Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Another New Non-Christian Name To Call a Yankee By

As if we didn't have enough pet names already...

orlando hernandez
We used to have El Duque...

...and now we've got El Dooky.

(Credit must go to my boss, Art, for that one)


And I just love this picture for some reason. There's something very, I don't know, innocent about the look on both El Capitan and Meathead's faces (although they are both probably thinking about what babes they're banging that night. I'm not THAT naive).

I Mean, It's Just a Half a Mile From the Railroad Track

From my dad:

Two cop cars stopped at the rear of our back parking lot, took a guy out of his car and handcuffed him. A third cop car pulled in followed shortly by a fourth cop car. I kept making references to garbage and 27 8x10 color glossies with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one. Nobody got it. I must work in a cultural wasteland.

That we live in a world where people don't appreciate the awesomeness of "Alice's Restaurant" is quite distrubing to me.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Because It's Still Too Far


The Chicken interrupts his S.A.D.-induced bender to bring you this newsflash.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Because I'm Curious

What's it like to be able to fall asleep when you want to and to be awaken only by the sound of your alarm clock? And if you can answer me this, can I move in with you?


Friday, February 23, 2007

What About Blog?

Some thought-provoking q's I found regarding Blogland:

Do You Like the Look and the Contents of Your Blog?
Okay, so my blog's a bit bland-looking, but I don't have a lot of time to work on it. It's here for the words anyway. If you get a photo from me, consider it a good day.

Does Your Blog Positively Affect Your Mind? Give An Example.
Well, I certainly think "I totally need to post that" when I see some things, which can't be a bad thing. And it's even funnier when I'm with friends and they're like "Oh, that's totally making the blog."

Does Your Family Know About Your Blog?
Yes. It gets quoted back to me. And my mom wants me to watch my language and stuff.

Can You Tell Your Friends About Your Blog? Do You Consider It A Private Thing?
My friends all know about it.

What Have You Learned from Blogging?
Uh, that when a guy is into you, he'll read your blog, and when he ceases wanting to get in your pants, his blog visits disappear as well. Seriously, six years of blogging does teach you that kind of thing.

Do You Just Read the Blogs of Those Who Comment on Your Blog? Or Do You Try to Discover New Blogs?
Every now and then I'll hit the Next Blog button, but I usually go to the same ones, and sometimes I'll check out their links.

What Does the Number of Visitors to Your Blog Mean? Do You Use a Traffic Counter?
It means people are reading, so Woo! And yes, the counter is awesome, but more for search-word purposes. There are some really...interesting people out there.

Do You Think That the Blogsphere is a Stand Alone Community Separated from the Real World?
No. How would you have a blog without the real world to write about?

Do You Imagine How Other Bloggers Look?
I don't sit and think about it, but I realize that I have a mental image of what some people might look like (oh, get your mind out of the gutter).

Do You Think Blogging Has Any Real Benefit?

Totally. It's an outlet and gets people reading. What's so bad about that?

Do You Think That Criticizing Your Blog is Useful?
No. I don't give a fuck what you think. Unless you like it, and then that's neat.

Do Some Political Blogs Scare You? Do You Avoid Them?
I don't read political blogs for the same reason I don't really read blogs by fans of other baseball teams. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but that doesn't mean that opinion isn't going to piss me off. What's the point of just reading to get angry (unless, of course, it's Lupicass).

Have You Ever Thought About What Would Happen to Your Blog If You Died?
Ok, maybe.

Which Blogger Had the Greatest Impression on You?

No one? I mean, I love reading my blogger buds' blogs just the same. I wouldn't rate one has more impressive than another. And that's not just BS.

Which Blogger Do You Think is the Most Similar to You?

I think all my Blogger buds are similar in different ways. Like, I can be on different ones at different times, and be like "Man, they just get it!" when they're spouting off about stuff that I feel the same way about. Perhaps Blogger buds just feed our egos? Nah. It's more than that.

