Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Double the A-Fed, Double the Fun

Oh my god, you guys. My co-worker Carolyn absolutely rocks my world. Not only was she the bearer of glad tidings with the Richard Marx concert news last week, but she just gave me this:

hee

Yes, that is an autographed photo of Mr. A-Fed. She's an appreciator like myself and had an extra. She asked around who would like it and apparently both Tonya and Erica were all like "Um, yeah, Karen just might be interested." I am so touched and alternately giggly over this gesture that it's displayed in a place of prominence on my desk (questioning glances from co-workers be damned) unlike my other A-Fed 8x10, which you kind of have to look to find.

The best was when Carolyn gave it to me and she's like "And that's from when he was singing the Richard Marx," and Tonya just busts out laughing because it's so damn fitting. Then Erica wanders over, probably never thinking that the crazy people in New York she heard about would be sitting only a few feet from her, and is like "Oh my..."

Oh my, indeed!

Die, Yuppie Scum

So this morning I get to the bus stop and The Challenger is there, handing out some more dead tree product, and I'm just like "You were just here a few days ago. No, I haven't forgotten you." I'm guessing this means Mayor McCheese will be there tomorrow. Ugh.

Anyway, as I'm standing there, the woman in front of me engages The Challenger in a conversation about stepping up security at the park near my apartment. Apparently, this woman's neighbor's son got beat up in the park one night and she was wondering about more of a police presence being put there at night. Now, that's just awful and I feel bad, and I was all in agreement with her until the woman went on about 1)The teenage "hoodlums" (she didn't say it, but that's where she was going) who roam the streets of Hoboken 2) The possibility of starting a curfew for those under 18 and 3)This is what we pay taxes for bladibladiblah, I had to stop myself from jumping all over her. The sense of entitlement that she oozed just made my blood boil. Yeah, I want to feel safe at night too, but I'm not blaming the teenagers for whom this town is a birthright. Which it's not for me or anyone else who moved in after the economic boom of the 1990s. Yeah, those darn kids have been in this town longer than all of us and have kind of earned the privelige to walk around whenever they so choose, so let's back off of them for a minute.

I have gone through that park MANY times at night, at all hours, by myself and came out just fine. I'll admit, every now and then, I get a sense of unease because it's so dark, but then I do something novel -- I don't go through the park. When I see kids hanging out at night, they're usually sitting there talking or walking with a basketball or something. They seem about as interested in me as I am in them, which is to say, not at all. It's unfair to label all these kids as "bad" just because a few beat up your neighbor's son. And it's even more unfair to drop a curfew on all of them because of the actions of a few you perceive to be bad, especially with the summer coming up when they'll be able to hang out at night.

The worst part about this is that I feel more skeeved out and afraid of the staggering drunk packs of obnoxious metrosexual men at night than I do teens. Remember those guys I screamed at two weeks ago? They weren't teenagers from Hoboken. More likely, they were guys raking in salaries in the six-figures, who were about to either climb into a car piss drunk and head for the Turnpike or weave back to their luxury apartment where they'd turn over flower beds, pee on the sidewalk and sexually harrass anything with two legs that passes them by. In fact, I'd love to see the town police records for these kinds of acts. My guess is you'd see more shit kicked up by people my age (who are supposed to be the responsible "tax payers" of this community) than high schoolers (the "thugs.")

Every now and then I hear the "yuppies" of Hoboken make generalizations about the people who have lived here long before us and it makes me ill. The racial and economic undertones are evident there, which is just fucking wrong on so many levels. No wonder the townies hate us so much. The sad part is, the yuppie voice will probably be heard by politicians first because this appears to be who they are courting. So, I swear to god, if The Challenger is elected and a curfew goes into effect because of the words of the generalizations of some way-too self entitled woman at the bus stop, I will kick someone's ass.

Because just as the bad teenagers give their good counterparts a bad name, the Yuppie scum give the rest of us 20 and 30-somethings one too. And I hate them for it.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Good Clean Fun

So, I have a confession to make: I love foam soap. Now, you're probably like "Uh, doesn't all soap foam up?" but I'm talking about soap that comes out of the dispenser as foam. To me, that just brings back the fun in washing your hands. For the longest time I could only get this sudsy goodness in the bathrooms of restaurants and highway reststops and, most recently, Yankee Stadium (and I thought that place couldn't kick ass any more than it already did). I even looked online for a dispenser, but they were all pretty ugly and industrial looking so that was out. Then I saw some foamy soap for kids, but it was all berry smelling and shit and that didn't sound appealing to me. I figured no one would ever get the awesomeness that is foamy soap, and it would be my life's disappointment to never have it in my own personal bathroom.

Then, one day at work, a commercial for Johnson's Buddies products came on and this little kid is working a bottle...of foamy soap! Sure, it's for 3-year-olds, but I had to have it. And for the longest time I couldn't find it. Until today, when the local Cost Cutters had exactly one bottle left (I knew I wasn't the only one who thought this stuff is cool!). And it doesn't disappoint, folks. It smells like Johnson's Baby Shampoo, so it's not all freakily fruity smelling and it foams pretty awesomely. I suggest it to anyone who is a foamy soap freak like me and anyone who wants to actually look forward to washing your hands. Lord knows there's no harm in having clean hands!

chicksoap
Even the Yankee Chicken can't resist the power of the foamy soap...

Sunday, May 29, 2005

I'm Sleeping This One Off

Random thoughts while watching tonight's game with a slight sunburn. While no one can touch the absolute awfulness that is the Fox broadcast, ESPN's does just enough to annoy me to no end, as represented here...

I swear, the screaming of Jon Miller and the redundancy of Joe Morgan make you long for the broadcasting brilliance and golden vocal chords of Michael Kay.

I seriously almost want to suffocate myself with a pillow after hearing Morgan going on about Moose not pitching badly, but the Sux just being such good hitters. He must’ve said this about 53 times in the early innings.

The banter between Morgan and Miller about Dominican Republic Mother’s Day, and how Dominicans here and there would probably celebrate today – and Joe saying it’s like if you’re in Germany on Christmas, you still celebrate Christmas. Um…maybe because it’s actually Christmas there, too?

Ugh, enough of the crowd shots already.

Sam Ryan, I could give two shits about Curt Schilling’s recovery, especially in the middle of a Yankee at-bat, which we miss because you won’t shut up. In fact, I’d say probably the entire audience could give two shits, because the Sux fans are going to know this stuff already, Yankee fans would be content with his entire leg falling off and the general audience is probably like “What, you mean he can’t heal himself?”

The applause and chanting after Bernie’s catch – lovely.

Jon Miller’s voice going up about 8 octaves on every other word – oy.

Live from the dugout – why? And Jon, Francona is the manager of the SUX, not the Yankees. And Joe, the Sux were down to the Yanks 3 games to 0 last year, not the other way around. But I’m not keeping score or anything.

There’s just way too much first pitch swinging on Wells after his rough first inning. Um, impatience much?

The volume goes off, the iPod goes on in the 7th. I can’t deal. I think Sam Ryan is babbling about A-Rod right now, but I’m much happier with my music.

To the dude (in what looks like a Yankees shirt) with the E-Rod sign – sit the fuck down. I’d bet my life savings that you were probably one of the many chanting “MVP” when he came to bat on Friday night anyway.

Seriously, ESPN. If I wanted to be in the crowd, I would’ve gone to the game. Now get your freaking cameras out of the stands and have them do something novel, like focus on the game or something.

Am I the only one who would’ve been content giving Tino and Cano a chance against Wells? Russ Johnson, Mr. Torre? Rey Sanchez? Against the Sux? Really?

After Sturtze plunks a batter, there’s a stat about how all these players have been plunked in Yankees/Sux series. I wish they’d broken it down by team, because I have a sneaking suspicion the Sux have a slight lead there. Especially after they show the stat that out of the 19 HBPs Jeter’s had since 2004, 8 have been by Sux pitchers.

I think this game was lost in the second inning when the Yanks refused to take any pitches from Wells, and let him settle down. I hate seeing this fuckwad look good because the Yanks helped him look good. And the fans who gave him a standing O on his way out of the game? I don’t get it. He gave us the biggest Fuck You of all by donning that uniform he’s in right now, but it’s all good or something? Whatever. Maybe I’m just a cold, unforgiving bitch or something.

Yeah, I’m not in the best of moods at the moment. I hate when the Sux bring out the worst in them. And I fucking hate that there’s no game tomorrow. Whoever thought the Yanks should have an off day on MEMORIAL DAY should seriously be smacked upside the head a few times.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

About Last Night

Last night? May have been one of the best games I've ever been to. And I think Freddy the Fan's sign last night was a pretty darn good indication of what would be: "Yankees, Stay Calm! We Will Win." Because it all came down to not getting freaked out in the field and finally being at one with knuckleball that helped win this one.

The Weather: It got really dark and ominous looking before the game, and then it started to rain slightly, making my dad (special guest star for the evening) and me take cover inside for a bit. But it never downpours or anything, and it's all over by the time the National Anthem was over, and it's a really comfortable night after, so bravo Mother Nature for that.

The National Anthem: Sung by some Phantom of the Opera dude with lots of stage and screen credits or something like that. He wasn't as awesome as both Steph and Tonya, (who arrive right after) going "Oh my god, was that A-Fed?" I love that I've planted the seed that because he's a Yanks fan and got tickets to a game from the Tony Danza show that he might just show up one of these nights. Though it had better be a game when we're there...

