Tuesday, February 28, 2006

"Cute" is the New "Talented"

Retch. Puke. Blech. Gag. Vom — oh, hi, readers. Can one of y'all pass me a barf bag, please? Because I need one after hearing the American Idol judges just basically say America should vote for Kellie because she is "cute." And they have the audacity to say this after calling her vocal "rough." YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I mean, I get that they were tired of ballads tonight, but some of the ballads were performed beautifully -- but let's kick these gals back into their boxes, and be blase about it, shall we? God, I really don't get this show sometimes.

Plus, while I'm sure Kellie's a nice person, I highly doubt she's as naive as she's acting. And I'm sorry, even if it was her true self, naivete is no reason for someone to win a fucking recording contract. Erica said it best: "I eat calamari and say it with a twang, but that doesn't make me an American Idol. Ugh."

Yet Kellie's performance got the biggest tongue bath of the night, when girls like Melissa, Lisa, Mandisa, fuck, even Ayla-the-presumed-Sux-fan all outperformed her singingwise (And what is up with the judges acting soooooo "surprised" when Ayla sings well? Was it not you who decided to put her in the top 24? Idiots.)

But what started setting me off was the judges' treatment of Paris, who I thought had the most controlled, pitch-perfect vocal of the night doing Wind Beneath My Wings. A corny song? Somewhat — but extremely tough to sing well, especially as a 17-year-old. So what do the judges tell her? "Aww, we want last week's performance back where your vocal wasn't as solid, but you sure did look cute!" Because what she lacked in bouncing tonight she more than made up for in actual singing ability. I can't believe they had the balls to call this a "safe" performance -- do you know how f'ing hard it is to sing Bette Midler and hit all the notes? Jackasses. (Though, Paris? You might want to go around telling people you're "favored" by God. Shyeah.)

I'm going back to puking now. It sounds a lot better than Kellie attempting sass, and only achieving the "ass" part of it. But she's never, never eaten spinach salad you guys! That's so vote-worthy! BLECH.

Just Another Day at the Office

So today at work we were discussing baseball hunks (purely for professional purposes. You think I'm kidding?) and since the Yankees were off limits because we had too many Pinstriped suggestions (and we want to reach a national audience), we had to have a good think about it:

Me: Brian Roberts. He's CUTE.
Production Guy (and Mets fan) Jeff: I'm telling you, you want playful... Whimsical... You want Pedro!
Me: (Thinking of Lupe) David DeJesus! From the Royals!
Random Editor: The Royals? Does anyone even know who they are?
Me: He's from New Jersey. And he's Hot!
Pause as our little think tank is deep in thought
Jason: Otis Nixon!!

I heart my job.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Friends Don't Let Friends Miss Baseball

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The Chicken is helping his French-Canadian friend Gustave (who is staying in town so he can attend culinary school in Manhattan) move past his mourning of the loss of the Montreal Expos by showing him all the joy that the Yankees can bring. And in five weeks, he'll get to see it for himself.

It's Just not in the Cards

Note to Hallmark (specifically the Shoebox division): I know the Baby Boomer generation is huge in numbers and aging and stuff, but please, can you find more ideas for birthday cards outside the whole jokey, hardee-har-har "getting older" spiel? Because I have to say that the people I'm buying cards for aren't graying, incontinent or suffering from hot flashes (as a boatload of cards suggest), and I assume there are lots of people in this country who aren't fretting about "being over the hill". Yet 3/4 of the cards I pick up are directed at "old 'n fartyness", with whacky sentiments you can only relate to if you are entering the September of your years. And damn, I'm sure people who are older don't always like being reminded of it -- and, like, some people may actually just enjoy having a birthday regardless of the age or whatnot.

And it just all strikes me as weird because the last time I checked, EVERYONE has a birthday and at EVERY AGE. It's not like they'd lose out on money by having a variety of cards. So can we not get some funny, imaginative birthday cards that represent the entire spectrum?

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Singing Along with the Piano Man

So last night I had the pleasure of seeing Billy Joel perform at Madison Square Garden with Dexter and Vicki. And while the Village Voice doesn't seem to get what Billy Joel has meant to almost three generations (judging by the range of ages in the sold-out crowd), I thought it was one of the best concert experiences I've ever had. His set list was awesome ("Summer Highland Falls"! "Miami 2017"! "The Entertainer"!), and his voice was oddly excellent. I say that because almost every concert I've gone to that has an aging performer headlining usually kind of disappoints on the vocal end. So color me impressed when he busted out "Honesty" and was pitch perfect and hit the high notes instead of dodging them.

The crowd was interesting -- it seemed pretty laid-back early in the show, but by the end people were rocking out. The dude next to me didn't even so much as tap his foot early on, but by the time "You May Be Right" came on near the end, he was downright singing along. And he wasn't even drinking! Which is another thing the Voice doesn't seem to understand -- the infectious quality of the performer and his songs. I mean, I grew up with Billy Joel (along with Springsteen, Michael Jackson and Madonna) pretty much being the soundtrack of my childhood. I may not like every one of his songs, but damn if I don't know the words to almost every single one played last night -- and I actually found myself singing along just because. And not much can top the entire arena singing "Piano Man" at the end. Just awesome.

Oh yeah, and a along with seeing Bruce do Jersey Girl in NJ and Seeing Richard Marx with Tonya, I can now cross off seeing Billy Joel do "New York State of Mind" in NYC from my concert-y to-do list. The crowd wasn't as into that one as I thought they would be, though, which is interesting considering they went batshit when he mentioned other local interests like "Brooklyn", "Queens", "The Jersey Shore", et. al. in other songs

Other highlights from the evening:

-- Before he takes the stage, the music from The Natural plays, and at the climactic end of the song is when Billy and his Piano appear, and he jumps right in to the awesome piano-crazed opening to "Angry Young Man."

-- At one point during "Captain Jack", I notice Vicki and Dexter laughing at something, and then Vicki points out this couple in the section below us slow dancing in the aisle. To a song about heroin. And right during the uber-romantic verse about junkies and closet queens, as Dexter pointed out.

-- We got two Yankee references -- in "Miami 2017" (They sent a carrier up from Norfolk, and picked the Yankees up for free) and in "Zanzibar" (Rose he knows he's such a credit to the game, but the Yankees grab the headlines every time which he changed up a bit to be "Rose he knows he's never making the Hall of Fame" -- hee) -- and both times the Yankee fans in the crowd went nuts, which was great.

