Monday, February 28, 2005

Eyyy! Snap Out of It!


Yogi channels every Yankee fan out there in wanting to give Mr. Giambi a big smack to the back of the head. Or at least a tap with a rolled up piece of paper.

Just Wondering

Why is that weirdos/stalkers/beeotches/people-who-think-they-live-in-a-real-
life-soap-opera/antagonizers/flakes/whiners/landlords/people with loud feet flock to me?

It must be because I work in publishing. And keep a blog. And suffer from Big Blue Eyes Syndrome. And lack the skillful ability to be mean at opportune moments. Must work on this...

Weather or Not?

So it seems nobody with a degree in meteorology knows how much snow we're supposed to get. Which is just smurfy considering last week it snowed like four inches and my commute home was messed up (and not even the outdoor bus part -- the subway part, which is underground. Whatever.) and they've said anywhere from 6-14 inches today. Possibly. Way to cover your asses there, weather people!

I'd respect them more if they just came out and said "You know, we won't know how much till it gets here and it's over." But then what would make us tune in to the all-day STORM WATCH '05 coverage they love to sock us with during inclimate weather?

We're taking bets on when they'll break in for this during the soaps today. Tonya's guess is 10 a.m. (when Guiding Light is on here in New York). I'm betting they'll start around 2 at the Sea Bright "Sea Wall" (a favorite hub for reporters during Nor'Easters and Hurricanes and the like) and then they'll throw it around to somewhere in Westchester County, somewhere on the North Shore of LI, Staten Island, maybe somewhere in Bergen County and of course, Manhattan. Probably somewhere in the East Village. When they're not interviewing cranky stranded people at LaGuardia, that is...

And glad to see Blogger's back to being a piss ant again. Sigh.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

In Honor of Million Dollar Baby


Eric and Vicki spar after the fact.

SNOW tomorrow. Blogging from the Nor'Easter, here we come!

And I Wanted to Title This "After Midnight"

The hell? The Oscars ending BEFORE midnight?

From French to Spanish...

What do you mean Beyonce can't play the cello for the In Memoriam part? They had to go and get Yo Yo Ma? How is that cool and edgy...Oh, ELMER!....Oscar people?

"It's the killer!" Eric on Puff Daddy

"Now Mutha! He DIDN'T kill Tupac and Biggie!" -- Dexter

"We don't need no fuckin' Santa, all ya gotta do is believe!" Shirley, on what Jay Z would sing if he joined Beyonce and Josh Groban on stage.

Colette and I have the same reaction at the same time to Prince's hair -- "Wha?"

"KB, you know what he's saying! You took that shit for years!" Dexter, asking a clueless me to translate what the dude who won for Best Song was singing at the podium.

A Failure, But in a Good Way

My Movie Quiz score: 104

The winning score: 121

I've found the silver lining -- the last two years I've won, and the Yanks haven't won the World Series. So if my losing bragging rights means the Yanks take it all this year, well I'll gladly sacrifice.

No one's feeling quipy at the moment -- Hey, I wasn't the one who wanted to do this live...

Sacre Bleu, Beyonce!

"WHAT?" -- General consensus to the "You get your award in the aisle!" moments.

Colette on Beyonce: "Oh no, why?"

Eric, the French Canadian, on Beyonce's French -- "She's awful...I don't understand a word. It might as well be Italian."

There you have it -- from the native speaker, yo.

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, HUH?


See how everyone looks confused? That's because we're taking Mike's version of the Bar Exam -- his Movie Quiz. Holy crap, I suck this year...


Dexter on the nominees all coming on stage to "save time"
"This is like American Idol -- Ryan Seacrest is coming out now." -- Dexter

Get This (Oscar) Party Started

They're making me try to blog live. Oh yeah, this is going to be interesting.

Ouisie the Cat is going to help me out. Let's give her a warm C&TB welcome:


Colette has just observed that Cate Blanchette "looks Russian." And she likes to mock the Anna Nicole Smith TrimSpa commercial as much as we do at work...

Me and My "Dream" Weddings...

Between seeing movies where people have issues with getting married, reading books where married people are miserable and seeing Craig's marriage proposal get turned down by Ashley in last night's Degrassi: The Next Generation, I shouldn't be surprised that I had my "I'm Getting Married But Don't Know The Guy/Don't Want To Get Married To This Dude" anxiety dream last night. In fact, I had it a few times. I was getting married to all these random guys and I was like "Why am I doing this?" I was even marrying Craig in one dream, which is kinda awesome since he's like 18 and the women in my family have a thing for younger men and I would totally win that one hands down. (Plus, he's a cutie. And I don't feel bad aboot (CANADIAN!) admitting that because Vicki sees it too...Oh, shut up. You know you have a strange, somewhat inappropriate celebrity crush too). Each wedding made me feel extremely weird and scared, but I'm not afraid of marriage to the right guy, so I don't know.

