Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Office Warfare!!!!

Jason, the intrepid and industrious young man that he is, has decided that the Copy Department needs protecting from evildoers and Mongolian invaders and delivery guys and such, so he just spent some time constructing his own blow gun.

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And it, like, actually WORKS.

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He's now convinced we could win a war in the office, should one break out. My philosophy is that we've already won the decorating war at Christmas, so we could win at editorial combat with no problems too...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Darn Kids

So Blogger finally MADE me switch to the new, hoo-ha fantastico version of the site, which, really, what's the big deal? Ooooh, I can LABEL my posts now. Like I wouldn't know how to look for my stuff that I wrote on my own. Pshaw. Whatever. I just don't like that Google is suddenly taking over the world and now my blog has been sucked into its vortex. Anyway.

And after seeing a nice, adult-level survey on Rana's blog, I'm inclined to join in the revolution of not having questions about your favorite subject or how many guys I've kissed while drinking my favorite Snapple flavor or what have you. So, yet another survey for the week. (Baseball season's coming. I promise!)

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? All of them. And taxes too.

2. Best place to eat a romantic dinner? Sitting next to each other on the floor, behind the coffee table, watching the game and him not making fun of me for eating in a superstitious manner. You see, any meal can be romantic in any setting if you are enamored with the dude sitting next to you.

3. Ever puked from drinking? Once from drinking too much, once after figuring out I have a red-wine allergy and that only a few sips will give me a bad-ass headache.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? Never. Although I did get drunk once and join in a spontaneous, raucous chorus of The Jeffersons theme song while sitting at a bar.

5. Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Brown – and she still remembers me. She may have been the only teacher I had who encouraged my love for reading, which I find kind of sad in a way.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now? Uh, none of your beeswax.

7. What did you want to be when you grow up? A veterinarian up until about 12. Since then, a writer. I guess I haven't grown up yet...

8. How many colleges did you attend? U of D is the only institution of higher learning that has sucked me and my parents dry benefited from me financially.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? Because it's cold and I like sweaters.

10. GAS PRICES! I KNOW! Well, not really, but then I like using my own two feet and public transportation.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you? Nah. Baseball season's coming up, can't miss that.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I woke up before my alarm, so ask the alarm what it thought of me.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? Man, that Grease: You're the One That I Want show is awful.

14. Favorite style of underwear? I suppose it'd be all hot for me to say lacy thongs or something. But really, I'm partial to the Snoopy undies H&M made a few years ago, that they've ceased producing. Sorry. I'll include whips and chains and garters on the next survey.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex? Guys can look hot in all sorts of cotton undies. Except G-strings. And satin leopard print tighty-whities. Just...eww.

16. What errand/chore do you hate? Unloading the dishwasher.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery? Oh, I get it. Getting older means you think you might emulate the lives of those on Sex and the City. *Rolls eyes*

18. Get up early or sleep in? How much sleep have I had the night before (see -- getting older means you start thinking practically)?

19. What is your favorite cartoon character? He's not really a cartoon, but Crow T Robot from Mystery Science Theater 3000. Or the Swedish Chef. Or Woodstock, if I have to name a real cartoon character.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with the opposite sex? Eat lots of sugar, get hyper, blast the Music Choice channel of our liking and play air guitar/boogie down/jump up and down on the bed and enjoy each other's company. And scare Chewboken a bit.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing? Piz from Veronica Mars makes me feel all giggly on the inside.

22. When did you first start feeling old? I honestly haven't felt old and decrepit yet.

23. Favorite 80's movie? Airplane!

24. Your favorite lunch meat? Turkey. With bacon. Because bacon always makes everything better.

25. What do you get every time you go into Costco? Movies and books. I don't really have many places to keep things bought in bulk.

26. Beach or lake? Both. As long as the WEBS/BENNIES aren't there.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died by the age 20? Not at all, but I do think way too many people get married for the wrong reasons (ie, just for the reception and the gifts and the dress and wah wah wah) and then give marriage a bad name because they weren't prepared for it and divorce two years later.

28. Who do you stalk on MySpace? MySpace is one of the most user unfriendly sites I've ever seen. There's too much to look at when you're just trying to figure out what someone's written, let alone stalk somebody.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure? Eating cookie dough/batter while baking.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Oh, come on, who doesn't LOVE Gidget?

