Sunday, July 31, 2005

The Squatch Has Left the Building

Yes, my friends, let us have a moment of silence and remember Sasquatch, who has departed for Hoboken Parts Unknown, probably already stomping his way into the hearts of those who live below him.

The new guys are already moving in and Carolyn has met two of them. She thinks they will be normal and not a source of angst. She even thinks they might be the type of guys we could be friends with. Friends with your neighbors? Now there's a concept...

It's Been A While...

...But shut up, Lupicass. I was only checking the Daily News to see the backpage today, and I guess I wanted to get pissed off or something, because I went and read one of his columns for the first time in months. And guess what? He still has issues with A-Rod! What a shock! He whines about people putting Mr. Rodriguez in the Best of All Time category, which, whatever. It's all subjective. But this? Is really pushing it:

Has watching A-Rod play baseball ever given you the same thrill you got watching Willie Mays?

Um, well, I never SAW Willie play, and I'm sure he was super-exciting to watch, but why is it that almost every game I go to, I sit there and STILL marvel at the fact that we landed A-Rod? Why does that all-natural swing of his make me awed? I've never seen a Yankee in my generation with a swing so effortless, and yet so powerful. And it's amazing to see someone of his size with such ease as an infielder. He looks so hulking, I'd never expect him to be so graceful and accurate. In short? I do get a thrill, Lupicass, so put that in your teeny tiny pipe and smoke it.

But if he's the best player ever, then what is Barry Bonds?

You're kidding me, right? Barry Bonds, who is most well-known for hitting home runs, and now most well-known for hitting said home runs under the influence, something that is not even inferred with make me laugh, Lupicass. The people like him who still think Bonds is the best player out there...damn what ARE you smoking? If there were no steroid allegations, I'd be right there with you, but the man is on the road to breaking the home run record because he JUICED UP. Something Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays and the like didn't do. Something A-Rod's name has never been connected to. It disgusts me that so many people look past the cheating, though I get the feeling Lupicass just trotted this name out to make people think "Yeah, A-Rod doesn't have Bonds' stats, you're right Lupicass" because he thinks we're all too dumb to remember Barry the Balco ballyhoo. And to forget that Barry has 7 more seasons on A-Rod, and that he might not catch up to Bonds at some point or something.

Hey, let's get technical for a minute. Here are Mr. Bonds' first 10-years compared to A-Rod's:



Damn, I'd say with the exception of patience (A-Rod's got more strikeouts and Barry has more walks) and Barry's stolen bases, these guys are about evenly matched. 7-8 years from now, we'll compare the rest of the stats, and I'd dare say A-Rod's will come about without any extra "help".

So maybe we should amend this and say A-Rod could be the most NATURALLY TALENTED best player out there. Yeah, I like the sound of that.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Just to Note

World Championship teams don't have bullpens that suck the life out of whatever game they're brought into.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

ETA: Wel, hell, who needs a bullpen when you gots a big time rally in your bones?! Give a lot of credit to Giambi for his monster shot in the 8th for making it closer, and credit the patience exhibited by everyone who came to bat in the 9th. That is how you win ball games, my friend. And that is also how you yank a fan right out of a bad mood, I might add.

It's Always Something.

So, like, the weather cooperated and was totally nice and peaceful and quite lovely for baseball watching.

Too bad the Yanks sucked ass tonight.

But I have to say, the suckage of the game was NOWHERE near as bad as my commute into the Bronx. I will dare to say it was my worst commuting experience of the 6 years I've been working in Manhattan, maybe even usurping Hurricane Floyd and the three-hour train ride from hell. How does a commute earn this distinction? Well, let's just say it should not take you TWO HOURS to get from Midtown to the Bronx by train. And the commute must be frought with obstacles. I swear, fucking Odysseus got to where he was going faster than I did and had a much easier time of it.

It starts when I miraculously get to leave work at 6:15 (props to Rana for sticking around for me). I get right on a 4 train, and I'm all "Awesome, I'll get there before the first pitch!" Oh, whoa there, six-hours ago self, you might want to rethink that. We just get past 86th street when the "delays" start. "Heavy volume" is desribed to us by our conductor. At this point it's 6:40. We're then stuck in this limbo of Move Five Feet, Sit For Ten Minutes crap. Until we get to 125th street around 7:15, where they tell us "Hey, sorry dudes! The Train ends here!" Thanks to an "Investigation" at 138th Street. The look of confusion on people's faces was priceless. Because there were hundreds of us standing there, 36 blocks from the Stadium, and literally nowhere to go. I call Tonya all peeved as piss (and other people are getting angry because cabs are refusing to take them to the Stadium) and she advises me to follow 125th to get the B or the D all the way over on the West Side. So I hike my ass off, red-faced and ready to kill someone, and finally happen upon the station.

I feel blessed when a B train is sitting right there. It doesn't close its doors for awhile, but it's nice and air conditioned and I'm only missing the 2nd inning at this point, so what's one more inning? Then we get to 135 St. and sit there for five minutes. Then we get to 145th and the Conductor's all "Hey, sorry, dudes, the train ends here!" Again.

I think I was seriously capable of murder at that moment. Or when a train arrives across the platform, packed to the extreme, and I wait another 20 minutes before squeezing on another severely crowded train. And when we finally pull into 161st Street, I make the mistake of going up the first set of stairs, which only has one turnstile thingy at the top of it...for hundreds of people to get through. Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods when I finally reach my seat at 8:15. It's made even better when I'm squeezing into our row, and who should be in the seat next to mine? TRENCH COAT GUY. Yes, he of the wanting to burn the Yankee Journal school of thought. I make a motion with my head to my friends, and they courteously let me switch my seat, because lord knows I think I was capable of throwing him down the aisle and throwing hot dogs and beer cans at him at that point.