My future husband? Yeah, even he thinks it's hilarious. Jerk...I mean, right on!

Anyway, in all of the dreams I was like "But there's another guy I want to get to know" and he was this dude in a red sweatshirt sitting in a crowded set of bleachers. He even waved at me. I couldn't see his face and I have no clue who he is or what he's supposed to represent.

Fear not. It wasn't a Sux shirt, so at least I don't have to worry about that....

My Movie "Wine" of the Week

So I saw Sideways with Liana and Eric last night it goes...I didn't love it like everyone and their mother did (though L&E weren't that impressed either). To me it was your typical "buddy" flick with an Independent Film label slapped on it. For a movie that was so heavy in dialogue (which I like), I didn't find anything earth shattering in said dialogue. I thought the male characters bordered on cliche (the subdued guy and his opposite) and while I liked Paul Giamatti's performance, I'm scratching my head as to why Thomas Haden Church got an Oscar nom. He played the doofy best friend whose brain is in his pants -- and, to me, didn't do it any differently than in any other movie where this character exists.

I didn't hate the movie, I merely liked it. I think I was supposed to want to marry it and have its children or something based on all the other reviews I've seen/heard. So going in I thought it would top Ray (a movie I also liked but wouldn't say I loved), the only other Best Film nom I've seen, but I felt I got more out of Ray Charles' bio than two guys bonding on a road trip. There. I said it.

Though we did get a kick out of the "Let's Go Out to the Lobby" schtick before the movie. It gave the three of us a bad case of the giggles. That was the only "ad" that was shown, and only one preview. Between that and the 7.50 movie price, I may have to see more movies in Hoboken, despite the uncomfortable seats....

Five Spot


The Chicken was getting lonely in his photos, so Guy dropped in to say Hi.

And just to note, the numbers 4 and 1 on the players are freaking hard to find. I may have to go another route than having Gehrig or Martin standing there. We'll see.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

There Are No Words...






The obligatory "Is that a bat in your pocket..." just doesn't go far enough here.

Fighting Vainly the Old (Blog) Ennui

Took this from Yankeebob. I'm saving all my blogging ability for my Blogging from the Oscars (Party, That Is) post tomorrow night at Dexter and Vicki's....


On my computer right now:
Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms
How Insensitive, Frank Sinatra
Don't Dream It's Over, Crowded House
Good Times, Chic
What a Fool Believes, Doobie Brothers
The Rising, Bruce Springsteen live at Giants Stadium 8/31/03
We've Got Tonight, Bob Seger
What'd I Say? Ray Charles
Pictures of You, The Cure
Biggest Part of Me, Ambrosia


970 songs -- I hate having this many on the computer itself. I don't know why.


I don't even remember. It's probably been about three years, since I started downloading.


You're the One for Me, D Train (awesome just-got-out-of-work disco song)
Jersey Girl, Bruce Springsteen (for obvious reasons)
Against All Odds, Phil Collins (because I want someone to sing this at Hoboken Idol 2005)
New York, New York, Frank Sinatra (Duh)
My Own Worst Enemy, Lit (it keeps coming on my iPod a lot lately)



The Princess Diaries. Though I wouldn't say the series is geeky because they are a ton of fun. But most adults would look at me strange if I admitted this, so there you go. Geeky.


Had the regular Monday night dinner with the Valentine's abstaining couples of the Hoboken Crew, Eric and Liana and Christina and Jesse.


Pork chops and mashed potatoes. And a Bass.


Field of Dreams or It's a Wonderful Life.


I'm a Yankee fan. I'm perfect, don'tcha know.


That the Sux would win the World Series. That happened, and I lived, so all is OK.


This is a weirdly worded question. I don't know how to answer it.


The Chicken. Well, he's not famous yet, but I'll be able to say I knew him when. I met Eric's friend Jeff who pitches in the minors for the Orioles, so maybe that counts.


Vaseline lip balm


Playing with the kids in the neighborhood, whether it was in the snow or summertime.


When I See You Smile, Bad English (Thanks Music Choice 80s channel!)


Not a legit one. We used to do them around the neighborhood when I was a kid. I even get writing credits for some of those.


Oy. This question...


What is this, an ABC After School Special?


Rich jackasses with inflated senses of entitlement annoy me more.


Drums. Just to piss off Sasquatch. Though with my luck, he'd probably come down and ask if he could jam.


There's something nice about a soft cotton dress in the summer.


I know enough Spanish to get by and I've spent too much time thinking about English in my career. So that's it for me.


Bass, Amstel, vodka/cranberry. Not all at once, though.


No. It's weird to know Oprah never had her ears pierced, either, until last week.


No. And I have no idea where I'd put one if I did.


No, wish I could, though.


That they aren't catty. Usually.