31. What's your drink? Depends what mood I'm in.

33. Cops or Robbers? Well, robbers, obviously, because they stole 32, 34-38 without anyone seeing, and that's hella tough to do. (And I looked for this survey elsewhere and saw 34-38 and they're lame questions, so someone was smart to leave them off)

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? Does getting older mean you have a car? Because if that's the case, I am woefully immature. But my TV is tuned into the Music Choice Solid Gold Oldies station and Wilson Pickett is singing "Mustang Sally." So there.

42. Norm or Cliff? Cliff, because he likes Jeopardy! too.

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? The Simpsons, all the way

44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Eh, everything happens for a reason.

45. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work? Aww, you know it. And I just realized I've had the pleasure of sitting directly across some kick-ass people at all my jobs, as Tonya and Dexter can be included in that too.

46. If you could get away with it, who would you kill? Nobody's worth the guilt.

47. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with? I'd rather have dinner with my friends, because I know I like them. A lot of celebs scare me...

48. What famous person would you like to sleep with? Ew, none of them. They'd probably be all too into themselves and go off an bang another groupie anyway.

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? YES! When the bush outside our apartment spontaneously combusted in college.

50. Last book you read for real? Is there any other way to read a book than "for real"? Anyhow, it was Party Princess by Meg Cabot.

51. Do you have a teddy bear? No, I have a Yankee Chicken.

52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? Is brushing your teeth a euphemism for sex or something?

53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? I hear Carmel is really nice.

54. Number of texts in a day? Is it baseball season? Because there's just sliiiiiiiiightly a few more that I send/receive during those six months...

55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Can't I just be happy with what I've got?

56. Do you go to church? No, but I would if they sang gospel music at mass.

57. Pencil or pen? Ooh, are we filling out a Scan-Tron?

58. Bueller??? Bueller??? Bueller? Has anyone seen Ferris?? No, but has anyone seen number 59?

60. What do you want to achieve in life? To laugh as much as humanly possible. And finish writing a book.

61. How old are you? 29, for a little less than three more months.

62. Where do you see yourself when you are 40? Do I LOOK like a clairvoyant? When I'm 40, I'll tell you. Maybe they'll have tailored these surveys to a 40-year-old's tastes by then....

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Eeeeee!

The Office won the SAG award for best ensemble in a comedy series!!!

As you were.

ETA: And Little Miss Sunshine too? Huzzah! I know it probably won't win best picture at the Oscars, but to win an acting award for the entire cast is just right. Everyone had to pull their weight in that movie for it to be effective, just like in The Office. So many movies and shows just have one or two people who kick ass, so it's nice when a piece of work gets rewarded because the ENTIRE ensemble is brilliant. That's all.

Souper Bowl Sunday

The Chicken takes a break from preparing the family recipe beef soup to bring you these glad tidings:

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And also:

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It's whack, and it's back. Tell your friends and neighbors!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Do Unto Others....Oh, Screw That

I've decided that there are some days when I just don't feel like heeding the Golden Rule. Today is one of them. This morning, after hearing Chewboken and his girlfriend have a clickety-clackety stompapalooza, and just being pissed off in general, I plugged the iPod into the Bose speaker, and didn't have a second thought about lowering it from its set loudish volume. And you know what? IT FELT GOOD. I mean, Bose speakers were meant to be enjoyed for, you know, sound, and you can't enjoy them fully at a low volume.

So I'm declaring today Do Whatever the Fuck You Want Day. It seems like a lot of other people celebrate this day EVERY day anyway, so I don't feel bad.


So there.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Say What?

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There must be another digit missing or something...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Because Plugging Your Ears Only Goes So Far

Because American Idol's audition rounds always make me seek comfort in good music, I give you a healthy dose of music memedom for the evening:

Name your top 10 most played bands on iTunes:

1. Bruce Springsteen
2. Stevie Wonder
3. Fleetwood Mac
4. Journey (SHUT UP and DIE if you are laughing at this right now)
5. Frank Sinatra
6. Michael Jackson
7. Earth, Wind & Fire
8. The Who
9. Bob Seger
10. The Rolling Stones


What was the first song you ever heard by 6 (Michael Jackson)?
I do remember "Off the Wall", and then I know my mom had a late-70s album by The Jackson Five with this song called "Can You Feel It", which Michael sang lead on, so let's call it a tie.


What is your favorite album of 2 (Stevie Wonder)?
Oh geez, I can't pick just one. There are so many different songs off different albums that I love, so I'll go with his big-ass greatest hits collection "At the Close of a Century".


