Thursday, September 30, 2004

BERNIE!!!! AL EAST!!!!! FUCK THE DEBATE!!!!!

I know I'm supposed to be doing my duty as an American citizen and watching the debate right now, but holy shit am I glad I'm not. Because Kerry (who needs to learn what to do with his hands) and Bush (who needs to fire his acting coach and needs to get over himself, pronto)? They've never made me as happy as Bernie Williams just did, and never as excited as this team has made me all season:

-- 7th straight AL East title
-- 61st comeback of the year
-- Team record for homers in a season
-- The only time the Yanks have won 100 games in three straight seasons.

No fun? Get a load of that clubhouse right at the moment. Because now, my friends, we CELEBRATE!



Autumn In New York. Not That Sucky Movie.

Being that I, the Yankee Chicken, am so invested in the City of New York and its team called the Yankees, one of my favorite songs is Autumn in New York. It is a travesty that that bad, bad, BAD movie starring Winona Ryder and Richard Gere stole the title of this great song. Because I am just a Yankee Chicken, but that's 2 hours of my life I'll never get back.

I do think that the writer of the song was really implying that he liked the fall season in New York because of the Yankees. See my notes below and tell me if it is not true:

Autumn in New York
Why does it seem so exciting?
(Dude, because it's the playoffs!)
Autumn in New York
It spells the thrill of first-nighting
(Yes, those first games are always thrilling.)

Shimmering clouds - glimmering crowds
In canyons of steel
(where they have a victory parade if the Yankees win)
They're making me feel - I'm home
(Me too!)

It's autumn in New York
That brings a promise of new love
(or a new championship trophy!)
Autumn in New York
Is often mingled with pain
(Eh, not that often)
Dreamers with empty hands
(Oh, Met fans)
All sigh for exotic lands
(Next April, I guess)

But It's autumn in New York
It's good to live it again
(and again and again and again! OK, I won't be that greedy.)

This autumn in New York
Transforms the slums into Mayfair
(Or the Bronx into the must-be place for October)
Autumn in New York
You'll need no castles in Spain
(just a TV and some fellow fans and it's all good)

Lovers that bless the dark
On benches in Central Park
(they obviously aren't Yankee fans unless they're listening to the game of something)

But it's autumn in New York
It's good to live it again
(Ah, it sure is.)

5 and Fabulous

Hello! It is me, The Chicken and I am 5 today! Or at least I turned 5 somewhere around now. Today is just the day we celebrate my birthday because no one remembers exactly when I was discovered. It was sometime at the end of September, that is all that is known.

Many people ask me "Chicken, how did you become a Good Luck Yankee Chicken?" I tell them it was my destiny (with an interlocking NY at the end).

Five years ago, I was sitting in a bin at the Michael's craft store in Holmdel New Jersey, with a bunch of other chickens and hens that lacked my drive and ambition. I was the Derek Jeter to their Nomar in the July 1st game. I knew I was meant for better things, but what that was I didn't know. That is when Karen discovered me, as if by fate. She walked by my bin, stopped as if in shock and said something about my friends and I being the scariest things she'd ever seen in her life. Her eyes fell upon me, and she plucked me from the bin and carried me over to this lady who ended up being her mother. She looked at me all "Um, what am I going to do with that?" and Karen said "You can use him in the kitchen decorating scheme. He is so scary looking you have to find something for him to do." And it was decided that being decorative was my destiny (no interlocking NY). They also picked up my friend Matilda, who is mute, but who was very happy to be leaving the bin.

We arrived at the Bischer home to amused looks from Karen's father, and sniffing by the black Lab Rookie (may he rest in peace) who was always a threat to eat me or something.Matilda and I hung out on the kitchen counter for a few days when Karen mentioned something about me probably wanting to watch this thing called a post-season game. I was set in front of the TV to see this team called the Yankees play another not-as-good team called the Rangers. They embodied everything I was -- hardworking, dilligent and awesome. I was blown away, instantly in love with this team from New York. I felt something surge through me that could only be true love and came out my eyes in the form of good luck. I had found my destiny (interlocking NY) and the Yankees won 8-0.

Do you remember the 1999 playoffs? Yes, that was when the Yankees lost only one game. To thank me for my luck, Karen bestowed upon me a Yankee hat and a gold chain with an interlocking NY charm, which I am never without.

So that is how it all began. How I, the Yankee Chicken, rose above being just a decorative item for a fall kitchen motif. If I can do it, so can you.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

I Love it When a Plan Comes Together

Man, it's as if the Yankees planned it this way: They sweep a double header, and the Devil Rays beat up on Pedro (and as Michael Kay said, does that make Tampa Bay his step-daddies?) and they gain 3 games in the magic number standings because of it. It's bizzare because right before Matsui hit his homer in the first game, Steiner and Sterling were saying it could be a bad night if the Yanks dropped the first game, turning the second one into a must-win with the Sox playing Tampa Bay. It made my stomach turn to think about it.

Overall, I think it turned out quite all right ;)

I cannot WAIT to see what the backpages have to say about it.

A&P. The Place Dreams Come True.

HOLY CRAP! I was "watching" that game on Yahoo at work, and it was 3-1 when I left. I listened on my headphones-of-pain as I walked to the PATH in NY and when I got to Hoboken. I was feeling pretty grouchy as the bottom of the 7th came on as I stomped up Washington St. That's when Matsui hit his home run and I was all "Oooh. This could mean something." I was on 6th street when Olerud gets on and Bubba runs for him and in the A&P parking lot when Jeter got his "hit" and then I got inside and started losing the signal, but it came back for a brief, shining moment in the produce section, just in time for me to hear Charlie Steiner go all nuts because A-Rod hits his triple. I must've looked all sorts of giddy because the produce guy looked at me funny. But who cares? They pulled that one out, and by god it made me happy.

Let's play two!

See You in Hell!

OMG! Tonya and Julianna headed back to their home state of Iowa last weekend, and Julianna is responsible for this photo that made me almost choke on my lunch, it was so funny.

So to all my friends out there, sorry I haven't prevented you from taking the route of sin. I didn't see y'all stopping me, either, though...

All Yankees, All the Time

So that little run-in I had with my grocery cart the other day? Yeah. It's taken a while, but I hurt now. I was so happy afterward because the bruise on my shin didn't look so bad. But then it started to throb that night. And now if I do something as simple as move my legs it burns like a mother because the skin is so tight there. And there's not much muscle on your shin, so that makes it even worse. What pisses me off is that I can't even give it a cool Yankee twist (like the Jammed Yankee Toe) because I wasn't doing anything Yankee related when it happened. What fun is that?

And Gilmore Girls totally kicks ass for having a Yankee reference last night. Though you know the episode was taped at least a month ago because one of the characters says "Torre's got Mussina in there when he should be using Brown." It was all good though because Sheffield hit a home run at the end of the scene. Nice to see the writers doing their homework when referencing the Bombers.

Go Ahead, Jump!

OK, this is my big Fuck You to all the gloom-and-doomer know-it-alls out there bitching about this current pitching staff. While they ARE hard to predict, I don't think it's time for us to jump ship on them. I'm not even willing to give up on Kevin Brown -- does one god-awful start after a 3-week layoff mean the man can't ever pitch well again (because he was seriously our ace before El Duque)? Hernandez has arm "stiffness" and the way the NY papers make it out to sound, you'd think he was having it amputated. People, calm the hell down. Joe Torre thinks he might be able to start TOMORROW, for crying out loud.

Mussina's made two bad pitches in his last few outings, and those were the home runs to Sox on Friday. Lieber's had some sucky starts, but he's had quite a few gems too. Vazquez is my only concern, but man does he have oodles of potential if he'd only get consistent (I'm not holding my breath for this year, though).

Don't believe me that this pitching staff, with this mind-boggling lineup behind it, can pull it out? I give you the 1996 and 2000 pitching staffs:

1996 = 92 wins for AL East title
Andy Pettitte 21-8 3.87
Kenny Rogers 12-8 4.68
Jimmy Key 12-11 4.68
Dwight Gooden 11-7 5.01
David Cone 7-2 2.88
Ramiro Mendoza 4-5 6.79

2000 = 87 wins for AL East Title
Roger Clemens 13-8 3.70
Andy Pettitte 19-9 4.35
David Cone 4-14 6.91
Orlando Hernandez 12-13 4.51
Denny Neagle 7-7 5.81

Now, I give you the 2004 Yankee starting rotation:

2004 = 97 wins with 6 to play
Hernandez 8-1 2.87
Lieber 13-8 4.37
Mussina 12-9 4.59
Brown 10-5 4.25
Vazquez 14-10 4.89

Pettitte was the big It factor in 1996 and 2000. But let's face it, if he'd stayed a Yankee, he'd be on the disabled list right now, so that's of no help to us.

And what's this? John Lieber and 2000 Roger Clemens with the SAME RECORD? And considering Clemens was pretty hit-or-miss in the playoffs anyway (and I always worried when he pitched in the post season because he would get himself too pumped up sometimes), I don't feel to bad about this.

Now, this current Yankee rotation is nowhere near some of its great predecessors, but judging by the records they match up pretty well with these two former World Series winning staffs. And don't give me this BS that they had less formidable opponents in the playoffs back then, because if I remember correctly, the seemingly average 1996 staff took on a tough-hitting Rangers club, the Orioles (who they battled all season) and then the freaking Atlanta Braves, whose starting rotation...well, let's just say they were really good.

In 2000 they struggled pretty much the entire season and into the post-season, yet still won the whole shebang...and didn't have the 2004 starting lineup behind them.