I haven't made one in a long time. I don't consider books, food and clothes frivilous, and that's all I buy for myself lately.


I cook a lot of things. Not sure I'm the best at anything, but the crew and my roommates are always complimentary, so I guess that's a good sign.



Volvo. I know they're safe and all and I don't know about the rest of the country, but people who drive them in the state of NJ tend to be the worst drivers. And they have that big sign at Fenway, so hell freaking no, Volvo.


Ones that aren't pretentious. I swear, if I sense an author is too full of his/herself, I'll drop the book without finishing it.


Buy a building in Hoboken where all my Ho friends could live for free -- I've said this for years. I'd also give my parents money, give money/volunteer at the Seeing Eye dog place in Morristown (since I'd be quitting my job and all) and work on my book. And all Yankee tickets, all the time.


I would and I have. Though not recently.


Commuting. I like that alone time before work and after.


Well, this is a relationship question, and I'm not currently in one so there.


When I saw the Yankees taking the field at Spring Training? I don't remember. It's been awhile.


Depends what I'm drinking. Beer makes me wired up and I can't sleep well after drinking too much. Regular alcohol, maybe three or four.

Friday, February 25, 2005

A Message From Ms. Bischa

You have to check this out. Do a search for something (your own name is fun) and when the results come up, hit "Translate This Page." It won't do it for my blog for some reason, but the Yankees homepage was way awesome.....

Spreading Yankee Love To All Parts of the Office

So Tonya's finally getting an office after being here for like 8 years. This means our Cubicle Yankee Nation is being broken up, and while Tonya's upset about that, I told her it's like she's colonizing. We're slowly taking over the entire office -- my little Yankee-laden cube will still greet people when they first walk in and she'll be spreading the Yankee love 20 feet from here, where people might not know the greatness that is the Yankees. I mean, she even gets a window overlooking Madison, so she can put something IN the window itself to proclaim, yes, this territory has been claimed for the Yankees.

Ken and I will, of course, miss having Tonya right here to talk to. I'm sure I'll go through some moments where I'll be "Oh my god! Did you see --" and then realize Tonya's not sitting there and I'll look like I have Tourette's or something, but that's where the beauty of interoffice e-mail comes in....

And with it being slow this morning, I went a little nuts with my camera phone:


Welcome to Cubicle Yankee Nation!


That's Tonya with The Photo That Summoned Tino Back.


You see that little Post-It next to DJ? It says "El Capitan: We'd never trade him for A-Rod." I added that part in December of 2003 when the Sux were talking about kicking their beloved Nomar to the curb in getting A-Rod. The idea of shipping off your team's core player just appalled me. And then look what happened!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Love is a Battlefied? OK. House on a Battlefield? Hells No.

I was just absolutely disgusted when I read this. Building homes on Civil War battlefields? Are you kidding me? I read stuff like this and it REALLY makes me want the real estate market to fall to itty bitty pieces...greedy, clueless bastards.

Joining The Revolution

this is an audio post - click to play

God, I hate the sound of my own voice. But like I said, this will come in real handy when at Yankee games...

I Like My Version of ST Better


Oh my God! A-Rod, what are you doing to yourself, man? Is this the torture portion of Spring Training they don't tell us about? Where are Mike Lupicass and all those other ace reporters to break the story of self-mutilation as punishment in Yankee camp?


"Remember my name...FAME! I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna learn how to fly...HIGH! I feel it coming together, people will see me and cry..."

What, you think he's got something else in his head?


Looks like Tino's got a grasp on the back-up choreography for the song "El Capitan Es Muy Guapo." Or he's trying to be subtle in showing off that world famous, patented, copyrighted behind of his.

Excuse Me While I Puke

Gag. Can these award-giver-outers actually read? Do they judge by submitted stories or do they read the columnist's work every day? Perhaps if they were judging on smarm and people who write like they're trying to do a bad Hemingway impression, I can see Lupicass being in the Top 10.

Or maybe this says something about the lack of good sports columnists in this country.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Won't You Smile For The Camera, I Know I'll Love You Better


The future's so bright they gotta....oh come on, you know I had to go there.


Moose is either pondering that pesky 26 Across from today's Times crossword or he's readying for his solo: "Life Was a Pitch Till There Was You."


< sarcasm > Ohmigod. They SO hate each other.< /sarcasm >

This just confirms for me that they'd have an awesome duet to Up Where We Belong at Yankeeoke night...

AUGH! Make it STOP!

Since watching Idol last night, I've had "Could've Been" by Tiffany stuck in my head. I did NOT like this song as a fifth grader (always seemed kinda whiney to me and I thought Tiffany sounded constipated) though I see it as awesomely over-dramatic now...just not when "The flowers you gave me are juuust about to diiiiiieee" is ringing through your mind while brushing your teeth, while on the bus, while trying to think of things to blog about. The girl who sang it last night was pretty good, but still. When it gets in the way of blogging, it's serioiusly a problem. I'm listening to Living in the Past Radio right now in the hopes of exorcising it from my mind. Let's hope it works.