What is your favorite lyric that 5 (Frank Sinatra) has sung?
From "It's Nice to go Trav'ling":
"No more Customs
Burn the passport
No more packin'
And unpackin'
Light the home fires
Get my slippers
Make a pizza"

It's the random "make a pizza" part that ALWAYS gets me.


How many times have you seen 4 (Journey) live?
Ah, that I will live to see that day when Steve Perry and Journey reunite and I join all the other unashamed cornballs in America to see them on tour...


What is your favorite song by 7 (EW&F)?
"Let's Groove". Try getting people NOT to dance when that song comes on.


What is a good memory you have involving the music of 10 (The Rolling Stones)?
I remember my friend Brian had a little record player when we were kids and he would play the 45 of "Start Me Up" all the time while we were playing with our stuffed animal mice JB and Jerry. I think I'm reeeeaaaally dating myself by using the terms "record player" and "45" and "kids" in the same sentence.


Is there a song of 3 (Fleetwood Mac) that makes you sad?
"Songbird". I think it's supposed to be a happy song too, but it just kind of tugs at the heartstrings a bit.


What is your favorite lyric that 2 (Stevie Wonder) has sung?
"I'm happier than the morning sun...". Aww. We should all feel that way at some point.


How did you get into 3 (Fleetwood Mac)?
I've always kind of liked them, but my appreciation for them grew so much after watching VH1 Classic's Classic Albums program featuring the making of "Rumours". That the band pretty much hated each other at the time it was being recorded, yet still came out with what's considered one of the best albums of all time, blows my mind.


What is your favorite song by 4 (Journey)?
Like you have to ask -- Separate Ways (Worlds Apart), duh. Might just be the most hilarious (AND AWESOME) video to come out of the 80s too.


What is a good memory you have involving 2 (Stevie Wonder)?
Dancing to "As" at Dexter and Vicki's wedding. So much love on that dance floor, and so much fun, too.


Is there a song of 8 (The Who) that makes you sad?
Can The Who make you sad? More like fired up and ready to kick someone's ass or scrub down the bathroom or bake some cupcakes.


What is your favorite lyric that 3 (Fleetwood Mac) has sung?
"And I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself."


What is your favorite song of 1 (Bruce Springsteen)?
I usually go with "Thunder Road", but since that's everyone's favorite, I'll say either "She's the One" or "Trapped", depending on what kind of mood I'm in. "Jersey Girl" just goes without saying.


How many times have you seen 8 (The Who) live?
Never. In fact, Bruce is the only one I've seen on that list, considering all the other artists have either gone out of their gourd or aren't making new music and therefore not touring or fighting like little bitches or fallen off the face of the earth, except when the one who looks like a black Shakespeare shows up as a guest judge on American Idol, or really pricey seat wise or no one wants to go see them with me or are dead.


What is your favorite album of 1 (Bruce Springsteen)?
Born to Run, hands down. Not a dud on the whole album. It's the first album I ever remember hearing on our record player, too. And again, I date myself...


What is a great memory you have considering 9 (Bob Seger)?
I think it's when my parents bought a new stereo when I was like 6. They bought me some Smurf toys that day too, and when my dad was setting up the new stereo, he tested it with Bob Seger's Nine Tonight live album. I associate it with good toys, summer and the nice smell of a new stereo.


What was the first song you heard by 8 (The Who)?
God, I don't even remember. I'm guessing it was probably the entire Tommy album though. I remember it would come on the radio sometimes and my dad would always listen to it.


What is your favorite cover by 2 (Stevie Wonder)?
Stevie does a pretty kick-ass version of The Beatles' "We Can Work it Out".

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

KB, A-Z

It's a slow day and Yankeebob was offering, so...

Available or Taken: Oh PLEASE. That we label ourselves with either term is degrading.

Best friend: There are several people that I'd walk through hell and back for, not just one.

Cake or pie: I'll take either, as long as they don't have fruit filling.

Drink of choice: Chocolate milkshake.

Essential item I use everyday: The Internet. I need it for my job. And other things.

Favorite Color: Periwinkle and yellow

Gummy bears or worms: I'd rather have chocolate.

Hometown: Middletown, NJ

Indulgence: I'll watch The Office twice in one week.

January or February: February -- Spring Training starts and it's a short month and it means spring is that much closer.

Kid's names: The question-mark dude who hasn't yet asked me to marry him hasn't even produced the sperm that's going to bring about said kid, so it's safe to say a lot has to happen before naming non-existent children.

Life is incomplete without: The YES Network.