Toss in the most uninspired game I'd watched in a long time, and a terrible time getting out of the Stadium and you've pretty got a bad night. Thank god the gals make for good company.

I need a nap.

Friday, July 29, 2005

I Think Know It's Going to Rain Again

Tonight's NYC Weather Forecast is said to be:
A) Partly cloudy and warm with a nice breeze
B) Clear and cool
C) Mostly cloudy, then partial clearing
D) Why do you even bother checking? Because you know it's a Season Ticket Friday and therefore it's going to pee down rain at some point in the evening hours. Usually somewhere between right before the first pitch and the last out.

And this is all assuming I get out before 10 p.m. And can even make the game tonight...

(How's that for Post No. 2000? YIKES! That's a lot of writing...)

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Frazzle Dazzle

This is the first time I've looked up from my workload in the three hours I've been here, and now there is a Yahoo game to boot. GAH!

Aaron Small, you'd better pitch your ass off. Especially since I raced up to the Stadium yesterday after my my late work night, only to be greeted with suckiness all around. I am owed — Big Time — Small. You too offense.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

*Sighs Impatiently*

How many times do I have to tell people that Sasquatch IS REAL? And he totally terrorizes lives in Hoboken, not the hinterlands of Canada. I mean, he's metrosexual. Do you really think you can wear a polo with the collar popped up in freezing temperatures? Like, duh, smarty-pants Canadian scientists who think you're so ahead of the times by testing that strand of hair.

Thanks to MG and Tonya for the link.

He's Going in a Chicken...

Just so y'all know, The Chicken is making his appearance in Volume 7 of the Freddy Sez newsletter. He's going to be a STAH, I tell you, a STAH! So if you're hanging at the Stadium and see Freddy, give the fry pan a tap, and check out the literature he carries with him. And if you see anyone looking at The Chicken's picture in a funny way, you set them right, ya hear?

PS -- Kat, where did your blog go???

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Seven Days to Sas

Oh my god, you guys. I'm so depressed that I only have one week left with Sasquatch. I saw him moving some things out today. I even have a photo to prove it:

Picture 1

I bet he's got every shoe he ever dropped in "bombs away" fashion at 3 a.m. in there. And all his slam dancing CDs. And bottles of creakiness that he sprinkles on his bed to make it louder.


Saturday, July 23, 2005

Yeah, Even Daylight Savings Time Comes Back to Baseball

No! You can't extend Daylight Savings Time! I mean, I love having light longer, but it works out so nicely with the baseball season right now. It usually begins around Opening Day -- hell, it happened ON Opening Day this season -- and it ends on the day they play Game 7 of the World Series. That's how I remember this stuff when I'm editing stories that need EDT or EST in them. And one of my fondest memories was the Yanks winning the 1996 World Series on Saturday night, and in the middle of the dorm celebration, around 2 a.m., I set my clock back and gained another awesome hour to savor the win. How cool is that?

Friday, July 22, 2005

Trash This

One of the worst things in dealing with a loss such as last night's, aside from whiny so-called fans of no faith, is the trash talking I get from non-Yankee fans. And before you get all self righteous and remind me that Yankee fans are trash talkers as well, know that I am not a trash talker unless seriously provoked by someone already talking smack. Which is why I don't get it when people come after me. Well, maybe I do. I think the kind of smack that isn't in good fun comes from people with big ass inferiority complexes. I mean, why the hell else would you be so concerned with what another team is doing when you're supposed to be such a big fan of your own team? If I find out the Sux or the Mets or whomever lose (and not because I'm sitting there all night keeping my eye on the Yankee game and the scores of teams I'm supposed to hate) I don't waltz over to fans of said team and rub it in. Because that? Is unclassy as all hell. And karma's a bitch, yo.

And I hate that people get off on talking smack and taking joy in other people's pain. What is that about? Are you really that bitter and maybe afraid of this team you're talking shit about that you derive more happiness from my team losing than yours actually winning?

Maybe I need to become an asshole fan...nah, I'll just hope karma comes around to bite these mo-fo's in the ass. And hopefully sooner than later.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Yeah, I Totally Live in Northern New Jersey


I mean, where else but at an Italian Street Fair in Hoboken will you find MASSES of people who fit the bill for this casting call? And for The Sopranos, no less.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Small Comes Up Big

Oh, come on, you so know this is going to be a headline tomorrow.

And to all those who were throwing themselves off the bridge last night -- you can climb back on now.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Quote of the Day

Ken, on the marble and gold embossed staircase leading up to our office: "It makes me feel like we're in Hogwarts!"

When I learn to apparate and ace Potions, I will let you all know.

Monday, July 18, 2005

In Which My Brain is Very Full

I don't know what was more emotionally draining: that bizzaro Yankee game that just finished, or the fact that I plowed through the last 150 pages of Harry Potter in about four hours. The fact that I was able to read and keep an eye on the game was doubly taxing on the nerves. I knew the game was going to be sloppy from the outset, so I was prepared for the emotional toll on my stomach. Harry Potter? Damn, I did not think it was going to get me as worked up as it did. My hat's off to J.K. Rowling -- this might be the best Potter book so far. Now how many years do we have to wait for the final installment? Gah.

And my hat's off to poor Ruben Sierra. His ultimately game winning hit rewarded with an injury. Sigh.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


So the Yanks went with adding some dude named Al Leiter instead of kidnapping A-Fed from the Idol Tour and forcing him to use his left arm for things other than signing autographs. Thanks for ruining all my fun, Cashman and Co.

But seriously. Al Leiter? You get new best friend of the day status for that performance. I mean, I can tolerate Joe Morgan's diarrhea of the mouth when he's not bashing the Yanks, and Al pretty much held said bashing to a minimum. I will be eternally grateful if he keeps Michael Kay's fanboyish whining to a minimum by pitching the rest of the season like he did today.