Though I did like this A-Rod take by Vic Ziegel. And it looks like these stories are trickling to a stop, thank god. Maybe everyone's finally getting over what could've been on a cold and lonely night...I mean last season.

ETA: Oh. My. God. Guess what song just came on Living in the Past? YES. I cannot escape it. Tonya is my witness -- she heard it too. Tiffany must be trying to tell me something...I hope it has nothing to do with a mall tour. GO AWAY, TIFFANY!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Less Than Six Weeks Till Opening Night!

Looks like rehearsals for Yankees: The Musical! are in full swing:


Randy's totally counting off the steps for "I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here" in his head. Looks like Carl's got a better sense of rhythm.


Bernie steps out of the chorus line for his solo in "I'm In With the Outfield."


Kevin Brown, looking sunny as ever, gets in the groove for his number "27 Up (And I Ain't Nothin' But Down)."

Daffodils are Next...


Saw one of these hanging out on the side of the Garden State Parkway the other day and was nearly psychotic with glee. SPRING!


Saw these two on today and my heart swelled with love. SPRING!

They don't look too hateful of each other if you ask me. Tonya figured Derek was saying, "Yeah, I bet that Trot Nixon has a small penis," just as a captain is supposed to.

One City, Two Schools of Thought

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Funny, I thought this would be the other way around.

I will say this about Yankee fans, though: We are a hella forgiving bunch. I'm not about to embrace Giambi and I hate what he did, but I think he's almost been made sympathetic by the way the media has strung him up and left him for dead. Especially when we know he's SO not the only one who has used. I mean, I wasn't that mad to begin with because it got us Tino back, but it WOULD be nice to see Giambi fulfill his potential without performance enhancers. And maybe the fact that he's been found out will keep that shit out of the Yankee clubhouse now too. Because I think the Yanks have filled their "controversy" quota for the NYC Tabloids for one year.

Ugh. They Are Everywhere.

You know, I was a little bummed with the Lost writers last week for tossing in a way-too-easy Sux reference. It was uttered in a flashback by somebody bitter, saying the Sux would never win the World Series because that's just the way it is. And I think they slipped it in there as if to say "Joke's on you bitter guy! There IS hope in the world -- you just need to pull yourself up by your scrapy bootstraps and pitch with a bloodied foot and you can win all you want!" But you know if 2004's baseball season hadn't ended the way it did, or if there hadn't been so much media hype around the Sux and Cubs and their "suffering" the past two seasons they would've had to have put something else in there. It just felt kinda lazy to me.

Anyway, Television Without Pity's recap kind of made it all worthwhile:

Sawyer's miserable look is all the confirmation the good doctor needs. He continues jovially, "But! Don't beat yourself up about it. It's fate. Some people are just supposed to suffer. That's why the Red Sox will never win the damn series." Sawyer looks over, and his expression says volumes, namely, Oh, Christ. As I weren't already torn up over the prospect of murdering my bete noir, now I've got to share a bottle with a Boston fan? Kill me now.


Monday, February 21, 2005

Ah, Friendster

BWAHHH!!!!! I have one degree of separation from "Kevin Maas" as a Friendster Friend. And our friend in common? The PATH train. Oh man, that site finds millions of ways to crack me up...

In Which My Mother Weighs In on the 2005 Yankees

My mom may not be much of a baseball fan, but she sure has her opinions on the Yanks. I mean, it’s kind of hard not to when your husband and only child are so invested in a bunch of guys wearing pinstriped “outfits.” She also was very disappointed last year when the Yanks flaked out in the playoffs because she was “getting into it.” So every now and then I like to pick her brain on the Yankees. This weekend, I sat her down and got her take on the upcoming season:

KB: You said in January that you thought the Yankees were going to win it all this year. Why?
Mom: Because they were so close last year and the year before. The taste is in their mouths so they really, really want it. It’s like when you bowl a 111 in bowling. That 111 score pisses you off. They’re going to be really good. Not in the beginning, but I’d say by Summertime they’ll take off.

ph_118362 girls screaming-2
KB: What do you think of Tino Martinez?
Mom: Ooooh. He’s a fine piece of specimen.
KB: What do you think he’ll bring to the team this year?
Mom: Women. In droves.

KB: What about Randy Johnson?
Mom: He’s gawky. The outfit just doesn’t do it for him. But he looks better in regular clothes.

KB: What do you think is ahead for Jason Giambi?
Mom: (Sighs.) Oh, Jason. He’s got a tough climb back…but he can do it. But he’s gonna need a shrink.