The Crowd: There were Sux fans all over the place, but our section was pretty mellow. One guy was donning a Sux t-shirt and hat and every time he'd get up to go to the bathroom or something, people would merrily start chanting "Asshole" at him. He would smile real big and doff his cap, and the fans in our section just ate it up. It's great when the word "asshole" can be used in the term "all in good fun." Oh yeah, and no one even thought to start the wave last night, so props to that.

The Sound Man: Obviously our most favorite segment of the game, as Steph, Tonya and I were all "If this is a repeat, we're going to kick someone's ass." But it's not. I'm not sure exactly what the category is, but the players had to pick between "Pour Some Sugar on Me," by Def Leppard, "Sweet Child O' Mine," by Gun N Roses and..."Wishing Well" by Terrence Trent D'Arby. So being that the entire Yankee Clubhouse is all about the GNR, you can guess what gets picked. But the awesomest part comes when they get to Moose and he's all "Either one BUT the Terrence Trent D'Arby" and he looks like he's about to go into convulsions because he's so distrubed by "Wishing Well" and then Berine's all "Oh yeah, man, definitely Wishing Well!" You then hear the producer guy go "Uh, you know you're the only Yankee to pick that song" and Bernie just busts out laughing, as does most of the Stadium. How can you not love him?

The Game:At one point over the left field wall, beyond the Stadium in the distance, I see this big curlicue of smoke. It's something you see every now and then, probably the exhaust from some building's heating/cooling system, but I take this moment to go "Oh my god, The Others are coming!" knowing full well that I'm sitting around Lost lovers in my dad, Tonya and Steph. And they totally appreciate it and get it because we start speculating which Yankee they're coming for, and we decide it's gotta be Robinson Cano since he's the youngest and may have some secret powers.

canoothers
Run, Robinson, run! Don't let them catch you!

Well, The Others are going to have a hell of a fight from us if they do decide to come for him because after last night, I think I want him around for awhile. The fact that he bobbled that grounder to him, then had the presence of mind to throw home AND get the runner out, was just freaking awesome. On both those outs at home, the Stadium went batshit. You could feel right then that the Yanks were going to come back, which is something that's been sorely lacking on our Friday night visits. So when Cano homers, we're about to explode from giddyness, and when Shef homers, good night. It also helps that right before that ball was deposited into the upper deck, I say to my dad "Yeah, he's due for a home run, I think." So what if I said it before Hideki and Tino came to bat too? That home run was yoouuuuuge. Very Aaron Boone-esque in location, I might add.

RanJo clearly struggled, but that he kept hitting in the mid-90s on the radar/Duane Reade scoreboard thingy was promising. At least we know he's still got the velocity. One of the dudes sitting behind us was all "maybe he needs to hit another bird or something!" But I'm sure there are other ways to get his mojo back because you apparently can't even talk to the man about the time he accidentially murdered a fowl. Anyway, for some reason I think as the weather gets warmer, the better he'll get. Remember, his home ballparks for the past few years have been a dome and Arizona. Not exactly the meatlockers that the Yanks have been playing in up until recently. So with the warmer temps, I expect his rickety old bones to be comforted and that he'll feel at home and be all light's out.

That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Huh?

Page 2 used to piss me off a lot. Now its content just leaves me scratching my head. Like, their song parody for the Foo-Fighters' Times Like These, using the Yanks/Sux "brawls" as inspiration:

Why do these ballclubs play this way?
They're the ones that spend away
then bring the pennant home.

Why do these teams keep whining?
I enjoy watching 'em lose
and ditto for Bellamy Road.

It's times like these you learn to brawl again.
It's times like these you overpay has-beens.
It's times like these you learn to brawl again.

It's times like these you learn to brawl again.
It's times like these you overpay has-beens.
It's times like these you learn to brawl again.
It's times like these you brawl and brawl again.


Um, I can't speak for the Sux since I don't follow them day in and day out, but who on the Yanks has "whined" this season? Man, it's like these dudes took every cliche in the "I hate overpaid athletes" bible and pasted it into a terrible song parody. And it's funny -- I don't recall anyone over in Bristol taking issue with the Sux's payroll last season when they were still an "underdog", but whatever. Also, the "has-beens" thing? Doesn't every team have at least one or two of those? And if they're talking about the Yanks...so help me god, if they're referring to Tino and Bernie in this respect, I will drive up to Bristol tonight and start a "brawl" of my own. And just who the hell on the Yanks has been performing at Has-Been level lately anyway? Fuckos.™

And to note, the Yanks and Sux haven't brawled since last year. But if I'm not mistaken, every man with a laptop and a press credential had a huge boner every time these two teams faced off thereafter, lusting for the brawl to end all brawls. So make up your mind, people. You either hate the brawling or you secretly love it. Don't toe the line and jump from side to side whenever the notion to be "funny" or "serious" suits you.

But if this is seriously an attempt at humor, I suggest they stop trying all together.

Holiday! Celebrate!

As Captain of the S.S. Mystique & Aura, I feel the need to declare this an offical holiday from baseball piracy as it's 1) Yanks/Sux 2) Memorial Day Weekend and 3)Yankeebob's birthday today. Have a happy one, YB, and here's hoping the Yanks do better for you on your b-day than they did on mine!

RanJo vs. The Knuckleheadballer tonight. Hope Randy's feeling the intensity and decides to impress us hardcore tonight, and I hope the Yanks spank the bejesus out of Wakefield -- I feel like it's been awhile since they've done that. I've got one win in a row, and I'm going to just get greedy and ask for two now. Especially since they have YET to win a Friday night home game. No pressure there, guys.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

FINALLY

Oh my god, you guys. I don't know what to do with myself -- they WON and I was THERE. That's like the first time that's happened in almost two months. So you can understand my shock. I mean, Kevin Brown pitched not to shabbily. A-Rod hits a mucho important home run (and one that just kept going and going and going. That thing was freaking Titanic in size) that gives the Yanks the lead. Mo closes it out after letting a runner get on. And Sinatra plays merrily, no shrieking Liza in sight (they'd been playing her for wins recently, which just disturbs me beyond belief).

And it was Lava Pen night, which might just be the freaking awesomest giveaway in the history of Yankee Stadium. I mean, I was singing "You Make Me So Very Happy" and "You Light Up My Life" to it, that's how enamored I was. Tonya and Steph are pretty impressed with theirs too, so don't think I'm just weird or something. It totally kicks ass -- the top part lights up in all sorts of colors and has floating baseballs, like a little lava lamp. It's the Yankee Journal's new best friend, and I am so happy that it was a giveaway for adults and not kids who get all the cool giveaways like bats and t-shirts and American Doll Yankee Uniforms that would fit a certain Yankee Chicken perfectly, but nooooooooo, you're too old to get one. Sigh....where was I? Oh yeah...

And I didn't need my gloves! And it didn't rain! And it's supposed to be 78 degrees tomorrow!

Damn, if Sound Man wasn't a repeat and the Wave hadn't made an unfortunate appearance in the 7th inning, I'd say the game was pretty much perfect. It's amazing how much you miss the wins when they're not there.

Not to Make You All Jealous....

...But Tonya and I are going to see Richard Marx at Westbury in July. I KNOW! It's totally going to be one of the many awesomely cheesetastic moments this summer holds for me! When a co-worker mentioned she was going (and I had no idea he was even touring), I literally ran over to Tonya's office, because this is the kind of thing that requires an in-person announcement. We booked the tickets right then and there, because that's how important Richard Marx is, damn it.

Laugh all you want. Though I suspect a few of you may actually be jealous, which is awesome.

Runoff? Yeah, I'd Like to Run Off and Avoid All This...

Last night, Carolyn was on the phone with Rick, who relayed that there was some kind of impromptu political rally going on outside his apartment. Remember that Hoboken mayoral election that was supposed to be over a few weeks ago? Well, it's still not over. No candidate got 50 percent or more of the vote, so there's going to be a runoff next month. Which means, you guessed it, more dead tree products in my mailbox (but no more for The Bischer Family -- that candidate has been eliminated) and harrassment at the bus stop. Woo hoo! Anyway, I guess the rival gangs political parties marched in yesterday's Memorial Day parade, and were all getting crazy on each other outside Rick's place. The way Carolyn was relaying the information, all I could picture was both gangs parties standing on opposite sides of the street, all jazzed up and sweaty, taking their turn on Paradise By the Dashboard Light. Like, incumbent Mayor and his friends get the boy part and the Challenger and her friends get the girl part and it's a totally a metaphor for something like all songs in musicals usually are. And, like, if that actually happened, I would never leave Hoboken.

But the best part of the conversation was when Rick was coming up with a nickname for the challenger (which I'm not exactly sure how to spell, so Rick, let us know in the comments section), and Carolyn was all "Well, we need a name for the current mayor too."

Carolyn: What can we call him?
Me: Um...Wait! What's the name of the McDonald's hamburger mayor or whatever he is?
Carolyn: MAYOR MCCHEESE!
Me: That's SO has to be it!

mayor
I'd vote for this guy in a heartbeat.

I don't know why, but that just tickled me so much I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I guess you have to live in the 'Boken and deal with all the political ads on TV and in your mailbox to know why this is actually funny, but trust me, this is the most fitting nickname I've heard for anyone in a long time.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Skynyrd vs. Seger! Live (and Taped), in Prime Time!

I'm just going to say one thing: Seeing Bo perform with Skynyrd on Sweet Home Alabama actually got me all verklempt. The utter joy on his face as he was singing it...that to me is what Idol is all about.