"Let's start with the bannisters"

So, yeah, I'm not sure I loved last night's episode. I think it's because they separated all the characters into two different functions and I hate that.

-- Also, and I know lots of you disagree with me on this, but I still don't like Karen, cool name and all. Her prank actually made me roll my eyes once I realized what she was doing, not laugh like I think I was supposed to. Though I think I'm more biased against her now after seeing last week's deleted scene involving her. I can honestly say she's the only character on this show I don't have an attachment to, so whatev.

-- The lack of continuity with Toby. Like, we saw him all happy with his new gym chick TWO WEEKS AGO and he's still mopily crushing on Pam? I didn't even see his little duck qwest as sweet -- I was too busy being like "Didn't we move past this already?"

-- The fact that there's like SIX WEEKS till the next new episode. I mean, they'll be spared going up against the Idol results show for the next two weeks, but do you want to suck the namby-pamby portion of the audience away completely?

What saved the episode:

-- Dwight. Especially being in the backseat during Jan and Michael's fight.

-- Jan's "That's what she said."

-- Creed's fake ID business

-- Michael's sweet, sweet speech about wanting "ketchup fights and tickling and giggling."

-- Pam's confession to Roy, the ensuing throwing of the beer at the mirror and Roy's "I'm going to kill Jim Halpert" (which some people saw as "drama" but I saw it as hilarious and scary at the same time). Now THAT's a Sweeps moment. Not "Oh, let's pretend the Calamity Jane main character, who our show's named after, is going to die, and then she'll really be legally dead for a few hours and then she'll wake up and won't have brain damage of any kind. Woo!"

Six weeks? OY.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Girl Power

If Stephanie, Sabrina, Jordin, Melinda and Lakisha are still standing as the Idol Top 5, you will not hear a complaint from me. These girls just knocked me out tonight, more so than any guy last night. And while I worry Lakisha can't top tonight's performance, she's got the pipes to keep her very much in there, so woo for her.

Also loving that no one has a sad-sack backstory to make the public be all "Aww, I feel sorry for you even though you can't sing. Let me throw you a few votes so you can stick around and piss off KB and her friends."

By the way, I think A-Rod needs to bust out with "And I'm Telling You" before the start of the season. Can't you just see him pointing at Lupicass, shithead fans, ESPN employees, Joe Torre, et. al and being all "And you, and you, and you, you're gonna love meeeeeeeeeee"?

That would rule.

Exchange of the Day

Jason: What do you think you get if you do a Google image search for "bosom"?

Art: Peter Scolari?

I Saw Goody Jeter With the Devil!



While it's nice to see St. Jetes the Divine getting flak for something, this totally ISN'T AN ISSUE. GOD. Did these sportswriters ever hear of the Salem Witch Trials where some bitchy teenagers were bored out of their tree so they started making up shit and riling everyone up and making a big old mess out of nothing? Just substitute Salem for Tampa and the early years of Puritan America for the lazy days of early Spring Training and you're well on your way to conjuring up a big old SHUT THE FUCK UP from me.

Can we just get to the season already? That way there can actually be real news to report? Jeez.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

It's Raining Meh-n

Good lord. How is it that Chewboken's stomping is more melodic than three quarters of the dudes chosen for Idol? Some guys look too much alike, some guys outright suck and some guys...whoopee. I'd say only Chris S and Blake impressed me their entire songs, Phil was okay when he wasn't scaring me with his eyebrows and shiny head and Brandon would've been okay if he hadn't tried to coast through. The rest? Can I have my two hours back?