--Apparently those of us who attend Hoboken Idol parties aren't the only ones who enjoy the whole "Ooooooooooh" part of "She's Always a Woman", judging by the emphatic nature of the crowd during that part of the song last night.

All in all, a very good night.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Dream a Little Dream of...the "Other KB"

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What do these three things have in common, you may ask? Well, turns out I like having dreams in which I'm frying eggs in my childhood kitchen with the affable Joey Cheek and the asshat Kevin Brown. But here's the kicker -- they were both like the nicest dudes I'd ever met and both posed for pictures with me because, and I quote "I have to get this on my blog!"

I don't know what's more effed up about this dream -- the players or the fact that I'm even dreaming about blogging now.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Shut Up, ESPN Readers

There really are more brainless meatheads reading ESPN.com than I thought:

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Ummm:

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23 medals is mediocre? Really? What, were they supposed to all be gold?

Random Idol Theories

After watching tonight's elimination episode (in which I was psyched America didn't fall for Becky's "hotness" and didn't throw her many votes, but disappointed to see Patrick go -- though his performance was pretty forgettable, so I can't blame anyone), I've come away with three new thoughts:

1) The back row of girls (Mandisa, Kellie, Paris, Ayla, Katharine and Lisa) sitting on the couches is who the producers want to be the Top 6. I was just glad Kellie wasn't front-and-center like she was last night. I don't think the producers want her to win this thing, but they certainly want her to stick around awhile -- but it'll be interesting to see when she starts getting de-pimped to make way for their chosen one.

2) Not really a new theory, but some backup for it: The producers totally want a guy to win, as cemented by the group sing that only showcased the guys' singing ability. The girls were left to sing backup -- yeah, nice. And, really, a gal can do some verses on Take it Easy even though it's told from a male point of view, so that was kind of sucky on the prodcers' parts. Who knows, though, maybe next week it'll be gal-focused song.

3) It's taken five seasons of this show, but American Idol will have its first contestant romance, and the producers won't try to hide it. That's my prediction anyway, because it's a liiiiiiiitle weird that this hasn't happened before (there have been rumors of hush-hush fraternizing between the sexes, but nothing ever proven) and I don't *think* there's a rule saying they can't date each other. And my theory on that soon-to-be couple? Ace and Katharine -- and it'll come out right before the producers decide either 1) one of them has to get the ax (get the jealous girls voting against Kat, or getting girls disintrested in Ace because, "omigod, he has a girlfriend and won't ever love me") or 2) To save them or make them MORE popular, banking on the cuteness of their relationship to keep them both afloat to the Final 4 or even 2. But their feelings for each other will be genuine. How could they not when they're both pretty people with nice voices?

I can't wait till this show goes back to two hours a week and baseball comes back, because as evidenced by No. 3, this show has given me way too much to think about.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Worth a Thousand Words and 27 Titles

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I just love this photo. That is all.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Thanks For Making Me Look Bad, Fellas

Prediction: I am so going to hate at least 3/4 of the contestants on Idol when all is said and done. I think, like, five of them want to move me and know how. The rest? EW. I want the four hours back that I had to sit listening to them average their way through the most trite songs in the American songbook. And I want them to get to the top 12 already so we can start getting some theme nights in and really challenge these people who don't know how to do it themselves.

Yeah, the boys didn't impress me tonight. Couldn't you tell? If not, I give you my reactions to the performers via text messages I sent Erica since I am feeling quite lazy and too bored to express a new thought right now. (Though my newer ideas are in parentheses):

Patrick, Come to My Window: Eh, decent, not song for him, tho.

David, Crazy Little Thing Called Love: Holy non singing, batman! (and seriously, what WAS that?)

Bucky, Some Skynyrd Song That Escapes Me Right Now: He sounds like he's taking a dump.

Will, I Want You Back: Not best vocal, but fun.

Sway, Some Song by EW&F That Escapes Me Right Now: That was way too pitchy for me.

Chris, Dead or Alive: That's more like it! (And seriously -- he made me stop ironing my clothes and watch, that's how much I liked it)

Kevin, One Last Cry: Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Just can't watch him while he sings.

Gedeon, Shout: He's WEIRD. But that was fun.

Elliott, If You Really Loved Me: Pleasant, but boring (and if you are going to sing Stevie Wonder, one of my all-time fave artists, you'd better sing Stevie Wonder. He's got a really good voice, though, so I'll forgive him for not taking this one to the limit like he should have)

Bobby, Copacabana: Egads! (It was probably the most horrifying semi-final performance since Travis' Every Little Step from last season)

Ace, Father Figure: Eww! He just beat Const in the sleaze dept. by singing the word "naked." (His voice is too breathy for my taste and he continutes to eye-fuck the camera, but I will give him this -- that was a way different song to sing. I don't hate him, but he will be this blog's latest resource for unintentional humor, as long as he toes the line of toolish behavior.)

Taylor, Levon: Meh. (He's going to be around for awhile. I have accepted this.)

In Which I am Dick Button

Man, I take back everything I said about the American Idol girls being better than the guys -- and the guys haven't even performed yet. What a boatload of disappointment last night was. Can there really be only FOUR girls who can actually sing in this competition? Because that's what I took away from the two-hour slow-moving monster of an episode last night. Outside Mandisa, Paris, Katharine and Lisa (and I'm not even sure I like the latter two -- but their voices are there, so right now that's enough for me. And Dexter's comment that Lisa was the "Best High School 'Muffin' performance" of the evening was extremely spot-on, along with cracking me up), there was barely any peeps of talent in the bunch. Maybe if Kinnik had gone for something other than the played-out "Get Here" or Melissa had picked a song that challenged her more vocally I'd be on their trains, but damn, they bored me too. I barely even remember any of the other performers, though I swear, if Kellie skates by on this whole "likeability factor" that the judges keep harping on (I mean, why don't you just say she can't carry a tune instead of sugar coating it?), I will have to pull my hair out. I'm glad the online reviews seem to back me up on that because I thought I might be evil or something for thinking her sad backstory isn't deserving of her being in a singing competition (though Erica isn't a fan, either, and I think her assessment that Kellie is a poor man's Carrie Underwood is pretty accurate).

As I said to Steph, it may be the NBC Olympic influence, but I'm feeling very Dick Button-y over these performances. Dick is snippy and tough on every skater, but I think it's because he demands perfection from people once they get on the big stage -- and they really should have the goods at that point. Which is how I feel watching this show. You're supposed to be the most talented people these judges saw, and then we get what we got last night? Like, don't you want to knock people out in a good way? But instead you sing these boring ass ballads? And there are GOOD ballads, but these gals went with this unbearable dullness. Like, get in touch with the music, people. Just because a song moves you doesn't mean it's going to move the masses. Unless, of course, you are actually talented and can turn a turd of a song into a golden egg. But good luck finding that in this year's pool.