So for those of you ready to jump off the proverbial bridge over this pitching staff, do us all a favor and take the flying leap. We don't need you anyway. Because does being all negative make this staff pitch any better? No. Does being negative make you feel any better? No. There's no need to be all Pollyanna over this, but you don't have to act like the sky is falling, either.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

The Chicken's Ready for His Close-Up

So I'm plotting out The Chicken's next photo exploits, and while I'm trying to keep things realistic, I keep coming back to the awesomeness of what could be if I took him to see the Yankees in the Bronx. For instance:

The Chicken rides the 4 Train: Holy crap would I get some strange looks, but you totally know he'd make lots of friends right away.

The Chicken meets the Bleacher Creatures: Maybe he could lead the Roll Call and the Box Seats Suck chant.

The Chicken bangs Freddy's frying pan: He'd get to peck at it, of course, and that's just double your luck right there. (sidebar: Freddy gave one of his pans to the Yogi Berra Museum. Must remember to check that place out someday.)

The Chicken gets to play Yankee Match Game: He'd have a little trouble holding up the numbered cards, but I think he'd be a swell candidate for this.

The Chicken starts a fight with a Red Sox fan: I think we know who would win this one.

Of course, there are other great non-Yankee game scenarios that could work. Like The Chicken meets Matt's El Duque (though the power of these two sports enigmas meeting could be too awesome for the world to take and might make the earth spin off its axis or something), The Chicken tells off the landlord, The Chicken goes food shopping (that'd be a sight for my fellow Hobokenites) and The Chicken goes Trick-or-Treating.

Which reminds me, our feathered friend is celebrating 5th "birthday" on Thursday. Like last year, he may or may not take over blog duties for the day, depending on what kind of mood he is in.

Purist and Proud of It

Dude, the meaning of my name means "pure" so would you doubt that I am more sports purist than anything? After ESPN.com broke it down for me, it's safe to say that I am definitely a purist. Even though I do rely on the Internet for news (but I'm in front of a computer all day), don't necessarily believe the old days were better, and have no problems with players having tattoos. But the rest of the Progressive belief system? Eww. I think I actually hate most progressives.Those who think curses are explainable, ride shot gun on the bandwagon, like the idea of expanded playoffs, think Barry Bonds is better than Babe Ruth, and go for low-carbs at a baseball game are no friends of mine.

Actually, it just seems like Progressives are fans of the sport rather than fans of a team, so that could explain a lot of it there. Many people my age have little patience these days to actually follow a team hardcore -- oops, did I just give my generation away? Don't give me this BS that you have a job (thus why you can't call in sick for a baseball game) or a busy social life (eg, too blitzed at a bar every night to follow a game). You love a team, you make time for them and that's that.

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, Play a Game for Me

So Tonya and I were like crack addicts this morning trying for our "fix" of postseason tickets with the pre-sale. We were all edgy and trying to figure out what days would be what (because the only game locations settled are the World Series ones), and keeping our fingers crossed that the Yankees make it past the first round. Because check out our tickets:

ALDS: Game 1 at the Stadium (could be Game 1 or Game 3 of the series depending on how the Yanks finish the season)
ALCS: Game 3 at the Stadium (could be Game 5 or Game 6)
World Series: Game 6. Holy cow, I couldn't even imagine...

And since we only got two tickets per round, we'll sure as hell be trying when the public sale starts.

So basically my October schedule is completely up in the air because my life will be centered around the Playoffs.

Wheee!!!!!

Fun, Fun, Fun Till Kitty Takes a Bat to Your Ass

I love that both the Daily News and Post decided to harp on the Yankees pitching woes on their backpages today. But what I don't get is why they're focusing on the starting rotation when it's the bullpen that is the most troublesome to me. Whatever. Starting pitching must sell more papers, I guess.

I'd like to thank Kevin Millar for making me look right by getting all pissy last night after he got plunked on a pitch that got away from Kazmir. Why did he get all mad and why did the benches clear? Oh, right because the Red Sox hit two TB players (one of them Tino, which, just don't even go there), Kazmir retaliates by hitting Manny, and then the ball gets away from him on Millar. Read Florida-based Shannon's account of it here, and check out the post-game comments from the Sox.

I love the NESN broadcaster that thinks the Yankees don't enjoy themselves. Um, did he see the rookie players dressed up as Elvises last week? Has he ever witnessed the laughfest that is the Yankee dugout? Has he seen Jeter teasing his teammates on the field when they make a crazy play? Does he remember A-Rod picking up Jeter and squeezing the bejesus out of him? Did he see El Duque's play against Coco Crisp a few weeks ago, a day after his team had been man-handled? Oh, right, they're a cold, heartless machine, those Yankees, because they don't have facial hair and they don't drown themselves in chamagne when they're not sure if they're going to the playoffs as a Division leader or Wild Card. I forgot you can only have fun if you have a long, flowing beard, blast country music and get your team "fired-up" by starting a brawl against the opposing team.You keep telling yourself that, dumbass NESN guy. Here's hoping the YES Network's Jim Kaat and Ken Singleton meet you in a dark alley someday and have a little "fun" with you...

I love being this pissy! It means October must be almost here!!!

Monday, September 27, 2004

Because Red-Striped Shirts Are Bad!

Dude, if you want to get me angrier than after hearing dumb comments about the Yankees, just get me on the subject of banning books (It's Banned Books Week, that's where this comes from). Thank god I grew up in a community that forced us to read a lot of these books for English class, because I would much rather be bored by a book than banned from it.

Check out this list of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books. What the hell is Where's Waldo doing on there? A Wrinkle in Time? A Light in the Attic? Don't even get me started on the Harry Potter ban. Grrrr.

This is all good to know, though, because if my books should ever get published, they'd most likely be "challenged" in these ignorant areas. I mean, god forbid teenage girls talk about sex and go to parties and stuff and turn out...normal. I can see how that could be too much for kids to handle....

It's All About the Beer

Yesterday I had to make a big trip to the A&P, so I busted out Colin, my handy-dandy cart. The trip required heavy objects (cans of crushed tomatoes, bottles of soda and three 12-packs of beer. Don't ask.) and even though it's a short journey between my place and the store, I don't like my arms being pulled off by the weight of groceries. That's why I got me an old-lady cart. The funny thing is, even Colin seems to labor when there's lots of stuff in him and it takes extra pushing on my part to get him to manuever him properly. But at least my arms don't feel like I've been weight-lifting all day.

So yesterday, I'm leaving the store and manage to get all the way to the sidewalk, when I decide to turn Colin down a driveway instead of running over a family and a Dachsund at the corner. What I didn't count on was the driveway not having a smooth ledge. The cart hit this slight bump and stopped and my shins went crashing into it. As I saw stars, the cart started to tip forward and all I could think was "OH MY GOD! THE BEER!" and somehow found superhuman strength to right the cart before it fell over. I have a nice fat bruise on my leg now, but the beer is A-OK.

My Bischer kinfolk would be so proud.

Hate. HATE!!!!!!!

Wow, I was just moving along nicely on this Monday morning, putting the weekend series behind me, when I went in search of a story detailing yesterday's near brawl. I'd missed both pitchers being ejected, so I wanted to see how it went down. Looks like the Sox started it YET AGAIN (don't give me this crap that Lofton was fighting with Mientkiewicz, either. You don't throw behind somebody for having words with an infielder, dumbass) in their own park, but what else is new? That's when I came across Kevin Millar's verbal diarrhea. As I told my dad this weekend, I never loathed the Sox until last season, when they tried to be all "blue collar" and only came across as looking like white trash. Remember when they taped Ted Lilly's name to the back of their jackets to get the fans to intimidate him? I think that just sold it for me. Anyway, Millar's quote from yesterday:

"It was a typical series," added Boston's Kevin Millar. "Benches cleared, a couple guys got thrown out, the Sox won. Another day at the ballpark, eh?"

Yes, Kevin Millar, your thug-ass team started yet ANOTHER fight in YOUR ballpark you fucking PUSSY. I'd like to see you and your "blue-collar" cowboy up selves get all "tough" on the Yankees in the Bronx. You wouldn't come out alive, you jackass and you know it.

I just used the word "Pussy" in a post...

Holy shit, I'm mad.


Pregame Warmups

So I'm doing my stretches and warmups and preparing for the post-season ticket frenzy which will be starting soon. The pre-sale is tomorrow for our season-ticket holding selves, but get this: there are six of us, and we can only get two tickets for each round. Yeah, that totally sucks. So I'm readying for dialing and redialing and more redialing of Ticketmaster (where I got ALCS tickets last year) and loging onto the Yankee Web site about a thousand times, all in the hopes of scoring something. Sigh.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Tough Love For Buster Brown

Is it weird that I'm actually kind of glad Kevin Brown got shelled today? Like now he's sufficiently been punished for his stupidity and he can move on. Like maybe it will make him focus more by channeling his pissed off-ness into something good, like getting a batter out instead of muttering to himself. I don't know. We'll see.

I had to listen to the game on my way home today, and between the shitty nature of the pitching and the weight of my headphones (they are on the heavy side and hook onto your ears and hurt like hell after a few minutes) pinching my ears, I started to get agitated. I looked over at my train riding counterparts who were all engrossed in books and conversation and looking calm and for just the briefest minute I envied their ignorance of the game. Then I was all "Dude, that would totally suck to not be a fan, even with the Yankees getting shellacked." Because seriously, the Yanks have given me so much more than just a team to root for. So a few losses to the Sox? Yeah, I can deal.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Aaaaaas Youuuuuu Wiiiiiish

Holy cow that game was insane. Raise your hand if you thought Matsui's home run was going out? Because I was just holding my breath for a double at that point. But I have to say even after the Sox went ahead on Captain Caveman's homer, I wasn't disheartened. And that's probably because Pedro was coming out for his doom inning, the 8th.

At one point, Michael Kay went all Princess Bride on us, though I think I may have just been severely punchy from stress by then:

Michael Kay (something to this effect): "This game has everything. Comebacks, pitchers dueling, big plays, strikeouts..."