Oh, yeah, and when a crappy looking boat piloted by an old Bob Seger and his zombified Hells Angel friends pulls up next to your little raft, you paddle your ass the hell out of there. And while the finale of Lost was a little all over the place, I've never been so freaked out by a TV show in my life as when Old Bob Seger was all creepy-like and "Give Us the Boy." I actually yelped out loud. I freaking love this show. And if they don't find Don Mattingly hanging out at the bottom of that hatch next season, I'm seriously going to be upset. Why else throw the awesome number 23 around as much as they do?

But tonight was a bitch, juggling the two prime time shows I love the most with the Yanks. I'd be all "thank god for VCRs" but I know that's like totally passe since almost everyone and their mother has a DVR or TiVo now.

So Yankees? You've got me back full time in prime time from now till October. This might just be my favorite time of year...

The Pinstriped Diaries

So I don't know how it came in my possession, but someone anonymously left Paul Quantrill's Pinstriped Diary outside my door last night. I found the most recent entry quite...interesting:

Dear Diary,

Well, we sure showed them tonight, eh, Diary? All those people thinking this whole time that Canadians are sooooooo nice. Pshaw. They've never seen a manly Canadian, I guess.

I mean, when I saw German hit Alex in the leg, I was like, "Dude, not cool" and since Alex is a man, and my testosterone bonds run deep, I knew it was up to me to defend his honor. So what happens, Diary? I throw behind Jason Smith. Because that will show them every time you don't mess with manly men. But Diary, I just had to go the extra mile and then hit Smith on the next pitch. I mean, we're all MEN here, right? I have to get the word out that you don't fuck with Canadians and Alex Rodriguez and guys with penises. I don't care if you're a reserve shortstop -- you deserve to get thrown behind then hit just because and that's the man's way. John Wayne would agree with me.

And then you have to gesture all manly like to the Tigers bench after you're tossed because even though it's a cold and rainy night, you think the fans should be manly enough to have to sit through as long a game as possible. And 45 degrees? Is warm, bitches! If you want to experience real cold, go to Canada and grow some chest hair. Then we'll talk.

I guess now I have to deal with a possible suspension or punishment or something. When did Major League Baseball devolve into a Lifetime for Women movie? Didn't they ever read the super secret book that only men get called "The Man Code"? It tells you right in chapter 7 that you have to defend your fellow males when they are wounded in battle. Oh, right, they were probably too busy reading "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" or some dreck like that. Whatever.

Well, I'd better run. My fluffy pink feather pen is about to run out, and Tony Womack is starting a belching contest. That totally rules.

Love and testosterone,
PQ

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

It Took Almost Three Hours...

...but Erica was the first to glance the latest embarrassing item on my desk (I tried my best to make it blend in with everything else), which I'm sure made my face go all shades of red, but I'm trying to embrace my shame, so it's all good. Even if my co-workers are soon to be all laughing at me and pointing and shit....

The Last Great Big American Idol Post

It's almost over, guys. I'm sure some of you are all 'Thank God! Now she can go back to obsessing about the Yankees 24-7.' And some of you are all 'Noooooooo! Don't leave me, Idol!' I'm probably a combination of the two after this long season.

So, on this, the penultimate day of American Idol 4, I give you my fave performances of the year. You'll notice I have a link so you can check out the song choices listed (as well as the song choices of others for that theme) in each breakdown. Check out watchidol.com for all the performances this season (and to note, if you have a PC and are checking out the downloads, left click the audio icon to play it right there or right click it to save to your computer. Mac people, I'm pretty sure it'll just play for you when you click.) I encourage those of you who are too cool for the Idol school to give some of these a listen, and those of you who are fans to hear these songs all over again and get nostalgic and stuff.


anwar

Moon River, Anwar, Guys Top 12: I already liked Anwar going in, but that he sang this and with an awesomely different arrangement on it made him one of my instant favorites.

nadipower

There's a Power, Nadia, Girls Top 12: At this point, I was pretty much bored with every girl except Carrie, so when Nadia came out all confident and dancy with this, I was all 'Hmm. She could go pretty far.' She stayed full of moxie the rest of her stay, but I felt like she was kind of disdainful of pop music or something, judging by her song choices and some comments after that. To me, that spelled 'I'm too good for this' and while it's OK for me to think that about a contestant, it's not OK for a contestant to come across that way. Because if you think you are too good for this, why are you wasting my time? Anyway.

could've

Could've Been, Carrie, Girls Top 12: I knew it was good because I had it (a song I hated as a kid), stuck in my head for days after. Plus, her voice sounded so pure on this, you could mistake it for Ivory soap.

igot

I Got You, A-Fed, Guys Top 8: I almost missed this episode because I forgot it was on during Monday Night Dinner. Luckily, Dexter and Vicki made me come over to catch it off their TiVo and I'm glad I did. I was already on the A-Fed train, but the unabashed joy he exuded while singing this (and a lovely held note toward the end) made me chug the Kool-Aid right there.

alone

Alone, Carrie, Top 11, Billboard No. 1s: I remember being like 'Damn! That was AWESOME!' when I first heard it, because that is a hella tough song to sing and it exhibited the power of her voice pretty darn well. After that? Carrie ceased to bowl me over in such a way again, which really, really disappointed me.

boremjpg

Remedy, Bo, Top 10, Songs of the1990s: I liked Bo from his first performances, but this was the first one that had me tapping my foot along with him and gave me an inkling of 'he could go far'...despite the cow-print hat.

nikko

One Hand, One Heart, Nikko, Top 9, Musicals: The only performance I enjoyed the night of the Great Broadway Disaster (seriously - EVERYONE sucked that night. Please, AI, never again with this theme) but he gets voted off the next night. Sigh.

fed

I Surrender, A-Fed, Top 6, Songs of the New Millenium: When I heard he was tackling Celine Dion, it was like, yikes. On so many levels. Then, awesomely enough, the kid sang the song with so much gusto and conviction I was sure it had to be the top performance of the night. Then he's in the bottom 2 with Constantine the next night. Whatever.


Bridge Over Trouble Water, Group Sing,Top 5 Results Night: Probably the best one this season because for once during a group song, they all seemed to be enjoying themselves. And they all sounded pretty damn good, instead of the off-keyness the group sings tend to inspire.


ifyou

If You Don't Know Me By Now, A-Fed, Top 4, Songs of Gamble & Huff: A-Fed's swan song, probably the best vocal of the night, one of his best of the season -- and he's voted out for it. Sigh.

bodream

Within a Dream, Bo, Top 3: Because it was insanely freaking awesome, that's why. And when the audio is available through the site, I'll post it here, though it's probably better if you see it in all its heavenly lit, stripped-down glory.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I will reveal to you my not-so psychic picks from March 10 of this year. Carolyn's office was doing an Idol pool, and since I'd been watching the show closer than she had, Car asked me to make her picks. She didn't end up entering, and it's probably a good thing. I didn't remember who I picked for her, so last week I had her re-send me my predictions. I was a little shocked because I really thought I'd had Carrie in the top 2, but I guess I didn't:

12 Jessica
11 Lindsey
10 Mikalah
9 Scott
8 Vonzell
7 Constantine
6 Mario
5 Anwar
4 Bo
3 Carrie
2 Nadia
1 Anthony

Well, at least I had three of the Top 4 correct and 12-10 went out that early, just in a different order.

I'm not even going to make a prediction for tomorrow night. It's not worth it because the voting patterns of this country are somewhat bizarre. If this season has taught me anything, it's that.

Monday, May 23, 2005

You’re the Love of My Life, You’re My...BWAH!

Oh my god, why is Lady by Kenny Rogers (brought to you in all it's 1980 glory from the 80s Music Choice channel) making me giggle uncontrollably right now? Maybe it's the "dramatic" nature of the song, the Snapple/Hershey Bar combination I just ingested, or perhaps I'm subconciously trying to procrastinate in writing my latest chapter in the Julia story. Whatever it is...heeeeeeheeeeheeee. "I'm Your Night in Shining Armor and I love you" God, that is so awesome...

Ain't No Sunshine All Week Long

weather

You know, I'm really hoping that a very jilted ex of someone in Hoboken is working for the Weather Channel, and that jilted ex made up this forecast to piss off their former NJ love. Because this forecast? BITES. I'm off today (but for what it's worth, the sun is out right now), I've got two Yankee games this week (Thursday and Friday), and it's Memorial Day weekend, kids. Here's hoping that the squabbling lovebirds get back together and sort this forecast out because I might just have to cry otherwise.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Picking Ponies at Pimlico

So while Galloping Grocer is a pretty darn cool name, it's still no where near as cool as Giacomo, so, yeah, he's getting my vote again today in the Preakness. And that I just typed that word ensures I'll get hundreds of hits because some pervs are looking for women flashing their bossoms on the infield at Pimlico. Seriously, I get a few a week looking for that exact thing. Yeah, I didn't know the Triple Crown had somehow devolved into Mardi Gras either, but there you go.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Girl Vs. Nature: The Ultimate Battle

That's it, weather. You and I are so having a throw-down. Like, while I'm glad it's raining on a Friday that isn't a season-ticket Friday, it is raining on Emmy Day, a day when my friends have to get all dressed up to go work tonight. And now they have to dodge raindrops, like they have almost every other year I've worked here. Weather, have you ever had to be in a slinky dress and open-toed shoes while it's freezing and disgustingly wet outside? I didn't think so. Because if you had, you'd be a lot more sympathetic to my friends' plight. And come on -- it's Friday night and they have to work. Can you at least throw them a bone and put out some sunshine and 70 degreeness?

cloud
You're so going down, bizatch.