It did confirm the worst for me -- most of these girls were put through for their looks and not talent, and that's just not cool. But then maybe they did that on purpose, confirming my other suspicion: They really want a guy to win...

Waaaaaaaah, We Each Have two Medals, Waaaaaaaaah

Oh, lord, I'm so SICK of hearing people blame the media for the friggin' Davis/Hedrick bitchfest (not represeneted in this story, but by fans on messsage boards). So, what, it's supposed to be swept under the rug because it's not good, happy "Emily Hughes is Sarah Hughes' sister!" type news? Honestly, I'm glad I know that the two of them are classless immature dickheads because it'll save me the trouble of buying their Wheaties boxes, should General Mills be stupid enough to put either of them on (especially after seeing how other dudes on this team *ahem My Joey, and even a low-place finishing Derek Parra* react to the Olympic atmostphere and keep in perspective what it's all about).

Yes, there is hype around the Olympics, and as much as I bitch about it myself, at least it's a balanced hype. Most of the "hype" i've seen has been out-of-control sunshine and flowers type columns, which I guess should make people happy since we're not focusing on the big, bad negative. Regarding this particular situation, you have columnists defending and knocking both these guys, so it's not like there was this full-fledged attack on either one that "stirred the pot". All these guys had to do to "keep the focus on the skating" and kill the "hype" was issue a fucking "no comment" when asked about each other, or better still say "I'm focusing on my race right now, the rest isn't a big deal." But no. We get Chad "I'm Too Sexy for this Sport" Hedrick being all "Shani won't race and give ME a chance for another gold!" And then making the assanine "I"m happy for Joey" comment after Shani "I'm too Sexy for the Interview" Davis won the gold and My Joey won the silver on Saturday. Then, rather than be the bigger person, Shani has to go and be all cordial during the post-race press conference yesterday only to turn into a high school drama queen right before it ended by being like (and completely unbaited by the press here) "I just want to say Chad hurt my feelings by not congratulating me on Saturday." Uh, hi, it's called confront the person directly and in private, hon. It was such a babyish step on his part, I'm surprised he didn't complain of diaper rash on top of it all.

Yet people are pissed that all of this is getting reported on at all. Excuse me? The media is supposed to ignore two grown men with tremendous athletic talent sniping at each other like they're the respective leaders of their junior high cliques? And coming off as all sorts of unappreciative for their oppportunity by harping on this themselves? I'm sorry, that's what we call a STORY my friends. Kinda trashy? Yes. Newsworthy? Hell yes, if only to serve as a cautionary tale to kids or any Olympic hopeful that this is NOT normal, cheerworthy behavior. And qutie frankly, any headline (usually the most sensational media thing of all) I've seen about these two has been to-the-point or tinged with humor and somewhat amazement that they've gotten this ridiculous.

And yeah, the press gets super annoying by bringing up the question again and again, but these two WON'T LET IT DIE (as observed these past two weeks). Remember how the Sux kept ripping on A-Rod last year and the press kept trying to get the Yankees' and A-Rod's reactions? But the Yanks refused to say anything about it? What happened to that story? Hmmmm -- Oh, right, it soon went back to being about the game itself and the "hype" died. I know these guys aren't exposed to the media like professional athletes, so maybe they don't know how to handle themselves... wait, scratch that. Joey Cheek has answered questions regarding himself and these two asshats in very elogquent fashion (and I'm not even factoring in my crush here, just going by what I learned as a journalism student), and it's not like he's been trailed around by a herd of reporters his entire life. So, yeah, If either Hedrick or Davis makes the Wheaties box and not him, well, I'm never eating Wheaties again.

And you can't blame the media for that.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

You've GOT to be Kidding Me, MSNBC

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Um, she's actually two spots BEHIND Kimmie Meissner (who skated first), and almost 10 points out of first place with two people left to skate, and will probably finish the night in 7th place when all is said and done. GET OVER YOUR FAKE EXCITEMENT, bitches.

:(

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*Sobs* Awww, My Joey...

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Yes, I've adopted Mary Jo Buttafuoconess for my newfound Olympic love. So shut up and deal and pat me on the head and tell me everything's going to be OK, even though My Joey didn't medal today. *Sniffle*

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My Joey is totally better than Your Joey, Mary Jo, and don't you forget it.

Why I Hate the WBC: Today's Edition

You want to know why this WBC tournament burns my ass? Because shit like this is totally not saiko. You mess with Hideki, you mess with me. Thanks to Lupe for bringing it to our attention.

Also want to know why I hate it? Because it wouldn't surprise me in the least if MLB really "leaked" the whole A-Rod "waffling" bit just to stir up interest in their precious little tournament, because aside from the whole "let Cuba play" thing, I didn't exactly hear people buzzing about it outside of that and what A-Rod was or wasn't doing. And I don't think A-Rod is being whiny here or whatever his detractors might want to think. The man is already a walking target for being a "phony" and this just gave his detractors something to sing about, when all he was doing was trying to make up his goddamn mind. The man obviously cared a great deal about this, judging by the time he took to figure things out, and I've never seen him have such a pissed reaction to something before, let alone Major League Baseball as a whole. Plus,the fact that Gene Orza admits to A-Rod actually being pissed with them before he took it to the media solidifies it for me. A "phony" wouldn't have confronted the people pissing him off -- he'd just pretend it didn't bother him and then spew about it in the press.

Anyway, the usually cantankerous Joel Sherman sums up how I feel about A-Rod pretty nicely today. It has more weight for me since the man generally doesn't like anything.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Lots of Vowel Elongation -- For Good Reason

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OMG! How I've missed yoooooooooooooouuuuuuuu!!!

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...and yooooooooooouuuuuuu!!!!

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Oh, Joe, it's been far too long since I've seen you in the grocery store aisle. And it's Leeeeeeeeeeeee!

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Yes, Jorge, I missed you and your pee hands too -- don't look so surprised.

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*Throws arms around photo and hugs the bejesus out of it*

It's back, kids, it's really back!

