Wednesday, August 30, 2006

You Know...

...I love New York, but I hate that it's such a transient town. And I hate that I seem to be the only person content with living here sometimes.

In Which I Heart the Village Voice So Much It Hurts

Can I just send a big mental high-five to Allen Barra for his wonderful column about the absolutely disgusting display of animosity (from the media AND fans) toward Alex Rodriguez this summer?

The strange thing about the fury directed toward Alex Rodriguez is that few of the reasons given for it hold water. Let's consider those heard most often on the radio and the Internet:

"The fans are taking their frustrations with the team out on A-Rod." What frustrations? The Yankees have been in the playoffs for the first two years he's been with the team; in both seasons, the Yankees lost because of bad pitching, with staffs that finished above the league ERA average. Rodriguez can do many things on a baseball field, but he can't pitch.


Fans are stupid, my friends. That is what I have learned this season. And apparently they have been stupid for a very long time, since the column brings up the whole booing of Mickey Mantle thing, which has only been dug up in recent weeks because people don't want to acknowledge this ever happened (though Bobby Richardson was all too happy to talk about it during a YES broadcast a few weeks ago and gets major props for me because of it). See, all you need is Billy Crystal waxing poetic about you in a movie and in every baseball interview and people will conveniently forget what a shit town this can be sometimes.

And for an "Aww, snap!" moment:

A few weeks ago, Dave Justice raised eyebrows on YES by knocking Rodriguez's ability to hit in the clutch. Just shows what a couple of World Series rings can do for a guy's ego: Justice played in 112 postseason games, with a .224 BA and a .335 OBP.

But Allen, Justice HAS RINGS. OMG! He's soooooo much better than everyone else because of it! And a True Yankee!

Oh, and this was also awesome:

As Eric Wolff asked in New York magazine (January 9), "Has the Times Gone Red Sox Crazy?" From October 12, 2005, the first day of the Yankees' off-season, to the first week in January, there were 105 articles mentioning the Red Sox, two more than the Yankees and 26 more than the Mets.

But then I haven't taken the Times seriously in years anyway...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Dead To Me: Gawker

The normally dry humored site that I read because I'm in the publishing industry just signed its own death certificate in my heart by jumping on the "Uch, the Yankees are SO not cool because of their payroll" train about six years too late. What, you didn't have a problem with their salaries UNTIL NOW?

For such a hip site, I'm surprised they are so behind the times in their bandwagoning.

So long, Gawker. It was great while it lasted.

F*&^ing Blogger!

Stop eating my posts!

What I Learned on My Road Trip

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Animals hanging out on the side of the road are warning-worthy. What kind of animals, I do not know, but I imagine they would pretend to be hitchhikers, then jump in the car and kill you.

Country may be the correct spelling, but Kuntry is preferable. As in, Kuntry Music Radio.

People in the Midwest are WAY trustworthy. Like, if you want to ride the Tilt-A-Whirl at a county fair, but have no one to watch your baby, just leave said baby in its carriage next to the ride while you go on and have a spin. Tempt kidnappers all you want! Or as Tonya put it, "Want a baby? Now you can have one of your very own...or someone else's!"

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If you think of "If I Could Walk on Water" by Eddie Money while walking around Lake Michigan, then get in the car, it will be the next song on the radio. Even if you haven't heard it in about 10 years.

You can trust Midwesterners. Like, when you have trouble parallel parking in a tight spot, a random passerby will be like "Let me try," hand over his wallet as collateral, and get your car in lickety split and want nothing in return.

ESPN rebroadcasts their games in the wee hours of the morning. Like, you'll wake up thinking the Yankees had lost to the Red Sox, but find out otherwise via the sports ticker and be able to see how it happened.

Stupid booing isn't relegated to just the Bronx. Like, the Brewers fans who booed one of their guys (I think it was Jenkins) when he struck out..and the Brewers had just scored four runs for a five-run lead.

The closer you get to New York City, the weirder the clientele at the roadside Denny's.

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Fried cheese curds may sound disgusting, but they are quite yummy.

Camels may like to hang out with the bison on the side of the highway.

Gay men who don't like sports will be just as appalled as you when they find out that a baseball team making a lot of money has to share its money with teams who don't make so much -- and that the owners don't have to use that money toward their teams at all.

There is smog in Indiana.

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Highway rest stops in Wisconsin include gas, food, lodging and a good size "adult shop" coveniently situated right across the street.

Parking in northern Chicago is WORSE than parking in Hoboken. I kid you not.

Playing up your Southernness to a toll taker will land you directions to the nearest Chick-Fil-A. And if there is a hotel across the street from said Chick-Fil-A, you must stay there and wake up to get a Chick-Fil-A breakfast the next morning.

Note to my 8-year-old self: Yes, it is possible to be completely sick of fast food after having it every day.

If you leave Pennsylvania for a few days, it gets angry with you and lengthens its interstate highway out of spite for your trip home.