KB: You’ve gone on record as not being a Jeter fan. Why?
Mom: He’s a great athlete, but he’s too…snooty. Too aloof. He gives off those vibes.
KB: (defensively) That’s because you don’t know him.
Mom: Probably. OK.

KB: What do you think of the Serial Killer?
Mom: Oh my god…
KB: You know he’s in New York now, right?
Mom: Wait! He’s on the Yankees?
KB: No, no. The Mets. But he’s living in New York.
Mom: God help us all. He’s got weird eyes.
KB: Do you think he needs a shrink too?
Mom: Oh, most definitely. Not only therapy…a whole psychiatric center. Wait, he doesn’t read your column, does he?

KB: What about Bernie in centerfield?
Mom: Oh, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie! He’s such a sweetheart. It’s in his face. He reminds me of a Skoozie. You just want to be like “C’mere Bernie” and pinch his cheeks.

KB: And Hideki?
Mom: I have a feeling he’s going to be Most Valuable Player. Doesn’t he do first base?
KB: Left field.
Mom: OK. He’s a hustler, from what I’ve seen. They’re not prejudiced against him, are they?
KB: For being Japanese?
Mom: Well, you know how things are in a clique.
KB: As long as he hits and does his job, I think they’ll like him just fine.
Mom: Good. That's not nice to leave him out.

KB: What about George Steinbrenner?
Mom: He can afford to lighten up…you know I miss Paulie. I miss his gold chain. And his Grecian profile.
KB: Grecian profile?
Mom: Yes, he's like the statue of David. Except his you-know-what isn't hanging out.
KB: And thank god for that...You know you can see him when he’s broadcasting.
Mom: It’s not the same. He’s not wearing the outfit...

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!

Just wanted to send a birthday shout-out to my good pal, Hollis, who is now officially older than me for two whole months! But she is totally wiser than me with that two months of extra wisdom, so I bow with respect.

And Hol and Chris, get a big, big, big Complete and Total Hug, as these two lovely people became engaged this past weekend! Which is awesome as they are one of the coolest couples I know, and not just because they feed me Chik-Fil-A and figure out what's wrong with my rental car when I visit. Here's to the happy couple!

We All Know That Crap is King

Both NY Tabloids take A-Rod to task for not talking smack back at the Sux. It boggles my mind, and it's making me lose what little respect I had for these men who are coming off as if machismo has replaced the common sense part of their brains. I mean, the Daily News ran a poll today that asks:

Should Alex Rodriguez have fired back at the Red Sox?

Well apparently most fans are thinking the way I do because they are not echoing the sentiments of NY columnists:

Yes, he needs to show some backbone 9%

No, he should let bat do talking 91%

How is it, we, the fans, who have much more emotion invested in this team than any of the NY columnists, can understand the Actions Speak Louder Than Words concept and not the writers? I mean, we should be the ones getting all pissy and angry and "ARRRGGHHH! Kill! Kill! Kill!" but we're not. Is there something wrong with us that we just want this to go away already?

But then I read this piece by Murray Chass, and dude, he just proves what I've been thinking all along:

The routine has become a daily practice in the Boston Red Sox' spring camp. It's as if there's a podium on which players are asked daily to unburden themselves. "What do you think of A-Rod?" they are asked. It's open season on Alex Rodriguez, who has been made the poster boy of evil in the rivalry that was heated and rumbling long before he joined the Yankees.

In this new version of "Get the good guy," the Red Sox are blameless. One player, Trot Nixon, ignited the game with negative comments about Rodriguez last week and a torrent of teammates have followed. But the teammates' comments have not been unsolicited. They were at the urging of reporters eager to inflame the game to incendiary levels. They were all but handed a script.

Athletes have long accused reporters of creating stories, and, sadly, this is one of those instances. It has become one of the most distasteful instances I have witnessed in 45 years of covering baseball.

See? The media getting all worked into a lather to sell papers isn't just a product of my imagination or me ignorantly wanting to believe A-Rod is a'ight when he's really a bad guy or something. A much lauded sportswriter is going on record, and telling us with mucho disgust, that this is indeed a living version of the Don Henley song "Dirty Laundry."

I do wish the Sux had been wiser to this, but then they seem to thrive on being good old boys or cowboys or whatever their mantra is. The media is preying on that to get a good sound byte, and now they are PISSED that the Yanks aren't responding. So they make it look like A-Rod's the bad guy for not saying anything, and that the Yanks are bad guys for not "defending" him and that The Sky is Falling or whatever they want us to think because we don't have close-up access to these men and they do.

Which means from here on out, I'm not sure I can believe anything I read. Not that I did before anyway. But at least I know I'm not the one with the problem.

Take a Good Look


You see him? This is a man on a mission. This is a man who's going to kick your ass this season. This is a man who's going to chew you up and spit you out. This is a man you don't mess with, despite his newly frosted tips.