You Make Me Feel Like (Ice) Dancing

So The Chicken and I thank NBC for sandwiching last night's ice dancing extravaganza around Grey's Anatomy because we could watch both and not have to worry about missing one or the other -- and since the ice dancing, an event I normally don't care for, was all sorts of AWESOME last night (as was Grey's), there's even more gratitude on my behalf. I mean, people actually got dropped on their asses and the announcers were freaking out and getting the vapors, like "what is going on!?!?!?" It was all very "I think her skate got caught in his lederhosen" and in life-imitating-awesome-early-90s-movie art, it benefited the Americans when the faves went boom. Also, the costumes are all tacky and insane -- this one woman had this big poofy feathery skirt on and at the end of the couple's routine, they both landed down in a pose very emphatically and there were feathers floating everywhere, making The Chicken wonder how many birds had to die unjustly just so she could look "dramatic." Some of those outfits though -- oh my. FUGLY. And get some really caked-on makeup and big hair going on and you've got 80s on ice. And, yeah, ice-dancer guys are still working the long "dramatic" hair, which is great. I wonder why I never really watched before.

And man, I'm pretty sure every hetero male on NBC's camera crew is majorly in love with Tanith Belbin judging by the amount of close-up camera time she gets. Not that I can blame them -- she's gorgeous and she's actually quite engaging to watch skate. But how much does it suck for Ben Augusto? Especially now that The Chicken is so enamored with Tanith, that he's decided to show everyone that he's ice-dancing partner material -- complete with his own skating outfit and gold medal. Oh yeah, and looking past the Olympics, he's got some news for everyone too:

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Emily Hughes: Faster, Higher, Stronger...BACKSTORY!

On one hand, I'd love to see Emily Hughes win the gold medal just so what seemed like a far-out prediction by Erica last month would come true. On the other, I HATE that she's getting so much freaking attention at these games -- when her skating ability (to me, anyway) isn't exactly the most captivating. I find it absolutely insane that she is getting the amount of media time she's getting, not because of what she's done, but simply because she came out of the same womb that Sarah Hughes did. Maybe it's because she's a local product (Great Neck, L.I.), but I feel like I can't open a paper, or turn on the TV without seeing some kind of feature on her...when she's not even a medal favorite. I understand that there is a human interest story here, but when you get people like Lupicass jumping on your lovetrain to see you win simply so you can have a story about fantastic ice genetics and "here comes the underdog again -- and we LOVE the underdog!" or something, it's a little...exasperating. I'm not saying she can't win -- I mean, she got was third in the U.S. at Nationals, and that's pretty good. I just don't like the reason why people want her to win (except Erica's reason, of course). To me, the Olympics are equal parts athletic talent and interesting backstory. When the backstory takes over, however, and the talent isn't to the level of, say, a Sasha Cohen, it makes me roll my eyes -- which I've done so much in the past few days regarding this story, I'm surprised I can't see out of the back of my head.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

What a Welcome Sight

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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

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Eee--uh, sorry, your eeeee'ing has to be earned, Damone.

Silver Lining

I love that NBC is hawking tonight's 1000m speed skating race as if it's actually going on in Eastern Standard Time and won't even mention that there are already results -- and the U.S. went 1, 2 with Shani Davis making history by becoming the first-ever African-American to win gold at the Winter Olympics and my my Olympic Boyfriend nabbing the silver!!! Since I won't be home tonight, this might be the first time I ever actually tape speed skating. I love that the Olympics makes me capable of all sorts of stupid things like this.

Also, you know how there's that trivia question: "What are the only two days of the year when none of the big 4 sports are playing?" and the answer is "the day before and after the MLB All Star Game"? Well, you can add the days surrounding the NBA All Star Game when there's an Olympics going on -- as long as they keep inviting the pro hockey players (which I hope won't be for much longer, but that's an entirely different post). Love that Canada and the U.S. are falling below expectations in the rink so far -- like, I thought the pros were supposed to keep both countries from getting embarrassed or something. Wah, wah, wah.

ETA: OK, so after watching the race and seeing my Olympic Boyfriend's giddy joy at winning the silver, and seeing how downright rude Davis was to the NBC reporter, and reading about Chad Hedrick's bush league comments about Davis, I'm going to say 1) Grow the fuck up, Chad and Shani and 2) I hope Joey beats both your divalicious asses in the 1500.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Seven Up!

I've been waiting to do a spring training Woo-Hoo post, but, as June has noted, it's slim pickens with the photo ops right now. Bastard photogs -- get your asses to Florida already.

So, taking a Cue from the UberPlexer and feeling kind of Seven-y today, here's a list of things for your viewing pleasure:

Seven things to do before I Die:

1. Finish a book and get it published
2. Own my own home
3. Go to the Grand Canyon
4. Do trivia night with my department (because we've been talking a good game but not living up to it thus far)
5. Meet a real pirate
6. Be at a Yankees' World Series clinching game
7. Get the guy

Seven things I cannot do (at the moment):

1. Hear very well out of my right ear (damn gross buildupy thing)
2. Eat soup
3. Touch my toes
4. Find a guy wearing Sux gear attractive
5. Date someone I don't know
6. Eat anything with mayonnaise or ketchup on it.
7. Walk slow

Seven things that attract me to... a pub:

1. Dexter
2. Vicki
3. Liana
4. Eric
5. Christina
6. Jesse
7. Is the Yankee game on?

Seven things I Say:

1. Woo-hoo!
2. Sweet
3. Seriously?
4. Shut up, Lupicass
5. Bless you (usually directed at Jason)
6. Fuckin' A (gets used a lot during baseball season)
7. It's only (fill-in-the-blank month) -- when people are freaking out about the Yankees' performance early in the season.

Seven books that I love:

1. Lonesome Dove, Larry McMurtry
2. Just As Long As We're Together, Judy Blume
3. A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving
4. Ramona Quimby, Age 8, Beverly Cleary
5. Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man, Fannie Flagg
6. Winnie-the-Pooh, A.A. Milne
7. Life of Pi, Yann Martel

Seven Movies that I've loved: (In no particular order):

1. Sense and Sensibility
2. Jaws
3. The Producers (the original)
4. Field of Dreams
5. Star Wars
6. It's a Wonderful Life
7. Pollyanna

Seven People To Tag (in no particular order)
Um... how about if you think Mickey Mantle (#7) was one of the best Yankees of all time, you have to fill this out? OK, great -- get started!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Dork Alert: American Idol Masters Thesis

My American Idol-hating portion of the audience may want to skip the following, but y'all come back now, ya hear? I promise the Yankees will be the focus of my lack-of-a-lifeness really soon.

OK, let's get this long-ass post get started.