Me: "True love?"

Because he seriously sounded like Peter Falk at the beginning of The Princess Bride. If only he'd added the stuff like "torture, revenge, monsters, miracles, escapes" it could even be plausible that he was talking about the game.

And Stephen King? I can totally respect you if you're at a game wearing a Red Sox hat. But a Yankee Hater hat? Dude, I'm never buying your books again. Even if you stick up for and like the Harry Potter books. And take off that shirt with the rooster on it because there is only one Good Luck Yankee Chicken and he's in my care so pppptttthhh on you.

Friday, September 24, 2004

A Warning Track for a Backyard?

So on my way through Hoboken this morning, I came upon the new, very nice-looking residence that's going up around the block from my own apartment. It's nearly finished on the outside, and for the first time today I saw a sign on the front with an artist's rendering of what it will look like when completed. But then I noticed the building's name right above it and I got all jealous: Centerfield. Yes, my friends, there is going to be an apartment building/condos called Centerfield, and I will not have the privilege of living there. No, I get to live with my gate in an unnamed building. How unfair. Perhaps I will start calling my building "The Bleachers" or maybe "The Backstop" since Jorge Posada is the patron saint of our apartment.

I do find it curious that they are incorporating the baseballish history of Hoboken so far from where it actually took place. But then again this is the city that named the post office after Frank Sinatra when the man couldn't wait to get out of town...

A Shitty Way to Start the Morning

I'd like to thank the old crazy woman who feeds the pigeons right outside the 33rd St. PATH station. I'd never gotten pooped on before in my whole life, so I got it out of the way this morning because of her! And it's a nice, spring-green color on my navy-blue shirt! Thankfully, it missed my hair, but ugh.

Today is a Take Your Chicken to Work Day. I'm heading down the shore after work, and with it being Yanks/Sox this weekend, I'm taking no chances in leaving him TV-less. The Chicken is currently trying to escape his bag, insisting he knows how to copy edit better than I do. I think it's because he heard I was in charge of my section today and he just wants to power trip a bit. Or he wants to run away to the Yankee store which was closed when we first passed it, much to his disappointment. I told him there's no time to stop in today, so now he's not speaking to me. Sigh.

It's going to be one of THOSE days, I can tell.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

1/3 time's the Charm

Today the Yankees clinched their 10th-straight trip to the playoffs, and though I whole-heartedly, completely and totally will feel better with them winning the division, I just feel so freaking blessed right now as a fan. And I don't mean that in a hoity-toity, obnoxious Yankee fan sort of way. I just truly feel glad to have been a fan at this time. I mean, for the last third of my life, the Yankees have given me something to cheer about for at least a few games in October. A THIRD OF MY LIFE. That's just sick right there.

Here's hoping we get much more to cheer about this October.

Man, I love this team.

Reversing My Stance. Slightly.

Tonya was too funny this morning. She read my blog and then she goes "We're friends, so I have to tell you this," and she whips out the book from Oprah I had a coronary over yesterday. Apparently, it's No. 1 on Amazon right now too, so I'm guessing there's a lotta women out there who just want answers when it comes to their relationships, which I can't really blame them for. I think once they see the initial chapters of "If he doesn't call you, he's just no interested, if he doesn't ask you out, he's just not interested, and if he doesn't want to have sex with you, he's just not interested" they may get the point.

Being a woman and having liked dudes who just weren't interested, I guess I just learned all that the hard way. If my female counterparts can pick it up and save themselves a shitload of heartbreak by reading it, well then maybe it's for the best that it was published.

And now I'm going to watch Yahoo, and the men who can sometimes be much better than a boyfriend (because DJ and Co. never leave you guessing), the Yankees.

One Big Yankee Family

Oh, joy. Elisabeth from The View is pregnant, which means she'll be the first woman EVER to give birth. Just like Star is the first woman EVER to get married. I blame US and People and other celebrity rags for this -- whenever someone famous gets pregnant or ties the knot, we all have to be clued in on EVERY detail until the big moment happens. When Amy D. got pregnant, I wanted to hear everything, unlike Courteney Cox's and Gwyenth Paltrow's pregnancies. And I'd much rather hear Dexter and Vicki's wedding plans over Star's or Britney's any day. Why? Because I actually know them and care. Famous people? Not so much. I mean, good for them and here's hoping they're happy, but geez, if I don't know you it's not really any of my business what you're going to name your baby or what kind of dress you're going to get.

That said, I, like, totally know what I'm going to name my kids someday and I know everyone's just dying to hear about it:
Orlando
Jorgina
Boone
Hideki (works for boy or girl)
Willie
Tino
Zimm

What do you mean that's a lot of childbirth? I will have the coolest family on the block, yo. Right down to the pinstriped house and landscapers that come and work the yard doing the YMCA.

Other girls dream of a white picket fence and a minivan with kids named Emily and Tyler. Boy are they missing out...

I Was So Much Older Then, I'm Younger Than That Now

I was thinking about how last night's loss would've pissed me off more if I had been 16. I was much more angry and curmudgeonly back then. I don't know if it's the World Series titles or all the great stuff I've seen since then or being older that's mellowed me out, but there you go. I think it also might be that if I've learned anything over the years, it's that you take each game as they come and don't look ahead. Just focus on the game in front of you, hope and hope and hope they win that one (and stop worrying about three days from now, a month from now, the postseason) and it'll be all right.

And what am I focusing on right now? Why, the prospect of another Yahoo game! And here I thought we were done with those. This one sucks because 1)It's 5 dollar day at the Stadium 2)Hot Dogs and Cokes are half off. Like, who really wants to be stuck in the office when you've got that going on a few miles up the road?

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Two-Headed A-Rod! Basil, That Is.

Check out the freak-of-nature leaf my A-Rod Basil produced. It's all Siamese like. And just know that I picked this leaf off Saturday, before he hit his two homers against Boston last weekend, so I'm not taking it as a bad sign.

Double the A-Rod pleasure, double the fun, perhaps? Hmm...

And Another Thing....

The premise of Oprah's ep and this dude's book was that if you have to question if he's into you or not, that's your answer right there.

Um, I could've learned that from any of my friends' relationships, thanks. The ones who are happy couples didn't have a lick of trouble getting together, completely drama-free. Why? Because they like being together. Shocker!

And now this dude is going to get tons of money for stating the obvious. Ugh.

Gag. Me.

So Oprah's got this "expert" author (formerly of Sex and the City) on, helping women to crack the man code. My mom, who's probably terrified I'm going to end up alone watching Yankee games and writing about them for the rest of my life, actually called to make sure my co-workers and I tuned in. The whole premise thus far is the whole "He's just not that into you" episode of Sex and the City, and basically the guy thinks women shouldn't waste their time on dudes who aren't interested in them. I've got one thing to say to that: No shit, Sherlock. Been there, done that. You think I haven't learned anything in the 27 years I've had on the planet about guys who aren't into me?

Actually, as sick as I am of dating the wrong guys (who on the outset seem great. I don't date guys I don't like.), I'm just getting tired of everyone brow-beating singles on what they're supposed to do with their love lives. I'm sick of seeing love-advice books, love-advice fiction, love-advice movies and special love-advice episodes of Oprah. I'm sick of love advice period.

Basically, I'm getting sick of it being implied that being single is this sad, sorry state. You even see things about people claiming to be happy single, yet deep down they're just yearning to find the love of their lives. Sigh.

If you find the love of your life, awesome. If not, there is still life to be lived, and a good one at that. You should never date someone just because you're afraid of being alone. That's not cool to either party. You know how they say learn to be happy by yourself before you find someone else? Well, why not just leave it at learn to be happy?

And PS -- this syndrome ain't just a woman's problem. Men get it too.

But I'm just single, so what do I know?

"Fiiiiieyuh!" Dear God, Make it Stop!!!!

-- I don't know why anyone would riot after a sporting event, but apparently Boston is one of those cities that needs to get warned about these things. I know NY is a crazy-ass place sometimes, but I can never remember any widespread debauchery inspired by an area team winning or losing, and therefore don't remember NYC ever getting warned to behave itself -- or else. Considering the loudmouth, brash rep New York has, I just find this all sorts of ironic.

-- Kevin Brown says the only thing that will stop him from pitching is being struck by lightning. I think he needs to shut up lest he wish it upon himself and then we're totally stuck with Loaiza in the starting rotation.

-- My co-workers and I are SO sick of the Ladder 49 commercials, which come on about 2-3 times an hour. If I never hear The Ohio Players' Fire again, it'll be too soon. And Tonya, Ken and I are all in agreement that just from what we see in the ad and from what we know of Hollywood, John Travolta's character's gonna bite the big one saving one of his men. If anyone sees the movie, please let me know if this is or isnt' the case.

"Heaven's Gate" Comes to Grand St.

Ah, the gate in front of my apartment building. One of life's great mysteries, like losing socks in the dryer vortex or Fitness Celebrities or the Hoboken Beer and Soda ads on YES. For the past two years those in my building have pondered the gate's existence -- there's nothing kept behind it to keep from escaping. The building next door, a symetrical match to ours, doesn't have one. It doesn't require a key to get past it, so it doesn't add security. It's not really pretty, so it can't be for aesthetic purposes.

My theory? Our landlord is a closet romantic stuck in 1953. I mean, he was probably envisioning the 20-somethings living in the building going out on dates, and when you chastely kiss goodnight, it's much better to say "When we got to the gate, he kissed me" than "He kissed me at the door." He probably went to Home Depot and said "Find-a me-a the most-a romantic, waist-high gate-a you've got-a!" Isn't he just the keenest?