And had this been last season, or even earlier this season, the Yanks would've just been swept. Thursday night's game, the offense just would've shut down or Moose would've given up about six more runs; yesterday the bullpen would've blown it, and today Mo would not have gotten out of that bases loaded jam and he would've been the goat.

But guess what?

This ain't last year.

Rock on!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Hee Hee

If I were, like, 14 and posting on forums like crazy, this would totally, like, be my signature:

Picture 2

Awesome Things of the Day

-- This morning at the Barnes and Noble, being on line with about 6-7 people for Harry Potter, and only one of those people was a child. The rest? All my age. Then crossing through the park to meet up with Dexer and Vicki, I see a 20-something guy reading it intently on a bench. So awesome.

--And this little nugget from a feature story about A-Fed:

Fedorov confirms an anecdote about him that when he was in middle school he told his baseball coach he was going to a be a star someday.

''I remember I used to say that,'' he says. ''I was just joking,'' but, at the same time, ''I meant it.''

A-ha!! He did play the grand old game at one point, so maybe he COULD be persuaded to come in and help out the Yankee pitching cause. I mean, it's not so awesome if you're just a left-handed singer...

Ohmigod! This would SO work!

--The ever obnoxious Fox broadcast's new graphicy feature -- you know that little thing in the top left hand corner that lets you know how many runners are on base? Well, they now do close-ups of it, and in each "base" you'll see the guy who's standing there. It looks very Brady Bunch esque, and for the first time, a Fox stupid graphic made me laugh instead of want to hurl something at the TV. But I'm guessing its intent isn't humor...

Friday, July 15, 2005

I Think I Might Just Miss Him When He Goes

So, while the Yanks are getting mauled and I'm sulking because the Barnes and Noble here in Hoboken isn't doing a Harry Potter Midnight Madness (and I therefore have to wait till tomorrow in the a.m. to get my copy that I reserved about five months ago), I hear through my cieling the strains of the music of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Yes, Sasquatch is home on a Friday night watching WILLY WONKA. That is just all sorts of awesome and entertaining.

I, on the other hand, am home on a Friday night because my new job is all sorts of mentally draining right now, and several late nights this week are taking their toll. I'd say I'd go up to Boston to kick the Yankees' ass for making my night really annoying when all I wanted to do was relax, but I'm too tired. I'm not cool enough to watch Willy Wonka, so I'll just have to make do with The Goonies or The Muppets Take Manhattan or something...

They Like Him, They Really, Really Like Him! For Today, Anyway.


I'm still not on speaking terms with the Daily News, and I'm sure they'll be back to ripping him a new one in no time, but this backpage actually made me feel all sorts of proud for Mr. A-Rod.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Allow Me This Moment

Attaboy, A-Rod!!! EEEEEE!!!

Now, I know this season is FAR from over, and that the Yanks are still behind the Sux in the standings and stuff, but I just want this little moment in time to savor my least favorite person on the planet getting what was coming to him, if only for one night:

I guess True Yankees don't hit monster home runs off you when it counts...take it all, beyotch.

Did I Just See That?

So yeah, I work for a company that encourages "tea time" and grants you Boxing Day off as a paid holiday. How awesome is that?

Everyone rocks so far at the new place. It was a little hectic today, and I expect it to be for the next few weeks. Not sure how this will effect the blogging, but I'll try my best.

And can someone tell Curtass the goatee really makes him look stupider than usual? I mean, I had to squint to see it. To use a fave word of Tonya's, it looks ridonkulous...and as I type this A-Rod takes him deep!!! With his super-defender Shef on base!!! Oh my god, talk about the universe evening itself out!! I can't even think, it's so damn poetic!

You're Just So Jealous, I Know

I've just returned from seeing Richard Marx, and while you may be rolling your eyes/laughing at the notion, just know that at least I embrace my cheesy side. Some people just bury it beneath layers of cynicism, and what fun is that? Anyway, the man really puts on a good show. The mullet is gone, and he totally makes fun of it. He's a great storyteller and comes off as very down to earth when talking to the audience. It's quite refreshing. And his band kicks ass, as he does. I'd actually love a bootleg copy of the show, that's how pleasing to the ear it was.

Richard imparts his cheesetasticly awesome wisdom on us.

You gotta love...

...a concert venue...

...with a rotating stage.


But oh, when you get a late 1980s power ballader in concert on Long Island, the night is also going to be made for People Watching. Like, big hair, mullets, showing off their 1994 Richard Marx concert undewear, complaining that they don't make tape decks for cars anymore, that sort of thing. But the highlight of the night (aside from the personalized autographed photos Carolyn V. snagged Tonya and I) was riding from Penn Station out to LI on the train and having to deal with quite possibly the craziest person in NY in our car. The man was preaching to no one in particular, just going on about how we think we're so great living in NY, when California is the place to be. People were rolling their eyes at him, because he was seriously screaming. He then starts going on about how we can never truly fall in love and get married, because who is it that we really love? Like, yeah, he wants to know...who is it you really love?

Tonya: (muttering) Derek Jeter?
Me: (murmering) A-Fed?
Crazy Dude: (screaming) Your mother! You can only truly love your mother!

It's at this point that this one young guy, who looked normal, but I'm convinced is a wacko in his own right, starts yelling at the guy to shut up. This is NY, dude, there are crazy drunks everywhere, and you can NEVER win an argument with them, so just deal with it before you get your ass killed. You're from Long Island and are therefore close enough to the city to know this sort of thing, so why bother? But he's about to pop a blood vessel over it and Crazy Dude just laughs in his face basically and makes fun of his shoes. Because he is crazy. And drunk.