The city of Chicago may be proud of their White Sox, yet the Sears Tower people have yet to update its wall o'sports by mentioning that the South Side team was the most recent World Series winner, and would make someone not in the know think that the Bulls were the last Chicago team to win a championship.

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The Budweiser Clydesdales will forever rule as long as they have a horse named Yankee.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Miller Park & Wrigley Field: In Review

So I was going to include my thoughts on Miller Park and Wrigley Field in my Midwest Journey wrap-up post, but I realized I had a lot to say on the subjects, so now they get their own post.

MILLER PARK, Brewers vs. Rockies, August 23, 2006

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I have to say, I was surprised by Miller Park. I was expecting a faux-retro, overly quirky, bells-and-whistles park that only a soccer mom could appreciate, but it’s actually pretty tame. First, it has more of a bigger stadium feel, which I like (even though it only sits about 43,000), and even with the roof on, the large windows and open-air outfield still gave it an outdoor feel. It was nice that it seemed to break out of the "retro" vibe that every new "ballpark" seems to feel the need to replicate (but come off just as cookie cutter as the old ashtray stadiums of the 70s) and was more about coming to watch the team...play baseball. Like ohmigod! No silly hot tubs or fake nooks and crannies or bizzaro hills in the outfield. There was an eye-roll worthy Mercedes-Benz sponsored bar behind the right field fence, but that was the only yuppie/frat boy/bored fan concession the park seemed to make. It was kind of refreshing.

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I didn't get to eat any of your standard ballpark fare because we were way early for the game and opted to have dinner at the Friday's in left field. It was kind of nice to sit there and eat while watching the Brewers take batting practice in the empty stadium (if you're not eating at the Friday's, they don't let people in till an hour and a half before game time). The prices were exactly what they are in the suburbs of Jersey, but not so high as they are in an NYC Friday's. Oh, and they kind of rush you through because you have to be out before game time, when you have to pay to watch the game from there.

The only issues I had with Miller was 1) the roof really trapped the air in there toward the middle of the game, when the wind stopped blowing, so it was A LOT stuffy. And 2) HOW many people do you need to throw out a first pitch? I think I lost count at 3. Oh, and for all of its keeping things to a minimum, do we really need another park that shoots of fireworks after a home run? Especially with the roof closed? But since I guess since there are fireworks warehouses all over the state of Wisconsin, it's to be expected.

Other than that, I'd give it a solid B+.


WRIGLEY FIELD, Cubs v. Phillies, August 24, 2006

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Now, while I like a larger feel to my baseball stadiums, I adored Wrigley. I can’t hold it against Fenway and Wrigley that every new “ballpark” they build is trying to replicate the feel you get in those places (but end up lacking the real-deal historical charm), so I checked my bias at the door. And Wrigley is probably one of the most pleasant places on earth. You can tell the fans there adore their team, no playoff run necessary to make them get all excited about their Cubs. I LOVED that they kept it simple when a player would hit a home run. No fireworks, whooping, exploding scoreboards necessary – just the crowd going nuts, with maybe the organ player tootling away excitedly. In fact, there is no JumboTron at Wrigley, which is kind of hard to get used to when you’re trying to figure players out, but if you’re a diehard you’re going ot know anyway, so who cares?

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I also loved that there are no escalators in the place -- you have to get where you want to go by ramp or by stairs. I think escalators generally cause more pedestrian congestion in stadiums, as people will just "ride" along instead of keeping the traffic moving and walking, and this completely irradicated that. Inconvenient when you're sitting high up? Eh, get off your lazy bum and walk. It's good for you.

The “quirks” that all the new “ballparks” try to replicate can’t hold a candle to the iconic ivy, the way the outfield wall juts in and out, the bleachers on the roofs of the buildings across the street, the four-piece band that makes its way around the stands, the way the overhangs sit over the seats, the antique scoreboard...It can't be recaptured by all the most retro-minded architects in in the world.

Nothing can really match Wrigley's Take Me Out to the Ballgame, which we got to see via Harold Ramis and it was another example of the simplicity of baseball that seems to be alive and well at Wrigley -- I'm not sure I've ever seen so many people so excited to sing along.

But I really hope I’ve never heard anyone rave about the food options at Wrigley, (especially since so many people diss Yankee Stadium eating options). The hot dog was EXACTLY the same as they are at Yankee Stadium, and the pretzel I had seemed to be one of those ones you buy in a box in the freezer section and heat up in the oven. Maybe if I’d tried something else, it would’ve been different, but since I rate everything by hot dog and pretzel, I’ve got to say Wrigley wasn’t anything to write home about foodwise.

That said, I'm not a food snob, and when it comes to baseball, you should be there for the game and not the eats. And Wrigley puts on a great show when it comes to baseball, and provides a lovely stage and setting for it. Therefore, Wrigley gets an A from me.

It's Very Nice to Go Traveling...

...but it's oh so nice to come home.

Yes, we're back in the Eastern Time Zone and it was lovely to sleep in my own bed...and be woken up by Chewboken and his stomping. I'm sure he missed having someone to terrorize for a whole week.

