural rival like the Yanks have with the Red Sox. On Fourth of July weekend, Amy D.'s husband Colm, a Mets fan, was like "Yeah, I hear people saying the Yanks/Mets rivalry is now more exciting than the Red Sox/Yanks rivalry." I guess from a Mets fan perspective this might be the case, but there is NOTHING that gets me all hyped up like a Yanks/Sox series. (sidenote: I still contend the 2000 World Series would've been WAY more exciting had the Yankees and Mets never faced each other in the regular season. Just another reason I hate interleague play) And just look at the history! There is no contest -- Yanks/Sox is sacred. Yanks/Mets is Yanks/Mets.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

ESPN.com continues to be the Red Sox's bitch: This basically states that the entire nation outside of Yankee fans would be way excited if the Red Sox beat them to get to the playoffs. Huh? Didn't the Marlins succeed in doing this during the World Series last year, the Angels in 2002 and the Diamondbacks in 2001? This is what bugs me -- the Red Sox are a perenially competitive team with one of the highest payrolls in the sport, not to mention the two biggest assholes in Manny and Pedro. I could see using a team like the Devil Rays or Blue Jays to make the point that the Yankees are this big evil franchise that kills babies and puppies and needs to be stopped. But a team that is basically on equal footing with the Yankees every year? Spare me.

And let me bring up an interesting point my dad brings up sometimes. You hear all this hoopla about the Sox not having won since 1918. But what about the other Sox -- the White Sox. You NEVER hear their curse mentioned -- the Black Sox Scandal in 1919. And they have actually gone longer than the Sox without a title -- 1917. They haven't appeared in a World Series since 1959. The Red Sox, at least, have made it in recent history. I guess because the "loveable" Cubs are sharing the same city, it's not cool to speak of this for fear of taking away from their curse or something.

So this is my beef: Why must we always only hear of the Cubs and Red Sox? And since their plights have been taken up and overplayed by the media and now even MasterCard, aren't people sick of hearing about it yet? Aren't there some other, REAL underdogs the media can point out to Pavlovian fans to cheer for?

Whatever. I'll always be a Yankees fan. The rest of the nation and ESPN can do whatever they like.
So I got to see my first police/convention training drill yesterday. I was rushing up 32nd trying to beat a downpour to the PATH station when something slowed me down -- the sight of two cops stationed literally every 10 feet on the block, and a massive amount of cop cars. They were all too mellow looking for me to be freaked that something had happened, and then it dawned on me that this was going to be the "Pedestrian Walkway" or whatever they're calling it, when the convention happens. I don't know if it made me feel safer, but it was certainly a sobering sight.

Vicki admitted to me last night that she too likes Degrassi: The Next Generation. I told her she didn't have to feel bad because Entertainment Weekly's editors have gone on record saying they like it , and apparently Kevin Smith loves it so much he wants to direct a few episodes. While the series is probably my guiltiest pleasure, it's totally not the original Degrassi, which I still consider, like, the coolest thing ever. And I'm even going back to the Jr. High years, which a lot of people don't know about. It was all pre-90210 and the kids were average looking and they said "aboot" and always had some issue befalling them. Totally awesome stuff.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Oh, it is a joyous thing when Roger Clemens gets his ass shelled and helps his former league to home-field advantage in the Series. It's also nice because it made Fox look completely stupid for focusing so much on him. You know they probably had highlight reels and all this sentimental crap should Roger have come out the winning pitcher. A big shout-out to Soriano for helping to ruin this -- and for his MVP Award.

I gave up on the game after Ruben came out to sing God Bless America. I'd had enough of the Fox synergy, and at that point it was like 11:15 with two and a half innings to play. No thanks. What this one night proved to me is that someone has to get Major League Baseball away from Fox, and the sooner the better. I know they're contracted and paid lots of money for the rights, but when that contract runs out, I pray NBC (who to me always did the better job because...well, because they're not Fox ) swoops in and steals it back.

And for anyone wanting to add comments and who doesn't have a blog and wants their name attached to the comment, go the "anonymous" route and then just add your name at the end of your opinion. For example "Yes. Me hate Clemens too. He bad man. -- Sasquatch."