Angry Young Man gets off at Jamaica, to which Tonya utters "Jamaican me crazy" in the Crazy Dude's direction, but he can't hear her. He's quiet for a little while, but then starts accusing this guy of taking a picture of him with a camera phone and almost starts getting physical with him. That's when the conductors finally kick him off the train -- at the same stop Tonya and I are getting off at. So we, like, totally book for a Taxi to avoid him, and thankfully, that's the end of it. But for the rest of the night we wonder about one of his theories that stated "You could all be happy if you get married and move to California or Europe or South America." Because he totally contradicted himself since you CAN'T get married because you only truly love your mother. It's dizzying, I know. That's why we dubbed the LIRR ride "The Crazy Train."

And now I must be off to bed. I gotta start a new job in the morning, yo.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

Live with Richard Marx: So

Live with Richard Marx: So far, we have encountered some INTERESTING people. And the concert hasn't even started yet...

Squee of the Day No. 2

Question: Why didn't anyone tell Tonya and me about how dang adorable Brian Roberts is? I mean, I know he's an Oriole and all and the Yankees have played his team many a times this season, but we never saw him with his hat off. Until last night, that is, when we were standing at a bar (waiting to be seated for my office goodbye dinner) and SportsCenter flashes an interview with him and I literally shouted "Oh my god, he's HOT!" Then Tonya was all "DAMN!" and while he can't be my boyfriend because he's the enemy and all, I can honestly say it wouldn't kill me to see him around more.

And speaking of the farewell dinner, my co-workers put together a fabulous KB-centric mock cover of our magazine, complete with Mr. Fedorov and Mr. Rodriguez battling for my affection and my "cursed" Yankee Journal making it to the NY bestseller list. And they also got me a gift card to my personal Tiffany's, the Yankee Clubhouse Store. Now I just have to decide what to buy with it...

Squee of the Day No. 1

Fear not, my little blond Yankee-loving cheese singer, they're so gonna love you.

Warming my heart greatly today? This comment about the Idol Tour from the Palm Beach Post:

Anthony Fedorov: I take back everything I said about him, because his Every Time You Go Away was soulful, note-perfect and (forgive me) sexy. Who knew?

That's right, bitches! You can take back all your insults of my darling little blonde one, because now that the evilness of Randy, Simon and Paula is taken out of the equation, you're allowed to form your own opinions about him instead of listening to the "experts" -- the "experts" who have the winner in mind from Day One. And his voice in person is pretty damn phenomenal, so be prepared to actually, you know, like him. And I know I can't wait to see...whoops, nevermind.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Count This

So much for your This Time it Counts idea being a hit with fans, Bud. From today's ESPN poll:

9) What's the best method for determining home-field advantage in the World Series?

72.4% Best regular-season record
14.3% All-Star Game winner
13.3% Alternate between leagues

But will he listen to that? Highly unlikely. Only his ideas are the best ones, after all...

A World of Problems

You know, I actually admire Sheff's attitude for not wanting to play in this World Cup. He seems to have in mind that his paycheck is coming in to play for the Yankees and not for the United States. And the more I think about this World Cup, the more I'm soured on the idea.

1) I don't get how this is supposed to generate a "world" interest. All the countries that are supposed to be represented are already big on baseball. It's like preaching to the choir. I could see if they were playing these games as an exhibition in Europe or something, but a full-on tournament in Japan, the U.S. and Mexico? Where people already are willing to pay money to see these guys play? How does this get MLB more money later on (because we know everything Bud Selig does is tied to making more money for the game -- and I'm getting sick of all his ideas to make the game "better" just so people will forget he was the man in charge during the longest strike in the Majors, the canceled World Series, the steroid scandal, and an All-Star Game that he called in extra-innings, much to the anger and dismay of fans. Fans it seems he couldn't care less about because he wants new fans...jackass.... Whoa, where did that rant come from?)

2) I don't like that it's starting smack in the middle of Spring Training. If it were in November or earlier in the winter, I might not mind so much. Because we're going to deplete the majors of its marquis players for a few weeks when teams are supposed to be coming together. I also can't believe the Florida/Arizona tourism industries aren't crying bloody murder over this, as you're taking away these players from fans who go to spring training specifically for closer access to them.

3) While it may work out that the players will be in better shape by the time Opening Day rolls around, I don't like that there's a greater chance for injury here. Especially since the "stakes" will probably be so high, and the players seem so intent on playing their best for their countries.

4) I don't want any Yankee pitcher anywhere near this thing. I'm sorry, I want my guys good to go in September/October, not sitting out with a dead/tired arm. Bragging rights for the country of their birth be damned.

5)I like seeing my Yankees as Yankees, at ALL times of the year, and I hate that this tournament would label them as "American," "Dominican," "Puerto Rican," etc. But then, let's remember, I'm a Yankee Fan before I'm a Baseball Fan or something like that, so it's not surprising that I think this way....

Monday, July 11, 2005

I Hate You, MLB

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know I'm a little slow on the uptake here, but since when is the Home Run Derby about WHAT NATIONALITY YOU ARE? This ain't the freaking Olympics and representing the country of your birth. It's about representing YOUR TEAM or even just representing YOURSELF. Let me guess, this is MLB's way of "generating interest" in this part of the All-Star game. What-fucking-EVER.

How can Alex Rodriguez not be part of this thing? Albert Pujols? My god, even Manny? I want to see guys who are going to wallop the ball till no tomorrow, not some "My country is better than yours!" fest.

Tonight, for the first time since its inception, I will boycott the Home Run Derby just for the sheer stupidity of it. I'm obviously not who MLB is courting anyway, since I like, you know, enjoy the game of baseball for what it is and don't need an extra incentive to watch it.