So today as I was leaving and closing the gate behind me (because I just can't leave it open. I mean, anybody could just walk right in...and knock on the door!) I thought "This is actually a good measure of a good or bad date." Like I could just picture Sasquatch and his lady friend coming upon the gate after a night out of discovering fire and stomping around Hoboken. If Sasquatch had a good time with his lady friend, he could be all, "Yo, wanna, like, come up?" and then he holds the gate door open for her, which then leads to a night of rollicking, um, furniture re-arranging, keeping the nice girl in the apartment below them awake. But if Sasquatch didn't have a good time, like, he finds out his lady friend doesn't like hunting for her dinner and eating raw meat, he could get behind the gate, close the door to it and be all "I had a good time. I'll call you soon."

The clink of the gate door meeting the latch would be the signal of doom. You do not pass Go, you do not get a night of unbridled passion with Sasquatch or whichever neighbor you're courting. Hell, you don't even get to the front door.

But if that gate door is open for you...whoa, doctor, are you in for a good night!

And that is why from now on, I am calling it "Heaven's Gate."

Could make for some swell T-shirts, I think.

A Tuesday That Warms the Heart

Well wasn't last night a warm and fuzzy one! Loaiza pitches and the top of the second inning makes me dive under my bed in horror, but then he gets out of it only to pitch pretty well for the rest of his stint; Giambi comes through huge just as the YES Network posts up the stat that he has one of the longest hitless streaks in baseball; The crowd gives him a standing ovation because we Yankee fans care, y'all; Mo gets himself in trouble somewhat, then pulls himself out of it and Loiaza looks like it's Christmas morning or something. Just a nice night in the Bronx.

And of course the season premiere of Gilmore Girls was last night, which was pretty damn good in itself (and I'm convinced Luke and Lorelai are like the only TV couple I've ever truly enjoyed seeing get together because the show made us wait and wait and wait, and you know what they say about the best things in life) though I'm worried now about juggling my regular TV viewing (GG, The Apprentice, Scrubs) with baseball.

That's right, folks. It all comes back to baseball.

Sue me.


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

The Times Invades the Place of my Birth

Ah, the New York Times has discovered Red Bank. This makes me sad because the only reason it's been "discovered" is because it's now a "hip" town. Sigh. We never called it Dead Bank when I was growing up. You don't let your kids go running up there by themselves at the age of 10 if it's a slum, ya know. In fact, I kinda liked it better with the Woolworth's there instead of Restoration Hardware. But at least it hasn't downgraded into a hole or anything. And it's picturesque-looking to walk around now.

It's weird that they include Sandy Hook Lighthouse in there when that's in Middletown. Middletown/Red Bank is somewhat interchangeable (I grew up literallly around the block from the town border, and almost all my Middletown classmates and myself were born in Riverview Medical Center in Red Bank), but I don't know with that one. Then again, this is the same newspaper that referred to Middletown as a "Centerless hodgepodge of look-alike ranch houses and waterfront estates" after Sept. 11.

And Bruce Springsteen has been living right outside Red Bank and shopping there even when it was "Dead Bank," so it's not like he up and moved there to be a hipster or something.

I guess The Times is not to be trusted. They partially own the Red Sox, after all.

Pop Quiz!

OK kids! Get out your No. 2 pencils and take my Which of KB's Blog Staples Are You? Quiz!

Be sure to report back with your results. Or else you'll get detention!

You are Belle! Strange, no question.


Which Disney Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, since Belle is the only Disney "Princess" who was book-smart, I guess I can live with this.

Say What?

I think had I not been sitting down when I saw the backpage of the Post this morning, I would've fallen over. We must remember this backpage for years to come because, dude, when has the Post ever been this...mellow? Especially in a pennant race?

I need to go take a walk, just to make sure I'm still in New York right now...

Monday, September 20, 2004

Reading is FundaMENTAL

Anyone remember the awesome Little Miss and Mr. Men books of the early 80s? I had Little Miss Scatterbrain (right) and I was just looking through it and am kinda horrified. She forgets everything, like she's freaking senile. But she's a little miss, so she can't be that old. I am going to ponder this for a long time, I can tell...

This is why I love going back and reading kid's books. It's like Roger Hargreaves knew adults would be reading it and is winking at them through his character interactions. Thankfully, the books are still for sale for those of us looking to recapture a bit of our childhoods, no matter how somewhat disturbing the books seem now.

KB's Awesome Movie Scenes

Just a few of the scenes from flicks that I rank among my personal faves:

Gene Kelly gets wet, dances and looks great doing it, Singin' in the Rain: I don't know if there is a scene in a movie that captures the emotion of pure joy as the signature number in Singin' in the Rain. Look at Gene Kelly's face -- he's singing about being in love, which I totally buy from him as an actor in this scene, and you can just absolutely tell he loves to dance and knows he kicks ass at it. And considering he had a fever when the scene was filmed, that's just awesome.

Dorothy goes from Black-and-White to Color, The Wizard of Oz: Considering this was like an "ooh, ahh, look at the technology" thing at the time, it's big just for that. But the fact that it still looks good now is pretty awesome in itself.

John Belushi breaks Stephen Bishop's Guitar, Animal House: I love the look on Bluto's face when he comes across the cheesy folk singer going on about giving his love a chicken that had no bone (It's really a song, too. Don't believe me? Check it out), and then Bluto ripping the guitar from his hands and smashing it.Ha!!!

Roy Hobbs busts the lights and wins a pennant, The Natural: I've written about this before, but it's worth mentioning again. The cinematography and the slow-mo is what makes this scene with the light's shimmering down and the reaction shots of all the people

Stacy gives Wayne a gun rack, Wayne's World: Just because I know so many people (myself included) that love quoting the line "I don't even own A gun let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack."

Chief Brody meets Bruce, Jaws: I love that he's tossing the chum overboard with the cigarette in his mouth all non-chalant. Then when he turns around, with the 21-footer staring right at him, the look on Roy Scheider's face is absolutely priceless. Along with the "We're gonna need a bigger boat" line.

Scarlett whips the horse one too many times, Gone With the Wind: I don't know why, but the part when the horse collapses after its escape from Atlanta always cracked me up as a kid. It still does now. And I like horses! Whenever it's on TV, I find it more look-forward-to-ish than "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

George realizes he's alive, It's a Wonderful Life: Yeah, the movie has a rep for being corny, but I don't care. The scene where he's running through the town all excited to be alive and to see his family just rocks. As does the part where all the people come and give him money, and his brother Harry comes in, alive because George stopped him from drowning in the ice as a kid, and Harry calls him "The richest man in town"...Oh man, I need a hankie...oh, shut up.

Listen to the Music

So while watching the Yankee game at the bar yesterday, the bartender tossed in a Bob Seger CD and Night Moves, which has been practically following me around lately, came on. It once again solidified my thought that it is one of the best-written songs out there -- I mean, it's all about sex and it never comes out and says it, rather tells it through euphemisms and metaphors. This is great because it goes right over your head as a kid and when you're an adult you're like "OH!" I'm terrible with writing metaphors, so it makes me appreciate it even more. You go, Bob Seger, with your covert-sex-writing self.

Another well-written song is In the Wee Small Hours. It's short, to the point, makes you feel the longing of the writer/singer (we've all been there), and even better when sung by Sinatra.

See, you don't always need to look to books for the best parts of the written word.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Character Flaws and Other Good Stuff

It’s funny. Whenever I’m explaining the characters (those who aren’t my friends making cameos, that is) of my story to people, they always want to know if anyone is me. Uh, not really. And thank god my main character certainly isn’t because I was the most boring teenager on the planet – too busy writing and watching Yankee games to ever get in trouble and too quiet to ever make snappy comebacks at people or whatever. I try to give my main character qualities I didn’t have back then, but wish I did and stuff like that. Ho-hum, just like every other writer.

But then I realized I have infused her with something of mine, which is weird because I didn’t even realize it till like just now when I was writing part of a chapter. One of the big parts of the story is my main character Julia’s huge crush on a guy and how she doesn’t exactly know how to deal with her feelings (they have been friends for a long time, thus making it somewhat of a risk. No, it's not Dawson's Creek redux.). Of course, I did this on purpose to give some drama to the teenagery situation as I have to drag it out 4 years/books of her life. And if she figures out being direct is the best bet too soon, dude, where’s my story? But I realized she’s kinda like me (and I wasn't doing it on purpose) in that she holds her cards very close to the vest when it comes to the relationship and sometimes plays it too cool, because like most of us, she’s just terrified of rejection. And of course that’s how I’ve become over the years and I’m not sure that’s the best way to do things, but there you go. Voila! Instant character flaw that works and hopefully speaks to people AND teaches the author something in the process. Sweet!

I’m so glad I could share this Dr. Phil moment with y’all. It’s all the Yankees’ fault as they’ve given me two stress-free days to focus on the story a bit. Must remember to thank them if said story ever gets published…

Good Times, Good Times

It's such a good feeling to know you're alive.
It's such a happy feeling: You're growing inside.
And when you wake up ready to say,
"I think I'll make a snappy new day."
It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling.
The feeling you know that
I'll be back when the day is new
And I'll have more ideas for you.
And you'll have things you'll want to talk about.
I will too.

Thanks Mr. Rogers, for summing up today nicely. Between the Yuppies and Puppies Fall 2004, to the Yankee whoopass of Boston to hanging at a local watering hole with great people, it was a mucho good day.

I have to admit, it was also a pretty good feeling after the game walking past a boatload of people in Red Sox gear while I was wearing my Yankee hat. You see, there were a few obnoxious Sox fans on our train Friday night who were just about drooling at the opportunity to rub in the loss, and a loss at the hands of Mariano no less. I just kept my mouth shut. So tonight as Dexter, Vicki and I passed this whole crew (or as Dexter said "It felt like all of Beantown was coming at us") I couldn't fight a smile. It wasn't so much at their loss as it was just a proud moment to be a Yankee fan. Damn, I like those moments.

OK, that's the extent of my smugness for one season.