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

There is so much wrong with this All-Star Game intro, I don't even know where to start. And they haven't even dragged out the hokey stuff I detest so much. Not sure if Fox of MLB is to blame, but this is just...ugh.

-- OK,Mohammed Ali is The Greatest and all and his moments with the players were cute, but aren't there a bunch of baseball guys that could've come out for the first pitch?
-- Fantasia singing the national anthem -- puhlease, Fox. You did the same thing with Clay during the World Series last year. Get off your lazy cross-promoting asses and get someone established to sing it.
-- The player intros: Okaaaaaay, what was with the fashion-show strutting down the stairs, across the top of the dugout, down the stairs and onto the field thing all about? Sashay, shantay!
-- I didn't realize Roger Clemens was the only one playing this game. Is he getting a Fox sitcom or something? Because they're promoting him like he's got some badly scripted show coming out in the fall.
-- It should NOT take 45 minutes to start the friggin game. Geez.
So I've finally caught some of ESPN's Top-25 shows, and I have to wonder -- what do the monotone bored looking hooker chicks have to do with the countdown? Are sports fans incapable of reading numbers? Hmmm... I know, I know, this is a sports network where the audience is predominantly male, but I give men more credit than needing some ho and extreme close-ups of her body parts to watch a sports-related countdown.

Also, I will never ever drink Coors again (not like I did before anyway. I don't think my dad would let me back in the house) for their descecration of "Take Me out to the Ballgame" with their dumbass "Take Me Out to the Party." Actually all the Coors ads make men look like a bunch of always-horny, drunken idiots and women like they only go to bars to get slobbered over. It's kinda disturbing that that's what they think of their consumers.

And did Jeannie Zelasko have more work done on her face? She totally looks Botoxed or something. Am so not looking forward to the Fox Annoyance Trinity (a.k.a. the FAT) and her commentary through the rest of this game...

BGock!



The Chicken shows you just how much the A-Rod Basil has grown.
I can't tell if this story is supposed to be funny or a cut-down. It's basically saying, pity poor Yankees, only up by 7 games. Uh, that's still too close if you ask me, and probably any smart Yankees fan would feel the same way. The Red Sox (unfortunately) ain't dead yet. Yes, getting Randy Johnson would look to the outside world like the Yanks are being greedy. But the minute you hear that God forbid the Red Sox snatched him up instead, you KNOW the NY media would be all "Why didn' the Yankees make a play for him when they had a chance?" Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
OK, golf umbrellas? They should seriously stay on the golf course. Why do so many people lug these MF's into NY on rainy days when the Totes people make perfectly nice sized umbrellas that fit right in your bag? Even the 3-dolla! 3-dolla! umbrellas do a nice job of keeping you dry without taking up half the sidewalk. At first I thought there were more of them around because of vanity. Then I realized it's mostly men carrying them, so the whole "Oh my god I have to keep my hair dry!" thing is out of the question. Is it like a status symbol, like driving a big-ass SUV nowadays? Do men feel this need to show off to each other, like, "Dude, my umbrella is totally bigger than yours"??? Because I just don't get it. Plus, they are the worst to walk around, and when you do manage to pass them, they soak you because it's like Niagra Falls when the rain runs down the sides of them....ugh.

So today is the All-Star Game, and yeah I'll watch it for a little bit. But I am soooooooooooooooooooooo tired of the forced sentimentality that MLB has resorted to in recent years. Since 1999, which had an emotional opening with Ted WIlliams (who I was never a fan of because I hear the man was a prick to women, not to mention a Red Sox, the biggest sin of all) and all the players in Fenway, etc ., Bud Selig and his cronies have felt the need to brow beat us with the game's rich history every year. Like we're not wise enough to appreciate without being told to appreciate it. We get all these over-produced openings and cheezy music and "haunting" flashbacks, blah, blah, blah. It's all from the Bud Selig School of Gimmickery, so what can you expect, but it's still annoying.