Cookies for the Cap'n

Man, it's always amazing how the All Star Break sneaks up on you. Though I'm not sure I should be so taken aback given the fact that every columnist this week has been opining over the exclusion of El Capitan from the festivities. Seriously, Derek Jeter can do no wrong in this country in the eyes of sportswriters, which is awesome. When you consider about five years ago, people would just shrug their shoulders about Jeter and say he wasn't all that, this is a huge feat. Though I wish one of them would come out and be all "You know what? I was wrong about Jeter back then." Jumping on the lovetrain just because everyone else is doesn't quite sell it for me, though I will take this over him being bashed anyday. What a waste of ink their whining was back then.

Anyway, I wonder if he's in NY? Perhaps I should send over a batch of All-Star Break Cookies (getting baked today) to soften the blow of not being selected...

Oh, yeah, and to all the people who think Giambi is "back on the juice," do you really think he'd be that dumb? With MLB and Congress and Curt Schilling and god knows who else gunning for people on'roids left in right, do ya think Jason doesn't know he'd be a prime target for "random" pee-in-the-cup selection now that he's doing well again? Listen, I hate that he did do this shit and he only has himself to blame for people speculating about it now. But if the man is just getting fat (because that's what it looks like to me, not muscle) and swinging the bat well again, it might just be because he's, like, getting healthy. He looked like shit last season, didn't play for god knows how long, and now he's finding his groove again. I mean, he did have SOME natural talent in there before the 'roids, so I wouldn't be that shocked if he's still got some in there now. He's apparently working with Mattingly now, who if I remember correctly, was never accused of being on steroids, yet could smack the ball pretty well. Could it be that, gasp, he's actually imparted some wisdom on Giambi that would help his swing sans steroids?

Nah, that'd be too easy for this conspiracy hungry country...

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Oh. My. God.

Dudes. Sasquatch is moving out! Seriously! I know my readership is probably as devasated about this as I am.

According to his brother, who gave Melissa the news just now, they're out at the end of the month and three new guys are moving in. The questions are endless: Will they be as loud as Sasquatch? Will they possess ants in their pants at bed time, a la Sasquatch? Will they have sex so loud we can hear it through the cieling? Will they slam dance till 5 a.m.? And most importantly, will they be cute?

But I'm going to miss Sasquatch. I mean, what if the new neighbors are, like, decent and I don't get to ever again declare revenge early on a Sunday morning by blasting the best hairbands have to offer? I mean, is life worth living when you can't be all passive aggressive?

I need to go for a walk or do a shot or make cookies or something to absorb this....

The Hell, Weather?

So when I get in the shower 20 minutes ago, it's a beautiful day, some happy, puffy clouds in the sky, great temperatures, the sky is blue and when I come out, it's like a freaking tornado is about to hit. And it cuts off Old Timer's Day! So if I haven't told you lately, weather, YOU SUCK.

We Made it Through the Rain

Yeah, so after our awesome meeting with Freddy (He has a newsletter! And I'm sending him The Chicken's picture for it), the rain, like, didn't stop for a long time. Yet we sat out in it like the troupers we are (especially our Special Guest Star for the evening, Tonya's friend Steph, who is used to the nicer weather of San Diego), and the Yanks played through, and they very nicely held on to win for those of us who toughed it out.

We had some fun with Melky Cabrera's scoreboard photo, in which his hat is askew and he's making this "Oh Boy!" face...or as Darth Marc (visiting with us for most of the game) said "He looks like The Gerber Baby on crack." which, yeah, if you can imagine that, that pretty much sums it up. We all also added more fun "headlines" for him like "Why By the Cow When The Melky's for Free?" and "Got Melky?" and "Don't Cry Over Spilled Melky" and NY Original Steph wondered if his at-bat music was actually the theme song to Green Acres. Ah, that Melky is an entertaining one thus far. All this was a nice distraction from the rain, which was a steady heavy drizzle and quite miserable, especially while the Yanks were losing at first. I know Paul Katcher was also in the hizzouse, getting rained on in the good seats, and probably had a better view of the oceanic puddles on the field. Seriously, I haven't seen the warning track that soaked in awhile. Props to the grounds crew for getting everything in shape in fast fashion.

Soundman was yet another repeat (come ON Soundman, throw us a bone here), the Kate Smith version of God Bless America was back, and we got Liza's New York, New York -- they are SO lucky the Yanks pulled it out, because that would've just made me think someone was out to get me or something.

I also decided I want to see DJ and A-Rod duet on More Than Words sometime before I die. Like, that might be right behind hearing A-Fed do the SSB at the Stadium and becoming Yankee Poet Laureate. My pals agreed that song choice would rock. Perhaps we can persuade them to do a Yankee Talent Show? Hmmm.

And Aaron Boone? FOUR for FOUR? Coming into the game with his .198 batting average? Man, we had a good time with the first three, but that last one was like "The hell, Aaron?" as it was a very precarious situation in the 9th and we were trying to forget our undying goodwill toward him. Thankfully, Mo got it together in time, and I was able to put my poncho away. Though now I'm wondering if it was good luck and if I should wear it to every game...

Friday, July 08, 2005

Freddy Sez Hi!

We just hung out with Freddy and I got his autograph!


The Pros are a Big Con

Well, baseball and softball have been cut from the Olympics. My thought was it was a long time coming because not enough countries play the games to garner lots of interest but apparently not:

Baseball has been vulnerable because it doesn't bring top Major League players to the Olympics.

You're kidding me, right? The Olympics actually wanted professionals to play? When it's supposed to be an AMATEUR event? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all about endorsements and how no Olympic level athlete is really an "amateur" anymore. But how about I like the idea of an UNKNOWN winning a gold medal instead of people who get the spotlight every other day of the year? I hate that hockey, tennis and basketball do this (and I really hope after last year's US Olympic/NBA embarrassment that we go back to college kids who actually want to be there) because these are athletes that have already reached the top of their game and I'm kinda bored hearing about them. After the first Dream Team, I couldn't have cared less about our basketball teams because it was assumed they'd roll over everybody. And up until last year, they did. How is murdering your opponent on the court a competition in "the Olympic spirit"?