Expect a long "what I did on my summer vacation" post sometime soon. It's going to take awhile to recall all the porn shops and fried cheese curds and large bodies of water and almost-stolen babies and and tow trucks and all the ballyhoo surrounding them, but I will get it all transcribed, don't you fret.

If you're the type that can't be bothered to read and likes pictures, view my trip here. And if you're the type who likes really short, silly movies about trips, go here.

For now, I'll leave you with the most triumphant video of the trip:

Friday, August 25, 2006

Hello from Mishawaka, Ind.!

Greetings from Sears Tower!

Thursday, August 24, 2006


Live from Wrigley Field!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


This one's for you, Jason!


Hello from Miller Park!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

LAKE MICHIGAN!!!!

Appleton, Wisc., hearts A-Rod.

Guess What?

They, like, have the Internet is Wisconsin, so I don't need to phone post all the time! You know what else Wisconsin has? LOTS OF PORN. I swear, if Minnesota is the Land of 10,000 Lakes, Wisconsin is the Land of 10,000 Adult Superstores (my fave thus far is a place called "Bean Snappers"), guns 'n' ammo type places and pro-life signs along the (long, long, LONG) highway.

Wisconsin is also very beautiful, with lots of rolling hills and farmland and bison (and camels?) and quaint towns and rivers where things like bald eagles and unidentified furry pawed objects like to come hang out.

And it's also in the Central Time zone. Which means when the game's on at 10 tonight in New York, it'll only be 9 p.m. here, bitchez.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Two Girls, a Guy and a Chicken Get in a Car...

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The Chicken's on a mission to spread the Yankee love nationwide -- or at the very least to the Midwest. Look for some posts via phone over the next few days, as we hit Steeltown USA, cornfields, wheatfields, the cheese capital of the U.S. and Lake Michigan!!!, as well as hit up Milwaukee to see Miller Park and shoot Bud Selig some dirty looks and see if the Confines are really that Friendly at Wrigley.

Cheeseheads for everyone upon our return. We promise.

This Game Fell Out of the Ugly Tree...

...and hit every branch on the way down. I swear to god, I was just offered membership to AARP, seeing as how I hit retirement age somewhere around the fourth inning. If it were the 1950s, Charlton Heston would be signed up to play the part of Derek Jeter or David Ortiz or that scary throw-back yuppie looking guy behind homeplate in the technicolor extravaganza that would be the movie version of this game, and there would have to be an intermission at the theaters because people's asses would start to hurt at the three-hour mark.

This isn't "Classic" Yanks vs. Sux. This is evil.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Where Does the Time Go

So, my five-year blogiversary is on Sunday, but since I'm going to be heading out to Wisconsin that day (The Chicken's Magical Mystery Tour Part II -- Woo!), we'll have to celebrate a bit early. I was going to do this big old long post about blogging for five years, but I got bored with it. But just to show you how much time has passed since my first post, I give you...

Five Years Ago...

...my apartment building didn't even exist and living in Hoboken was just a distant dream.

...I still bought CDs.

...my current job didn't even exist.

...Yankee games were on MSG and WPIX.

...I had no clue who Erica, Melissa, Rick, Liana, Eric, Jesse, Rana, Steph, Jason, Art and Elizabeth were.

...my current roommate Erica had just graduated from high school.

...I referred to Tonya as "The Yankee/Tino/Robin Lover" when I wrote about her.

...Derek Jeter was considered the weakest shortstop out of the whole A-Rod/ Nomar/Jeter debate. Now he's the only one still playing the position.

...American Idol was still a year away from being born.

...the Yankees were the reigning World Series Champions.

...I'd never sent Christmas cards to people I'd never met.

...people weren't blogging...then started blogs...then inexplicably stopped.

...only a precious few knew who The Yankee Chicken was. Now he has fans worldwide...or at least up and down the East Coast.

...I never gave a second thought to someone with a large backpack on a
bus/train.

...Amy D. didn't have any kids. Now she has two.

...Yankees/Red Sox didn't mean jack to the rest of the country (or at least to the media outlets). I wish it were still this way.

...I'd never done karaoke.

...I'd never met someone in person after only knowing them through their writing.

...I'd never read any of the blogs you see listed to the right in my blog roll. Now a day doesn't go by that I don't check them.

...I didn't think this thing would become as important to me as it has.

I'm not a blogger who writes for the audience, per se. This is like a diary, and therefore I write for me (Yankee Chicken posts not withstanding) -- that people read and enjoy it is just gravy. But I'm glad that there are people interested enough in my ramblings to check it out and to comment on it now and then. And I'm glad that there are people out there who supply me with a daily dose of awesomeness through their sites. Because without blog friends/fans, this blogging thing would be a whole hell of a lot less fun.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

So, Um...

...I thought Octavio Dotel was supposed to be the messiah of the bullpen.

Yeah.

I hope it's just him wiping the dust off because if the Yanks need anything right now, it's a solid bullpen.