Part I: My predictions for the Top 12 (and I'm going by how strong these peeps seem as competitors and by how much screen time they've gotten (i.e. who the producers would really like us to vote for). I don't like all of these people, but this is a vast and varied country with lots of voters, especially residing in the state of Whatthefuckvia. I usually don't agree with them on anything, and they usually vote en masse, so I'm preparing myself. Anyhow, in no particular order:

Girls:
1. Ayla
2. Katharine
3. Mandisa
4. Lisa
5. Paris
6. Kellie

Guys:
1. Ace
2. David
3. Chris
4. Taylor
5. Patrick
6. William

Part II: As for my overall thoughts on the Top 24:

The Love:
Paris -- see my last two Idol Picks posts.

Mandisa -- Her voice is gospel-ly and strong, which I adore.

Patrick -- wasn't certain about him until last night, when he mentioned that he wasn't "as pretty as Ace, but who is?" Plus, I think his voice is lovely.

The Hate:
Brenna -- You're kidding me, right, judges? People are comparing her to Mikalah from last year, but Mikalah was actually obnoxious in her trying-to-hard-to-be-quirky-and-likeable schtick -- it didn't come off as malicious. Brenna is obnoxious in a way that makes me want her to be kicked in the nuts. God damn it, why couldn't she have testicles?

Becky -- I don't hate her, but I do hate the judges for letting her through. Yes, she's a knockout, maybe the prettiest Idol contestant I've ever seen -- but SHE CAN'T SING. GAH.

Ayla -- I'm not sold on her voice, but this is mostly a geographical thing -- she's from Boston and she's a big sports fan. We all know what that means.

David -- OK, he's ADORABLE and sweet and signs "The Final Countdown" in the elevator. But I don't have to worry about having impure thoughts about a teenager again because his "sing every song, including death metal, like Sinatra" act is going to get very old, very fast with me. I don't hate him -- I hate his stuck-in-one-genreness.

The Ones Vying for my Affections:
William -- I think his voice is pleasant enough, and his Idol Bio says his dream job is a baseball pitcher, but I need to see more of him before I make up my mind.

Lisa -- I can't tell if she's too staged yet. She's got a great voice, and she's young, so I'm cutting her some slack. But I worry she's going to just go through the motions and not feel the music.

Chris -- He may just have a better voice than I gave him credit for early on. He'll have to sing more before I make up my mind, though.

The Ones I Don't Really Hate, But Don't Really Like, And Know America is Going to Love Them, So What Do I Know:
Ace -- is cute with a passable voice but he's going to be trying to get in my pants (and every other woman's) through the camera waaaaaaay too much for my taste. Paula will slobber over him every time (as will a lot of other women in this country) and he'll be around for awhile and outlast someone really good -- therefore I'm preparing myself to hate him.

Taylor -- I don't mind his voice, and unlike The Chicken, he doesn't make me run into the Closet of Comfort (where I hide when the Yankees are doing poorly) but man, the channeling Ray Charles thing is getting old.

Katharine -- I liked her just fine in her initial tryout -- her tone and clarity are first rate. But then in the rest of her audtions I noticed that she can't hold a note -- on purpose. Like, she's all over the place like she's trying to show us just how much range she has, and it falls flat to me. Maybe the voice coaches can work that out with her or something.

Kellie -- Her voice is OK, but the whole "golly gee, I'm in a big city now!" thing is going to grate if she keeps it up. She is a former pageant performer, so I don't want to hear her mention anything about never singing in front of a crowd before.

The Rest:
Meh.

Part III: The Year of the Guy. Really?

I keep hearing Randy and Simon call this the "Year of the Guy" -- but I don't get it. Actually, I do kind of get it -- the producers are lusting after a man to win this thing, after having three women in three different genres already in their stable. Ruben has been sucked into some non-performing vortex and is probably the least successful out of all the winners, so the company wants to lay their bets on a dude to get them some sales. But this is annoying to me because the women seem much stronger vocally, much more flexible in what they can sing and even more marketable than the men. It's weird because last year I liked almost all of the guys selected for the top 12 and while this year isn't exactly the complete opposite, I do feel more strongly about a few women than the men. But that's just my opinion, and lord knows I don't see eye to eye with the voters a lot of the time, so what do I know?

Anyway, I feel like we may be force-fed two guys this season: Chris and Taylor. I haven't totally made my mind up about them yet, but I notice the more the producers want me to like someone, the more I back away from them. I also worry that the guys are stuck in their "boxes" so to speak. For example, as much as I adored Bo last year, it ticked me off that he could never step outside his "rocker" box. And I think that scared the crap out of the Idol producers (who gladly would've taken him if for some freak reason Carrie's massive voting audience suddenly dropped off) because the usual staple "Disco Night" was for some reason called "70s Dance Music Night", allowing Bo to do the only non disco tune of the evening. I like singers who can swing between genres, (see London, LaToya...SO ROBBED. So not over it.), but with the dudes being so one-dimensional so far, I don't think we're going to get much box jumping.

Like, David is totally going to be all lounge lizardy and "scooby-dooby-dooing" his way through "Private Eyes" on Hall & Oates Appreciation Night or whatever theme they throw at him. And Taylor and Chris are totally in the "classic rock/rock" category and don't seem to be wanting to get out -- I don't see either of them doing well on Disco Night, but then it will probably be 70s Dance Music again to help them out. Patrick, who I really like, seems like his wheelhouse is full of ballads -- another Disco disaster. Ace is going to be making love to the camera and R&B'ing his way through every song that comes his way. I know it may be tooooooooo early to judge these guys on their "boxes" and what they can or can't do, but going by what we've seen, I'm not comforted.

Compare this to any of the girls and I'm baffled -- I think almost all of them could do fine in whatever theme night you drop them in -- Paris especially -- and that most of them could give strong performances. Because even though I'm not keen on many of the gals, many of them have excellent voices and can apply it to anything. The guys are just too specified in my head.

It's early though. By the end of this I could love someone I hate (doubtful) and could have jumped ship on my favorites (though more than likely, they will be bounced as the result of someone I hate staying, and I will be pouting my way through the rest of the competition). And keep in mind, these are just my opinions, kids. They are subject to change at the sound of a power ballad.

Oh yeah, and I miss my darling A-Fed. Siiiiiiiigh.

Bode Slam

God, as if I couldn't dislike this guy any more than I already do:

The 28-year-old Miller blamed outside pressures for the presence of doping in some sports.

"Sport is born clean and it would stay that way if it was the athletes who ran it for the pleasure of taking part, but then the fans and the media intervene and finish up by corrupting it with the pressure that they exercise," he said.