This and the fact that we're now entering the end of May and it's only been warm enough to wear a skirt twice this spring so far. And I've worn shorts outdoors a grand total of once. I don't know how we've wronged you recently to make you such a bitch to us, but I'm sure whatever we did can't be worth you ruining all our fun all the time.

Name the time, and the place. I'm going to kick your ass. Believe it.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Back in My Day, Things Were Cheaper. And Better!

Man, when the hell did TV Guide become $2.49? And a hell of a lot less thicker than it used to be? I haven't bought it in probably five years, but when I saw that they were doing a behind-the-scenes Idol story (that you couldn't read in its entirety online), I figured, "Ooh, must have!" (Yeah, I suspect the intervention any day now. Like, I'm going to come back to my cubicle or apartment and people I love will be sitting there, and a mediator will be with them and go "KB, there's something we'd like to say to you" and I'll be all "NO! The show's on for only another week! I'll be better by summer, I swear!" And then I'd run away with my A-Fed photos and American Idol Magazine and show MP3s, living off the grid so no one can find me and force me to kick the habit...No, I haven't thought about this too much at all.) Then the lady at the Hudson Newsstand was all "$2.49" and I probably looked like I'd been smacked. Seriously.

tv
Damn, the price tag nearly took the squee out of me.

I remember when it used to be 75 cents. And it wasn't, like, back in the 80s or anything -- I'd say 10 years ago, tops. My mom would pick it up when she went food shopping and it was the first thing I would grab out of the bags when she was unloading them. I like, LOVED reading TV Guide back in the day. Now it's like a shell of its former self, and a whole lot more money. And that makes me really, really sad for some reason. Probably because publications now are more about photos than they are actual text because people have gotten insanely lazy when it comes to reading a magazine. (You don't believe me? Check out any magazine now and compare it to one from 1995. There's probably a hell of a lot more text in the older issue. And to me the bigger bang for your buck is getting more words, not more photos. But that's just me.) TV Guide is a small size, so they're probably not going to throw many photos in there, yet they probably sacrificed text anyway. Just not cool.

But just to FYI -- the story was really interesting, AND the photos were cute as hell, so I guess it was worth it in the end. I just wish I didn't have to feel so leery about publications going downhill while their prices skyrocket or something.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Getting A Little Dusty in Here

OK. So I can watch the Idol contestant dearest to my heart get voted off and just be numb. I can watch the Yankees lose in heartbreaking fashion to their biggest rival, and I will only slam a door and internalize it like crazy. I can bang my foot so badly that I see stars and I just groan and curse.

But a little boy having to say goodbye to his dog because he's leaving on a raft fit for people only? Makes me bawl like a freaking baby.

Thanks, Lost.

Damn!

I forgot that the Yanks play the Mets this weekend. That means tonight will be the last game I watch till next Tuesday. Freaking Interleague Play. You will never get me on your side. NEVER.

So, yes, for all the new fans of this blog, there you have it. I hate Interleague Play. So there won't be any Yankee-fied ruminations over this weekend. Hope that doesn't disappoint you too much, but that's the way it is.

Separating the Men from the Bos

I'd like to thank the MLB schedule makers for putting this Yanks West Coast swing in the middle of May Sweeps. Because of this, I can watch my fave prime-time finales and still be able to watch the entire Yankee game. That was way cool of you, whoever you are.

Carl Pavano with a complete game shutout! Giambi homering! A-Rod homering! This is exactly what was supposed to happen, if you looked at this team on paper in the offseason and started playing imaginary games with them. I'm glad they're living up to the reality now. Just so freaking glad. There's no other way to describe it.

So in my A-Fed missing pain last night, I watched Gilmore Girls and taped Idol, after watching Idol live for the past three months. But during one of GG's commercial breaks, I switched over to AI for a sec, and, my god, I was astounded for the first time all season. Bo freaking Bice, with his acappella rendition of In a Dream gave me CHILLS. The first time that's happened all season. And I know I said I don't want him to win because I don't want him saddled with songs of hearts and flowers, but the man just looked f'ing hungry as all hell last night, and far be it from me to stop a man from what he wants. And while Vonzell and Carrie were on the ball last night (and Carrie shoving a dagger right through my heart by doing Making Love Out of Nothing At All, like, the one song I was DYING for A-Fed to do this season. She did OK with it, but it's such a male power ballad that it doesn't come across the same with a female voice. Sigh.) they are so not in Bo's league -- he's in the majors, the gals are in triple A (which isn't an insult when you consider that the next step is the bigs with some polishing) and it's time for this guy to get his shot with the Yankees...er, the big time.

In short, if he doesn't win this thing, there is something very wrong with this country.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Hey, Three Weeks Ago! SHUT UP!

bernie

See this issue of the Post? I'm going to take it and roll it up. Then I'm going to grab all the issues screaming Tino's praises from the backpage, and roll them up too. Then I'm going to climb into my time machine, set it for three weeks ago, and find anyone who was bashing this team, (but specifically Tino and Bernie) because it was "too old", and then I'm going to wrap them straight across the head with my rolled up issues and be all "IT'S TOO EARLY TO WRITE THIS TEAM OFF, JACKASS."

I mean, I was saying it back then, but no one was listening to me. But if my three-weeks-ago self had some proof that, you know, Tino and Bernie can still be factors in this thing, maybe then people would've stopped throwing themselves off their Yankee ledges and whatnot, and people wouldn't have spent the first month of the season in bad moods and giving themselves ulcers so soon into this marathon.

Oh, yeah, and Daily News? You want to take back the whole thing about Bernie's "departure" now? Perhaps you'll be my next stop on the time machine...

Monday, May 16, 2005

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!

Why is it that when some people get on a telephone (cellular or landline) that they feel the need to raise their voice to just below a yell? You'd think this was 1877 and people were unsure if the little black thing could actually carry your voice over wires, thus the need to shout....

I Love My Job

Did I say my job was burning me out? Because today totally makes up for it.

It doesn't matter that my partner is still on jury duty, and that this is going to be the week from hell because the Daytime Emmys are on Friday and we're working on an accelarated deadline and everyone's in moods already. Oh no, this job is AWESOME. Because this place is cool enough to let me have a TV on my desk, I got to see my little A-Fed on Regis and then Ellen today. And Tony Danza tomorrow (A-Fed's in NYC, y'all. Perhaps he needs an invite to the 'Boken for an evening of some karaoke with the crew, root beer floats and all the best the YES Network has to offer?)

regis

And I also now know why I don't watch Regis & Kelly in the morning. Holy GOD is it annoying. They made up for it, though, by having him sing with a piano, which is kinda weird for Every Time You go Away, but it showed off his voice tremendously. He looked a bit worn out, but then this kid could look like a hobo and his voice will still make me all giddy and shit. God I'm lame.

ellen

Ellen was taped a few days ago, so he looked less zapped for that. And Ellen made him spill the tracheotomy story, which I'm sure he's going to be sick of by the end of the press run, but if he stays as lovely as he has been to the media the last few days, he'll have no problems. Again with the piano for ETYGA and again it really shows off his voice nicely.

OK. I'm shutting up now.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Time, Tides and Tino

watch

I'm just gonna start setting my watch by him...

Wonder if He Can Crouch at the Pulpit?

jorge

Well it's nice to know that if the whole catching for the Yankees thing or starring in Amy Grant videos circa 1991 doesn''t work out for Jorge, he might have a nice career in evangelical preaching/healing. Because I swear that's what this looks like with all the hands reaching up to him and him being like "I will touch ye and give ye the power! Praise Jesus!"

But seriously -- seeing the bats come alive like this? Divine in its own right.

Two Kinds of Funny

Man, I get some interesting people checking out this blog. Like, someone just found it by searching for: "woman gives birth to sasquatch." If we're talking about the one that lives upstairs from me, then yes, I can assure you it is possible. But only by a head-first birth or C-section because no way you're getting that kid out feet first. That ranks right up there with the search someone did for "Tim McCarver Needs to Die" during the 2003 ALCS...and they found my blog. Um. Kay.

Also, I find it quite humorous that the sight of so many obnoxiously drunken metsexual clones in the 'Boken got my ire stoked so much that I almost physically went after two guys who just paid my backside a vulgar compliment. It was the most bizarre thing -- I'm walking along, my early-evening buzz worn off, listening to Phil Collins (shut up) on the iPod, and I actually hear the sleazoids talking about me in a way that should be reserved for a locker room (and fellas, just...no). This wave of anger just hit me, I spun around and yelled "God, Fuck OFF!" and literally had to STOP MYSELF from charging at them. Like, what could I really have done to them? Even if I was a good foot taller than one of them? I know I'm half Sicilian and all, but, man, that anger was just...weird. And slightly awesome. Especially since no one expects that shit to come out of little old me.

But my eruption was worth it because all they could do was laugh nervously after and repeat my "fuck off" without a comeback. That rules.

Though I'd much rather be able to walk through this town and NOT get sexually harrassed, thank you very much.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

All Good Things...

So it looks as if Tino doesn't have to homer in every game for the Yanks to get a win. Phew! That would've been like WAY too much pressure on the man right there.

tino

Why does this picture strike me as so Oh Happy Dagger-esque? Like he's about to jab himself in the tummy with the bat because he can't go on failing us in such a way? Don't worry, Tino, we love you no matter how you're hitting. Mr. Giambi on the other hand...

Friday, May 13, 2005

In Which I Grow Some Disdain for Hoboken

So this morning, I'm leaving my apartment building when I see my neighbor standing right outside the front door. She points down to the corner of the door itself in warning, telling me to watch my step. Turns out, there was a little baby bird all huddled down on the ground, probably having fallen out of a nest. It was freaking adorable and broke my heart to see it all scared and shit. I went back inside and brought down the phone book, and my neighbor called the animal hospital around the block to see what we could do. Their response? They don't treat wild animals. Um. OK. Can she give us a number to call? She does and, of course, it doesn't work.