Oh yeah, and lineup? Y'all aren't making this any easier. Unless you wanted to be able to sit the last few innings out and rest up for Boston. Hmmm...

In the immortal words of Tonya, "Come on, people. GET IT TOGETHER."

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Groundbreak THIS

I'm totally not keeping the volume on tonight, and I think I'm even going to forgo the closed-captioning. Because I'm sure Kay and Co. will find a way to shamelessly promote the new Stadium and the groundbreaking whenever they feel necessary (they were already talking about it "unprovoked" last week). I know most of you disagree with me on my stance (that being, the New Stadium can go fuck itself), but this is a very, very unhappy day for me. Allow me some time to wallow, and please refrain from the "but the current Stadium is a hole," "it's time to get modern like everyone else," "it's not even the real-deal Stadium where Ruth, Gehrig, Mantle played" comments.

Cliff over in the comments section at Bronx Banter today puts it quite nicely:

I fully expect this new park to have the charm of a megamall and to be less condusive to following the game on the field than your average rowdy sports bar.

As a fan who has made regular trips to the big ballpark in the Bronx for nearly twenty years I feel like I've just lost the lease on my vacation home (indeed, Yankee Stadium is likely the closest I'll ever come to having a vacation home).


Amen to that.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Squee Worthy

God damn if tonight wasn't the sweetest game of the season in terms of Yankee adorableness. Yeah, let's forget the excitement of the late inning comeback for a minute -- this was something to behold. It started with El Capitan pushing Melvin Mora back towards first when Melvin seemed to think he had taken second on a passed ball or something. Then there was Melky hustling from first to score on Damone's triple and collapsing on homeplate and sticking out his tongue as if to say "Whew!" followed by Melky getting fanned by Bernie and Sad Clown in the dugout (a moment in which I really made use of the rewind feature on my new DVR, by the way). And then Mo making the second out of the 9th and turning around toward Sad Clown and Jeter and sticking his tongue out as if to say "whew". Perhaps this is the key to winning -- play cute all the time. At the very least it's keeping them loose.

But I could do without all the "My 9" stars being there and being focused on every other at-bat (that's what it felt like, anyway). Like, what do they think this is? A Fox game?

And I could do without Michael Kay's selective memory when it comes to A-Rod. Like, I love that when A-Rod fouled out in the 7th, Kay seemed to insinuate (if he didn't come out and say it directly -- I was seething, so my memory may be off) that this is happening every time A-Rod comes up with the runners on base...when an inning earlier, he got the team on the board with a bases loaded single. And, hi, you spent half the game gushing over his sac fly with the bases loaded last night. So explain to me again how he's having a shit load of trouble "in the clutch" or whatever, especially after you told us coming into the game he was 6 for 13 in bases loaded situations this year?

I'm going back to closed-captioning tomorrow.

The Giambino's Not-So Secret Stache

Chicken: OH MY GOD!!!
KB: What?? Chicken, are you OK?
Chicken: NO. WHAT is that THING on Jason Giambi’s upper lip?
KB: Um, a very poorly thought-out mustache.
Chicken: No it’s not. It’s alive. It’s looking at me.
KB: I don’t know about that, but I will say it doesn’t match his hair color very well.
Chicken: Why is he letting this parasite live off of him?
KB: It goes better with his motorcycle?
Chicken: Well, I certainly hope it has its own helmet.
KB: Maybe he thinks it’s good luck. Or that he’s a sheriff in some movie about the Wild West.
Chicken:OK, then, well if it IS good luck, maybe I will grow a mustache.
KB: Can chicken’s grow mustaches?
Chicken: It will take some doing, but then again maybe all I have to do is ask some caterpillar if it wants to lo live under my beak…

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And The Chicken doesn't even need Just for Men to match...

Monday, August 14, 2006

Why I Love Closed Captioning

Not only does it allow me to forget Michael Kay even exists, but it provides some awesome transcribing, like when they're showing a replay of Mo throwing and it reads "His thumb is between his two fingers when he lets go of the bull."

I AM SO PISSED I MISSED THE RODEO PORTION OF THIS GAME.

I'm Just Going to Stop Reading All Together

Notice that in the papers today, A-Rod's 9th inning homer is "meaningless," while Giambi's is not. Because Jason Giambi, with his platry .258 batting average, is beyond reproach because he served his time as media whipping boy last year and that's old news.

But I will say that the only reason the homer was "meaningless" isn't because A-Rod hit it; Nay, it was "meaningless" because Jeter and Abreu didn't, you know, do their jobs and get on base. What's that you say? I dare criticize our slumping Captain and everybody's new best friend Bobby? Yeah, people, that's because there were only three hits THE ENTIRE GAME before A-Rod's homer. But I'm sure you were too busy harping on what A-Rod was or wasn't doing to fault the entire team for yesterday's malaise.