"I Like Being Close to the Bats"

Let's hear it for Don Mattingly, having quote of the day yesterday. OK, maybe he said it years ago or something, but I only discovered it yesterday when I read it in the way fabulous Yankee book First-Mate Matt had at his kickin' party. It seemed extremely appropriate as the Yanks busted out the whoppin' stick and redemeed themselves for Friday's, uh, whatever that was.

Just know that until I got to Matt's place in the 8th inning, I'd been watching the game in Spanish the whole time. From the second that pregame came on, I was all about not paying ANY attention to what the Fox Fux had to say, and I it was the most stress-free Fox game I'd ever watched en mi television, I mean on my television. I think McCarver may have been all annoying or something, because they kept showing these clips of him talking and the Red Sox messing up but I couldn't translate! Woo-hoo! Although it's a good thing I pay attention because I'd have had no idea Leiber was throwing a no hitter if I'd been cleaning or something. I don't know the term for no-hitter en espanol.

It's hard to type while making Moose Antlers, but it's Mussina vs. Pedro this afternoon so I'm doing what I can. This oughta be interesting...

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Not Really Singing in the Rain

So I was going to start this post by getting all dejected and quote John Greenleaf Whittier's Maud Muller, which ends with the great line "For of all sad words of tounge or pen the saddest are these: It might have been," but decided that would be way too melodramatic for a regular season game that was just that -- a regular-season game. The Yanks are still leading the division. So just pass me the Clorox so I can bleach the memory of seeing Mo fail in person out of my head and we'll call it a night.

Yes, we stayed through the rain delay. I got to bust out my poncho (that I bought in case of rain for last year's Springsteen concert) for the first time ever, and man it did the trick. It was a freaking tent. I stayed totally dry (the overhang helped too) and it was peeing down rain at points. But the coolest thing happened -- during rain delays they play all sorts of "rain" themed music. At one point Bobby Darrin's "Beyond the Sea" (I'm guessing since the warning track looked like an ocean) came on, and since I just declared that our Pirate ship theme song this afternoon, I was like "Wow! My crew is with us in spirit!"

Also, I believe I have to be at every game Tanyon Sturtze pitches now, just so I can mentally sing "Heartlight" so he can have a good outing. I swear he was feeling the E.T. vibes and that's why he kicked ass tonight. What, you think it was something else? Yeah, whatever.

I'm going to bed now. What are the chances I'll wake up and this game was all a dream? I thought so. OK...we'll get 'em today.


Friday, September 17, 2004

3 for 3!!!!

Weathermen can be wrong, we know this, but just now Tonya and I whooped for joy when the channels 2, 4 and 7 weather casters said the game will probably get in with scattered showers and most of the rain coming in after midnight.

FINGERS CROSSED!!!!

Come Sail the Seven Seas with Me!

So keeping on the pirate theme, I've decided to head an expedition to kidnap the Red Sox and throw them on a deserted island. The SS Mystique and Aura (named just to piss off Curt Schilling) will be setting sail when the season ends. You have to be a Yankee fan to board and I'm already recruiting a few of you, though you may not know it.

I'm the captain (but not El Capitan. There is only one of him.), so deal with it.

Since Matt keeps a few blogs and got Pirate too and apparently can do wicked things with a sock and flour as a weapon (to try and ward off mutinies and stuff), he can be my first mate. I'll be giving him captain duties when I need to wash my hair or write on my blog, so y'all listen to what he says.

Tonya, (when she's not keeping up with the soaps because that's her job and I don't want her to get fired from her dream job, yo) will be in charge of keeping Curt Schilling, Manny, David Ortiz and every other Red Sox punk in line -- oh, and she wants to make Johnny Damon think he has to walk the plank a lot, just to mess with him.

My dad, since he has a boat and watches the Love Boat and can cook can come aboard as the chef/bartender because he's good at cooking crabs and fish and doing "The Isaac". (The Red Sox would only get raw squid and water, though.) My mom hates going through the inlet, so she'll wave to us from shore, but she can decorate the ship before we leave.

Stephanie will hang out in the prison area, watching soaps too, but when the prisoners start getting restless, she'll bang last week's Sports Illustrated along the bars to shut them up.

The season-ticket crew will be in charge of keeping me updated on anything Yankee related (the ship has lots of internet access) while they enjoy their "big gulps" of grog.

Maybe along the way we'll swing down by Maryland and pick up Yankee Bob and get Shannon when we hit Florida.Then we dump the Red Sox on their own little piece of "paradise" where they can sit and figure out how man-hugs can get you off a deserted island.

Of course, if you're a Yankee fan, this will be more like a leisure cruise than actual piracy. We'll drink lots of grog and have sing-alongs to New York, New York, make references to Yankee Classic moments and have lots of fun. The YES Network is, of course, available on every TV on the ship.

Come aboard! We're expecting yoouuuuu!

The "Truth" is Out There -- RUN!

My partner just came in and told me he might be in one of those Truth anti-smoking commercials because he walked through filming of one of their ads by the Phillip Morris building, which is near our office. I'm glad I had the heads-up because I will avoid that area for the rest of the day. Those Truth people just plain piss me off.

I'm not a smoker, and I've nagged my mom for years to quit, but you know what Truth people? It's not up to you to tell someone when to quit -- they'll do it when they're good and ready. The way they go about their advertising is just so fucking condescending and extreme that I literally change the channel when their ads come on. Like they're the only smart people on the planet for not lighting up. Get over yourselves, please. It's admirable that they're going up against false advertising or Big Tabacco or whatever, but I don't think making people "see the light'" about the companies is going to make them quit or not start. There's a lot more that goes into it than that.

I would be interested to go over there and see what kind of cars these people who are so concerened about their lungs and the lungs of others drive. Because as my dad says, if you drive a car you have no right to complain about someone lighting up -- when people commit suicide they go in the garage, close the door and start up a car, not light up a cigarette.

And ain't that the Truth.

Que Sera Sera

The rains are coming. It's inevitible. So I'm just pretending that there is no game tonight, and if weather should hold off...hey! What a surprise! They're playing baseball against the Red Sox in the Bronx tonight. Gee whiz, let's go!

I'm so not holding my breath. In fact, this whole weekend is up in the air, so I'm going to save myself a lot of stress by just going with the flow. What will be, will be, and all that stuff.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Getting In Touch With My Roots

You Are A Pirate!
You Are A Pirate!


What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown

Yeah, the Bischer side is a sea-faring side, with tons of rumors abounding about my great, great, great, grandfather being a pirate or something (we know he was a navigator because we have a book from his schooling with a ship's log in the back. It kind of threw us off however, because the handwriting is super-neat, a trait most Bischers sorely lack. Myself included.) So I guess it's only fitting I follow in Carl Fredrich's footsteps...unless it means missing the playoffs and having messy hair all the time.

2 Days Till Arrrr!!!

I almost thought I missed it for a minute there, but thankfully I didn't. Sunday is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so make sure you participate!

And me mateys, be sure to find yerpirate name and find out what kind of pirate you'd make.

The Jersey Girl Gets to Pump Gas

So since every other time I go to see Hollis I get screwed by public transportation, I'm driving down to Charlotte in November. Yes, just me and 640 miles of road. Maybe The Chicken too, if he's feeling up to it. I smell a photo op looming....

This will be the longest distance I've ever driven by myself. In one sitting, anyway. And since I haven't had to pump gas since college, I'll probably need a refresher course. Ah, the spoiled life of a Jersey driver.

BLAH!@!@!@!@

So with a rainout looking really likely for tomorrow night (according to weather.com, it's supposed to rain all day and all night), and rain predicted for the rest of the weekend, it would seem the reasonable thing to expect a double header, maybe Monday (supposedly nice weather, as of now), right? No. MLB just moved the Yankee/Toronto series to start that day so the Yanks/Devil Rays make-up game can happen on Thursday. The hell? I thought that was a game that could be played if it meant something in the standings? I hope MLB reconsiders and keeps Monday open for the double header, but they've never been that smart, so I won't think about it.

But, I am torn. In all of this is that if my Friday night game were to be played Monday (sportsline.com has Yankees/Red Sox listed at 10 a.m. that day. So confused!!!) I can't get the day off to go. I literally kicked my bosses doorway and yelled "FUCK!" when I found out my partner has the day off already. Yes, I have no shame.

This had all better pan out, that's all I've got to say.

Dude. Read the Sports Section.

Just checked out PaulKatcher.com and came across the link in which John Kerry messes up big time on the name of LAMBEAU Field. I'm not a big football fan and I'm a girl and I know this. So should the man that's pretending to have any knowledge on the subject when trying to impress people from WISCONSIN. Considering the man claims to be a diehard Red Sox fan and doesn't even know the name of his own team's players (check out Paul's MP3 file posted there, too), or their record (two weeks ago he used the Sox as an analogy for himself gaining on Bush when he said the Sox were 2 1/2 back of the Yankees when they were really 3 1/2 -- and if you're a diehard Red Sox fan, I don't care how busy you are, you'll know the exact standings, especially when it didn't dip below 3 1/2 at that time and there's a huge difference between 3 1/2 games and 2 1/2. Or at least your speech writer should know this.) I shouldn't be surprised.

Maybe I should take comfort in this because it did worry me that I might have to vote for a Red Sox fan come November, but apparently he's not a real Red Sox fan. But then again I don't believe in voting for someone who stretches the truth to the public to gain popularity either. Oh, wait! That's EVERY politician!

I know there may be more political-minded people than myself reading this and thinking that I'm silly to base an opinion on something sports related (FYI -- I ain't voting for Bush, so you can calm down). But my theory is if they can lie/be clueless about things they claim to have knowledge about in sports (or anything else for that matter) what else will they lie about to get you to vote for them? Sigh.

