Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Story Time!

Yankeebob's lone suggestion gets a fictionalized write up, because the rest of y'all are too cool for school or something:

It was unusually warm for late October in New York. It seemed even the weather was happy that the Yankees had won a 27th World Series and was beaming down its pleasure in the form of bright sunshine and blue skies. Celebratory crowds jammed the streets of Lower Manhattan, many hoping to catch a glimpse of the floats bearing their favorite Yankees as they made their way to City Hall.

Off the coast of the isle, a lone pirate ship made its way from the Atlantic into the Hudson River, the strains of New York, New York blaring from its state-of-the-art speaker system

"Land ho! We are totally entering New York Harbor now, mateys!" Karen called to the rest of the SS Mystique and Aura Crew, who were painting victory signs at the stern.

Yankeebob, the artistic leader of the group, stood up, a paintbrush in his hand and declared "The signs are done, Cap'n. Do you think the Yanks will be able to see them from the street?"

"Fear not, they know we're coming. I sent a messenger chicken to Derek Jeter myself this morning. They'll be looking for us along the parade route."

"Wasn't that Game 6 against the the Cubs awesome?" Shannon sighed dreamily, leaning against mast. "I mean, I never expected Moose to pitch a perfect game in a World Series."

"What about A-Rod's six home runs in the Series?" Yankeebob wondered. "Or his 54 dingers in the regular season?"

"Arr, this season kicked ass all over the place," Karen said easing the ship into a dock space off Pier 11.

"Let's not forget how Randy Johnson's going to win the Cy Young this season with his 22-3 record!" Matt chimed in.

"And wasn't it awesome when Curt Schilling got so hungry out in the bullpen that he ate his own arm off?" Lupe added.

The group all smiled thoughtfully, remembering the awesomeness that was.

"Permission to board?" a voice from below called, interrupting their thoughts. The crew peered over the edge as trumpets blared. Much to their delight, there stood Derek Jeter, a halo of beatific light illuminating him and the World Series Trophy he carried.

Shannon threw down the plank so fast, she almost took Derek Jeter's head off. "Sorry for that, your, um, excellency," she apologized.

"No problem," Derek Jeter said, gleamingly. "I just heard all these awesome stories about your boat and blogs and I thought I should stop by and let you guys see The Trophy up close."

The crew marveled at the shiny gold flags, 27 of which were Yankeefied.

"Is it true you guys took the Red Sux hostage after their third place finish in the AL East this season?" Derek Jeter wanted to know.

But no one could answer because at that moment, David Ortiz busted out of the basement prison door, running wildly at the group with a bat in his hand.

"AAARRRGGGHHHH," he cried, his eyes wide, hungry for someone to kill.

The crew stood motionless in silent horror. Their weapons had been put away since this was a day of joy and reflection. They gaped in terror as David Ortiz charged at them, knowing that in a matter of seconds, one of them would be flattened.

That's when Derek Jeter casually stepped forward and clocked David Ortiz on the back of the head with The Trophy. David Ortiz fell to the floor with a resounding thud, and the crew stared open mouthed at Derek Jeter, who was now using his shirt tail to lovingly wipe off The Trophy.

"Tsk, tsk, we can't let The Trophy get stained," Derek Jeter sighed. "It's only four days old."

"Would you like to be a pirate, Mr. Jeter?" Karen asked in awe.

Derek Jeter glowed and seemed to ponder this for a second. "Well, as long as I can have my weight room on the ship for training, I'd be glad to sail with you guys during the offseason."

"Hooray!" the crew cheered.

And so The Crew disembarked to catch the parade, and afterward, Derek Jeter joined them on the ship, showing them how to dive into stands and make throws while jumping up in the air. Then The Crew showed Derek Jeter how to keep a blog and be a good blog friend by leaving awesome comments. And it was a very good offseason indeed.


Shannon said...

Oh my God, Karen...I loved it! Five stars, 2 thumbs up, and all that jazz.

LMAO...if only all that could come true, I could die happy. ;)

Karen said...

Thanks, Shannon! I'm clearing a space on my desk for the Pulitzer as we speak :)

Yankeebob said...

Awesome story Cap'n! I've read it 3 times and I'm still laughing out loud.

I love the way you have everyone doing something, even the Chicken.

Also like that Ortiz got clocked. Good choice. I don't think anything could get through Manny's dreds enough to knock him out. Besides, Ortiz is truly scary.

You really do write well. This is a classic KB blog moment.

Karen said...

I was picturing Ortiz bounding up the boat with cups on his ears like he did in the dugout during the July Yankee series last year. Made him seem a lot scarier!

Perhaps I'll have to make this a continuing drama, especially when the season gets started...

Yankeebob said...

That's a great idea KB, making regular cruises on board the Mystique & Aura. (For your readers, that is.) I'd love to see where you take us.