At this point, both my neighbor and I are on the late side of getting to work, but this thing is sitting there chirping weakly, and then we notice a bird sitting on the phone wire above us looking down, making these weird chirping noises -- the bird's mother. My god, I thought I had my fill of seeing adorable things get heartbroken on Wednesday night, but apparently I haven't filled my quota for the week or something.

There's no animal control number or animal rescue line listed in the phone book, but I remember my mom calling the department of health once when our Labrador had a little fun with a baby squirrel in our backyard. They directed her to the right place and some people came to take the wounded and terrified squirrel away, and all was well.

But that's the suburbs. I try calling the department of health in Hoboken around 8:30 and there's no answer. My neighbor takes down the number too and says she'll keep trying when she gets to work and I promise to do the same, my heart breaking that we have to leave this little helpless thing squirming on the ground because of our stupid jobs. I leave a note on the inside of the door warning our neighbors to watch their step (because if Sasquatch's foot met with this poor thing, well, it would be toast), and when I get to work, I call the Hoboken Department of Health. And then I get pissed off.

No, not because of the woman who answered. She wasn't snotty or anything, but when I asked her if there was anyone I could get in contact with her response got me -- "We're working on something but we don't have anything right now."

Excuse me? Like, there ARE wild animals in Hoboken. You mean to tell me int he 150 years the town's been in existence, there's been no one to call when one of them gets hurt or poses a threat or something? But there's enough money to have 78 parades a year? Between this and the vet who won't help wild animals, I'm kinda pissed off with the Mile Square City. Especially knowing that that little bird can't be long for this world with the 10 bazillion stray cats that roam the streets of Hoboken -- the same stray cats that I guess nothing will ever get done about.

Whatever.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Befriend This Blog!

Alright, so I've decided I need some celebrity "friends" of this blog. Like on The View today, Star mentioned (for the four bazillionth time) that the late Johnnie Cochran was a "friend" of The View, and you hear lots of talk-show people doing this. Like, they're not friends of the host, but they're friends of the show. Interesting. But in my case, there's no reason these people have to choose -- they can be my friend and "friends" of the blog and we'll all get along just fine.

Recently, I was thinking about doing a post on what celebrities I'd have over for a dinner party, so I guess that list would apply to who I'd want to be "friends" of the blog. Roll call!:

Rachael Ray: Because she just seems so darn friendly and fun and down to earth all at the same time. She could be a "friend" in that she gives us good, fast recipes and how to eat cheap in cities all over the country.

Tyler Florence: Because I've long suspected that he, of all the Food Network chefs, would be the one who would totally get The Chicken. And then he'd make us something yummy.

Anthony Fedorov: Because...duh. Just read the last few months of this blog. Hell, just read the post before this one.

Bernie Williams: Because wouldn't you love it if he and his big cow eyes stopped by to say hello every now and then? Maybe talk baseball and play us a few songs on his guitar? Maybe duet with A-Fed? Though the genuine earnestness of that might just kill some people, I fear...

Joe Torre: Because he always knows how to answer a question, even ones that piss him off (not that I'd ask anything that would) and he just seems like a genuinely cool guy. No, stet that, he's the f'ing Man.

Tino Martinez: Because there are many of you who love him (myself included) and I'd want him here just to hear y'all squealing with delight and freaking out and hyperventilating when he makes his appearances. He's the Yankee equivilent of Elvis lately.

Bobby Murcer: Because he's the most optimistic yet realistic Yankee announcer on the YES Network and he's been announcing since I was a kid, so he's like an old friend already.

Freddy the Fan: Because he totally gets what it means to be a true fan.

J.K. Rowling: Because I want to be the one who gets the Harry Potter clues out of her that no one else can get...oh all right, I know I don't want to be spoiled for the final books, but I have my moments of impatience. Sue me.

So if any of these people should, like, ever see this blog (because you know Bernie's online searching for things like Yankee Chickens all the time and is a lurker here because he just totally agrees with me on everything)...won't you be our friend?

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Make it One for My A-Fed, and One a Whole Bottle for the Road

*Sniffle* Oh, hello there, gentle reader. I didn’t know you could find me here under my blanket. I guess The Chicken let you in. He’s a little worried about me at the moment. Yes, I’m under here in the dark, with a big bottle of vodka, listening to some *hiccup* melancholy Sinatra, trying to piece together where my darling little A-Fed went wrong -- like why the judges seemed to hate him, like why America wasn’t hearing what I was. Like why this kid grew on me like probably no singer/pop culture person ever had or ever had a right to. And, like, why I’m actually slightly hurting over this right now and even an awesome Yankee win today is not dulling the pain. *Stops to take a long swig from the bottle. *

Ah, Frank’s singing a good one now about Spring being here and how he’s, like, SO not caring because Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson had no love to spare for his favorite big blue-eyed contestant in a singing competition and now he has to wait like a year for this kid’s album to come out because you have to wait till the pimped-to-the-extreme winner gets their record out first. Man, Frank just gets it, you guys. Frank KNOWS my pain right now because he’s totally been there. *Hiccup*

But what gets me most is I LET this show do this to me, so it’s mostly my own masochistic fault. I mean, I honestly think I like American Idol so much because it’s like sports and gives me that little rush I need in the winter when the Yanks aren’t around. It’s live, there’s action, and competition, there’s some kind of officiating (though if Simon, Randy and Paula were, like, reffing in the NFL or MLB, they’d be in freaking jail for being so half-assed and crooked), and there’s good to great singing. It’s got KB written all over it. The thing is, the first three seasons of this show, I got disappointed when my faves fell out, but it usually ended at mild irritation, or just not watching the rest of the season, like last year, when LaToya was ousted and I gave up all together and swore I wasn’t coming back to this house of pain. Oh, Karen, you and all your big talk. *Swig*

Then came the night in February when I was folding my laundry in the living room, talking to the roommates as the audition rounds of this show progressed and I was still trying to figure out if I wanted to forgive and forget and watch this season or not. That’s when this blonde kid with glasses came in while I was folding my socks and I was all “whatever, cookie cutter” and then out came this voice that made me stop my folding and I just stared – I was besotted. Like, yeah, I’m using that word and…shut up.

Anthony Fedorov won me over by possessing one of loveliest voices I think I’ve ever heard, and sealed his place in my heart during the competition by choosing songs that were right up my cheesy alley. And I’ve figured out recently why I like him so much (adorableness aside) – he’s a throwback to my childhood, when power ballads sung by men with huge, spectacular voices ruled the airwaves and weren’t considered eye-roll worthy. Fast-forward 20 years later (eeeek, long time, I know), and here’s this sweetie pie blond kid who didn’t go all boy-bandy and skeezy as current trends seem to dicatate and actually sang stuff that appealed to me, a 28-year-old. To me, he was using that awesome voice power for good, rather than evil (see: Jesse McCartney et. al). He sang with such an earnestness and effortlessness that I don’t think I’ve ever seen. Like, ever.

sniff
Waaaahhhhhh!!!! Come back, A-Fed, come back! Incidentally, I’m ordering this in poster form off art.com to feel better. You think I’m kidding?

And it helps that the kid is like sunshine personified. Seriously. Just picture sunny days in human form, and you’ve got yourself A-Fed. And while that’s enough to make some people go into a diabetic coma, his effervescence and singing just makes me…happy. I get a big dopey grin on my face when he’s belting one out. So I guess I watched mainly because of him, just happy to let him take me back to my cheesy self every week, praying (and voting) like crazy that he’d keep advancing, especially when others were sucking around him.

But I forgot how evil this show can be, how it purposely dicks you around, and how you can’t trust it as far as you can throw it. I forgot that it’s manipulated as all hell (I do, however, believe the voting…somewhat), that the producers have people in mind that they want to win for marketing reasons. That just because someone’s your favorite doesn’t necessarily mean they’re allowed to win. I knew all this stuff, but I shoved it aside, choosing not remembering my bitter feelings from last year when I said I probably wouldn’t watch again.

And therein lies the mistake. I had to go and do my laundry that February night and I watched. And then I made an even bigger mistake -- I found a favorite contestant. And I got attached. And he got kicked off after performing pretty damn well. And now I’ll miss him like the deserts miss the rain and shit.

Damn.

*Hiccup.*

Well Fuck Me

TIIIIIIIIIIIINOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! AGAIN!!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!

So, when do the steroid rumors start?

I Object

I just wanted to throw out there that I positively, absolutely HATE jury duty. It doesn't matter that I'm not the one serving and my partner is. Oh, no. Jury duty has a ripple effect -- the person who gets selected is stuck and the people who work with the juror have to absorb his workload because of the stupid law.

Now, I'm used to this sort of thing because when one person in my three-person department goes on vacation, I have to step up and be two people at once. But that only lasts a week at most, usually. This is going on a week and a half. And it's coming off a few months where both my boss and partner have taken vacation time within weeks of each other and it feels like we've haven't had a full staff all year. And who has only take two days off this year? Yeah, that'd be me of the dual identities in the copy department.

In short? I'm burnt f'ing out. And I need a vacation. NOW.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Tuesday Two-Play

God my remote got a workout tonight. Two things on at once...it's hard, y'all.