Take the fucking blinders off, media, and start telling me why my team can't beat the fucking Angels. That would be, you know, informative.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Not-So Good Friday

So last night's game sucked. And it was a microcosm of why I can't be like my fellow fans and be all "that's it, we're running away with the division" in August. Don't get me wrong, I have all the faith in the world that they can make the playoffs. I just don't think you can say it's a given or even say it's close to being a given just because the Yanks add a bat with pop and a No. 4/5 starter, especially since Moose and Wang are showing signs of humanness lately and RanJo is practicing for his dinner theater role in Sybil. The Sux aren't dead, as much as Michael Kay and several others want you to believe. I think the whole crucial five-game series in Fenway next week seems to have escaped them. And just as I would say the Yanks aren't dead just because they had a bad week and are two games back with a month and a half to play, I'm not going to declare the Sux as such either. There are no absolutes in August, and the way the lineup flaked out last night in big spots, and Lidle's ineffectiveness (though it wasn't really his fault since he was sick) and Sidney Ponson being the only longish reliever in the pen last night proved that.

Show me a team that plays CONSISTENTLY well down the stretch, and I will show you my playoff tickets. But a 25-man roster full of big names and "on paper" ideas don't mean much to me.

Anyway, the highlights from last night:

-- Meeting Lupe!! Before she went to sit with her familia, she stopped up and said hello to the Season Ticket Crew, which was just Erica and me at the time, as Steph was doing some visiting on her own, and the rest of the crew was working on a covert operation for the CIA. While she was looking for our section, Lupe totally missed out on Ponson getting hit with the liner in the legs, only to search for the ball in the sky. Highlight of the game, and maybe my season right there. Anyway, it was so awesome to meet someone whose work you've been reading (and agreeing with) for two years! If only I'd know Kat was going to be there sooner...

-- Sal Fasano. I swear, the man is a walking pinstriped punchline. For instance, we've decided his nickname is going to be Pizza Guy, as he totally looks like he'd be more at home tossing dough in the air than behind home plate. And I think this might just be a general consensus. Oddly enough, Steph had been thinking of getting pizza at the game, and in the first inning Erica was all "When are you going to get your pizza" to which I shot back "When Sal Fasano's done making it." For some reason, this cracked our shit up for a good half inning.

And then came the scoreboard picture. So, you know how Sal Fasano has a mustache? Well, at one point he comes to bat and the photo of him on the little scoreboard has him with the stache. But the JumboTron shows him without it (I think Lupe pointed this out first). Well, the next time he comes to bat, I point it out to Steph and not a minute later does this fake mustache appear on the screen. I mean, unless the Stadium was having JumboTron light issues, them scoreboard operators have the AWESOMEST sense of humor EVER.

Oh, and to the gloom-and-doom dude behind me who declared "Joe Torre's a piece of shit if he doesn't bring Posada in to hit for Fasano" right before Fasano's double...Bah fongool!

--When the Yanks are behind in the late innings, they frequently pull out this JumboTron montage of scenes from the Rocky movies interspersed with Yankee awesome highlights. I hate it because whenever I'm there and they show it, the Yanks lose more often then not (I've seen them rally to win after it a grand total of once) Well, this was going on while the Angels were making a pitching change, and who gets all into it but the Angels outfielders. Seriously. They were standing together in center, competely entranced by the montage. In fact they were so into it, they only knew it was time to start playing again when the scoreboard people turned the montage off...because the pitcher and everyone else were ready to play. Watching them get all "Whoops!" and have to skitter back to their positions was awesome.

-- The dude behind me was a bona fide Torre hater, and it was lovely to know that I could contradict almost everything he was complaining about (in my head anyway. I'm done with ballpark confrontation for the season, yo). Like, if you're not going to like the manager, that's fine, but be able to back it up with legitimate gripes and not be all whiny just because you would do things differently...with all your Major League managerial expertise in the upper deck and all. For example, of course this guy was all "Waaaah, Joe's an asshole for pulling Lidle after four innings" to which in my head I'm all, "Gee, ya think there might be something wrong with Lidle since they don't want to use the bullpen after using them three-straight days?" and it turns out Lidle has a stomach virus, felt like shit and only went out there because he had to. I didn't know this till after the game, yet I still knew bringing Ponson in was probably a last resort, not Joe being all "Hey guys, let's take the good pitcher our and bring in the walking comedy of errors! That'll get us a win!"

But hater guy doesn't get this and starts wondering why you'd bring Ponson in. Um? Who, prey tell, would you like? The rest of your bullpen is made up of your star closer, a set-up guy, a lefty-specialist, a dude who's been overworked, a rookie, and Ron Villone, who you'd probably want to use later in the game if it gets closer or the Yanks go ahead. So... you want Jaret Wright to come in or maybe Moose or something? Idiot. It's called a long reliever. Look into it.