I'm glad MLB never decided to shut down its season to accommodate this (because, really, we'd be playing until mid November if that were the case), and while I'm sorry to see the sport dropped from the Olympic rotation, I'm glad they didn't besmirch yet another Olympic event by letting in the big guns. Because it used to just be about the Kid With a Dream making it on the Wheaties box, not the Millionaire Who's Already Had His Day in the Sun. Many Times.

The Big Chill

A show of hands: How many of you are sitting at your desk right now, wearing jeans, a T-shirt, a sweatshirt and a blanket draped over you? And are in a public working environment?

Yeah, I knew nowhere could be as cold as my office right now. It's almost too cold to type (I'm making lots of typing mistakes at the moment because I can't move my numb fingers correctly). Tonya's got not one, but two space heaters going at the moment. All because this office building feels the need to blast the air conditioning when it's supposed to be only a high of 68 on this rainy day.

I'm going to see if I can start a fire in my trash can to warm my hands up a bit...

Thursday, July 07, 2005

How A-Rod Gives Me Flowers


Oh my god, you guys! The A-Rod Basil is flowering!! Like, it's been around for a year now and it never sprouted any buds or anything, so I thought mine was just weird or something. Then today, I'm like "What the hell is that?" and I look closer and it's little flowers! And who hit a home run tonight? Yes, the non-Basil A-Rod.

Perhaps the basil is like a living metaphor for its namesake. Like, it produced last year, but wasn't totally awesome. Then it survived a rough winter (albeit indoors) and now it's back with a vengeance and doing more than it did last year. And looking pretty!

The Melky Way

From a Trenton Thunder press release:

The Trenton Thunder, the Double-A Affiliate of the New York Yankees, have announced that Melky Cabrera, who began the 2005 season with the Thunder, has been promoted to the New York Yankees and is scheduled to start tonight against Cleveland.

With a name like Melky, how can he not be awesome? Very excited to see if he's the goods, and I'm glad this will keep Bernie from the outfield and therefore keep people from jumping all over him for his lack of fielding. Because the man can still hit, yet people are all stuck on the old age thing. Ugh.
It's amazing how business-as-usual Manhattan is today. I can honestly say the only upped security-like thing I saw was that the cop cars that are normally sitting outside the Lincoln Tunnel had their lights flashing today. That's it. I didn't use the subway, so I have no idea what that was like, and apparently the PATH lines were crawling with cops and bomb sniffing dogs. But above ground? You'd never know.

I think that's what I like about this city so much. It never panics, and if it does, you'd never know it.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Just Getting it Off My Chest

How do you get people to back off from trying to set you up with someone? When you've expressed no interest in being set up? And they try to ply you with things like "But he's a Yankee fan"? Like, if being a Yankee fan were my lone criteria for a mate, I could conceivably date half the men of the tri-state area...

God, it was so much easier in college when you were allowed to be friends with guys first and then see where it went from there, be it friendship or romance or whatever. But that's apparently immature now or something. Now every guy you meet has to be prefaced with romance right off the bat. Like, no pressure there or anything. Because being single is bad, BAD, I tell you, and everyone needs romance in their life and blah-di-blah-di-blah. Like it shouldn't matter who you're dating, but that you're just dating someone. Even if the only thing you have in common is that, how rare, you like one of the two baseball teams from New York City.


Lots of Fivers Here

Stolen from Yankeebob, as it's a slow news day here at The C&TB:

10 years ago... I was getting ready to go to college, where I thought I'd meet my future husband in one of my English classes or something. BWAH!!! I was such an idiot about guys back then. I'd also never seen the Yankees in the playoffs. Boy, was that all about to change.

5 years ago... I was living in Astoria and still working for McGraw. So obviously I was having a lot of fun, but frustrated that you weren't allowed to correct something like "Seagulls have clawed feet" on books that were going to a bunch of third graders. In the sunny, almost-surrounded-by-water state of Florida.

1 year ago... The weather was bizzaro for almost all our season ticket outings on Fridays. The more things change...

Yesterday... I "watched" the game on Yahoo, only to find out all the webcasts of the game were screwed up. Luckily, Tonya kept Steph and I in-the-know because she was listening to the game on the radio.

Today... Is humid and muggy and blech. And I only have one week left at my current job.

Tomorrow... Is only Thursday. Sigh.

5 snacks I enjoy... Fried Oreos, Cadbury Crunchie bars, M&Ms, hot pretzles, and brownies.

5 songs I know all the words to... Well, it's a hell of a lot more than five, but some random ones for the moment: Take it Easy, The Eagles; Wonderful World (Don't Know Much), Sam Cooke; Endless Summer Nights, Richard Marx; American Girl, Tom Petty; Midnight Blue, Lou Gramm.

5 reality television shows I watch... American Idol, The Apprentice, The Real World, House Hunters and While You Were Out (but really just for Evan adorable!).

5 television shows I watch daily... Yankee games, The View (but only so I can e-mail Tonya snarky comments on the beeyotch hosts)...and that's it. There's nothing else worth tuning into for me every single day.

5 things I would do with $100,000,000... Buy an apartment building where all my friends live for free, pay off my college loan, get some kick-ass seats at the Stadium, have one ginormous fiesta, and retire to a life of writing books and not caring if they score me money or not.

5 locations I would love to run away to... Just a nice beachy place for the winter. I'm content here the rest of the year.

5 things I like doing... Walking around Hoboken while listening to my iPod, Monday Night Dinners, Catching up on Blogs, writing my book, and cooking.