Marriage: Is not to be entered into just because you feel you have to or else, ohmygosh, you'll be ALONE. Do it because you've thought long and hard about it and because you've truly found the love of your life.

Number of siblings: Zero.

Oranges or apples: Clementines!

Phobias or fears: Having to enter the Witness Protection Program

Quote: Jason: It smells like a doctor's office in here. You know, like antiseptic. And tongue depressors and gauze. Do you smell it?

Art: I smell the tongue depressor.

Reason to smile: That our season ticket package came through (whew!). And we're way closer to home plate than we've ever been!!!

Season: I like bits of every season, and I'm usually tired of each season by the time they end, so that we have four of them is nice.

Unknown fact about me: I had to stay in from recess some days in the third grade to work on my penmanship. Then I got my first D in handwriting in the fourth grade. And how are y'all reading my words now? Oh, RIGHT. Fuck you, handwriting and your childhood trauma.

Veggie I don't like: Broccoli, tomatoes

Worst Habit: I curse now without fucking realizing it.

Xrays: Wrist, teeth, toes

Your favorite food: Southern-fried chicken, mashed potatoes, potatoes au gratin, scalloped potatoes, steak, chocolate souffles, brownies...how can a person have only one favorite food when there's so much out there?

Zodiac: Taurus

I'm a Little Late to The Office Fiesta, But...

"Andy is like Marv something, great sportscaster, big, weirdo creep."

AWESOME.

Also awesome:

-- "Up Where We Belong" playing at the Staples when Michael went to "rescue" Dwight.

-- Lemoñadé. I get it now, Lupe!

-- "Maybe YOU'RE in the ceiling!"

My heart grows three sizes watching this show, I swear.

Some Mexicanity For You

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Look! A vulture!

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This is what happens when you use bubble bath and turn on the Jacuzzi jets. Peasants like me wouldn't know that the suds would pretty much take over the bathroom and that you'd need to shower after the bath to get said suds off of you.

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Some happy, puffy clouds.

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I will keep repeating to myself that it's NOT freezing-ass cold in the city today. In fact, it's just like this beach.

ETA: Goddamnit! I slept through an earthquake while I was there...

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Denver, Colofuckingrado can bite me.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

And the Wind Cries Chewboken

Yeah, so, how is it that I am roughly thousands of miles from Chewboken and yet I still barely manage to sleep? That'd be the fucking wind storm to end all wind storms that ravaged this place last night. I have NEVER heard wind moan and howl like that, for such an extended period...which just happened to be during the wee hours. I half expected lawn furniture, humpback whales, tequila-laden golf cart roach coaches and ocelots to come crashing through my windows at some point, and all I could do was huddle under my blankets and think of doorbells and sleighbells and schnitzel with noodles. My co-horts on the trip also slept crappily as a result of nature's wrath, so I know this wasn't just me being despondent and merely missing my loud-footed neighbor.

Since freaktastic weather technically started on a Friday night, I think I am to blame for this one.

Friday, January 19, 2007

¿Donde esta KB?

Some images of Mexico, where I have 1) Not been kidnapped like everyone, including my cab driver to the airport, warned me about or 2)Had any water that does not come outside of a bottle. Some proof of my journey thus far:

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Coke is pretty in Mexico!

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And so are the views.

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My backyard. Much nicer than the one in Hoboken.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Hola, Bitches

Yeah, so, I'm in Mexico right now and you're not. And I'm in a pimped-out villa, complete with plunge pool, kick-ass kitchen and internet access. But the 80-degree temperatures and ocean views (THE PACIFIC!) aren't the best-part. Nay, it's the vultures. Seriously. They fly around and hang out on trees and look totally psychotic, but they may be my favorite part thus far. Too bad I couldn't bring The Chicken...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

And He's Telling You He's Not Going (To Share his Cookies)

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The Chicken prepares to watch the Golden Globes by making some Rollo Cookies. And because that Special Time is four weeks closer.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

BLARGH!!!!!!

THE WALLS IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING ARE TOO GODDAMN THIN!!!!!!

There are some things a person should NOT have to hear.

Hold me.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Why Don't I Want Roger Clemens Back on the Team?

Probably because I associate him with some of the awful-er games in Yankee playoff history:

1999 ALCS: 5 earned runs in 2 innings pitched, after which he was yanked. I know he was in BOSTON in the PLAYOFFS and he was a FORMER RED SOX PLAYER, and that's, like, you know, PRESSUREFUL, but dude, that's no excuse to flat-out suck. Especially when you're 37 years old, not 21 in your first season of play.