I only agreed with him on the whole Nick Green bunting thing. But then he had to go and muck it all up by being like "why would you bunt back to the pitcher?" And that's how I know this guy is just dumb. You think Green was TRYING to bunt it back to the pitcher? Because it looked to me like he was aiming for the third base side, but was off by a bit. And let's not even go into the whole bunting means keeping the ball on the ground and not in the air thing. No, dude behind me wants Torre's head because Nick Green was bunting toward the pitcher. ON PURPOSE.

It just cracks me up that people think Joe has no rhyme or reason for his actions, and only does things just to piss us off. Because he has no desire to win or anything with it being his job and all.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I Heart Weather.com

...on game days when it's not downpouring and chances of rain aren't 100 percent, that is.

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Note the awesome "Spectator Index" is a 10. And the chance of precip? Well, I don't want to jinx it, but that's good, yo.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

42 37 of the MOST Random Questions Ever

I don't have a MySpace, and my goal is to never have a MySpace, but I pilfered this from Erica, who had it on her blog. You know, for those of us who like to kick it old school.

1. Where were you 6 hours ago?
Getting ice cream from Mr. Softee

2. Who will be your next kiss?
Um, I don't go around plotting this sort of thing like some kind of evil mastermind.

3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
The blanket that was draped on the couch for Erica's survey is now draped over me.

4. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Last Sunday. And I made the mistake of going into pet store and falling in love with this yellow Lab puppy with giant ears that I couldn't take home.

5. Are you wearing socks right now?
Socks are for the weak.

6. When was the last time you went out of the state?
I go out of state every day to go to work.

7. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Yup -- and you read it here first.

8. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Gatorade. And no, I'm not planning on making any bombs out of it.

9. What are you wearing right now?
My "lilac" shirt and PJ shorts with crabs on them. And a watch.

10. Have you been in a car wash?
Not for a long, long time.

11. Last food you ate?
A Rollo cookie

Hi, where's No. 12?

13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Bras and underwear! How exciting! (And here come all the fetishists looking for those words specifically)

No. 14, Where are youuuuuuuu????

15. What's the last sporting event you watched?
I'm watching the Yanks/White Sox right now and anticipating Moose to be cranky as all hell since he had to sit through that rain delay.

16. What is/was your favorite class?
I loved history my senior year in high school

Where is 17???

18. Last 3 people's houses you were in?
My friend Amy's house, my parents' house and Art's house with the copy crew.

19. How old are your parents?
105 and 32. Who said May/December romances can't work out?

21. Do you miss anyone?
Yeah, No. 20

22. Last play you saw?
Umm... I think it was when Rana and I saw her roommate Adena in the Hoboken production of Anything Goes. As for real-deal Broadway, it was Spamalot.

23. What are your plans for the day?
To go to sleep?

24. Who is the last person you commented on myspace?
I don't do myspace. It freaks me the fuck out. But the last blog comment I left was on Erica's blog.

25. Ever go to camp?
Day camp, which just happened to be right across the street from a mental institution. No relation, though. I think.

26. Were you an honor roll student in school?
No, I did enough to get by, and I'm not ashamed of it. Straight A's back then wouldn't make me happier now anyway.

27.What do you know about the future?
I can't say. The Pipeline to God might be listening.

28. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Clinique Happy.

30. Where is your best friend located?
Where is No. 29 located should be the question.

31. Do you have a tan?
Yes. I am half Sicillian. It is inevitable in the summer.

32. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
I'm not putting a deadline on myself -- who needs that unnecessary pressure?

33. Do you collect anything?
Clothes for the Yankee Chicken.

34. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
1995. I went through a No Turn on Red, and I didn't cry and I think the officer appreciated this because he let me go with a warning.

35. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Is this unheard of or something?

36. How do you like your drinks?
Drinky

37. Do you like hot sauce?
I don't like any condiments, duh.

38. Last time you took a shower?
This morning.

39. Who do you have a crush on?
You!

40. What is your mood?
Tired.

41. Are you someone's best friend?
Yes. The Yankee Chicken's.

42. What's the last book you read?
Bras and Broomsticks by Sarah Mlynowski

Is There Any Other Way to Like It?

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Looks like that weirdo whose name rhymes with Jason is back.

Best. Description. Ever.

Oh, Deadspin, how I do love thee:

The Yankees are barreling toward the AL East finish line like an SUV full of loaded guns, hatchets and a compact disc of children's songs recorded by prison inmates

I'm not even entirely sure what that means...yet I get it.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Put a Sock (And a Shoe. And a Tie. And a Handkerchief) in it, Michael

You know, I understand Michael Kay is too cool for school to buy into the fun superstitions of baseball, but his undying need to bring up...what RanJo is doing right now... is coming across as "Ha-ha, I'm going to talk about it all I want, you stupid viewers and you can't stop meeeeeee" which is how he has always come across when someone...does what RanJo is doing. So he can complain all he wants that fans are being ridiculous about calling him a jinx, but his smarmy nature when discussing such topics (and the fact that he's bringing it up every chance he gets) makes it all the more agitating. He's daring us to throw things at our TV right now and call in his radio show tomorrow so he can have another on-air apoplexy. Because we're stupid, y'all, and he needs to prove that.