Before the Home Run Derby last night, ESPN's Baseball Tonight did a highlight reel of great home runs in baseball history. Without any fanfare or announcers building it up, ESPN just let the highlights go and speak for themselves. From Bobby Thomson's homer, to Kirk Gibson's, to Aaron Boone's (SQUEE!!!) to Joe Carter's and many, many, MANY great moments in between, the viewer could decide what was "great" in their eyes. When the reel ended, one of the anchormen was all, "Many of those moments just give you chills," and he was so right. To think, awe-inspiring moments that came of themself and not from some dumbass commisioner's mentality. Imagine that.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Yes! There are no Yankees participating in the Home Run Derby now that Giambi's pulled out. No Yanks participated in 1996, 98, 99 and 2000. What happened in those years in the post-season? Yeah, now you know why I'm so excited...
Phil Mushnik complained in his NY Post column today about YES focusing so much on Bobby Murcer during the Old Timer's Game. Dude, he's an old-timer and a longtime Yankee. And a beloved broadcaster. So what's so wrong with combining the two? I usually get bored after the introductions during the game because there's usually so few players from my generation that they bring back (although I really felt old when Kevin Maas came back this weekend) and I'm sorry, I adore the Yankees history and am proud of it, but I can't relate to it all the time. There's only so much of Reggie Jackson's ego I can take. So by focusing on Murcer, who I've grown up listening to, and who I think has a great chemistry with Ken Singleton and Michael Kay, it made it more fun for me. I watched the whole Old TImer's game, something I can't say about years past and I laughed out loud more than once. It made for a nice afternoon.

Then YES brought in a bunch of Old TImers during the actual Yanks/D-Rays game, and instead of talking about the game, they talked about their memories. Did Mushnik have a problem with this? I mean, that was a tight game for a while there, but YES opted to stay easy-going for the entire day. I didn't have a problem with this, but you'd think a guy who wants more focus on an Old Timer's game would get a bit peeved by that. Whatever. I'm just a fan, so what do I know?

Sunday, July 11, 2004

THAT'S THE SOUND OF THE POLICE! Knocking on your front door. Because the old coots across the street have nothing better to do on a Friday night. But more on that later. There's a lot of highlights to this, uh, interesting weekend, so let's go to the video tape!

Friday night started like any other when the Yankees are in town, with Tonya and I avoiding a very strange homeless man on the 4-Train platform and meeting the season ticket crew at The Stadium. What was the awesomest part of the game, you may ask? Not the overcoming of a 3-1 defecit. Not Mariano making me nearly sick with worry in the 9th. Nay, not even Lou Pinella getting tossed in Lou Pinella fashion. No, it was the Jews for Jesus pamphlet (dude, they are all over the city these days, so can we really be confused by them staking out a Yankee game?) that associated Jesus with great baseball players. I kid you not. We had a great time laughing over the BEST LINE EVER -- "He never wore pinstripes...yet some very wise men called him "The Babe" (The Babe in a Manger)." And here I thought the funniest thing I could associate with Jesus and baseball was the line in Major League of "Are you saying Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?" I'm not worried about going to hell or anything because I think even Jesus himself would be cracking up over being paralleled to the Sultan of Swat.

So after the longest commute ever back to Ho, I get back to my apartment to find my roommates' party in full swing. It's a groovy time, with lots of Blue Hens in the house. I see my friend Steve for like the first time in four years and he's all "Why aren't you a Yankee announcer yet? I had big dreams for you!" to which I tell him I never wanted to make baseball a job but he doesn't understand. I guess it's a guy thing. Anyway, I'm showing off my light-up key ring from the Yankee giveaway night to Rick and a few other party goers when we get a knock on the door, and not in a Three's Company "Come and Knock on Our Door" way. Carolyn is standing nearest to the door and when I see her face fall, I know it's not Larry or Mr. Furley or Sasquatch. It's THREE, yes THREE Hoboken Police officers at the quote Scene of the Crime unquote, because a very bored person who lives across the street in the senior citizens building saw someone was climbing up to our window out front. And they call 9-1-1 any chance they get. I think they need to become Yankees fans to get some excitement into their lives.

Anyway, the police figured it was someone from the party, Carolyn and I completely unaware that anything was happening outside our window. We have to show our IDs to the cops and all I'm thinking is "I've been here 15 minutes, how screwed up is this? At least my parents are going to be proud that I actually did something delinquent like and got arrested." Carolyn is barely buzzed and I'm completely sober, so we handle the situation well and Rick's cop roommate actually helps us out a bit, too. I'm disappointed when the police fail to take 27 8x10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows, and let us off with a warning. Melissa is in her room during all of this and doesn't even know the cops came till like a half hour later when I tell her.