First off, let me just say that I'm watching VH1 Classic right now and Amy Grant's You Could Be So Good For Me is on...starring Yankees starting catcher Jorge Posada. I swear to god, the dude she's frolicking around with in the video with is our Jorge sans the No. 20. The resemblence is uncanny. I never would've pegged him for an actor playing the playful love interest in early 90s soft rock via a Christian singer, but there you go.

So, how 'bout that Tino? Can I just say how lovely it is to see? Especially with all the questions about the Yankees "age" this season? I'd like to say something along the lines of "Reports of his death were greatly exaggerated" (and it would apply to this whole team too) but I don't want to get cocky in May. But it's nice to see. REALLY nice.

And how 'bout my little A-Fed...kicking Carrie's butt on the same song? Man, I didn't love anyone really tonight (these lame-o themes are killing me) but he did bring his A game and was, to me, the most solid performer tonight. And you're going to be, like, this blog's best friend if you freaking rock out on a song as awesomely kick-ass as If You Don't Know Me By Now (especially if you're a Yankee fan), which is precisely what A-Fed did (and on the whole lack of "soul" thing, Simon, whatever. The kid emoted while singing it, something Carrie didn't do and it made it that much better -- so it's not the band's fault.), and in the Pimp Spot no less. Here's hoping it pays off for him. I've learned good performances get you nothing on this show, so I voted my fingers off, only getting through about 8 or 9 times on two phones. Whatever that means.

No More Drama? Thank GOD.

It's Tuesday, so time for me to spout off about something Idol-related. Today, I can honest to god say I'm completely and totally irked about the attitudes of it seems like, oh, everyone who is "uninterested" in how the rest of this season pans out because it's "boring."

I swear to god, I might just be the only person in the U.S. who watches this show for the actual singing. The whole belting out a tune thing in good fashion fascinates the crap out of me because it's something I can't do. So, no, I'm not one of those people who tunes in to see a trainwreck or a contoversy. I'm low maintenence like that.

So to see people shrugging their shoulders at the current top 4 makes me kinda sad. This is probably the best final 4 the show has had, vocally speaking. They all have rich, distinct voices, and they all seem like genuinely good people deserving of being there. But because they're "bland" (i.e. -- don't have "colorful" personalities), and there are no more controversial contestants, we should toss this season in the trash. Huh? I say thank god none of them are "colorful". One of these four is winning this thing and I'll be subjected to hearing them on my radio for the next god knows how long (and even if they don't win, we'll be hearing from them, or I at least I hope). I want someone with a pleasant voice doing this, not someone who spazzes out and it's called a song like so many things polluting the radio nowadays. Because you see, colorful, to me, doesn't translate into good listening. It only means a lot of hot air and pretty clothes. A hot and pretty voice? Not so much.

vonzcarFedbo
I think all of y'alls rock. Don't know what's the matter with the rest of the country...

It would be one thing if everyone on this planet could sing well -- then I could see needing something else to motivate you to watch. But that's not the case, so the utter talent that these four possess (and think about this -- they're singing live, in front of millions of people, yet a lot of the stuff that comes off this show sounds just as good as something produced in a studio. And a lot of the time, you have no idea how enhanced studio recordings are. With this you get the real deal.) is enough to keep me tuning in, and is sure as hell enough to make me happy.

I mean, I work for a soap opera publication -- there's enough drama surrounding my day that I guess I really don't need it from a singing competition....

ETA: It's official, ladies and gentleman. Straight from his girlfriend, A-Fed IS a Yankees fan. He is SO now an honorary member of the SS Mystique and Aura. Which means, um, arr, ye must vote fer him or no grog with yer dinner tonight....

Monday, May 09, 2005

Sometimes I Wanna Give Up, I Wanna Give In, I Wanna Quit the Fight

I think we need to have a very hearty/emotional singalong to celebrate the Yanks' first three wins in a row of the season. This little power ballad came to mind after seeing Moose crack a smile in the dugout (and somewhere I heard a thud, which I'm guessing was Shannon swooning down to the floor somewhere in Florida), after seeing Tino beaming after his home run (and even from my apartment, I could hear Tonya screaming from the Bronx) and after seeing Mo's face ease into a grin after the final out. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the awesomest that Bad English has to offer, the great When I See You Smile. And I expect to hear all of you get all hairbandy, freak out and get all deep-feeling on that last verse before the final chorus.

Sing it like you mean it -- sing it like you're a Yankees fan:

Sometimes I wonder
How I'd ever make it through,
Through this world without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue

'Cause sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me,
And there's no way of breaking free
And then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you, baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

When I see you smile
I can face the world, oh oh,
you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world
that could ever do
What a touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that I ever knew

And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it,
'cause you're here with me now
And one look at you baby
Is all I'll ever need,
you're all I'll ever need

Chorus

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

So right...

Chorus

Herbal Essences

Monitoring this week's herb seed growth:

tino

The Tino Oregano is popping up, while its name sake is knocking the ball out of the park seemingly at will.

jeter

The El Capitan Parsley is looking quite robust, I must say.

In Which My Face is Aflame

Dude, it's bad enough when you e-mail your work buds about something that made your face turn ten shades of pink and red and makes you feel super duper self conscious (yet weirdly delighted), but you wanted to share your delight/embarrassment anyway. Like, the intent was to laugh at yourself and be all "I'm such a dork!" and for your co-workers to be all "Tee-hee! You ARE, silly!" and go on with my day.

And then you find out that in your dorky embarrassment, you sent off said e-mail to only two of the three intended recipients -- and that the e-mail also landed in the hands of a complete stranger in your company, 2000 miles away, because this person shares the same last name as one of your co-workers and you weren't paying attention to the CC field. Not that this person has responded, but now this unknown employee knows you are a total dork who blushes ten shades of red when you are tickled/self conscious about something.

And now all of you know, so that kind of evens things out and makes me feel a little bit better...nope, still blushing...

Got to Be Starting Something

I just loved this column in the Post yesterday. I mean, it was after Moose's win, which seemed to make everyone extremely giddy, but it was the most optimistic thing I'd read about the Yanks in weeks. One of my fave lines:

Of course, Brian Cashman and Joe Torre need to understand that once this talented team inevitably begins to play better...

Greenberg concludes that statement with the Yanks needing to make a trade by summer, but I like the wordage here: "Inevitably begins to play better." INEVITABLY. This is what I have been thinking all along, but not many seem to agree. There is just too much talent here for it to lay latent for the remainder of the season. Remember, A-Rod was slumping roughly three weeks ago and look where he is now. I don't want to jump the gun after two wins strung together, but you really can't think this team is going to be so offkilter forever, and I think what we saw Saturday and Sunday is what this team is truly capable of.

Just as long as the Yankees remember it's just one day, ultimately they will be competing as usual.

And I'd like to say that that's a bold statement coming out of the NY Press, considering they'd usually be all "Stick a fork in them, they're done."

Optimism. How refreshing.

He's PERFECT

Cheesy love songs, adorable, and holy shit you guys, check out what he's wearing in the second photo. LOOK, DAMN IT! EEEEEE!!!!

I officially lurve him.

*Sighs.*

Sunday, May 08, 2005

*Rubs Eyes in Disbelief*

Whoa, wait a second! Who was that man pitching for the Yankees today? Surely it couldn't have been Kevin Brown -- he would've given up six base hits after loading the bases with nobody out. This guy actually got out of that situation unscathed. And then pitched a brilliant game thereafter. Oh, wait, it had to have been Kevin Brown because that's exactly who ESPN.com is saying pitched today under the headline "Helping The (Lost) Cause" (which, really, ESPN. You restore my good faith in you by finally bashing the Sux and then you pull this shit out. Just because the Rockies, Cubs and Yanks are struggling right now does not make the entire rest of the season a "lost cause." So, it's been awhile but...Shut Up, ESPN.com) and it certainly looks like KB in the picture...

In all seriousness, I give my props to Mr. Brown. It was great hearing the Stadium crowd getting all restless in in the 2nd inning, only for that restlessness to turn to supportive cheers and clapping and stuff -- I wouldn't be surprised if he was even motivated by it. As much as we fans are frustrated with the man, you know NY loves nothing better than a comeback kid. Hopefully today starts something for him.

Clay is the Only One Who Can Ease Your Mind, You Dig?

So during Wednesday's Idol results show, the remaining five did a pretty good rendition of Bridge Over Troubled Water, with Bo anchoring the song in awesome fashion. But there is outrage, I tell you, because someone else sang this song so well that NO ONE could ever touch it again, you guys.

Who is it, you ask? Simon and Garfunkel?

No.

What? Are you crazy? Well, they must be outraged because Aretha had a good...

Nope.

Then it must be Johnny Cash's...

Nu-uh.

The, uh, Michael W. Smith version Ryan refered to?

OK, I'll just tell you: Clay Aiken.

stunned silence

I KNOW. The balls of these kids trying to top the best performer who ever lived!

You think I'm kidding? I warned you once before about the zealot-like Clay lovers out there. And as soon as the message boards opened up after Wednesday's show, there came the outrage (in small doses, mind you) that the remaining five dared try to top their beloved Clay, who apparently did the Best. Version. EVAH. or something like that. Not only is this a HUGE insult to Mr. Simon and Mr. Garfunkel, but geez, Clay was doing a cover too! He didn't write the damn song and was like the 846th person in history to record it.

And while we're on the subject, I'm sorry, but while I was rooting for Clay in season 2 (and voting for Ruben), I thought his version was a liiiiiiiiiitle too overdone. I mean, they brought in a gospel choir for crying out loud, and to me that song is one that has to be done simply and be all about the main vocal tearing at your heart strings, not the forced pomp and circumstance surrounding it.