2000 ALDS: An 0-2 record. 8.18 ERA, 10 earned runs in 11 innings pitched. And I wonder why that was the most angst-ridden winning playoff series I ever watched...

2000 World Series:
Game 2: Throws a broken bat because the son of a gun can't hold his temper. Aside from the fact that he could've, like, seriously hurt Piazza, he could have gotten tossed from the game for his stupidity, leaving the Yanks without a starter. How nice of him.

2001 ALDS:
Game 1: Pitches a whopping 4 innings, with 2 earned runs
Game 5: 5 hits, 3 earned runs in 4.1 innings pitched. IN AN ELIMINATION GAME.

2002 ALDS:
Game 1: Wow, now he goes a whole 5.2 innings, 8 hits, 4 earned runs...

2003 ALCS:
Game 7: Aaron Boone owes him a drink -- because if Clemens had not been sucktastic as the starter (6 hits, 3 earned runs in, wow, 3 innings pitched, IN AN ELIMINATION GAME), Boone's Big Moment may never have happened.

Now, I know he's actually won some games in the playoffs. I just can't stand the fact that the man seems to flake out whenever the pressure is on, and it gets excused by the media as him being "too worked up". You are a grown man with god knows how many year's experience and a nice salary to boot -- get a fucking grip and chill out.

Especially when the Yankees' Achilles' heel the past, oh, god knows how many playoff series, has been PITCHING. Or lack thereof from the starters. I don't know if I want to take a chance on a guy who gets "worked up" in big situations when you have a few question marks in the rotation already.

Oy.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Because It's Been Far too Long...

... Shut up, ESPN. You have GOT to be kidding me. Let's not talk about how Yankee Stadium isn't even represented on the list of ESPN's Top 5 Ballparks. No let's talk about how Camden Yards and PNC Park are ranked ABOVE Wrigley Field (at least I think they are -- no numbers are given, but they aren't in ABC order, either). I'm sorry, but NO WAY, no how can a Ballpark Bennigans beat out Wrigley Field. Wrigley just eekes out energy, even two hours before game time on a weekday. It's like you're going to see something important, even when the Cubs are nowhere near contending, such is the vibe. I can't speak for PNC, but Camden Yards? Well, you're going to a baseball game in a nice facility. It's pretty to look at, but to me, anyway, it doesn't have "It". I'd even go out on a limb and say Miller Park has more of an "It" than Camden Yards does. But that could just be me.

But I'm aghast that someone would rank two turn-of-the-21st-Century "retro-feel" "parks" over a fucking ICON of the sport that actually is, you know, RETRO.

(And bitch, please, Fenway IS spectacular, but in my humble opinion, Wrigley surpasses it, too. The Ivy smokes the Green Monster any day in my book.)

Argh. I didn't think I'd have a fit of "total ballpark experience" (VOMIT) agita in January, but there you go.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Eeeeeee!

IT'S SNOWING! It hasn't done that since...I don't even know when.

That is all.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Of Course, The Chicken Would Come on Tour Too

So last night Dexter, Mike and I headed up to Barnes & Noble to see author Tom Perrotta and director Todd Field talk about the book/movie Little Children (which we saw on Sunday, and I'd totally recommend. The book too -- but read the book first) and it served as an inspiration to me. Not so much what they said, but the fact that they were there. Talking about their creative product, answering people's questions about it. And that people were so into what these guys created, that they'd want to come talk about it. It's just so friggin' cool.

I want to do that. I want to be the "meet the author" and be like "Yo, this is what I meant when I wrote that" and be all "Ahh, yes, Aaron Boone's home run IS a metaphor for life and deeply inspired that passage."

But I can't unless I actually, you know, finish a story. I am working on one right now, maybe the most promising idea I've had in a while (I consider it promising because I was able to outline the whole thing in two days, something that usually goes unfinished), but my goal isn't publication. It's just to actually finish it. It's hard to go about finishing a book when you work all day and still want to have a life, and I've always wrestled with the notion someone at a book-writing seminar once said, which was something along the lines of "you have to give everything up in order to write a book". That's just depressing to me, because there is so much to be enjoyed, and only 24 hours in a day, and how are you going to get ideas to write if you are stuck behind a computer for 3/4 of a day? I mean, there has to be some kind of happy medium. I love writing, but not enough to hole myself up in solitude for months on end (without pay, anyway).