In Which My Faith is Renewed Slightly

God bless you, Eric Neel. And ESPN.com? Very, very good job putting this front-and-center. For one day, I cannot hate you.

And when it comes to bringing up what A-Rod is and isn't, can we move past the whole "You'll never be Paul O'Neill/Scott Brosius/Jim Leyritz" (i.e. "You have no heaaaaaart") mantra, and bury it/set fire to it/commit its ashes to the sea already? Instead, let's try something like "I'm glad you're not Mike Gallego." And if you don't know who that is, you have no basis for your booing. And if you do know who that is and still boo...well, you're an ungrateful prick.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

OMFG

A ball cannot "split the outfielders," Michael Kay, as the outfielders ARE ALREADY APART with significant space between them. GOD. I feel like I yell this at the screen every game. Why does he not listen?

And what is with YES' crowd mics these days? I feel like I hear the general bustle of the crowd better than I can hear the announcers. Well, except Kay.

Rocking My World Today...

First, the good people at Deadspin, where they picked up the story of The Wave actually making its way to Wrigley:

The Chicago Tribune interviews the Patient Zero of The Wave, Krazy George Henderson, and we are not the least bit surprised that the guy who proudly proclaims that he invented the wave calls himself "Krazy George." His quote will make you cringe even more.

"I think it would be much more acceptable if it started somewhere like Yankee Stadium," George said. "Then it would probably be bowed down to by baseball fans and they'd put a monument up."

For the record, it does not make one a "purist" to hate the wave. It just makes one "not a moron."


Second, Jason some weird person searching for my blog:

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As If He Wasn't Transparent Enough...

So today's front page of the Daily News screams that Paul Lo Duca's marital woes and gambling are "No Problem" and of COURSE it's Mike Lupica who's going to be the one who offers a shoulder to cry on. I would've boycotted this if I hadn't seen it on the front page and been intrigued by the hypocritical nature of what this story was going to be about. Because I love, love, love that Lupicass sees it as his duty to clear Lo Duca's name and smarmily shrug that this city is what the big bad city does to athletes and "Waaaah, he's only on the front page because of a stupid divorce." Yet A-Rod plays poker and Randy Johnson has an illegitimate child and this is just fine to condemn on the front pages of both papers, no defense of the athletes necessary from the supposed "New York" sports columnist. You can't tell me this is because of a "No Comment" and that Lo Duca chose to talk about it -- because Lo Duca has never had Lupicass spew bile about him every chance he gets via his column, and therefore of course he'll talk to you. Lupicass hasn't made it known that he, you know, hates you. So he'll defend you if he likes you, but if you choose not to talk about it and he hates you, he doesn't have an opinion. That's wonderful.

But then I'm not entirely sure Lupicass did this out of the goodness of his shriveled little heart.

Personally, I could give two shits what Lo Duca does with his time (though it's hilarious that he finds it a moral outrage if you dare to look at a home run you just hit, but screwing around on your wife is just fine, if his wife is to be believed), but the fact that Lupicass took it upon himself to clear the air or whatever also seems...a bit suspect. It was the Post that broke the story of the Mets catcher, the alleged cheating and the angry Playboy Playmate wife -- that's quite a story to have on your front page, the thing a tabloid salivates over, including the Daily News if they'd gotten the story first. It's like he only did this story (and the News put it on their front page) to flip the Post the bird and make them look stupid for freaking out, but only because he works for the competition -- a competition that was completely out-scooped by their rival.

And you wonder why I'm so jaded by the media...

Monday, August 07, 2006

KB Recommends...

So in between watching way more than the recommended daily allowance of baseball and swealtering/freezing at my office, I do things with my life. Like go to the movies. And tonight I saw Little Miss Sunshine, and kids, when this gets out in wide release (August 18 nationwide), do yourself a favor and go see it. I'm not going to go all Oprah on you and be like "Wasn't THIS scene the best thing ever, audience?" and give the plot away or set up your expectations too high, but I will say I haven't laughed that hard at a film in a LONG time. And the climactic scene near the end may be one of the most joyous things I've ever watched.

Go see it. And if you don't like it, that's your problem.

I Can't Believe It's Not Hotter...Spray!

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I don't know who is responsible for this, but, dude, you rule. I've never been so happy to be wearing a sweater...

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Can I Get an Amen?

So tonight as the roommate and I are watching the Yankee game, I was flipping around iTunes for some new music. I let her in on a part of my weird side (what, the inanimate Chicken that I have conversations with wasn't a dead giveaway?), that being that I kinda dig gospel music. Not modern-day stuff that sounds like regular R&B -- no, I'm talking full-on gospel choir, with lots of praising Jesus and being happy about life and stuff. To me, if praising the lord is your thing and you're going to do it via song, that's the way it should be done.