And, oh yeah, he looks every ounce a Yankee to me.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Calling in Six


It's going to snow tomorrow! But thoughts of Opening Day keep us warm.

Can We Start Talking About the GAME Again?

It truly, truly, truly shouldn't amaze me that all the NY columnists are so agog that the Yanks haven't started hurling insults in the Sux's direction. But I am surprised. Take this last line of Kevin Kernan's column in today's Post (which I'd link to, but Blogger's being a spaz and won't let me)which talks about Matt Mantei jumping on the bash bandwagon:

Isn't it time the Yankees start firing back at the Red Sox?

Did we not learn anything in middle school? The best thing to do when some insecure meathead/beeotch is being mean to you is to either 1) Ignore them, as this usually drives said meathead/beeotch crazy because you're not letting them be the center of attention or 2)Beat the snot out of them and hopefully knock all their teeth out so they can't say anything shitty about you again. The Yanks can't do the latter just yet, but six weeks from now, that's a different story.

And just because you can toss out a few insults to a team your organization has only trumped ONCE in the last 87 years (and only because an extra round of playoffs was added), this does not make you a "team." You KNOW Schilling and Wells and Co. want the Yanks to fire back so they can keep thinking up crazy insults and keep the spotlight on them. I mean, there has to be a few on the Sux who just want them to can it already, and you know, let the focus be about the team itself and not the team they beat a few hundred miles away in another city all together.

And as for Mr. Wells, I agree with Vaccaro (also in the Post, also can't link to for the stupidity of Blogger) that the Yankee fan/Boomer love train has got to stop. I mean, I adored him as a Yank and I'll never forget what he did, but the fact that he's trotting out insults at my beloved team now (that you so know he wants to be a part of again) has kinda made him dead to me. I mean, I'm not going to boo him, but he's not going to get even a mild round of applause from me either. Had he kept his mouth shut, it may have been a different story. Amazing what a little class makes you in the eyes of a fan.

Six weeks from today...six weeks from today...six weeks from today...

Saturday, February 19, 2005

A Columnist Going to Bat for A-Rod...Whoa.

Love this column by Joel Sherman about Wells feeling the need to weigh in on the A-Rod situation when he himself has no reason to talk.

Wells said he offered up his services to the Yankees and sounded stunned they didn't want him back. Perhaps all that beer he brags about consuming has begun to wipe away his memory — or conscience. So as a reminder, Dave, these were your last two acts as a Yankee employee:

1. Pulling out of Game 5 of the 2003 World Series after one inning with a bad back, a day after bragging you did not have to work out like Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte.

2. Reneging on a handshake deal to return to the Yankees to sign for more money with the Padres.

Those acts cost the Yankees probably one and possibly two World Series titles, so, Dave, you cannot be exactly shocked if the folks at Legends Fields do not have open arms for you.

That and I like that Sherman kind of takes the Yanks to task for not defending A-Rod, even though I still believe it's because they just don't want to get involved in this immature crap. But it IS kinda weird -- they can defend Giambi, but not Rodriguez? Unless A-Rod has said "Let me handle this myself," which would be the best route...

Friday, February 18, 2005

Opening The Gates of " SHUT THE HELL UP!"

So everytime I turn around I feel like I'm reading something about The Gates. I have no desire to go see them, because it's not really my bag and I'm saving up my purposely-hanging-out-in-the-cold moments for Yankee games in April. But that doesn't mean I think any more or less of someone for going out to see them. Do what you want with your free time, peeps.

But what I do find aggravating about the whole thing is whenever I see an opinion of The Gates posted somewhere, the hoity-toity hipsters and cantankerous old farts of NYC seem to feel the need to shit on each other's thoughts. Which, when you think about what art is (um, it can be whatever you want it to) is just sad. So I'd like to get this off my chest:

To the hipsters who think any opposing opinion to The Gates is the result of some right-wing conspiracy or that people just aren't "smart" enough to get it or something: Just as you are allowed to have your opinion that it is "beautiful" and "sacred" and "art" others have a right to NOT LIKE IT. Repeat after me: Art is subjective.

To the cantankerous folks who don't think The Gates are art and that only hippies and people on drugs can appreciate it: Just as you are allowed to have your opinion that it's "ugly" and "pointless" and "weird" people do have a right TO LIKE IT. Repeat after me: Art is subjective.

You have a right to your opinion on the art, and I Iike to hear all sides on the art itself. However, hearing people's OPINIONS on the OPINIONS of others when it comes to something subjective is just tiresome. Especially when these appreciators/critcs come off as raging hypocrites. Newsflash: Neither side is "correct," so you can stop your whining now.

Thanks. I feel better.