Today I got to go to another "crime scene" when Dexter, Vicki and I headed up to Weehawken to see the re-enactment of Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr's duel. I was all for bringing signs and calling Hamilton by a 21st century nickname with A-Ham, but it was just too early on a Sunday for that kind of hijinks. There were tons of people there, and tons of media, which is so bizarre when you think how much national attention Weehawken will be getting. It was all very educational, and Hamilton still came out the loser, obviously having never heard of Mystique and Aura. Because who knows -- if he was wearing a Yankee uniform it might have turned out differently this time...

Friday, July 09, 2004

CNN SI rates El Capitan's greatest hits. Be sure to check out the fan commentary, too. You can spot the Sox and Mets fans from a mile away.
So I was just listening to I-Tunes, and what should come on but Poison by Bel Biv Devoe. People, the song was popular 14 years ago, and that just plain scares me. Why? Check out the difference between being 13 and being 27:

Yankees big bat threat in 1990: Jesse Barfield

Yankees big bat threat in 2004: Um...take your pick. There's like 6 of them.

Advantage: Oh, totally 2004, no contest.

Boy concern of 1990: Does he like me?

Boy concern of 2004: Oh, god, another metrosexual interested in dating/shagging as many women as he possibly can before his midlife crisis hits in 20 years?

Advantage: It's a draw.

Transportation issue of 1990: Getting the back seat of the school bus.

Transportation issue of 2004: Is that woman pregnant or is she just overweight? Do I ask if she would like my seat and risk insulting her or stay put and give her a back ache?

Advantage: 2004. Because no matter how many seats you have to give up on the PATH, and as crowded as it gets and with all the terrorism threats, it's far less scarier than a school bus full of middle school kids.

Things you did at parties in 1990: Called boy-you-like's house and hung up when he answered.

Things you do at parties in 2004: Keep an eye out for your lurking landlord while making sure the bathroom has an ample supply of toilet paper and making sure no one is trying to kidnap The Yankee Chicken.

Advantage: 2004 Because it was way more nerve-wracking to call a boy you didn't even speak to than to deal with a pissed off landlord.

Reading Material of 1990: The Baby-Sitters Club book 10: Logan Likes MaryAnn!

Reading Material of 2004: Moneyball

Advantage: Baby-Sitters Club. Because Kristy and Co. were less pretentious about their money-making/spending skills than Billy Beane is (at least so far. I'm only a quarter way through the book)

Biggest annoyance of 1990: Homework

Biggest annoyance of 2004: Sasquatch's big feet at 1 a.m.

Advantage: 2004. I mean, who likes doing homework?


I'm never EVER voting Republican for as long as I live. Not because of morals or values or silly stuff like that. No, because now this dumbass convention is going to directly ruin my commute for an entire, swealtering week in August.

What are NJ Transit and the PATH thinking? They cannot be serious about adding an extra 11,000 riders to the PATH through Hoboken. Have they seen the PATH station? Where is everyone going to fit??? Firstly, I remember those NJ Transit days well. That's why I moved to Hoboken. It's going to make an already long commute longer for those riders. Two, is NJ Transit seriously expecting those riders to pay extra for a PATH card when they are being INCONVENIENCED? Three, WHERE IS EVERYONE GOING TO FIT? They run the PATH trains to Manhattan somewhat quickly in the morning, but I don't see how they can add more trains without it creating a big old mess of tunnel traffic.

Oy, I think I have a headache already...

Thursday, July 08, 2004

I just saw the saddest advertisement for online dating. It's this solemn looking guy with the tag line "Where can I find someone to love me?" I mean, come ON! This poor man has nobody in his life that loves him? Is he sitting at home on Friday nights with "Don't Cry Out Loud" and "All By Myself" on repeat on his CD player? The ad almost reminds me of ads for animal shelters or something. Feel so sorry for this man with the puppy-dog eyes! Be the one to give him love -- or else he'll be euthanized if you don't! Sheesh.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Holy Crap. I actually agree with Jim Caple on something.I think one of us will need to get our heads examined.

