Thursday, November 30, 2006

Snerk

Apollo Creed > Jesus

Just brilliant.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Keeping the NY in Christmas

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I miss when the Rockefeller Center tree lighting was just a New York TV-market thing, not this nationally-televised mess that it's become. I know this is going to sound a bit harsh, but the penultimate performance leading up to the climactic event should NOT include Christina Aguilera caterwauling about her daddy issues while Sasha Cohen gets like two seconds of screen time with an interpretive skate, and nary a mention of a holiday in said performance. Unless you count the subliminal "Buy Christina's Album As A Holiday Gift" message wafting off the rink.

And again with the NBC stars throwing the switch with the Mayor. The 30 Rock people? Really? I guess Alec Baldwin can get by because he's from Long Island, but seriously, where are the uniquely NY people that used to throw the switch?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Quote of the Day

So Jason has been regaling us with tales from the book he's currently reading, The Evolution of Desire, and today he tells Art and I that, historically, men are attracted to bigger backsides and hips because it triggers some biological thing to do with child rearing. So I wanted to know how this explained breast and leg men, and how this was biologically a motivator, to which Jason stroked his chin, looked contemplative for a few moments, and then decided you can't separate the two attributes, because, "It's like Art says: It's not 'the Beatles or the Stones?' It's the Beatles AND the Stones."

Monday, November 27, 2006

I Can't Win

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I'm still wearing T-shirts to work. And, just to FYI, this is only two degrees hotter indoors than it was when it was f'ing 100 degrees outside in July. F'ing heat...

Aw, That's Not Very Nice

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Still, I'm more bothered by the fact that there should be a comma before the Bisch. And that they probably meant to type "bitch" and then got referred to my blog... Awesome.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Yeah, Right This Very Minute

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It's time for The Chicken's most favoritest time of the year! Outside baseball season, of course.

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The Chicken wants you to meet his new friend Fabian. Fabian is a decorator who moved to New York to pursue his dreams of acting. And decorating.
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Fabian shows us his favorite types of ornaments...

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...and The Chicken, of course, has his.

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See how pretty it is to represent on the tree?

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Aww, it's Christmas in Hoboken!

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Our tree is psychadelic, yo.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy Fabulously Ugly Turkey Platter Day!

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This year, I am thankful that you all read my blog. Have a great Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Reaction of the Day

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-- Steph, upon learning that Jeter was snubbed for MVP.

Honorable mention: Jason's eyes bugging out of their sockets when he spied El Capitan's annual salary.

Monday, November 20, 2006

In Which I Literally Spit Out My Drink

Liana and Eric are discussing where to place a possible Christmas tree in their apartment

Jesse: You should put it in your back room...so Santa can see it.

Eric: Why, so I can tackle him too?

KB: SPFFWEFWEFF

Editor's note: Over the summer, a completely freaked-out Eric literally pounced on and was ready to kill a would-be intruder who came up the fire escape and into said back room through the window. Turns out it was a neighbor's drunken house-sitter who climbed into the wrong apartment.

The image of Eric taking down Santa Claus was just too much for me to handle...

It's Not a Book, or a Movie...

...but it is a Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenixteaser trailer!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Let The Chicken Spend the Holidays With You!

...via Christmas card, anyway.

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If you'd like to receive a holiday greeting from The Yankee Chicken and myself, send me your address at kabsy77@yahoo.com. This year, I'll actually remember to put stamps on them too :)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

"Sometimes What Brings the Kids Together is Hating the Lunch Lady"

Love. This. Show.

-- So either Jim and Karen had the quickest courtship ever, or Jim's exaggerating their relationship to Pam. Whatever it is, the writers of this show are geniuses at penning awkward. (And those message board people tonight? Hoooooooeeeee. Now I'm pretty sure some of them think Jim is real and that they have to protect him because Pam's a whorebitch or something. Or at least that's how I'm reading it. AWESOME.)

-- Um, so I totally realized tonight that I've worked with a guy like Andy. So did Dexter and Hollis. That we survived this person without committing a crime is pretty awesome on our parts, considering this person wasn't nearly as entertaining as Andy (he never sang Indigo Girls songs or Haddaway, that's for sure).

-- Toby's failed fist bop made me bust out laughing, as this is Art and Jason's "special" way of saying goodbye every night. And Toby is totally a human Eeyore.

-- I liked Dwight and Andy tonight, but I can see it wearing thin. I can only take Michael and Dwight together in small doses (seperately and with other people, they rock my world, however), and I think it's going to be the case here, too.

-- Coulda done without the product placement, though. You are better than that, Office.