Revenge of the Pinstriped Diaries

Some anonymous source left this on my doorstep today. I thought I'd share:

Zomg, Diary, I don't understand why Alex is the way he is. Like, WHY did he have to bring up our sleepovers to the press? Doesn't he know that's a big sore spot with me? Doesn't he remember the last sleepover? How awesome it was going while we wore our Transformers pajamas and played Clue and ate S'Mores and watched The Goonies until he had to go and tell me he wanted to get married to some chick and that you can't have sleepovers anymore when you're married? I lost my bestest friend in the entire world when he decided to settle down instead of living the manly sleepover life. I mean, I doubt his wife lets him chug Jolt cola and then belch the alphabet, forwards and backwards while jumping up and down on the couch, or prank call Mr. Steinbrenner and ask him if he has Prince Albert in a can, only for Mr. Steinbrenner to be all "I'll get you, you mangy kids!" or tell scary fables involving Playboy Playmates who tell you to fuck off when you try to hit on them. Girls just don't get that sort of stuff.

And then he goes and tells everyone with a microphone that our friendship isn't the same anymore. He knows EXACTLY why we aren't friends anymore, and it has nothing to do with him breaking my Snoopy Snow Cone Machine by trying to make margaritas with it. Oh, no. When you sever ties with your buds over a chick, it's done.

And now I have to answer questions about it, like I'M the one who did something wrong. GOD. Gag me with a spoon.

Captainly yours,


One of the only ad campaigns I actually look forward to, and they're nixing it. SIGH.

Maybe The Chicken can go to bat for him...

The Eye Roll Heard 'Round the World

You knew the second Alex Rodriguez opened his mouth yesterday that whatever he said was going to get skewed into tabloid fodder, since he's become the go-to headline lately. So I guess it should come as no surprise that his candid comments about not sleeping over El Capitan's house anymore gets turned into "OMGODZTHEYSOHATEEACHOTHER!" Either the media is really stupid or they did believe that these two were the bestest of friends, if you go by the backpage of the Daily News, anyway.


WE ALL knew their friendship wasn't what it used to be. I don't get how reporters, who see these guys 162 days a year, can be all that shocked. My guess is that they're pissed now that they can't insinuate it any more. "Ooooh, Jeter didn't defend him about the booing. There must be trouble in paradise." I suppose they won't rest now till Jeter makes a comment about it, but then again he's not the one they want to tar and feather because he is a True Yankee.

And what gets me is that A-Rod didn't say their friendship has turned ice-cold and that they wish each other dead. Nay, he says it just isn't what it used to be. And, seriously, what's the big f'ing deal about that? As someone who is in the same age group as "rifting" infielders, I can honestly say I'm not even friends with people I was tight with TEN TO FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. When I was, like, YOUNG. It's called you grow up and change and sometimes you don't have anything in common with people anymore. But that doesn't mean you HATE them. And as much as A-Rod made that clear yesterday, that's still what they turn this into. I don't get why it's an issue, but it is.

Oh. Slow sports day. Right. But I guess I'm glad he said it, because now they can find something else ridiculously pointless to dog him about. I look forward to seeing their future endeavors, because relentless bitchiness is what this media market does best, and the more they do it, the more they show just how goddamn stupid they are.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

No, He Won't Be Showing his Breast


The Chicken takes a break from celebrating Mardi Gras to deliver this bulletin.

Friday, February 16, 2007

"Animal Stool!!"

You know how last week I was NOT cool with outrageous Michael? Well this week, I loved him. Because they humanized him amid his craziness. He wasn't being all freakish for no reason, nay, we got to see just how much he loves his company.

And the bat plot? AWESOME, if only because we've been invaded by many types of, um, creatures in our office (sidebar: There was a German shepherd-sized roach crawling up the copy department wall, and it appeared to be drunk, thanks to the poison they leave around our office to kill such things. We were all staring up at it, horrified, when it fell off the wall and ONTO MY HANGING COAT. Of course, that made us, even the guys, freak the fuck out right there, but Jason was nice enough to push his fear aside and make sure it wasn't going to come home with me, and later managed to kill it in nice and neat fashion. But it was still scary. Shut up.) And also because Dwight asking Creed if he had any tools to make a wooden stake, and of course, Creed does, is just genius. Oh yeah, and this line:

"Every time I'm about to do something, first I think, would an idiot do that? And if they would, then I do not do that thing."