Joe Torre for president!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

A Not-So Happy Meal

I've just twice seen the most bizarre commercial. It's for McDonald's, and it's a mom trying to figure out how to get her bratty kids to leave the playground and get in the car with her, like simply growling "Get. In. The. Car. Now!" won't do the trick. Anyway, the kids are all running around and ignoring their mother and stuff and she searches the car and is intrigued when she finds...an old McDonald's bag. The lightbulb of desparation goes on over her head and she fluffs the bag out, like it's filled, then holds it up for the kids to see. And the kids come running! Because they think she's got McDonald's for them! We don't see their reaction when they find out there's NOTHING IN THE BAG and that their mom just LIED, and in pretty shitty fashion, I might add. But damn, are they going to end up in therapy someday or what?

This bothered me so much because it reminded me of what we would do when my dog Rookie would escape the backyard and go check out the neighborhood. All you'd have to do to get him back was start up the car -- he'd hear the engine and think he was going for a ride and come running back all excited. Then you'd just shake your head at him when he got to the yard and be all "Get. In. The. House. Now!" and he'd run inside, totally punked.

So McDonald's basically has moms employing the same tactics you use on a mischevious Labrador to get your kids to listen. That's just a wee bit disturbing for my taste.

Javy Nice Day!

Between Barry Manilow singing his jolly tunes on Oprah and Vasquez looking super duper awesome, the workday was quite a peppy one. Now it's just going to suck not having a game to watch for two straight nights. And then...(trumpet fanfare) Friday. Yankees. Red Sox. Our last season-ticket game. Oh, and teeming rain apparently, too. Sigh.

Gathering 'Round the Computer for Baseball

Alas, the last Yahoo game of the season is today. Or so I think, anyway. Tonight's game was originally scheduled for 8, but I guess they moved it up for traveling reasons. Anyway, this means lots of e-mailing between Tonya, Stephanie and myself as we "watch" the scoring on its sometime 10-minute delay on the internet. I guess it's better than nothing.

Oh, and I totally don't get people who drag themselves into work when they are completely sick. I don't mean a cold or something -- I'm talking the flu. I know there's a certain guilt you feel about calling out, especially when you have limited sick time, but when I feel like crap all I want to do is sleep and I'm not going to be any help at work feeling that way. And I know not to go in till I get medicated so I don't infect my fellow employees. It's one thing to be devoted to your job, but it's another to be so drowsy you can't see straight and spreading germs while you're at it. Then again, maybe somebody should actually say something to said sick co-worker and let them off the hook by telling them to go home. But what do I know?

Antler Time!

Let us all put our hands on our head and make antlers. Yes, you sitting in your cubicle, you too. OK, now wave your fingers around and give a big, hearty "MOOOOOOSE!!" You have now paid proper respect to Mr. Mussina, who threw an absolute gem last night. Let's give it up for solid starting pitching!

When they were showing the Red Sox/Devil Rays highlights during the game last night, and got to the double play where Tino threw home to get the runner out, all I could think was "I wonder if Tino thought of his former team and drew some delight for them out of doing that." Then I read this lovely quote on Shannon's blog: 'Tino was asked in a interview about who he wants to win the AL East this year. He said that after the Devil Rays leave town, he definitely wants the Yankees to win. He was quoted as saying, "I hate the Red Sox." '

Is he still not the man or what?

Anyway, while the game was winding down, I flipped back and forth between YES and HBO so I could re-watch Nine Innings from Ground Zero, and I still think it was great the second viewing around (and still couldn't watch the Game 7 highlights. I went and ironed during that part). I'd be interested to see what a non-New York fan thought because everyone I know from a Yankee-fan standpoint, and those who lived in the NYC metro area liked it. I know I'm a bit biased because I was here front-and-center for Sept. 11, and then lived that post-season as a diehard Yankee fan. So basically the whole program spoke to me on different levels. I would guess that it would touch even a non-baseball fan because some of the stories of victims' families and WTC site workers just yank at your heart and you'd have to be a cyborg to not feel something.

Sometimes you forget just what an emotional time that was, especially outside the baseball element of it all. I went back and checked my posts from that post-season and I noticed I didn't exactly write too much about it. I think I still didn't feel right to be so happy or something. This post showed me just how angry I was, though I'm sure the Yankees losing the day before didn't help. That's kind of why these blogs are neat. It's a time capsule, and just reading that post took me right back to when I was writing it and how charged up I was at the time.


Tuesday, September 14, 2004

You're the Inspiration...or Not.

You know, I never realized this question irked me too until Meg Cabot (author of the awesome Princess Diaries series, and who had nothing to do with the sad, completely-ignore-the-books movies) brought it up on her blog -- Where do you get your ideas for stories? Man, that is one strange question to ask a writer. I mean, it seems innocent enough, but there is no answer for it. At least for me, anyway. Things just pop into my head and I go with it. Over time, you get a bunch of ideas and it results in a story. Mine haven't been published like Meg's, but I guess the process is still the same regardless. It's a comfort to know professional writers feel this way too.

When I was younger, I used to think you needed inspiration to write, like the right music, the right location, the right mood. But that's not really the case now. I can make a crapload of writing mixes for the iPod and just sit there staring at my screen and nothing comes up. But I'll be just putzing around with the computer while watching a Yankee game or something and just suddenly get the urge right then and there to tack on more to the book. And then when I'm in a zone, I don't see or hear much of anything else except the tapping of my keys (and if Michael Kay's voice gets higher, I do look up because I'm not THAT out of it ignore the Yankees totally). It's like being possessed, I guess.

The best is when you don't think much of what you just wrote, and go back later and look at it and are like "Hey, I made this!" That is one of the greatest natural highs right there. But I can't really explain how it happens. It just does. Like breathing or something -- you don't really think about it.

Beauty and the Bwah!!

Does anyone remember this show? All I know is that my mom watched it on Friday nights because she loved "how beautifully Vincent (the Beast) spoke to Katherine (the Beauty)." I remember being 10 and pretending to gag whenever she said this. Because, seriously. Even at 10 I knew I didn't want a man I was in love with spewing cheesy dialogue at me.

But the show was not without its charms for a kid. I mean, The Beast had a pretty swell pad in the sewers of NY. And then there was his method of transportation -- hanging onto the roof of a speeding subway, with his fur blowing in the breeze and a constipated look on his face. This never failed to crack me up.

I think it was Lifetime that started airing re-runs in college, and my dormmates and I would get psyched when it came on. The guys included. It was that much fun to laugh at. Although, I remember we were all pretty horrified when Katherine died and her and Vincent's baby got kidnapped by these evil people. It was pretty traumatizing -- even for a sophomore in college. Then we'd just remember Vincent flying down on the 6 train and we'd felt a lot better.

The It Factor

El Duque has it.

El Capitan has it too.

Sheff has it in spades.

Mo has always had it, even when he's been beaten badly.

Moose sometimes has it, but he's hard to read because his is quiet.

Before he decided to have his left hand meet the wall, Kevin Brown totally had it.

A-Rod used to have it all the time, sometimes gets it back, and sometimes loses it.

Javy Vasquez is slowly losing it.

Felix Heredia, Bret Prinz and Tanyon Sturtze certainly don't have it. And I don't have any in them.

What is "it"? Confidence, my friends. It gets you lots of place, and I'd bet more than half the problems with the Yankee pitching staff are a result from a severe lack of this. And unfortunately, it can't be taught. So here's hoping those with "It" can demonstrate to those lacking just what it can do for you.

And I don't want to hear about Kevin Brown punching a wall when Texas pitchers go around throwing chairs at annoying people. This had better get nice and ripped on ESPN, that's all I have to say.

Coming Soon

I'm really excited to see what Herskovitz and Zwick have up their sleeves for 1/4life.. Any other writers and I'd be like "here we go, 20-something stereotypes all around" but they were pretty awesome at finding deeper sides to the younger characters in Once and Again and My So-Called Life, so I'm intrigued.

I had a dream last night that I was in an episode of Gilmore Girls, which just means I'm suffering from withdrawl. Thank god it's back next week. I also dreamt I just up and left work to go to a Yankee game, only to get what I thought was a good ticket, but ended up having a completely obstructed view. God only knows what that's supposed to mean...

Monday, September 13, 2004

Bad. Mood.

Everyone can just kiss my grits right now.

Thanks.

I'd Like My Game Show Back For 200, Alex

I'd like to shake the person's hand who's rumored to have finally beaten Ken Jennings on Jeopardy. I have not been able to watch my fave game show for two months because quite frankly, I don't watch the show to see one guy answering questions. I just tried watching and he swept the first two categories -- all extremely easy questions, but for whatever reason the other two dumbasses couldn't ring in. I guess it's because Jennings is mucho comfortable with the buzzer now, but still. It's going to be a long 30-plus episodes. I really miss watching it.

And don't try to compare this to the Yankees winning. Because the last time I checked, they didn't win 75 championships, or games for that matter, in a row.

Hey, Oprah! Over Here!!

The best thing about working for a magazine dealing with the TV industry is that many of my co-workers have TVs on their desks. Once the daily soap lineup is over, people usually tune in for Oprah. This usually makes for some fabulous snarking sessions, especially when she gets extremely stupid people on the show. Today, Ms. Winfrey just gave away new cars to the ENTIRE audience at her taping. Well, you can imagine the shrieks and screams and tears and hissy fits that were thrown when they found this out. What I love is my co-workers reactions -- we're all pretty much bitter and laughing at the same time. One guy walked by just shaking his head. Ken can't believe that a bunch of housewives are getting rewarded when they probably already have rich husbands who can buy them cars. Tonya and I are just laughing at how crazed (and I mean CRAZED) the audience is right now, and how Oprah's literally jumping up and down over this. I so can't wait till SNL rips on this one...

Bernie and A-Rod Walk Into a Bar...