Isn't it awesome that the baseball season and TV seasons only overlap somewhat? What would I be writing if not for this stuff? Oh yeah, that book of mine...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I'd Like to Shoot Their Eye Out

I can't find it on YouTube, nor can I find any articles about it, but I saw the most aggravating thing on TV last night -- the all-time holiday classic A Christmas Story BEING USED TO SELL CELL PHONES. It was for Cingular, if I'm remembering right, and has people acting out the scenes EXACTLY as they look on the big screen, but instead of Ralphie lusting after a BB gun, he WANTS A CELL PHONE, and gets denied at every turn. Even by Santa on the big slidey thing. It's so wrong...nay it's wronger than wrong. It's a fucking sacrelige.

I get the feeling if Jean Shepherd were alive (and the fact that they use a sound-alike narrator is even more disgusting) this thing would never have gotten made.

I'm going to go kick something now and start swearing like Mr. Parker...

ETA: Photo stills from the ad.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Quote of the Day

"He eats hot and sour soup at 10:30 in the mooooorninihihing. That's why Jason is a tramp." -- Jason

Don't ask. But then, if you understand this song, you really don't have to.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Just Because It Might Be One of the Best TV Lines Ever Written

Dwight: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. And we’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart, and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No, I’m like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you’re gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Also The Office related and on my brain today: It's funny to read people's online arguments about the show. Mostly because these are fictional characters with fictional motivations and people get so worked up about them (not that I'm condemning this -- I could only hope to someday create a character people feel so strongly about that they go online to discuss what drives said fictional character). Sometimes their arguments amuse me, sometimes they actually irk me.

For example, at the Television Without Pity boards (probably the best ones out there because the posters aren't actually officially crazy like at many entertainment forums), there is a debate pitting Pam vs. Karen, and who is better for Jim. One person posted that because Karen seems more direct and will probably confess her feelings to Jim, that she will ultimately win him -- because guys like it when girls admit that they like them. Shyyyyeaaaaah. I don't know what the fictional television dude's gonna go with, but let's just say in real-life, that's only been the result of my femaley admitting actions less than half the time.

It used to be that when I knew how I felt about a guy, I'd either tell him or ask him out — I'm not the sit around and pine type (I've only done it a few times and I give the menfolk credit for being historically saddled with the "asking out" task. It's tough, yo.). In a few of those instances, the dude was interested enough to go out. The others? Yeah, I pretty much realized if you have to do the asking/telling, it's probably not written in the stars. I don't know if this is a guy = aggressor mentality or that they just weren't interested or a combination of both. In most of the cases, it's worked out for the best that it didn't happen anyway, so I don't feel bad for nipping it in the bud instead of hiding my feelings. Still, they said no, and I'm inclined to think that I'm not the only chick who has gotten rejected. And I would hope a guy wouldn't go out with someone "just to be nice because the girl asked you out". I know I wouldn't do that to a guy -- that's worse than saying no.

Maybe the fictional sweetheart that is Jim could fall head over heels for a possibly aggressive Karen move because he sees how much he means to her. Like I said, it has worked in my favor on a few ocassions. But I do know that not every guy is going to go out with you and fall madly in love with you just because you want them to -- just like every girl isn't going to go out with a guy because he did the asking. Rejection plays no favorites to either sex, I'm afraid.

And that concludes this installment of Oprah, KB-style.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

I Always Knew He Was a Stah

So it looks as if Sasquatch (Chewboken's predecessor, for those who aren't in the know) had a busy life in TVs first reality series before he moved to Hoboken. How did I not know this? And what happened to the orphan he adopted?



All of his loud, jolting noises make so much sense now. He was just jumping off his bed pretending it was a cliff, or throwing household objects in lieu of trees. Aww.

It doesn't explain Chewboken, however, who apparently doesn't need more than four hours of sleep a night. Freak.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Showing a Little Leg...

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...so you can see what Walt Disney World does to people. You know, the stuff people DON'T tell you about because it's like Fight Club or something.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My Supercalafragalisticexpialadocious Weekend

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Well, my first trip to Disney World was way excellent. The weather was perfect, the company was swell and it was wonderful to be transported back to being 7 years old for a few days.

Some thoughts:

-- It's a good damn thing I didn't go to Disney as a child -- I probably would have wanted to live on some of the rides. It was some of the most imaginative stuff I've ever seen. The frozen head of Walt Disney should be proud.