Oh, Dwight. Why is it that I feel I relate to you on some level sometimes?

But I hate to read things after the show about how people are willing to "give up the show" and that it's "jumped the shark" because there were no real Jim/Pam moments last night. Like, really.

I adore Pam and Jim, but I know that they aren't going to get these two together in a haphazard manner just so the clueless contigent of 'shippers out there can coo "Awwwwww" at some barfy, cliched moment between them. That is not this show's style. I suppose it's because I used to work at a soap opera publication and witnessed supercouple fandom at its worst that I don't have the patience for it when I see someone get all riled up because Jim missed Pam's art show, and that the show "sucks" as a result. COME ON. First off, don't diss the rest of what is an awesome collection of characters and plots in that way. Second, don't you see how that's going to affect things in the future? I mean, JIM didn't show up at something that meant a lot to PAM. That's HUGE. We've reached some kind of turning point here, and it's vital to the story. This isn't the writers being all "Heh, let's yank the JAM fans' (seriously) chain and NOT get these two together this week just to piss them off. Especially since Pam and Jim are the ONLY reason people watch this show." No, this is the writers adding DEPTH to the characters instead of turning them into some cheap, cookie-cutter couple. GOD.

Also, it was awesome that Jim didn't come because it set up that lovely scene between Michael and Pam at the end of the episode. But I guess god forbid Pam have any meaningful interactions with characters who aren't Jim...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Quote of the Night

"Busy is another word for asshole. Asshole is another word for the guy you're dating." -- Melissa, via He's Just Not That Into You

Still The Best. Valentine's Day. Ever.

What were you doing three years ago today? Me:

I just find it completely funny that this happened starting on Valentine’s Day, with no fanfare whatsoever leading up to it. I groggily got up yesterday morning, my only thought being what color pantyhose I had to get for the wedding I was attending later that day, when my dad tells me “Did you hear they’re trying for A-Rod?” I almost choked on my Cornflakes. And so progressed a day of fervent text-messaging (Carolyn’s boyfriend Rick) and phone calls (to Tonya) at the reception later on. Probably the most interesting Valentine’s Day I’ve had in awhile to say the least.

And despite all the flak he's gotten, and despite my fingers bleeding from all the times I've jumped to his defense on this blog, I still see it as one mother f'ing great day.

I know lots of you do too. And I wish more of you did.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Cats and Dogs? Buckets? Men? Nunchakus?

Picture 1

Oh my god, you guys, in the entire history of weather, whatever is falling from the sky at the moment HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN! It is UNKNOWN. Duuuuuuuuude...

The Chicken is, of course, unmoved, and takes a break from all the Storm Watch '07 coverage to let you know that it is indeed Pitchers & Catchers and:


Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Non-Story?

Picture 1557-BACK_BIG

I love slow sports days in New York. Because Mariano does what LOTS of other athletes do -- use the media to expedite the signing process and put the fear of god into the front office -- he is suddenly going to be wearing a Red Sox hat next season (the Post insinuates that, anyway, which is...oh, puhlease). I love that because the Yankees haven't negotiated a contract extension with Mo for next year in FEBRUARY that I'm supposed to be shitting a brick right now or something.

I fear many things: That the media is trying to gaslight Alex Rodriguez, just so they can see what happenes when you land a once-prominent athlete in a straitjacket; That in his quest to tap as much famous ass as possible, Derek Jeter accidentally slept with Anna Nicole Smith and fathered her baby; that Sound Man won't be back for a third triumphant season at the Stadium; that Jason Giambi drowns in his overabundance of sweat; that the majority of the Yankee roster is going to be younger than me at some point; that someone starts a petition to retire Scott Brosius' number... You know, the important stuff.