I know most of the people decrying AI for going near "Clay's" song are nowhere near old enough to know that there are many other versions of this song out there. The S&G and Aretha versions are on my iPod, and yes, the Idols' version from Wednesday was just added as I thought it was one of the most lovely-sounding group sings in the four seasons of the show (and because I'm a dork, but you already knew that). But I'm a 28 and therfore an Old Fart, so what do I know?

final.five
sgarethaclay
One of these things is not like the other...and it's you Clay, not making my American...iPod!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

GIACOMO!!!!

Giacomo -- I mean, COME ON. How awesome would it be if a horse with this name won? You can say it with or without an accent and it would sound great. His odds are 50-1, but I'm sure he's spectacular. With a name like that, how can you not be?

Day-um! I didn't REALLY think it would happen. Shoulda played it, damn it! But awesome, just awesome.

Especially because it does sound great with the accent and without.

The Yankee coaching staff should be VERY happy they won today because I'm sure George would've been really angsty or something tomorrow and done something regrettable. Phew.

Though my dad is now convinced we'll be seeing Derek Jeter jockeying Bellamy Road in the Belmont, with Don Mattingly training....

Friday, May 06, 2005

Sorry, George. Not This Time.

So I'm ready to make my yearly Derby pick, and it sure as hell ain't George's horse. I mean, he's my boy and all, but Bellamy Road is by no means a cool name, which is my basis for picking a winner. But this year, there are three horses whose names just rock my world, so here's hoping one of them pulls it out:

Giacomo -- I mean, COME ON. How awesome would it be if a horse with this name won? You can say it with or without an accent and it would sound great. His odds are 50-1, but I'm sure he's spectacular. With a name like that, how can you not be?

High Fly -- Baseball reference! And 8-1 odds right now. Not too bad.

Greater Good -- I guess because this sounds like the name they'd slap on a John Grisham-esque movie. You know the ones, where it's a pretty cookie cutter plot involving murder and the law and the hero being caught in the middle of it all, and they pull an innocuous name out of the air and slap it on. But it's great for a horse. I like the aliteration in it, too.

I Hope the Trees Get Their Revenge

Holy moly, people, I will never be so happy to have Hoboken's mayoral election over and done with. God, I cannot escape the candidates -- they are like freaking suit-clad stalkers, complete with stuff for you to read. They almost put the Jehovah's Witnesses to shame -- wait, they do, because in the 2 1/2 years I've been in Hoboken, I've never been accosted by someone spewing the word of god, but in the last three weeks I've been brow-beaten like crazy by people seeking a political title. It's scary.

Here is how Hoboken politicians go about campaigning annoying the shit out of you:

-- They show up at your bus stop. Several times a week. Like, dumbass, I met you two days ago -- and so have the rest of my fellow bus riders. Today, as I made my way over, I saw the mayor himself and his cronies standing on the bus stop corner. I swear, I came thisclose to hoofing it over to the PATH station just to avoid them -- then realized the other candidate's gang was probably hanging out there.You all know I have my "alone time" while I commute, and I sure as hell don't feel like shaking your hand and enduring your phoney smile while I'm trying to zone out. Thank god for the iPod. I just give a tight-lipped smile and nod and take their reading material and try not to tell them that it dismays me that so many trees had to die because you don't think I can make up my mind on my own.

afedydj
Now if these guys showed up at the bus stop, I'd totally turn off the iPod for them.

-- They call your apartment. On weekends at 9 a.m. Luckily, you have roommates who are slick and awesome (and smartly not registered to vote in Hoboken) and will be all "No, she's not here right now." Or else you'd have to take their "surveys" and listen to them go on about how much they care about the Mile Square City blah, blah, blah. And I don't believe a word of it because Hudson County is so freaking corrupt.

-- They send high school kids to YOUR DOOR to do campaigning for them. Because they know you won't tell a kid to piss off. And while I'm glad to see young people getting involved in politics, I find this practice of making them do your bidding all kind of disturbing for some reason.

-- They barrage your mailbox with things for "The Bischer Family." Again, the slaying of many innocent trees so they can tell me and my, um, husband and children how many parking spaces they've created (when I don't have a car) or what they're doing for taxes (when I don't pay taxes because, hello, I rent) and just what all-around great people they are and how much the other candidate sucks. They have forms that tell you their marital status, like I'd honestly worry that a band of gold might effect your political manueverings. I'm not sure people my age or younger gives two craps, either, as the majority of us are unmarried ourselves. Or as Tonya put it "I don't think the Bahama Mamas crowd is going to care if your married or not." So much for knowing your audience.

-- They throw a crazy amount of political ads on the YES Network. Like, OK, now you've crossed the line. Yankee games? Are sacred and not to be messed with. I want to see the Ricoh ads, and the AFLAC Duck, and the Zap Lube commercial Eric hates so much, and the awesomely bad Hoboken Beer and Soda ads. Hell, I even enjoy yelling at the smug Grey Goose bartenders more than seeing political mud slinging. I mean, it's bad enough you invade my "alone time" in the morning, don't make me have to hurt you for invading my "happy time" with the Yanks at night.

What gets me most is this: Where the hell are these people when it's NOT election time? I mean, if they were coming to my bus stop at all times of the year to say hello, I'd be less annoyed, even though they'd be showing up more and ruining my alone time. Why? Because it's insincere as all hell to come out now. You just want me to vote for your ass -- you couldn't care less about me the other god knows how long your reign is. Don't think I can't see through it, Mr. and Ms. Votey McVote.

But then politics and I have never mixed well. Perhaps I'm the one with the problem...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Sheesh.

So today Oprah has on cheating husbands. The guys on the panel are being very candid with her (and she's not really grilling them, just letting them get it off their chests) on their reasons for cheating and I swear, it's almost enough to scare me away from ever considering getting married.

Between this and Brooke Shields going on about her horrific labor and post partum depression yesterday, I think I might just stay single and childless for the rest of my life.

It's the idea of repopulating the world with more Yankee fans that keeps me from losing faith completely. I just have to keep my priorities straight, yo.

Grenades. In New York.

Not exactly what you want to hear when you first wake up in the morning, especially when the newscasts are so nonchalant about it and you're all, "Dude! Little makeshift bombs went off outside a consulate in Manhattan -- I don't CARE about the weather!" It worried me especially because I (along with Carolyn and Dexter) work smack in the heart of embassy central -- the Mexican and Polish embassies are right next to my office, the UN not 20 blocks away, and not to mention all those nice tourist attractions that are in spitting distance. But I guess it's nothing to worry about because the NYC media, which would normally run with this thing like there's no tomorrow (I mean, they go crazy when there's more than a gusty breeze if that tells you anything), isn't even bothering right now.

The best was when I told Carolyn and she was all "Don't worry about the Mexican embassy. No one's going to bother them today -- it's Cinco de Mayo!"

Then perhaps all we need to do is share the Corona today, and teach the world to sing in perfect harmony or something. It certainly can't hurt.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

HE'S SAFE!!! My beloved A-Fed, who I thought was so gone, hath slain the scary giant!!! My two-fisting of the phones may have helped -- I feel so...yay!!!

This is all huge for me because before the show, the official AI Web site had a "leak" that my little A-Fed (which I'm not sure if I can keep calling him little as I read he's 5'11" and he's now no longer a teenager) was toast and I was all somber. If you clicked on a question about Constantine's ouster last week, it said "What Do You Think of Anthony's Leaving?" Everyone took that as a gaff on Fox's part, but correct. BUT IT WASN'T!

Now if only the Yanks could pull this one out...

ETA: OK, so I am now not so worried about the Yankee offense anymore. Sure, they couldn't outscore the Devil Rays tonight, but 8 runs should win you a game. It's nice that I'm only rolling my eyes at the pitching now. It's hard to multitask your worrying, ya know?

And on this festive day (A-Fed's b-day, he's safe, Scott's gone and Lost was finally back), let's give a nice C&TB Shout Out to fellow Yankee afficionado and appreciator of the movie Eddie and the Cruisers Paul Katcher, celebrating his 5-year blogiversary today.

I'm a Hex and a Rainmaker

I'm so avoiding reading anything Yankee-related right now because this day sucks enough already (my partner has jury duty, so more work for me, just adding onto last night's disappointments). But I did see Friday's forecast and it calls for...well, you probably know by now.

UGH.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Bad Night.

Tonight? Fucking hates me.

Going under blanket now to pretend it never happened....after voting like crazy for A-Fed, who admittedly sucked on his first song, but doesn't deserve to be outlasted by Scary Scott. I have two phones in my hand, and I'm not afraid to use them.

So this one's for you Anwar, and you Nadia, and you Nikko, and even you Constantine. I'm two fisting for A-Fed in the hopes of moving him through to the Final 4 and in an attempt to seek redemption for all your oustings. If A-Fed's going down, it's going to be in one mother f'ing Idol cheesetastic blaze of glory and the part of me that adores this kid sure as hell is not going down without a phonetastic fight.

Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night!!

And can we see if Tony Womack is willing to become a pitcher too? Sure as hell couldn't hurt...

That's. It.

bigback

Check out the Daily News getting all crazed and shit over Bernie sitting out a bit:

The most notable change is that Bernie Williams will vacate center field, tendinitis in his right elbow dampening his already-weak throwing ability. Hideki Matsui, who played center field while starring in Japan, will shift over from left field beginning today. Williams will get some playing time at designated hitter, though there is already a logjam at that spot with Jason Giambi, Tino Martinez, Andy Phillips and Ruben Sierra, when he returns from the disabled list.