Yes, Bode, it's because of little old me in Hoboken, NJ and newspapers in Podunk, USA that make athletes from all around the world use performance enhancers. I'm sure that whole greed thing on the athletes' part doesn't factor anywhere into it.

Asshat.

Idol Picks, No. 2

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I'll have more thoughts on the Top 24 later -- in which I am not convinced it is the "year of the guy" (though maybe "year of the eyecandy" is more apropo), I already LOATHE several people and want them to die, and I make my prediction for the Top 12.

I know you're all very, very excited about this.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Norway? No way!

Well, I'm glad to see that along with wanting to pretend the Yankees do not exist (except to crap on), ESPN.com doesn't believe Norway is a country participating in the Olympics or something. I give you their medal count table:

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Hmm. Looks like the Russians and U.S. are total superpowers! And then you go over to any other sports site and find...:

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...Norway! In the lead! How is this possible? The "worldwide leader in sports" doesn't even think the country exists! It must be wrong everywhere else.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Welcome to The O.G., Bisch

Well, today was Valentine's Day, and rather than sit around by ourselves because we can't be with our sweetheart (Tonya) or because we are single (Erica and me), the three of us decided to go get dinner at a restaurant I had never been to in my life, but Tonya and Erica hold in high regard -- The Olive Garden. Yes, I've gone 28 years without ever having experienced the "when you're here you're family" mantra. And normally I wouldn't feel so defensive about my choice in restaurant, except I know what many of you are probably thinking. So before you get all snobby on my ass and "Clutch the pearls! How could you go to a chain restaurant when you're in New York City with so many authentic Italian options?" (because you are obviously moonlighting as a New York Times Food Critic or an editor at Bon Appetite yourself), let me inform you that 1) Do you really think any "good" restaurant would let you in sans reservation on Valentine's Day? In New York? 2) I'm "authentic Italian" and can cook "authentic Italian" so it's not like by going to a chain restaurant that I'm depriving myself of culture or whatever it is people who poo-poo chain places think and 3) I'm sure a lot of people who would decry the "inauthenticness" of Olive Garden probably get their spaghetti sauce from a jar when they cook "Italian" at home, which is a bigger sin against Italianness in my family than visiting a chain restaurant. So suck it up -- I went to the fucking Olive Garden in Manhattan and you, for whatever reason, wouldn't. Whoopee. Are we copacetic? Good. I'm glad that's cleared up.

Anyway.

So my first foray into the Garden that is Olive was quite an experience. From the two-hour wait (yeah, you heard me) to the couple "reproducing" in a booth near where we were waiting, to our Johnny Damon-esque waiter, to the much-ballyhooed breadsticks, to Bon Jovi in the style of lounge lizard, to the three of us getting very punchy toward the end of our meal, well, I'd say I enjoyed it. And it was as good for the food as it was for the company, which was the main point of the evening and not the atmosphere or "authenticness" of the menu, which I also thought was just fine.

I'm going to sleep off my meal now because I'm going to be full until sometime near Arbor Day, and it's all very, very tiring.

A Few Days Early, But...

...The Chicken couldn't wait to spread the Spring Training Love:

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And yes, he hearts you too.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Squee'd Skating

Meet my new Olympic boyfriend (and gold medalist), Joey Cheek:

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Smart and charitable with a sense of humor and a love of potato guns. Where can a girl go wrong?

Plus, the look of utter delight on his face when he finished his first heat (way before it was figured out that he won) was three tons of adorable.

Besides, he was a breath of fresh air after hearing Dick Button freak the fuck out over not-so-sitting sit-spins and "boring" entries into death spirals during the pairs figure skating long program. Man, he is all sorts of hilarious in his snippyness -- and he's really bringing it for The Games, so snaps to NBC for sending him to Italy -- but it does make me feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Mr. Joey over here kind of made me forget that for a minute. I'll totally marry him... but only if he promises not to become a Sux fan if he does eventually get into Harvard.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sign of Spring -- Really!

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So you see that little brownish-blob in the middle of the branches there? (click on the photo for a better view)Well, that there my friends is a robin. Yes, the bird that brings us the first sign of spring hanging out in the middle of a snowstorm -- and there were two more like him on higher branches. Perhaps the whole warm winter thing screwed them up, but hey, it must mean spring is getting closer, right?

Stopping By Blog on a Snowy Morning

Like, omigod, we've NEVER had snow in the New York Metro area before! Or at least that's what the local stations would have us believe by practically devoting all-day coverage to the latest "blizzard" (which I find a highly amusing name because it's only a "blizzard" for New York City and parts of Long Island. Everywhere else? Yeah, it's just a nice snowfall. Anyway, I give props to the CBS and even Fox affiliates for keeping with their regular broadcasts, while ABC, who I am now thinking of as the FREAK OUT! channel (they are one of the worst offenders of "BLIZZAAAAAAARD! TAKE COVER! snowstorms in recent years) and NBC (who will probably cut away only for Olympic coverage) are all about having reporters stand out in the snow and tell us it's snowing. Yay!

No matter if it's a "Blizzard" or just your run-of-the-mill snowstorm, though, I'm stuck at my parents' house for the duration. 1)We can't get off our street to get to the train station 2)PATH service has been suspended between Hoboken and NYC, which makes me think it will affect Newark-Exchange Place-Hoboken next and 3)Yeah, I didn't hear about this storm till Friday morning, after I'd gotten to work and already packed my things for the weekend. That didn't include snowboots. Walking back to my apartment is going to be fun either way.

Oh, but this doesn't suck as much as Michelle Kwan's dropping out of the Olympics sucks for NBC. I feel awful for her, but to NBC, all I gotta say is "HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" I mean, god forbid they get people wanting to tune in for an actual competition and not for an all-out focusing on one athlete, as I'm SURE this is what it would've turned into (and this only judging by their Michelle-saturated two days of broadcasting)...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Let the (Kwan/Miller) Games Begin!

Some of my random thoughts from last night's Opening Ceremonies:

-- Oh my god – either I’m getting less tolerant of corniness as I get older, or NBC’s opening to the Opening Ceremonies is the hokiest piece of crap I’ve ever heard. “The New Hampshire native [That’d be Bode Miller for those who can’t translate overdramatic speak] who embodies his state’s motto – Live Free or Die.” Uh, because he shoots his mouth off a few times he’s suddenly one of the Sons of Liberty? Why do the Olympic featurey things get schmaltzier and schmaltzier every four years?