Anyway, I'm perusing/sampling some songs in the top of the 9th, including "Oh Happy Day" when Giambi makes out. Then Jorge comes to the plate. I was kind of hoping to find a tune with an awesome enough name that I could somehow relate it to the game (sacreligious as that seems, but I'm going to assume the good lord likes Him some sports too and would understand completely) and I'm all "Ooh, here's a song called 'Optimistic'!" and the words are barely out of my mouth when Posada launches a shot that probably reached St. Peter himself, such was its distance, and the Yanks go ahead 5-4.

jp
Are you there, God? It's me, Jorge.

Erica's all "Oh my god! We're so listening to gospel during games from now on!"

Make a joyful noise indeed.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Noooo!!!

These evil men came and took away our Physical Pipeline to God/MovinCool Classic Plus 14! All because Ken's department was complaining about how hot they were yesterday, and now they're getting it. (Please note snide, displeased tone of that sentence)

It had become a part of the Production/Copy Department family, being the brunt of many jokes yesterday while it kept us semi-cool (81 degrees as opposed to 84). Jason got the most attached and even said good night to it last night as he was leaving, as in "Night, Art! Night, Elizabeth! Night, MovinCool Classic Plus 14!" Who cares if Art was all grandpa-like and "Wha? What did you say?" all day because he was rendered deaf by the damn thing. It was our friend. And now it's gone and dropped us flat for the Photo Department.

Oh yeah, and now we're going to be way hot again today. Unless the real air conditioning gets fixed...BWAH!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

That's Hot

From every hysterical news agency in New York City:

Con Edison says residents and businesses between 40th Street and 14th Street, from Fifth Avenue to the East River should shut off any unused or unnecessary appliances. And the company is asking its largest customers in that area to reduce their electrical use.

Interesting to note that I am on 41st and 5th, thereby juuuuuuuust missing out on the whole "turn your power off and go back from whence you came" fun.

There'd better not be another blackout till I'm back across the Hudson, damn it.

C&TB Flashback!: The Great Blackout of 2003

HOLY CRAP!

0803061252

WE NOW HAVE A PHYSICAL PIPELINE TO GOD IN THE COPY DEPARTMENT.

Either that or an air conditioner that pre-dates the Ed Sullivan Show.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Well, It IS a Great Movie

So I log onto Netflix and this is what greets me:

Picture 1

That would be Jason reminding me to re-watch the Muppet Movie via "Notes". I love that it is practically screamed from the rooftops, and that you can see the blog's positive influence on my readers via the message. Or it's Jason's positive influence on me. I don't know. It just cracked my shit up.

KB's Cube Temp.: 3:27 p.m.

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People are getting cranky, yo.

KB's Cube Temp.: 12:06 p.m.

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KB's Cube Temp.: 9:55 a.m.

Let's see how hot we can get indoors today!

0802060953

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Insert Eye Roll Here

Dudes, Skip Bayless is...stupid. I know! Really, he's always been such a knowledgable chap when it comes to anything Yankee, that it's so, so surprising that he'd assume to know what is and isn't going through Yankee fans heads when they boo A-Rod, and that he'd be so far off target with his bad idea that it just smacked an unsuspecting Parisian in the head:

Which is why I disagree with this "Sound Off" letter printed in Sunday's New York Post, from Vincent D'Antonio Sr. of Manahawkin, N.J.: "There are two types of Yankee fans: Those of us who know and understand the game, and the pseudo fans who bought into the media-induced concept that it's fashionable to boo Alex Rodriguez night after night. I've been a Yankees fan since the days of Mickey Mantle and A-Rod is one of the best players ever to wear the pinstripes. The boo-birds need to give it a rest already."

Oh, A-Rod has as much natural ability as any Yankee ever -- enough easy power to eventually pass Ruth, Bonds and Aaron on the all-time home run list. But True Yankees are defined by championships, Vincent, and true Yankees fans are beginning to wonder whether this team can ever win one with A-Rod as its most gifted player.

A-Rod remains ringless.


I've said it 768347583792 times, and I'll say it again: Going by this theory, then, the beloved Don Mattingly and Dave Winfield are not True Yankees, but Chad Curtis and Cecil Fielder are. Hmm. Interesting.

And I'd like to know just what True Yankee Fans Skip has ever come into contact with. Seriously. He cites two letters in his column that defend A-Rod, but obviously it's the drunken assholes who boo for sport that are the True Fans here.

I'm not even going to degrade myself by refering to myself as a "True Fan," because going by Skip's description, I don't ever want to be considered a "True Fan." But as a diehard fan who lives, eats and breathes this team to the point of distraction sometimes, I will say that I've never "wondered whether this team can win one with A-Rod". Have I wondered if they can win with this pitching staff? Oh hell yeah. Have I wondered if they can win with several key players hurt at the same time? Absolutely. Have I wondered if they can win when half the lineup decides to slump at once? Of course.

But yeah, I believe they can win one with A-Rod...provided that everyone else gets their shit together. You know, the 24 other players sports columnists decide to ignore when they're piling on one guy for shits and giggles because they are a bunch of imaginationless, gutless and lazy douchebags.