But while Williams' departure isn't altogether surprising...WAIT! Hold yer horses, there. The fuck, News? He's going to be sitting out till he's healed and you use the word DEPARTURE? Way to make it look like something it's not, you rat bastards.

I'm tired of this crap. So, that's it, guys. I'm done with the Daily News. I know tabloidishness is something that is a norm in this city, but that almost borders on libel right there. Between shit like this, today's backpage, and Lupicass, my once favorite sports section is now something I wouldn't even wipe my ass with.

They make it sound like this is permanent when this is the most improbable thing I've ever heard. Robinson Cano (awesomest name ever, that there) hasn't even played in the majors -- you think he's going to be there for the rest of his life instead of what he really is...what probablly is just a temporary replacement (we sure as hell ain't missing Karsay, that's for sure). I will bet you ANYTHING that a few weeks from now, Womack will be back at second, Bernie splitting time in center with Bubba and Matsui back in left.

If anything, it's Giambi's who's gotta watch his ass, but what do I know? I merely hold a degree in journalism and follow this team day in and day out.

God. I hate this town sometimes.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

So, with the Final 5 here, let me give you my dream scenarios for the American Idol Finale. What, did you think with that title that it'd be Yankee related? It's Tuesday, people!:

My dream Final 2:

boanthony

Bo and Anthony

I've said since the top 24 that the guys were far superior to the gals this season. With the exception of Carrie, no girl knocked me out vocally early on, and I was seriously hoping for an All-Male 12 (Bo, A-Fed, Anwar, Nikko, even Scott before he stopped seeming to care, knocked my socks off in their audtions). But since they had to be fair, they let the gals in and ruined all my fun. I like Vonzell and Carrie, and think they really are the best female singers of the competition but, alas, they have not won me over completely.

And let's not talk about Scott.

So that leaves me with my two fave contestants, and what would be an awesome (to my ear, anyway) final. I'd get my classic rock sensiblitlies filled by Bo and the cheese so dear to my heart sung by beloved A-Fed.

And then I'd want neither to win.

Yes, you heard me correct. I don't want AI to steal either one of their souls and make them sing god-awful songs about rainbows and sunshine and believing in yourself and waiting a whole lifetime for that one special kiss. Gah. Could you see Bo singing that? Totally not his thing. And as much as he is awesomely cheesy, I want A-Fed singing the cheese classics of Air Supply and Journey and Foreigner, so keep him away from those Idol-produced lameass freakouts called songs, please.

I don't know how you work it out that neither contestant wins, but that's why they call it a "dream."

A longshot, but I'd like it just the same:

vonzellanthony

Vonzell and Anthony

Because these two have grown by leaps and bounds this season...yet the judges, especially Simon, fail to give them their props when they out-sing everyone else (and yeah, I think Vonzell has outsang Carrie in recent weeks). I'd love to see these two make it, if only to prove you don't need producer manipulations and virtually no pimping to make it this far. Plus, I think they come off as the most downright sweetest and adorable of the remaining five (see: their awesome reaction when Constantine and Scott kinda "dissed" them last week by standing with Carrie and Bo -- the two just cracked up and didn't look pissed at all) I'd actually trust this combo too because it would mean they got by on the public voting for who they actually wanted, as opposed to what the producers want (and with all the conspiracies surrounding this season, it's safe to say I trust nothing from the Idol big-wigs.) And what do the producers want, you ask? Well, let's see...


What will probably be the Final 2:

bocarrie
Bo and Carrie

This is the combo the producers want -- the Sweet Country Girl with a Big Voice, against the Early Underdog with a Rockin' Persona. I can't say I disagree with it, but I'm just so anti AI producers these days that I'd be kinda disappointed if this did turn out to be the case. Hear me out.

He's been solid all season (with the exception of one off week) and the fact that the country didn't freak out over his cocaine use (especially in these overly conservative times) tells you he's made a good impression and is totally fine. He's the most consistent performer, he knows his material and how to work a crowd, and while Simon doesn't seem to know what to make of him, the other judges love his ass, with good reason. I'm pretty sure the producers staged that whole "Bo, pick where you belong" thing a few weeks ago, knowing full well he wouldn't choose sides, and took advantage of that to make him look good to the people who were on the fence about him. Like, I don't think they would've made him choose sides if they didn't want him to go far, and rockingly, I think Bo knew it, if the exasperated expression on his face said anything.

She's been pimped all season, and early on she deserved it. Though to me, she's been one of the weakest performers in the last three to four weeks. Aside from her awesome big notes at the end of MacArthur Park, I feel like she's been phoning it in, and only Randy seems to be the one calling her on it. You will be hard-pressed to find Simon say something bad about her, which leads me to believe he (and the producers) want her to win because she really is the most marketable of the remaining five.You rarely hear anything bad about her performances (even when she's off ) and I think people are more inclined to vote for someone when Simon isn't belittling them. Because of this, and the fact that she does have a great voice when she puts her mind to it, she'll make the top 2. And only if she steps it up in the next few weeks will I say she deserves to be there. And, people, I had her in my Top 2 since the beginning, so yeah, you can say I'm majorly disappointed in her lately.

Of course, if Scott keeps getting voted through, we've got us a whole other ballgame. But I'm not going there unless I have to. And I REALLY hope I don't.

And folks, if you ever were going to vote for my little A-Fed, do so tonight. I mean, vote even if he sucks (which he won't), because last week he rocked the fucking house and...a lot of good it did him. His birthday is tomorrow, and I don't want to see him get all bespectacled again and then have to cry on his 20th if he's voted out because Scott's "supporters" want to ruin this thing for everyone. That might just break my heart into teeny tiny pieces and y'all don't want that now, do you?

Monday, May 02, 2005

Hit a Little, Pitch a Little

Yo, I think we just saw an example of a "perfect" game there. You get the offense doing things in big and little fashion (and I loved Ken and Bobby being all "OH MY GOD! MATSUI'S SHOWING BUNT!" because I seriously haven't laughed like that in a long time. Especially when they threw in the part that the last time he sac-bunted was in 1995. It just tickled my funnybone for some reason), you get a very solid start from one of your aces, the bullpen comes in and is all good and then Mo closes it out (though no save this time), bing, bang, boom. 11-2 blowouts are not always necessary, and little finesse games like this are always appreciated.

What I don't appreciate are the overabundance of Grey Goose commercials. I've had to deal with their pomposity for the past two seasons, and enough is enough. You're a friggin over-priced vodka, for crying out loud. I don't need your smug bartenders telling me that if I'm a designated driver that I'm my drunken pals' "chauffeur", and that I won't ever throw your precious brew in a guy's face (they seriously underestimate me as a Yankees fan, because if a Sux fan or what have you insulted me or my team, I'd dump Dom Perignon in their face). It's made me a strict Kettle One girl -- you think I'm kidding, and I half wish I was because what does it say when a commercial during my fave team's games is influencing me in hate? -- and I give the Grey Goose bottle dirty looks when I see one anywhere. I'm pretty sure that's not what you were going for with the campaign, but there you go.

And I miss the old Ricoh "I Get Ideas" ad. It always made me peaceful in times of Yankee-induced angst...

Y'all Don't Come Back Now, Ya Hear?

You want to know something weird? I'm kinda happy the Yanks aren't playing so hot right now. Because it's eventually going to purge us of many of the bandwagon fans, the ones who jumped on between 96 and now. I mean, losing to the Sux last year sifted many of them out of the way, and this is only helping to get rid of more. It's great because if there's a downside to winning, it's having these hangers on ruin all your fun.

When you think about it, these jackasses have never even known a losing season. They've never known what it's like to not make the playoffs. This is why I assume so many people are acting like it is their god given right to see a winning team year in year out -- they don't know (and don't WANT to know) any different. They probably dumped the Mets as their team in the early 90s, slunk around in obscurity for a few years, and in 95 or 96 suddenly became Yankee fans. They were the first ones to brag about being a fan of the pinstripes up until now, when they'll probably be the first to boo Mo, dis Jeter and call Joe Torre an idiot. Look for them back at Shea by June if the Yanks keep up their current trends. Wait, look for them at Shea regardless, because the Yanks not winning the World Series the last four years is totally a good reason to turn your backs on them.

Gag me.

See, I can remember entire losing seasons -- in a row -- so a losing April isn't a knife in my heart that's going to cause me to go ballistic and be all "WHY?!!!!!!!! God, I'm so out of here." And if last season taught me anything, it's that losing does not kill you. It's called perspective, and this is something a bandwagon fan will never learn because they don't stick it out for the long haul to learn it.

And it's a marathon, people, something that these instant-gratification shmucks will never learn. Yeah they're playing like ass right now. But to get all bent out of shape this early when there's still five loooooooooooooong months left, well, does it really solve anything? Do you watch this team to be all pissed off or do you watch because you like the sport, the team and know that on any given day you have a 50/50 chance of seeing a win? What if the Yanks slide all year? Are you going to be angry and bitter until September? Is that even healthy? What if the Yanks go on a tear from now till October? Did being bitter and angry early on make it more gratifying or something? Disappointment is one thing. An over-inflated sense of entitlement because you think winning is the only option is another.

Anyway, I'm just here to say that I ain't here for the winning -- it's a hell of a lot more than that that keeps me turning on the YES Network every night and blogging about it the next day. And the great thing is, I know most of you reading this feel the same way, so I know I'm not alone.

So to all the bandwagoners, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Say hi to Willie for us on your jaunts to Shea, and we'll make sure to send you a postcard from the Series in October.

And it most certainly won't be signed, "Wish You Were Here."