Aw, Bernieeeeee

Bernie Williams, my love for you knows no bounds. And I swear to god, if you had been kidnapped in Colombia, I would've formed a posse (probably made up of diehard blog friends, Tonya and Steph, our Optimistic Maintence Guy and Sasquatch, who I think is a Bernie fan, and would totally hurt someone with those feet of his) to bring with me in the hopes of finding you in the jungle ourselves. Druglords and Guerillas may not know the wrath of a hurt/wronged baseball fan, but they sure as hell would have learned.

I mean, you don't mess with Bernie (or anyYankee for that matter) and get away with it. Plus it would've been really cool to be all "Bernie...You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you!" (Oh come on. You know that's one of the awesomest lines EVER. And how often do you get to say that to someone in real life?)

Also, I'd like to thank Jack Curry and the Times for running this story, when everyone else is jumping on the rip-A-Rod-to-shreds-bandwagon. It was a welcome respite, and made me feel all warm and fuzzy after reading. Between journalists hyping RJ's camera fun, Giambi and now A-Rod, it's safe to say I haven't had that feeling after reading something Yankee-related in a loooooooooong time.

Never Been So Glad to be Wrong

Guess what? I miscalculated the weeks between now and Opening Day -- it wasn't 8 weeks from last Sunday, it was 7!!! So The Chicken and The Mick will bring you up to speed for a few days, and then we'll be at 6 this coming Sunday. Woo-hoo!


And Blogger? GET IT TOGETHER, MAN! This whole trouble with commenting/posting/editing has gone on long enough....

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Open Up Your Picture Pages

Man, these photographers are catching the essence of Spring Training:


Don't worry, Ramiro -- Tino and DJ will let you join in their reindeer games once they know for sure that Red Sux disease isn't catching. But get back to quarantine, just in case...


What Renaissance men those Yanks are! El Capitan, Bubba and Shef are totally rehearsing the opening number of Yankees: The Musical!


Smiles, everyone, smiles! It's like Mr. Roarke is in tha house! But me thinks it's probably just great to be young and a Yankee. And it's all about the navy-blue shirt, kids.


Another championship, that's my Fantasy. Yay Spring!

Living in the (E-Mail) Past

Sigh. I've been going through my Sent items in my work e-mail account, and it's so sad to see things from months ago, when it seemed so many things were going right, only to have them fall apart later. One such e-mail took place between Tonya, Steph and me on July 22, during a day game at the Stadium, which we actually got to watch as it was on network TV. The Yanks came back and won with a Ruben Sierra homer in the 9th. It's not an earth-shattering exchange (except for Steph's OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!, which came in 48 point font and won't translate here) but is kind of bittersweet to see it now, knowing the Yanks were going to head into Boston that weekend and start slumping somewhat. And all the rest of that stuff that happened last year that we won't bring up again. But it is nice to relive the good times. And to know that while everything didn't pan out, in the end, Summer of '04 was pretty damn fun.
From: Stephanie
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 1:07 PM
To: Tonya; Karen

DIdn't know we were SEEING the game today! Cool!

From: Karen
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 1:09 PM
To: Tonya; Stephanie

Yeah, we can "watch" for real, without finger quotes!

From: Stephanie
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 3:48 PM
To: Tonya; Karen
Importance: High

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

From: Tonya
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 3:48 PM
To: Karen; Stephanie
Subject: RE:


From: Karen
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 3:50 PM
To: Stephanie; Tonya
Subject: RE:

Holy Freaking Home Run Batman!!!!

From: Stephanie
Sent: Thursday, July 22, 2004 3:51 PM
To: Tonya; Karen
Subject: RE:

I mean, what an ending! And we got to see it! Work is much more fun when you get to watch the Yanks!

This Week's Tab-y Target: A-Rod

Leave it to the Daily News to make the Yanks not commenting on the 7th grade antics of the Sux vs. A-Rod look like it's the Bombers not having their teammate's back. I guess the term "staying out of someone else's business" has never been something tabloids understood, but whatever. I'm guessing they were hoping for Jorge and Jeets to be all "Oh yeah? Well Trot Nixon has a fat ass!" or something to that effect to start a war of the words, which is always good headline fun. Plus, these are New York athletes/celebrities. They know how the media will spin something -- you think they're gonna risk that in SPRING TRAINING? I mean, look how the paper made a no-comment story into an Everyone Hates A-Rod story.

And what's up with the News' Sports section? Lately they've gotten more tabloidy than the Post, and that's saying something. Wonder how their sales numbers are....

Speaking of the Post, Joel Sherman has an interesting take on A-Rod: He's the most hated man in baseball. Why is it that if this column came from Lupicass I'd feel the need to rip it to shreds, but with Sherman (who I admit, I have seen get bitterer and bitterer) saying it, I can actually take it and absorb it and think about it? Like a column is supposed to do? Must be the lack of holier-than-thou delivery.