Then I had like the biggest mother f'ing sign I've ever had in my life. After the signing, Dexter and I headed down to The Burger Joint, which is this little hole in the wall oddly set in a fancy-shmancy hotel in midtown. Anyway, I guess people are encouraged to write on the walls, because we sit down at this table, and right next to me is scrawled "Make time to write. And to see friends."

Seriously. A message of "it can be done" from the writing gods. Or whoever sat at that table on December 29, 2006.

And now, I just have to try...

Monday, January 08, 2007

We've Got Gas

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It's very smelly on the isle of Manhattan. I just love that it's now national news. And that they can smell it in Jersey.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

It May FEEL Like It's Already Here, But...

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The Chicken takes a break from enjoying the tropical Hoboken weather to deliver this message to you all.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Friday, January 05, 2007

Why Should You See Dreamgirls?

To experience the awesomeness that is Jennifer Hudson. Because the woman squeezed out more emotions in one scene than I've probably ever had in my entire life. Her big "moment" is so stunning, it got applauded and cheered BOTH times I saw it (and the second time, I only went to see that scene. The movie is decent, but she's the best freaking part).

I'm so glad her big voice didn't get shut down after getting voted off Idol. In fact, it's probably the best thing that could've happened to her. With a voice as phenomenal as hers, you'd hope she wouldn't get stuck singing about dreams and rainbows and being inside one's heavens like the past winners have.

It also proves how stupid America is for keeping the likes of Jasmine F'ing Trias in the running longer than Ms. Hudson. Seriously.

Before They Could Stand Together... Oh, Just Stop Liking the Bitches Already

I'm so not totally bummed about RanJo going (although the nicknames he's accumulated from my friends and I will now have to be put away, which is kinda sad) because this scenario is like all those that have been played out in every 80s teen movie ever made. Don't believe me? Well, let's just compare this to Some Kind of Wonderful...because we can:

See, the Yankees are Keith...

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Oh, so blind...


...Randy Johnson is Amanda Jones...

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Best hair in school.


...And somebody like a Chien-Ming Wang is Watts.

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They look good wearing your fortune, if you'd take the blinders off.

The Yankees are going to spend all their hard-earned college money to buy the well-ridden popular girl diamond earrings because they think they're in love with her and need to woo her in expensive ways. When really, it's the best friend who wins 19 games you don't notice, and who is the one that keeps you grounded but you refuse to acknowledge that she is now the ace of your staff. Besides, you've put Amanda up on a pedestal because of everything you've seen her do with other teams guys, but you don't know what she is, really: washed-up Frightened and needing to stand on her own two feet. Alone.

But now that Amanda's gone, the Yanks will STILL not see Watts as their soul mate. No, they will probably go after Clemens, who is another 80s movie equivalent. He's like the bitchy, popular movie girlfriend who looks good on your arm, but will more than likely get fall-down drunk at the prom, your friend's party, a party SHE throws at YOUR house without your permission, the playoffs, etc., and ruin your good time. Because all she cares about is her big fat steroid-fed ego. Not you, Jake Ryan.

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Maybe HIS hair will get stuck in a door too.

In the end of all these movies, the blind guys learn their lessons and go for the down-to-earth, good-pitching girl. Maybe it'll happen in the Yanks' favor this time. I guess sometimes you have to take a chance on the overhyped bitches to see what you've got right in front of you...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

What is Brilliance?

I'll tell you -- it's when in one of the most unexpectedly sweetest scenes I've ever seen, I go back and forth between misty and bust-out laughing, all within a span of under two minutes. And then it's capped with the ever-awesome Rainn Wilson's delivery of: "So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?" Bra-freaking-vo.

Honorable mentions:

"I'm now cutting off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw!"

The beads in Michael's hair.

"You complete me."

Why must this show get killed in the ratings every week? Survivor? Seriously? And Ugly Betty is cute, but ain't all that good, people...and it ain't all this good either.

Bah.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

In Which Netflix is Strange

I love that the site now starts offering its opinions about you and the peeps on your friends list:

Picture 3

So, are Jason and I nuts for loving The Natural History of The Chicken (rent it, now, if you haven't. It's oddly touching and sweet and it has chickens. Lots of them. And crazy people. And I'm not one of them) or are the people who didn't rate it as high nuts? And thank you, Netflix, for assuring me that I am far from average. Is that praise or "OMG, you are so WEIRD"???

Then again, Jason DID have a fork in his hair earlier...

Never Let Anyone Tell You That Good People Don't Exist in NYC

This story just amazes the crap out of me.

Monday, January 01, 2007

And So it Begins

chickcount

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year too!