-- Uh, can someone tell NBC that we know the Ceremonies aren’t being carried live, and therefore we don’t need to wait 40 minutes to get this party started? Oh, right, we have to start pimping Michelle Kwan and the Ladies Free Skate from the very first minute of broadcasting. And the men's downhill training run? Just so we can see your preciousssss ratings-grabber Bodie? GAH!

-- Who is the scary man in the studio with the salt and pepper hair, tie and suit? He looks like what happens to jock metrosexuals when they stay metrosexual past the metrosexual expiration date.

-- Ahh, the pagentry, the glamour (hey, even Moschino and Armani are involved) the history, the...what-the-fuck-is-THATness that is The Opening Ceremonies. People on inline skates + fire coming out of their head = classic Olympic weirdness. And you get Bob Costas narrating it in his down-home calmness so it just comes off even more weird, and somewhat hilarious.

-- Mooing ceramic cows on wheels! People dressed up as trees! People dressed up as cows!!! This is so great.

-- Amazing – I am half Italian and I think this was the first time I ever heard the Italian national anthem.

-- Normally, I’d be bitching about NBC already over-pimping their new show Conviction, but seeing as how former copy bud Mona the Met fan now works for the show and she made me cookies the day after the Yanks were eliminated from the playoffs last year, I’ll say this is a brilliant marketing move on the network’s part.

-- Was there a requirement that anyone who qualified for the Olympics had to be certifiably good looking? Because this is making Chipotle guys look homely.

-- The use of 70s and 80s dance music was a brilliant move on the Olympic organizers' part -- cheese-you-can-bust-a-move-to really IS the universal language.

-- Seriously, NBC, we know who Michelle Kwan and Bodie Miller are without you shoving a camera on them every few minutes.

-- Why do I get the feeling that if this were carried on ABC, the network would've tried to find a way to get The First Woman President Geena Davis to carry the Olympic flag instead of Susan Sarandon?

-- Torch lighting: Probably the awesomest one I've seen. I'm surprised we didn't pan to Michelle and Bodie to see what their reactions were, being they are the be all and end all of the Olympics this year or something.

When Good Food Goes "Bad" -- For No Apparent Reason



Anyone remember these? Oh man, I loved these cookies as a kid -- but apparently stupid people weren't buying them or something because they were discontinued. We were just discussing the long-lost Hostess Pudding Pies from Days of Yore, and it made me similarly nostalgic for this chocolate-chipity goodness.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tag, I'm It!

Thanks to Yankeebob, you will now know my secret simple pleasures. I consider the Olympics more than a simple pleasure (more like a sports crack habit), so there will be a post where I gush about my love for The Games later. Until then...

The Instructions: Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like, then tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative.

1) Television Without Pity recaps. They are seriously some of the most hilarious stuff on the Internet, their American Idol ones especially so.

2) The crack of a bat -- especially after a long winter of not hearing one -- and knowing the sound of a home run crack vs. a single/double/triple/groundout without even having to see it.

3) Walking on the Hoboken Waterfront when it's nice outside. The view is stunning, there's a nice breeze there in the summer, sometimes you can walk by in time to see the Empire State Building's lights turn off at midnight and you never see people looking grouchy around there.

4) The music at Subway (depending on which one we go to, it's either the smooth jazz station or Lite FM, meaning cheese all around ) -- it always makes Tonya and I break out the imaginary lighters and sway our arms around, remembering our youths. Erica generally doesn't remember the songs we wig out about (she's a yougin'), but seems amused by our exploits.

5) Passing good musicians in subway stations. I particularly love this one three-piece bluegrass band that sometimes plays in Grand Central -- it lets me get in touch with my inner hick. Also, it's great anytime there's a bunch of guys doing acapella doo-wop because subway acoustics are just awesome for that.

And if you have the letter E anywhere in your first or last name, consider yourself tagged!

Amatuer Hour vs. Self-Congratulatory Three Hours

I find this all sorts of awesome, and not even because I have an unhealthy fascination with love American Idol.

The "Idol" audience on Fox was 28.3 million while the Grammy Awards were being watched by 15.1 million people from 8 to 9 p.m. EST, Nielsen said.

I love that 1) the Idol ratings were still a monster, even after the bad auditions were done. So people do like to see the good singers. How comforting. And 2) I find this interesting because I'd think both shows would attract the coveted young audience. Or at least they would want to attract the young audience. We won't know the results of demographics till later in the week, but this could be very telling -- like, maybe even the younger generation isn't all that interested in seeing awards bestowed upon their favorite singers. Like, they'll be damned if some "academy" tells them what is "good." Or maybe Idol does reach beyond demographic levels -- because you can't tell me all 28.3 million people were under the age of 35. Personally, the Grammys haven't done it for me since I was like 15, but that's just me... and maybe a few other people out there now.

It's Getting Closer...

A voice from under the covers: PSSSSST!
KB: Chicken? Is that you? Peers under University of Delaware blanket to find said Chicken cowering
Chicken: Is he gone yet?
KB:Who?
Chicken: That scary man from American Idol. The one with the white hair and the spastic moves while singing. He was singing about cutting people.
KB:Taylor? He was singing The First Cut is the Deepest. It's about breaking up not...
Chicken: YES! He's possessed, I'm convinced.
KB:Well, yeah, he's kind of...
Chicken: Touched by the devil!
KB:...awkwardly scary. I don't think he means to be though.
Chicken:So You understand why I'm hiding? I'm afraid he'll try to come collect my soul.
KB:Umm.
Chicken: But I need to tell people that it's only a week left till Pitchers & Catchers, so can you hand me my sign please?
KB:Ah, what a good Chicken you are -- even at your most frightened you're thinking of the greater good and...
Chicken: ...OH MY GOD. What if he's a Yankee fan?!?!?!

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I'll Drink (A Little Too Much) To That

So last night we had an office drinks outing to say goodbye to one of our designers, Steve, as he's moving on to greener pastures. The copy department is taking this especially hard because he is one of those people you can always count on making you laugh. I mean, not too many people can do dead-on imitations of Chewbacca and Mrs. Garrett, and who can break out into whistling the beginning of "Winds of Change" by the Scorpions, so we are really losing a key figure in our daily lives. Anyway, so sad was I, that I think I drank just a liiiiiiiiiiiiitle too much, and all I could think at 4 a.m. when I woke up with a throbbing head was "god bless Art for telling me to take the noon shift today. GOD BLESS HIM." Oh, and that was before we left the office, so it's not like it was indicative of how drunk I was or something. And I am now feeling better, so it's all good.