-- One thing that irked me about the place was its refusal to acknowledge any characters outside the Big Five (Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald and Pluto) or "the Princesses" or those who are in a DVD that is out now (basically, if Lady and the Tramp wasn't out on video in re-release at the moment, I wouldn't have seen much of my two favorite animated characters, and that would've sucked.) Like, the merchandising pretty much centered around all those mentioned above -- barely any love for the likes of Pongo and Perdita, the Hunchback, Bambi, Robin Hood, Dumbo, et. al. And forget the live-action movies. If you aren't Mary Poppins or a character from the highly over-rated Pirates of the Caribbean, you don't exist at this park. Anything relating to my holy trinity of live-action Disney movies from childhood (Old Yeller, The Parent Trap, and my all-time live-action Disney fave, Pollyanna) were nowhere to be seen. Very disappointing, considering they have a giant treasure trove of films to pull from.

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-- One of the nicest things is getting to see all the kids get so excited when the characters come out on stage in front of the castle, and start singing about dreams coming true and what not. What's that you say? You heard I got weepy upon seeing Mickey and Cinderella and Co. going on about believing in your dreams? Lies, I tell you, evil lies!

-- I've never gone a ride more than once while visiting a park -- but I went on Soarin' at Epcot THREE times. Holy crap, I've never been on something more amazing...

...Primeval Whirl, on the other hand...uh, let's just say the NYC subway turnstiles have NOTHING on this fucker when it comes to doling out leg bruises. I am the klutziest klutz to have ever klutzed and I have NEVER gotten a black-and-blue so huge. I guess I should see it as some kind of accomplishment. Or battle scar.

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-- Seagulls are not the only birds that stalk you for food. Oh no, my friends, I now know that ducks, yes DUCKS, will follow people around looking for something to eat. And ibises? Yeah, they will sit right next to you and stare all creepy like until you either finish what you eat or give them something. And then some bratty child comes along and starts throwing popcorn at them and you have to pray you don't get pooped on.

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-- Speaking of animals doing their business, I got to see an elephant pee and a bald eagle poop, all in the course of one hour. Woo! And let me tell you, it was the most waste I've ever had the pleasure of seeing an animal produce. Awesome.

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-- There is something so completely and utterly wrong with walking around on a sunny, 80-degree day...and hearing "White Christmas" blaring from the PA system. Just...no.

--It is VERY hard for an expletive NOT to come out when you are on a roller coaster in the dark of night and it looks like you are about to slam into a rock, only for the roller coaster to lead you down a very quick dip. What do you want me to say? "Oh, pooooooooooop?"

--There were tons of Yankee fans around the parks, which warmed the heart greatly. And there was one odd family that included the dad in a Red Sox hat, one son in a Mets shirt and the other in a Mussina shirt. How does that happen? Like, seriously?

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-- I don't know -- this picture just reminded me of something you'd see painted on the spare tire cover on the back of a van in 1985 or something.

In the Still of the Night, and Day, and Following Night

For the next 24 hours-plus I am not getting on anything that rolls, shakes, shimmies, bumps, grinds, fakes-out-turns, toot-toots, jostles body parts to the point of bruising, swooshes, creaks, splashes, lights up like a disco dance floor, looks three-dimensional, requires 3457 minutes of standing on line for, changes altitudes or remotely resembles public transportation.

In fact, the most adventurous thing I plan to "ride" tomorrow is the toilet. Maybe the sofa, if I'm feeling saucy. And then I'm going to get lunch -- without waiting on line for four hours for it. Ahhhh. It's going to be a great day.

You might think this means I had a lousy time at Disney, but it's quite the opposite. I had too much fun. My legs, feet and possibly my dislocated brain are now way pissed off as a result. They are happy to be on terra firma again. Even if it is a good 40 degrees colder here than it was down there...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

It's a small world afterall, bitches.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Disneeeeey!!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

My 5-Year-Old Self Is WAY Jealous of Me Right Now

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You may have a bitchin' Smurf bag, little KB, but I'm going to Disney World, sucka.

Live cell-phone blogging starts tomorrow night, when Erica, another Erica and myself touch down in Orlando (but not in time to get any Chick-Fil-A. Bah.) for a long weekend of Mickey time.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Efffffffffff Yooooooouuuuuuu, Lost

You dare kill off my favorite character (LAMELY -- why didn't he just die in the hatch explosion? Oh, right, he wasn't arrested in real life in that point. Moral to the story? Don't do anything illegal while a cast-member of this show) and expect me to eagerly anticipate your "season finale" till February?

You're lucky creepy eye patch guy was...creepy. Because otherwise, you're really starting to piss me off.

Bad Andy

When did Andy Pettitte become such a tool? He goes to Houston so his wife can keep him on a shorter leash because the Yankees didn't attend to his needs as quickly as he would've liked, and now he's suffering from burnout? More than likely, he's probably using this as a bargaining tool or maybe he's way bogged down by sadness because his BFF Clemens will retire (shyeah right), but come the frig on, Andy. You used to be somebody. A good somebody. A World Champion somebody.

Can the 12-year-old mood swingy behavior, and get your ass back there again.