Though I will say this. If A-Rod is the most hated man in baseball it's because he's an easy target -- kinda his fault, kinda the fault of everyone preying on that. 1) They all say he has issues with wanting everyone to like him, so of course it's easy to take shots at him -- you know you're actually hurting his feelings if you do, unlike a Jeter who would be all "Whatever." 2) He's supposed to be the best player in baseball, a highly paid one at that, so of course people like to see you fall on your face. 3) The ones taking shots at him publicly (The Plastics) are out for him to suck this season, and as much as they trash him, you know they are probably quietly afraid of what he could do with a hot bat against their team; But they know how to rile people up via trash talk, which is immature, but unfortunately effective. 4) It's easy to pick on someone when everyone else is doing it -- for no real baseballish reason, either, I might add -- when there's nothing else going on.

Can we just get to the playing already?

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Signs of Spring

So I was struck by some things while perusing Yankee photos today:


That's it. The Big Member is the scariest MF I've ever seen -- it looks like he's staring down his prey. Either that, or he and pitching coach Rob Thomson are about to bust out their guitars and harmonize on a moving version of The Sounds of Silence.


When I saw this one onShannon's blog, it surprised me how much Moose looked like your average Hoboken guy heading on a Dunkin' Donuts run on a Summer Sunday morning. And I must take time to appreciate his nice guy legs.


Ooh! Ooh! Quiz Time!

What's in Tanyon's Box?

A) His chest
B) His eyes
C) Dude, it's obviously his pitching materials
D) A puppy for Kevin Brown!
E) The Speak & Spell contraption with which he uses to phone home.

Blogs 101...Tuesdays and Thursdays...3 Credits

I had the most distressing thought this morning: What if, like in 200 years, English majors are sitting around trying to find the REAL meaning in someone's blog, along with Wuthering Heights and The Merchant of Venice? You totally know there's going to be a Lit seminar at colleges everywhere called Blogs: Mirrors of Self or something at some point. And having survived being an English major, this scares the crap out of me. When people were trying to figure out what Wordsworth meant when he said XYZ, I'm the one who piped up with a "Maybe he actually meant what he said, like he was enjoying being outside, no deeper, mystical meaning." Yeah, maybe it wasn't the best major for me, but I like to read and write. Just not analyze to death.

Anyway, can you just see a bunch of pretentious college kids and professors trying to break down the true meaning of our blogs? "Reading between the lines, how does Paul Katcher truly feel about The Gates?" "Write a ten-page essay on Lupe Velez's use of the word "cunty" when dissing Selena Roberts, and remember to apply it to our discussion of Man vs. Nature." "What is the symbolism of the concrete barrier when Yankeebob sees the woman doing a lousy parking job?"

Then they get to my blog and some guy in Buddy Holly glasses and a beret is like "I think The Yankee Chicken symbolizes Bischer's latent desire to have children" and then some year 2205 feminist would cry "NO! I think The Chicken is her way of saying "FUCK YOU!" to society about having to be married to have a fulfilling life." And my ghost will be sitting in the classroom, pained, going "Oh, shut UP! You guys are SO obviously not Yankee fans!"

I dread that.

A-Rod is SO the Prettiest Girl in High School

MARRY ME, JOHN HARPER! Someone in the NY Press has finally caught on to the Sux's inability to stop talking about the Yanks, A-Rod in particular:

But why are they talking about him in February? Shouldn't they be happy just to bask in the glory of their historic championship? If you didn't know better you'd swear the Sox actually lost again last year, and all their talk about A-Rod is just a sign of their frustration.

This is all in response to Trot Nixon saying that A-Rod isn't Yankee material. Trot...oh, I'm not even going to bother. Harper does note this, though:

But Trot Nixon? Saying A-Rod doesn't measure up to Jeter, Posada and Bernie Williams? Steaming over some recent quotes from A-Rod talking about his early-morning workout routine in which the Yankee third baseman pushes himself at least partly because he knows other players are sleeping or taking their kids to school at that time?

"I'm no deadbeat dad," Nixon said in what he deemed a response to the quote, and surely that's a line that will get A-Rod's attention.

Yeah, great thing to say about a man who had a deadbeat dad himself, asshole.

That and what is UP with these few guys Mean-Girling A-Rod? (I'm looking at you, fight-instigator, but-I'll-wear-all-my-catcher's-gear-in-said-fight Hester Prynne Varitek, diarrhea-mouth Schitling and now Trot Father of the Year Nixon?) Can they just grow the fuck up already? And A-Rod, can you please keep yer yap shut too because this back and forth is NEVER going to end otherwise?


The resemblence is uncanny. Perhaps we'll refer to these three as The Plastics from now on.


Lordy. They make you long for the days of Pedro throwing at the Yanks' heads because at least that had to do with the game itself...and stayed on the field. Like, you never saw Pedro trying to bean people in the offseason.