So, my friend Heather was in Baltimore this weekend and ran into Mariano Rivera before Saturday's game. She said he seemed in a rush, but he stopped and took his picture with her anyway. How awesome is that? The only Yankee I've ever seen outside the Stadium is Chuck Knoblauch -- once when he was getting on the 4 train after the game, and once on 42nd Street when I rounded a corner and almost walked into him on his cell phone. Tonya has a friend who works at a bar the Yankees apparently frequent, and I think I'd pass out if I saw any of them just having a beer and watching football or something.

And since I just downed a whole Snapple and it's slow at work and am feeling punchy at the moment, these are, like, my dream Yankee in-a-bar moments. Totally improbable, yet totally awesome if they came to fruition:

The Yankees and Trivia Night: Could you imagine being at a bar on a trivia night and your team is playing against...the Yankees?? I mean, this is probably so far-fetched it's scary, but that would be awesome. "Hey Jorge and Derek! We know something you don't know, na-na-na-na-na!" Then maybe the next week they realize how smart you are and recruit you for their team...and make you captain.

The Yankees do Karaoke Night: Dude, you totally know they wouldn't do this because it would get out in all the papers, but this would kill me. Matsui doing "Believe it or Not! (Theme from The Greatest American Hero)" Joe Torre singing "Fly Me to the Moon," A-Rod and Jeter teaming up for "Up Where We Belong," (Tonya thinks this would be even more fabulous if A-Rod picks up DJ a la "An Officer and a Gentleman" when the song is through), Kevin Brown doing his best Michael Bolton on "How am I Supposed to Live Without You?" and of course they do a rousing sing-along to "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now."

Maybe I should just invite them all to my next karaoke/birthday party and see who shows up. Because Mike Mussina or Mariano bustin' out with "Open Arms?" That would be the best present EVER.

The Yankees Stop the Guidos from Hitting on You: Some sleazoid who doesn't get the hint won't leave you alone, and in comes Bernie or Sheff to be all "Leave the lady and her friends alone, buddy." They then ask if you're OK and you talk baseball for the rest of the evening.

I don't think I'd like it if a Yankee hit on me, though. OK, I'd be way flattered (or kinda sad if it was a married Yankee), but seriously. It would be like incestual or something. Which is weird because I find Bubba Crosby and Scott Proctor all kinds of cute. See, it's great to date a Yankee fan, but not a Yankee Yankee. Does that make sense? But I'm probably just weird like that. I mean, I'm sitting here imagining a bunch of professional jocks doing karaoke for crying out loud...

Right Here Waiting...For October

Oh man, the Yankees win that ugly game yesterday and all the gloom-and-doom sportswriters are salivating over it. When I was in my bad, bad mood yesterday, I had a thought that set me right. The writers can bitch and complain that the Yankees have a shaky starting rotation (which they do) but that doesn't mean they CAN'T win in the playoffs. It will be an uphill climb, a challenge, whatever, but it doesn't mean you're necessarily going to lose.

I give you, again, the 2000 season. Check out their last few weeks of September. The great Clemens and Pettitite getting knocked around; Denny Nagle is in your starting rotation. Cone is having a sub-par year. Sportswriters were telling us to stick a fork in the Yanks, they were done. What happened in the playoffs? They struggled in the early rounds against teams that were better on paper than they were. But what happened when all was said and done? Right.

So the Yankees rotation may have the most unpredictable pitching staff in the league, but to quote the legendary Richard Marx, it don't mean nothing. Especially when October rolls around...



Sunday, September 12, 2004

"This Game Sucks My Ass"

That's what I texted Tonya in the 5th when the Yanks were down 6-3 and they couldn't get another run across. But I kept watching as I cleaned my room, in a pretty foul mood, I might add. Then they tied it up an inning later. "OK, maybe it doesn't suck so bad" I think is what I texted after that.

Then came the 9th inning. At that point I think I'd aged about 10 years since the game was going on 4 hours old and had that crapload of lead changes. I just wanted it over, and I texted Tonya "A homer would be nice right about now..."

And guess who came through? Sheff!!! That prompted an "Ask and ye shall receive" text, and when Matsui tacked on another one, Tonya texted back "How about 2?!" just as I was texting my agog "Fuck me!" I'd like to thank them for taking my request into consideration because I have a feeling I'd still be sitting there staring at screen with daggers in my eyes.

This all meant that I could grab dinner at the nice Italian festival in Hoboken, where Carolyn and I strolled and listened to the oldies cover band and loaded up on junkfood. I had a celebratory Yankee sausage sandwich and fried oreoes, and on the way home we stopped and got homemade ice cream. I am so waiting for my stomach to explode, what with all the stomach lining I worried away this afternoon during the game and all the crap I just ate. My tummy is probably just counting down the minutes to exact revenge on me. But the Yankees got the win and the food sure tasted good! Totally worth it!

The Divine Derek and Duque

So yesterday I was watching the game at my parents' house in the exact location that I sat in when Game 7 of the 2001 World Series was lost -- the kitchen. My mom's not that big of a sports fan, so rather than hijack the TV from her during the entire season, my dad and I will relenquish the big TV and watch on the 13-inch in the kitchen. So yesterday when the game was only 2-1, I started to get a little edgy because it totally reminded me of how I was during Game 7 (sidenote: we watched in the kitchen that night because we watched Game 5 in the kitchen and you don't mess with what works). Then Kenny Lofton gets a nice triple and DJ drives him in with a single for some insurance. The camera panned over to him at first base, and there he was squinting and pulling his batting gloves off, bathed in the last remains of sunlight while the rest of the field was in shadows. It made me laugh because it was all "And God smiled down on Derek Jeter"-esque.

Oh, and that El Duque. I want him to come over the next time we have a party. Not only does he just rock on the mound, he had the most excellent quote yesterday. Suzyn Waldman asked him where would the Yankees be without him, and he replied very humbly "No, it's more like where would El Duque be without the Yankees?" Awww! Duque!!!

Friday, September 10, 2004

Good for a Chuckle

Tonya just sent me this awesome snarking of senior year photos. Enjoy.

TV and My Formative Years

I was just thinking about TV shows I loved from like the ages of 3-6. They were geared toward grown-ups and I know the plots went WAY over my head, but these are the shows that fascinated me for some reason. I mean, my parents watched Taxi and Magnum PI and other stuff, but they never sucked me in like the following:

Fantasy Island -- Actually, I know why I liked this one. Tattoo running up to that bell tower and yelling "DEE PLANE!" It was nice to see an adult on television who was actually a child's height. Mr. Roarke kinda creeped me out, though.

The Love Boat -- Seriously, I had no idea what was going on on that ship. Romance? A 4-year-old could care less. But there I was, drawn in. Now it's fun to watch because my dad and I like to Guess The Plots, but then I was too young for sarcasm. And dude, watching now, Doc is such a freaking sleaze!

The A-Team -- It must've been the action, the van, BA's necklaces and Hannibal and his cigars. And I loved the arts-and-crafts segment in every episode when they would make their own weapons and blow up stuff. I wanted to be part of the A-Team -- I think I actually hoped the van would come careening up my street one day and they'd kidnap me to be their mascot or something. I could never understand why they were on the run, though. And why Murdock was considered crazy -- because to a 6-year-old he was just funny.

CHiPS -- I was probably too busy pondering "What kind of name is Ponch?" to understand about Ponch and John upholding the law, or whatever it was they were doing on those motorcycles. I guess the motorcycle-cop thing was kind of fascinating to a kid who only saw cops in cars in New Jersey.

Bosom Buddies -- Actually, a show I kinda understood. Men dressing as women so they could live in an all women's hotel. Cross-dressing and the confusion that ensues -- not too tough for a kid to get.

The Dukes of Hazzard -- Friday nights, 8 p.m. on CBS and there was no where else I wanted to be. I don't know what exactly drew me in. (Or the tons of other people my age, for that matter -- almost everyone I know LOVED this show as a kid.) Was it the General Lee that had, like, the coolest horn ever (before I knew it was a Confederate long-live-the-South thing)? Was it the car chases? The fact that they never opened the door and always slid through the car window to get in? Angry Boss Hog? I know I had a thing for Bo Duke when I was 5 (though later in life I realize Luke was actually the better looking of the two), but that couldn't have been it entirely. It was probably the theme song.

Actually, now that I think about it, all these shows had great opening theme songs. That's probably enough to sell a kid on a show right there. And here I am more than 20 years later and still know the words/orchestral arrangement to each of them. That's staying power.



The Pot Calling the Kettle Brown

Oh, Jack McDowell. Do you think we Yankee fans have that short-term of a memory? Here you chastise Kevin Brown for punching a wall and then calling himself stupid. You claim there are better ways to vent, but alas, you do not remember your own way of venting -- flipping off NY fans when they booed you when you SUCKED ASS in a game in 1995. At least Brown didn't take his frustrations out on the people PAYING HIS SALARY. This has to be my favorite line:

"Then we wouldn't be deciding pennant races while talking about dumb players."

Want to talk about dumb? I seem to remember the Yankees being in a pennant race in 95 and the media falling all over itself to get that nice picture of you and your middle finger instead of tallking about the game.

So Jack? Shut up. And while we're at it, thanks for blowing Game 5 against Seattle in 1995. Because that will resound with me a hell of a lot more than Kevin Brown punching a wall.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Turn on Your Heartlight!

Can I just say what a good mood I'm in right now?

So Tonya and I managed to score extreme nosebleed seats on the exact opposite side of our normal tickets. This was WAY awesome because this rain storm, nay, Squall, ripped through at one point and we stayed nice and dry, protected by the Stadium lights. And the groundscrew didn't come out once -- which pissed off Lou Pinella so much he had to come out and complain about it to the ump. And then the rain miraculously just stopped. It was crazy. God listens to Lou Pinella? Hmm...