5 things I would never wear... Anything higher than a two-inch heel (I'm tall enough, damn it), a Sux hat, black on a consistent basis, anything "retro" (I lived the 80s already, thank you), and "panties" -- I call it underwear, as panties is just one mother f'ing creepy word.

5 recently seen movies I like... (I'm counting stuff I rented/watched on TV since it's slim pickens at the movies lately) War of the Worlds, Revenge of the Sith, Ray, Miracle, and Before Sunset.

5 famous people I'd like to meet... Mr. Anthony Fedorov, Bernie, Bob Sheppard, Rachael Ray, and Meg Cabot.

5 biggest joys of the moment... Yankee games with da girls, any song A-Fed sings on my iPod, that Harry Potter 6 is out next week, my light-up Yankee pen, and the nights Sasquatch stays at his girlfriend's.

5 people to tag...I cannot specify. Cut, paste and answer at your leisure.

Feel the Hate

It always interests me when Page 2 does their little polls. The current one is on Player Hating, which, is interesting because it's full of successful people/teams, with only a few people sprinkled in with asshole tendencies. Which means we as a country really do hate a winner, when it comes down to it, even though the top of our field is what most of us strive for. Go figure.

Anyway, the two questions that caught my eye:

9) Which team do you love to hate the most?
42.2% New York Yankees
15.2% Boston Red Sox
9.6% Duke basketball
6.8% Dallas Cowboys
5.3% Los Angeles Lakers
4.9% Notre Dame football
4.0% University of Miami football
3.5% Ohio State football
3.5% New England Patriots
2.6% Oakland Raiders
2.3% Florida State football

I always find it interesting that so many people claim to hate the Yankees, yet they are the biggest road draw in baseball. And you can't tell me that they're all packing in to root for a team (that they can't be bothered to cheer for all year) to beat the "hated" Yankees. If that's the case, then that really is sad that the level of hate for one team eclipses your love for another. REALLY sad.

8) Which coach do you love to hate the most?
18.2% Steve Spurrier
16.3% Mike Krzyzewski
15.1% Phil Jackson
14.9% Mike Martz
8.6% Bill Parcells
8.1% Bobby Bowden
7.6% Brian Billick
4.9% Tony La Russa
4.4% Larry Brown
1.7% Buck Showalter

I love that Coach K is second here. I had the privilege of seeing him in a press conference after his team manhandled Florida A&M in the first round of the NCAA tourney in 1999, and he was the biggest dick I've ever seen dealing with the media. Maybe it was just a bad day for him, but it totally made me happy when UConn beat Duke for the title that year, if only for his completely uncalled for behavior toward a few reporters.

And how about I hate the weather more than any athlete or team? Tonya just informed me that Tropical Storm Cindy is going to hit the area on, you guessed it, a Season Ticket Friday. ARGH.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

The Meat Ain't the Only Thing That's Hot...

So Tonya and I are trying to figure something out. You see, this week and last week we visited Chipotle for lunch, and both times the place was busting at the seams with hot guys. Tonya has also noted that Subway is a favorite haunt of the male persuasion. We want to know what it is about these places that calls out like a siren song to the men of NYC. Is it the fact that there's a lot of meat? The fact that a man can feel in control of his lunch because he's telling the sandwich maker exactly how to make something to his specifications and he can see it right in front of him? What is it that brings the cute men out in masses? And why did it take us so long to figure out that these are places we need to go to lunch to more often?

Monday, July 04, 2005


I don't know what the hell is up with blogger, but it's eating my posts left and right. Sigh...

Weekend in New England

Three twentysomethings (Liana, Eric and me), one teenager (Liana’s sister Kari), two days in a city (Boston) and one rental car (a Toyota Avalon) as transport. Can we say road trip?

Upon arriving at our hotel, Liana decides to go find parking, while Eric, Kari and I head to check-in. The check-in dude starts striking up conversation with Eric when he sees that he’s from New Jersey. Eric tells him that we’re in town for the Sux game, and the dude’s like “Are you guys Yankee fans?” Eric says he’s a Sux fan, but notes that one of the other two behind him is a Yankee fan. Well, let’s just say check-in dude doesn’t seem too keen on that. Eric points out that I’m willing to set my bias aside to check out Fenway, and talks about how nice Yankee Stadium is too, and check-in dude is like, “Who cares about Yankee Stadium?” And he wasn’t joking. Kari actually lets out a chuckle at this point and it should be noted that I didn’t make eye contact with this dude AT ALL during this conversation, such was my rage. What I really wanted to do was scream “Dude, your team beat the Yanks to get to the World Series last year, lighten the fuck up.” But I stayed quiet, stewing.

It was like seeing a blade of grass in a cold, barren field of dirt.

Onto the game! The T? Totally makes you appreciate the 4, the D and the B. I know Boston’s a smaller city and all, but damn, on game days they need to add more cars to their trains. I swear, I have NEVER been on transportation so crowded before in my life. Never thought I’d sing the MTA’s praises, but there you go.

It’s relatively easy getting into Fenway itself, which is nice, and we find our seats no problem, under the scoreboard out in right-center. Even from what sounds like a far-away location, you could see everything just fine. Except the out-of-town scores, which Steph was nice enough to supply me with during the game. As you can imagine, there were Sux hats and shirts and signs ALL OVER the place, but it didn’t really bother me in the eye-rolling way that it does when I see that stuff around NY and Hoboken. I mean, this is their town, so I was prepared to see the lovefest. But it did make me miss my Yanks terribly. I mean, they’re getting all excited when the Sux rally and stuff and I’m sitting there thinking “What I wouldn’t give to see a Yankee rally right now.” Though it was entertaining/distracting to ponder what it is Manny Ramirez does when he disappears into the Green Monster when pitching changes are being made….