I love it when celebrities are all "And make sure you get out and vote in the next election" to young audiences. Because you know what they really mean is "Go out and vote Democrat!" when probably half the people are going to go out and vote Republican, just because they may come from a conservative background. And is that the result Mr. or Ms. Celebrity was really looking for? It almost makes me laugh.

Plus, I hate when celebrities do this because it shows just how much "good" influence they THINK they have. What if they just inspired someone to go out and vote, and they have no idea what the issues on the ballot are all about? Because there are other things to be voted on besides candidates. That's not responsible voting right there. Thanks Mr. or Ms. Celebrity -- you just got me some higher taxes or a shopping center in my backyard!

What celebrities SHOULD say is "Go out and educate yourself on the issues, then go vote." But that's not cookie-cutter and easy enough to remember, I guess.

Anyway, y'all know how I dislike the idea of political parties and such, so don't be surprised when I go into the voting booth in November and write in Joe Torre's name on the ballot. Because that there is a man I can get behind! An Italian, Catholic, Yankee-managing president. Ah, how awesome would that be?

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Last night, Tonya and I headed out to The Stadium to deaden the notion that we actually had to return to work after the long weekend. And to collect the Lou Gehrig statuette so our Babe Ruth statuettes wouldn't be lonely. For the first time ever, I got to sit in the bleachers, which actually has some pretty damn good views of home plate, fly balls, and the backsides of Jeter and A-Rod, Oh, come on. How could we not notice and appreciate God's (mighty fine) work when it's, like, right there in front of us? Anyway, we had Matsui fans all around us and it's kinda funny to hear them all speaking Japanese and then when a ball comes to shortstop they're all "JEETAH!" They seem to really like him, too. And the parasiteless Jason Giambi. We encountered no rowdiness. Maybe we did something wrong.

After the game, Tonya and I collected Yankee flags to put on our cubicles so we can officially declare our work area Yankee Nation, though I think it might be more like a kingdom. I can't wait to see our co-workers reactions to this one...

And last weekend? It totally didn't happen. It's the lost weekend of the baseball calendar, in case you didn't know. Nothing counts on lost weekends, so there.

Friday, July 02, 2004

We've decided to have more "soap opera moments" at work, per Ken's suggestion. Like lots of dramatic pauses and staring during conversations, and slapping, and barely eating our food and people talking to themselves and revealing secrets not knowing someone's eavesdropping. I'm surprised it took us so long to decide on something like this. You can never have enough drama at the workplace.
OK, one more thing about the Yanks and I promise I'll shut up. Oh, wait, I don't have to because this is MY blog. But it is interleague again this weekend, so I'll be quiet for a little bit anyway.

So the Sports Guy pretty much praises Jeter in his latest column, but disses those he "thinks" are Yankee fans. Because to him we all booed Jeter back in April. Yeah, the select few drunk idiots booed him -- I was at a few games, some people actually booed him in a joking way (as only Yankee fans can), others got up and cheered in their faces. Anyway, this is what he had to say:

"Everyone should care as much as Jeter does. That's what made it so shocking when those pinhead Yankee fans booed him in April -- some guys should be beyond reproach. Jeter is one of them. Maybe the Yankees are running away with the American League, but the fact remains, their fans booed the heart and soul of their championship run, a guy who exemplifies just about everything good about sports, and only because he was struggling for a few games. They don't deserve to cheer someone like him. "

Sports Guy? Shut up. Seriously. I posted a few months ago how important Jeter is to this team, and how priveliged I feel to get to see him play. You're one of those "Well, I don't hate the Yankees, I hate Yankees fans" people and therefore any kind of reaction you have to a Yankee fan is biased. Yes, there are jackasses in my fan base who booed out of frustration, but you can bet not one of them was pulling for the Yanks to trade Jeter for A-Rod, unlike the Sox fans who were so in love with Nomar that they were practically kicking him out the door last December. How's that for undeserving? Now you have to watch A-Rod in NY, and your once beloved shortstop is completely uninspired and bitter looking. I really can't blame him for the way people were shoving him out of Boston before a deal was even signed.