We had the unfortunateness, however, to be sitting near a guy donning a Red Sox hat and a Mets T-shirt. His girlfriend was wearing an A-Rod shirt, so you know this guy's main goal was to antagonize. When the D-Rays went ahead in the first on a solo homer, he stood up and clapped. And got the look of death from about forty people sitting around us. The usual Stadium PSA about "Hard hit balls and bats may be thrown into the stands" came on to which Tonya added "...Or at your head..." while glaring in that guy's direction. I told her he wouldn't be happy for long, and I was right.

It was time for a big old hitfest!! The second inning was the run-scoring merry-go-round, and it shut up our buddy pretty quickly. Jeter and Flaherty homered later to put a stamp on it. At that point people around us started chanting BOSTON SUCKS! and 1918! with such a spirited glee that it warmed the heart to see/hear it. The antagonizer took it well, urging people to lay it on him, so I'll give him credit for playing along. But if it were next week at this time, his head would've been on a stick.

Ah, but the game was not without concern. When Halsey started to get shaky I was all "oh boy, it's going to be a wild and wooly one." Then Tanyon Sturtze came in and I was all "oh dear." But something weird happened. Neil Diamond's "Heartlight" (a.k.a. the E.T. theme song) suddenly popped into my head and it was way appropriate because I think Sturtze kinda looks like an alien. And Sturtze got out of the inning. So everytime he was on the mound after that, I started quietly singing the song and he made it through unscathed.

So everyone, let's have a big rousing sing-along in honor of Mr. Sturtze and the Yankees 4-game sweep. And make sure you sing it like a Yankee fan -- with feeling.

Come back again
I want you to stay next time
Cause sometimes the world ain't kind
When people get lost like you and me

I just made a friend
A friend is someone you need
But now that he has to go away
I still feel the words that he might say

Turn on your heartlight
Let it shine wherever you go
Let it make a happy glow
For all the world to see

Turn on your heartlight
In the middle of a young boy's dream
Don't wake up too soon
Gonna take a ride across the moon
You and me

He's lookin' for a home
Cause everyone needs a place
A home's the most excellent place of all
And I'll be right here if you should call me

Turn on your heartlight
Let it shine wherever you go
Let it make a happy glow
For all the world to see

Turn on your heartlight
In the middle of a young boy's dream
Don't wake up too soon
Gonna take a ride across the moon
You and me

Turn on your heartlight now
Turn on your heartlight now

"Watching" From My Cubicle Cave

And here I thought I was done with "watching" Yahoo games. Alas, that is what I am doing right now.

Oh, and I had no idea the sun was out till I just got up and walked around the office. I've been sitting here the past few hours thinking it was crappy and raining. This is what happens when all your windows have been taken away. Or as Ken puts it, work in a cave.

KB Classics

Matt thinks I'm right about the whole Yankees-having-to-play-in-a-hurricane-last-year scenario, and now getting bitch-slapped by Bud Selig thing. I think he's right about the A-Team. Though this site quoted the Dukes of Hazzard for me, which is equally awesome.

So all this reminded me of something from the archives, which bring us to a new department at The Complete and Total Bisch -- C&TB Classic Moments (Much like Yankee Classic Moments, minus the awesome trumpet fanfare) Today's C&TB Classic Moment? KB gets angry over the Yanks playing in a hurricane.

We Got Game (Weather Permitting)

Well, assuming the weather holds out, Tonya and I are heading to game 2 of the double header tonight. We get free tickets for a weeknight game with the season ticket package, and last month we picked today's game so we could see Tino again. Now we have to hope he doesn't play in the first game because what are the chances he'll play in both? Sigh.

So I started reading The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty and it's pretty good so far. I guess I wasn't expecting it to be set around that last game in 2001 (stupid me), because when I started the third chapter and it starts with Schilling beginning the game my heart sank. Do I really want to relive that game through the written word when I can't even watch it on TV? Perhaps it will exorcise my inner demons over that if I do. I fully expect my former Jammed Yankee Toe to be throbbing for the remainder of the book.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

More Stuff You're Just Dying to Know...

I'm feeling charitable and won't send this on to those I know. However, if you want to answer it too and send to me, go for it.

what size is your bed?
Full

do you like it?
Um, it does its job if that's what you're asking

you're going on a date for a walk around the lake then a coffee at a cafe. what do you wear FROM your closet?
Oh, well judging by today, the only lakes in Hoboken were those formed by rain, so I'm probably decked out in rain gear. And why is FROM emphasized here?

letter or e-mail?
e-mail

if world war III broke out, what would you say?
Fuck! That probably means no Yankee game tonight!

which 5 people do you trust and are open with the most?
it's more than five people.

what's something a guy/girl will wear that'll turn you off?
Duh. A Red Sox hat.

what's something a guy/girl will wear that'll turn you on?
the famous navy-blue shirt/sweater that for some reason other people don't just get. But come on -- cute guy in navy blue? Rarrrr...

what do you think of soulmates?
I think there are people you can connect with more than others. If that's soulmates, than so be it.

florida or cali?
New Jersey!

is the world screwed?
Eh...I'm having an OK time in it regardless.

is cussing a neccesity in life?
If you bump into things as much as I do, then yes

what's an object you can't live without?
My laptop.

can you live without the microwave?
yes. I only use it to reheat anyway, or make popcorn.

would you rather be rich with 15 spoiled brats or just barely making it with a dog?
Man, if you had 15 kids you'd HAVE to be rich. But if they're spoiled that's a reflection on me right? And how can I take care of the dog if I can't afford it? Neither. And where's The Chicken in all this???

what's one look trait that attracts you to a guy/girl?
"look trait"? um...the complete package. Ew, get your mind out of the gutter.

what's one personality trait that attracts you to a guy/girl?
Sense of humor. And that doesn't mean he has to be a comedian, just that he's aware enough to know what's funny and what's not.

describe melancholy, if you don't know, then skip this question.
The feeling after Game 7 of the 2001 World Series

describe mellow-
The feeling of watching an 11-2 blowout last night and not having to bite your nails all game.

what time did you sleep last night?
about 11:30 or so

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
not at present . and when does this question become husband/wife? I guess when teenagers stop making these things up?

do you have a crush?
my, aren't we a bit nosy!

would you rather eat sandwiches or pasta for the rest of your life?
pasta, I guess.

What do you think of sleep?
I don't get enough of it thanks to Sasquatch.

waffles or pancakes?
ooh, waffles!

what's an annoying trait about you?
That my mood is directly affected by how the NY Yankees are playing at that time

pizza or burgers?
burgers

do you stay in bed thinking or do you fall alseep in 5 seconds?
Depends on what precedes sleep.

what do you think of knuckle cracking?
I can't do it

thong, panties or granny panties?
let's just state the obvious -- thong and panties are two of the creepiest words in the English language, but are also necessary evil depending on what kind of dress/skirt/pants you're wearing.

chalk or crayons?
crayons

wouldn't you just love to hug someone right now?
yes, especially since it's freezing in my office right now and a hug would help to warm me up

movies at home on in a theater?
depends on if you want to make sarcastic comments throughout or not.

what coat do you wear in the winter?
my blue J Crew wool one

what happens when you hear the word christmas?
Awesome! As long as I've done my shopping, of course.

do you talk to yourself?
Not only do I talk to myself, I work out dialogue for my story sometimes to myself. Sasquatch probably thinks I'm nuts.

sun or moon?
Well, if either of them is visible that means it's not raining and the Yankees can play, so I'll take either.

are you funny or serious?
I walk the line between the two

creative or not?
my creative gene is out of control. i'm always imagining/making something.

are you outgoing or shy?
depends who I'm with.

are you lazy or active?
Depends on if I'm tired or not.

have you ever been hyperactive?
I get hyperactive moments, usually involving lots of sugar.

what's your opinion on love?
There's lots of kinds of love. They're all pretty good. Especially if it involves the Yankees.

In Which I Take My Shoes Off And Wade Through Hoboken

Hey! It's raining! Not men, but bucketloads of water! I knew it was going to be bad when the rain actually woke me up because it was pelting my window. And we have this pipe running through our apartment that drains rain off the roof and into...I don't know what, but it was rushing by like Niagra Falls this morning. So I decided to wait as long as I could to make a run for the bus. And wait. And wait. Finally I was just like "screw it" and left and was greeted by the ocean crashing at my corner. Now, I've seen flooding in Hoboken before on random street corners, but this was something else. It was so bad by the bus stop, I literally took off my shoes and waded through the puddle that came up past my knees and skimmed the hem of my skirt. There was a girl walking next to me and I was like "Just like a day at the beach!" and she laughed the crazy laugh of a stressed commuter.

Onto the bus ride! Being that every street corner on the route was submerged and traffic was backed up a ton, it took forever to get through town. At one point, the bus driver started picking up random people along the way. And of course, one of them had to be the irate, world-revolves-around-me type who decided to lay into the driver for OTHER drivers not being able to pick up at stops farther uptown because the buses were too full. He sounded so fucking pathetic in his whining that everyone around me just started shaking their head and rolling their eyes, as if to say Awwww...poor you! Because seriously. If I'm siding with NJ Transit, you must really be an asshole.

When we got to Port Authority, all seemed well. Until I got to the underground tunnel to Times Square and it was wall-to-wall people. Apparently, half the subways aren't running or something and my normal two minute walk through the tunnel turned into 20. You can imagine how hot it was down there. The guy next to me started handing out sections of his Daily News so people could use it as a fan, so don't go saying New Yorkers aren't nice people. The 7 was running, and when I got to Grand Central, it looked like it was raining inside by the subways because the ceilings were dripping like waterfalls. I've honestly never seen non-hurricane/nor'easter -related rain THIS bad and cause this much havoc.

So tell me this -- how in god's name are they going to play a double header today?!? Here's hoping things ease up before 4....