To keep myself from curling in the fetal position, I chanted “Bucky Dent hit his home run over that” about a thousand times.

Anyway, at one point, I hear this girl behind me sit down and say to her friend “welcome to Fenway!” So I’m thinking she’s a diehard introducing someone to her fave place or something. Well, about two minutes later, I hear her boyfriend or whatever he was ask “Which one is Damon?” Which, OK, maybe he’s not a baseball fan but WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST 8 MONTHS?!?? The man is EVERYWHERE. Including standing right below us, his long hair making him standout. The girl then goes, “I’m not sure. I don’t know what his number is.” I turn around slightly and notice she’s wearing a Sux T-shirt. I just shake my head. The dude goes “Do you know what position he plays?” and I’m muttering “center field” to myself and the girl goes “I don’t know? Second base?” She then laughs and says “I’m sorry I don’t know. I just cheer for them.” But that’s not the best part. As the game ends and we’re waiting to leave, I see her and boyfriend (also in a Sux T of the Manny variety) waiting by the stairs, I notice something on the back of her shirt. That would be the name “Damon,” followed under it by the number 18. I can’t make that shit up. But it’s comforting to know that New York isn’t the only city that gets your garden variety stupid fans hogging tickets from people who actually understand the sport.

After the game we walked halfway across town to get back to our hotel. That’s what made me realize Boston isn’t as much a city as it is a very large town. It felt like everything was within walking distance, which is nice, and I couldn’t get over how clean the city is. Or how much Sam Adams beer is everywhere.

That’s Sam Adams. For some reason, the plaque only refers to him as a “Patriot” when it should read “Brewer, Patriot and Founder of the Bischer Christmas Feast…”

…And that there is some of Sam’s brew, straight from “The Pipeline.”

Anyway, at one point during our wanderings, I asked Liana if she knew where the Old North Church was, as the whole One if By Land, Two if By Sea thing has always been fascinating to me. She says she thinks it would make sense for it to be on the North side of town, which we aren’t at that point. But from then on, every church we pass, Eric wonders aloud “Is that the church, KB?” Even on the ride home.

We finally get to a statue of Paul Revere on a horse, and Eric very excitedly goes “Hey! It’s your boy!” And it just happens to be right behind the real Old North Church. After we visit it for a bit and roam past the statue again, Eric wonders why it is Paul gets all the notoriety when there were other riders on the whole “The British Are Coming!” thing. Kari then suggests it’s because “He was the cutest.” Hey, sounds right to me!


The awesomest part of the trip came on the way home, when we passed an 18-wheeler on the highway and Eric jokingly made the whole “pull the horn” sign, and the truck suddenly goes “Toot! Toot!” I swear, I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile. I mean, that NEVER worked when I was like 8 – we once had an entire busload of class-trip bound third graders doing the “pull the horn” at every truck we passed and not one trucker complied. So when a Toyota Avalon transporting young adults gets a “Toot! Toot!” it’s worth noting.

It’s even better when Liana starts doing the “pull the horn” at all the overly big SUVs that pass her on the left. Well, she did it to this one oversized truck, not looking at them or anything as we passed, and all of a sudden she’s like “Uh, they’re speeding up to us,” and as they pass us, somebody in the back seat rolls down the window and makes the gesture back at us. THAT made me almost pee my pants. We were back in NYC city limits at that point, so I guess it shouldn’t surprise me.


Saturday, July 02, 2005

Live From...

Live from the center of the center of hell: I miss the Yanks so much it hurts.


Friday, July 01, 2005

Starring the Yankee Hat as the Yankee Hat

So last night, Tonya, Ken, Erica and I headed out to see War of the Worlds, and I have to say, it was pretty impressive. The ending left me a little cold because it felt a lot rushed, but the suspense level is pretty high the entire movie, and I haven't felt that freaked while watching a movie in a long time. I guess I was just happy Tom Cruise behaved in a way that didn't make me want to kick him, as he's done in recent press. But the best part was Tom Cruise's character's Yankee hat (also, the fact that TC lived in Bayonne, and didn't slap on a phony "Joisey" accent warmed my heart greatly. There is nothing worse than an actor over working a fake accent, IMO, especially when many of us from the Garden State HAVE NO ACCENT AT ALL), which he wore for a good chunk of the movie. Or as Erica noted, it had a "co-starring role." Which is fabulous.

It was also awesome because as the camera is panning over a devastated looking, smoldering Boston, Tonya leans over and whispers in a sing-song voice "That's where you're going!!" Yeah, I'm probably dreading hoardes of Sux fans more than I'd dread an alien invasion, so that says a lot...

Where Were You When Jeter Busted His Face?


Remember it? The Dive Heard Round the World? One of the best games you probably ever saw? Where were you?

I was in my apartment, intermittently pacing, sitting down, wringing my hands and tying up magazines for recycling. When DJ went head-first into the seats, I remember I went into the living room, where my roommates were watching open mouthed. I don't think I could string words together because I all I remember was my hands flailing around and me being like "Didyouseethat?Holyshitholyshitholyshit!Ishedead?Idon'tknowwhattodowithmyself!" and that I picked up my phone to call Tonya and we had a conversation that went something like this:


I will forever remember that game as the day people went from simply loving Jeter to being IN LOVE with Jeter. Male, female, gay, straight, I think the Captain owned everyone's heart that evening, if not their undying admiration.

And then there was still more game after that, and for a minute there, it looked like Sux were going to win it, and all I thought was "Who cares? This was still an awesome game!" And then the Yanks pulled it out, and I was beside myself in delirium. Check out my posts from right after and the next day if you don't believe me -- I couldn't stop gushing about it.

I don't think I ever will stop, to tell you the truth. So take a moment today to remember what you were doing a year ago today. I guarantee, you probably ended the night in a great state of delight.