Things I can vaguely recall:

-- Thinking that "If I leave a little after 8, I can get home in time to get some Boston Market!" Yeah, and then it was suddenly 10:30. Drinking on an empty stomach? Not too bright.

-- People telling us they feel the "copy love" and that our department rocks. Like, the head of the art department seemed to get all sentimental when remembering our Christmas decorations. I believe he called us an "inspiration" or something like that.

-- Me realizing just how sad it's going to be without Steve and emphatically pounding Jason on his knee with my fist and being like "You. Can. Never. Leave." And then later actually struggling to find the appropriate word to tell him that he makes coming to work "fun" even though I'm positive there has to be a better way to describe it. So how about: You're majorly fucking awesome, Jason -- how's that?

-- Elizabeth, Jason and I toasting Art (who had just left to run and catch his train) just for being so mellow and so on top of things. (And for giving me the noon shift)

-- The head of the art department consoling me by saying they were going to get Steve to tape his Chewbacca call because they're going to miss it just as much as we are.

-- Doing a shot of peach schnapps, only to still feel like I was digesting it hours later. Now my stomach just feels like I've been throwing up all night, when I didn't even throw up. What's that about?

Perhaps She was Doing the (Chicken) Breast Stroke

This might just be the awesomest news story EVER. Thanks to Rick for the link -- and making me almost spit out my Pepsi as I was reading it.

American Idol Picks # 1

The initial audtion cities are over on Idol -- huzzah! Now we start getting down to the real talent, though by the little they showed in the first round, I am a little wary as of now. We'll see, I guess. But from now on, every week there's an elimination process, The Chicken and I will be giving our predictions as to who will win the whole thing. So with the tryouts done, and lots of people to choose from, here are our first picks for who's going to be the American Idol, 2006:

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Songs in the Key of Damn!

God damn it! The horse with like, the awesomest name in the history of horsies with awesome names is out of the Derby! I've been waiting, like, 28 years to see a horse with a name this cool, and he has to go and get hurt. WAH!

Although I might have had a tough time picking a horse in this race:

In his only start this year, Stevie Wonderboy finished second to Brother Derek in the Grade 2 San Rafael Stakes at Santa Anita on Jan. 14.

Yes, even if a horse shares a name with Yankee, he deserves being bet on.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Grey's Annoyingme

What I've learned from the first 20 minutes of the "special" Super Bowl Grey's Anatomy -- gimmicky episodes suck. Too much coincidence, too much clumsy exposition to get people who have never watched up to speed, which results in a somewhat dumbing down of characters, too much acting out of character, too much "tension", too much cliche, too much eye-rolling by putting a special guest star in too big of a position, too much annoyingness in tertiary characters -- and not enough of what I love about this show, which is subtlety and heart. It's like the ABC executives kicked the Grey's writers to the side and penned this episode in an effort to win ad sales. And if it had been the first episode I had ever seen (which is probably the intent of this show -- to get the game's large audience), I would've been all "what over-the-top cliche crapfest is this?" But I guess the American public needs bells, whistles and bombs to get their attention or something.

I can't wait till it's back to being normal and un-Super Bowl-y.

Like, Omigod, it's, Like, the Best Man-Snagging Day of the Year!!!

I don't even want to know how many articles circulated this week about how this is like the bestest day ever for a single gal to snag a man at a sports bar. I know in years past, I've rolled my eyes everytime I see some Carrie Bradshaw wannabe post that "The Super Bowl means men are out in packs! So dress in your cutest finery and go to a bar and flutter your eyelashes at the hunky dude next to you, and pepper him with questions about the game of football. It'll make him feel manly and it'll score you a date!" As a woman, I am always ready to hunt down the writer and smack her for writing this and making women (and men) look one-dimmensionally stupid. As a sports fan, I always thought this was a line of BS because, yeah, if it's the World Series and my team is in it and I'm watching in public I will be completely bugged if some dude is trying to hit on me -- yeah, even A-Fed. Maybe the Super Bowl is different because almost everyone watches it, and almost everyone has no vested interest in either team, and therefore they wouldn't mind being bugged to explain what an endzone is. But I always thought Super Bowl Sunday isn't exactly like your typical Friday/Saturday night out at a bar, either, and the "hitting on" thing wouldn't be as rampant, especially if you've got some ditz sitting next to you asking you for The Complete History of Football in the United States — when all she really wants is for you to buy her another cosmo and then someday marry her.

ETA: This story? GAG ME. Not only is it insulting to women (because apparently all women hate sports and would only ever become interested in them to please her man/snag one) it makes men look like one-braincelled, clueless assholes:

"Being knowledgable and making a smart sports remark attracts male attention and makes them feel comfortable wherever they are -- the workplace, in boardrooms, at parties, bars and at home."

Duffy says a stale or even flagging relationship can improve if a woman is willing to learn about her partner's favourite sport and share it with him. Joining him at a game or watching one together while showing real interest can do wonders.

"Talking about and enjoying sports is like foreplay for men," she laughs. "It stirs the passion in them!"


Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Bite Me, Hudson County

So, I work late tonight, and when I get home, I see this blue envelope on the kitchen counter. For a minute, I thought it was something to do with my taxes. And then I see the label more clearly: "Official Business — Jury Summons" and my only thought was, "fuuuuuuuuuuck meeeeeeeeeeee".

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Because yeah, my driver's license is still registered down in Middletown, so the damn county of Hudson got me via my voter registration -- this is what I get for wanting to have my say in all things political (along with special mailings to "The Bischer Family"). And my number is low, so I'm totally going to have to report the first day, unlike when I served in Monmouth County and didn't get called till the last day of the week because my number was like 940. The good thing is, if I'm not placed on a trial, I only serve for two days, so that means only having to find crossword puzzles and books to last for a short amount of time. But you know I'm going to be serving on some high-profile murder case where I have to be sequestered in some dingy motel and won't get to hang with my roommates or work buddies or have Monday Night Dinners or be able to blog, and The Chicken will forget who I am, and you know, it's totally going to stretch into baseball season and...UUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH.

BAH!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Crack is Back!

It's February 1st. And what is slowly creeping into grocery stores and drug stores and convenience stores? Easter candy. And what is among the Easter candy? Cadbury Mini Eggs --my personal crack.

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I found this stash at CVS --and Easter isn't till April 16th. That means I have a good 2 1/2 months of this stuff being on sale, and then maybe another week or two of post-Easter clearance. Which means I'm going to be good and supplied until MAY. Like, when the trees are in bloom and the Yanks have almost 30 games under their belt.

This so rules.

Answer Me This

Is it Turin or Torino? God this is bugging me...