We don't deserve our All-Star shortstop? God, some people will never get it....
Ever since we first read Dylan Thomas in high school, I've always thought of the lines from one of his most famous poems when the Yanks are behind in a big game. Yeah, I'm sick like that:

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Because while the poem is ultimately about death, it can totally apply to staging a comeback, in any part of life. Hey, I'm just doing my part as a former English major, here...
One of the mailroom guys just passed my cubicle. The other day, he told me I needed some Mets stuff in here, I guess because my Yankee paraphenalia is just too awesome to take for non-Yankee fans. Anyway, this morning he's like "Man, did you watch that game last night?" and I'm all "Of course," and then he stops and says "You know, I'm not a Yankees fan, but that game was amazing. I think God must be a Yankee fan." I was just like "Yeah, that was one hell of a game all right." He walked away shaking his head and repeated "God must be a Yankee fan."

And does anyone seriously want to disagree with the Man Upstairs?

Thursday, July 01, 2004

HOLY FREAKING CRAZINESS, BATMAN!!!! Where to begin??? I don't even think I can remember to the beginning of the game. Oh wait, I can. Because when Pedro hit Shef, I text-messaged Tonya that it was going to be an interesting one. It all seemed so simple when the Yanks went up 3-0; it looked like Halsey was going to slay Pedro and we'd be all ha-ha-ha tomorrow. But alas, it was not meant to be.

And it was so worth it. Sorry, Halsey. You'll get another chance to pitch. That game was once in a lifetime.

Between A-Rod's "Holy shit! Was that a triple play? Oh, wait, no." to getting out of the 11th after having the bases loaded with no one out, to El Capitan's "Oh my god! He's dead!" catch in the stands (and rock on for that catch, Senor DJ. Welcome to the scar on the chin club) to the wierdness of Shef playing 3rd to the finale. Oh, that finale. I was getting ready to write on the blog that even though the Yanks lost, it was still a good game. Then Sierra gets on, and I'm like, Awww yeah, here it comes. Cairo's hit made me jump up and down and scream "I can't believe this!" for like the hundreth time during the game. Even my roommates were like "This is nuts! This is so New York!" And then Mr. Flaherty coming through in the biggest clutch moment this season so far...wow. And I know I'm forgetting stuff.

But what a game. What a freaking awesome game. This team...God, I do declare I think I love them. And that, Bill Simmons (wherever you are) is better than simply liking them.

PS, Carolyn discovered the awesomeness that is Bubba Crosby last night. He got her vote for Hottie of the Game.
To err is human. To beat the Red Sox on said err, divine. Hee hee.

So last night, Tonya, Julianna and I donned our best Yankee shirts and headed up to a bar in Hoboken, where we'd heard a bunch Red Sox fans would be gathering to watch the game. We didn't want them to think they were so intimidating that a few Yankee fans would be scared away in our own rooting territory.

I arrived first and the bouncer and one of the waiters were like "Dude, we need Yankee fans in there, it's all Red Sox fans right now." And I'm like "T'will be all right." Tonya and Julianna show up in their rub-it-in-the-face-of-the-Sox-fans shirts (or, as Tonya put it "Nice girls with really mean shirts"), and as we defiantly walk by the fans gathered at the bar we hear them mutter, "Whatever." and "Oh, please." At that point the Sox were winning 1-0, so I guess we were just a nuisance to them or whatever. I mean, god forbid there be Yankees fans in a bar right outside New York.

The number of fans grew as the game progressed and the Sox took a 2-0 lead, and Tonya likened them to Gremlins -- just add water and presto! More Sox fans! A few Yankee fans managed to slip into the bar, though most of them are incognito.We know they are there because the place breaks out in huge applause when the Yanks get out of the bases-loaded, no one out jam in the 7th (sidebar: Holy moly, Heredia, please pitch like that more often!). And when the Yanks tie it up, the Sox fans fall silent.

It's even awesomer when Grand Funk Railroad's version of Locomotion is pumping through the bar and Sheffield gets the go-ahead hit and you can feel the tide turning rapidly. When we see Jeter getting all excited in the dugout, Julianna notes that after 30 years he's "More mature and coming into his manliness," but Tonya says that's just him being all "El Capitanish."

After Mo comes in and shuts down the game, we leave the bar and pass the gathered mass of dejected Sox fans. One guy looks at us like "The hell?" but I don't bother to look back. No battles for Yankee territory were ever won after a game, you know. You've gotta let your team do the talking. And so the Yanks did for us, and for that I thank them.