But the Yankees not making an all-out effort to re-sign Mariano Rivera? No, I am not afraid of that. It's like Hamlet says: "Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt that the Yankee organization would make a push to keep the best mother f'ing closer of all time."

Or something like that.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Did You Know You're Stupid if You Like Harry Potter? Hooray!

You know, I wish I'd seen this story sooner. Actually, he wrote an entire piece dissing Harry Potter a few years before that, but it's so high-faluting that I was relieved to find that he dissed it again in a more reader-friendly column. But I suppose that just makes me the kind of reader he loathes -- the one one who would, god forbid, read Stephen King.

I majored in English literature. Maybe it wasn't at the hallowed halls of some Ivy League institution, but I sat through pretentious lectures where people over-analyzed some of what this man figures is the best of writing. I have the ability to read "The Greats" and even enjoyed some of them. I like movies with subtitles. I can finish an NY Times Crossword puzzle (okay, it's the Tuesday edition, but still), kick your ass at Trivial Pursuit and can program my VCR. I think I am smartish at some level.

And I love Harry Potter. And so do many, many well-read adults I know.

Now, I know this dude's argument originally was that kids reading Harry Potter was a bad thing, but since he even derides it as an adult reader (and I'm in the process of deciding which Barnes & Noble to reserve my copy of The Deathly Hallows), the gloves are coming off.

First off, get off your goddamn high horse that Stephen King was awarded this prestigious honor that you deem only worthy of "Great" writers. Stephen King has MOVED millions of readers over the last 30 some odd years, and, oh my gosh, made people use their imaginations. So much so that people can't sleep at night after reading his stuff. That, to me, signifies "Greatness". Not the fact that he strings his words together in some oooh-aaaaah sort of way to impress the "literary" set.

You know, this is why I like sports -- it's usually clear cut who the awardables are because they have to be at a significant level statistically to win. Reading is SO freaking subjective that I don't know if you can say someone is a better or worse writer than someone else. Oh, sure, he brings up Rowling's clich├ęs and whatnot when dissing Sorcerer's Stone -- but those who don't have a big old stick up their ass some people can push aside a few over-used terms because they enjoy the journey they are being taken on. So when the dude writes shit like this, I take major offense:

Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

Because to read either writer is BAD, y'all. Surely you must be of the most mindless set and couldn't enjoy Thomas Hardy at the same time you get some pleasure out of It or Goblet of Fire.

Our society and our literature and our culture are being dumbed down, and the causes are very complex.

Seriously -- "dumbed down." Not because of the failures of the educational system, but because of what children and adults decide to read as a form of escapism. This is where this guy fails not just as a writer, but as a human. While he's entitled to his opinions about what makes Great Literature, he doesn't seem to grasp that people can be multifaceted and, you know, enjoy a whole scope of writing. I know his objective here is to say that Stephen King and JK Rowling's works aren't Great Literature but reading between the lines, he seems to think that you are only worthy if you read what HE thinks is Great Literature. That would be like me saying that the Yankees are the only baseball team worth watching, and if you think differently, you're screwed. Anyway...

I began as a scholar of the romantic poets. In the 1950s and early 1960s, it was understood that the great English romantic poets were Percy Bysshe Shelley, William Wordsworth, Lord Byron, John Keats, William Blake, Samuel Taylor Coleridge. But today they are Felicia Hemans, Charlotte Smith, Mary Tighe, Laetitia Landon, and others who just can't write. A fourth-rate playwright like Aphra Behn is being taught instead of Shakespeare in many curriculums across the country.

Okay, dude, calm the fuck down. I went to an, omigod, STATE SCHOOL, in the late 1990s and they were still teaching Shelley, Byron, Keats, Blake and Coleridge as "the greats". I, of the Harry Potter-loving dolts of the world, still like quoting at least four of the above poets on occassion. And these other poets you mention? Weren't taught. It was strictly the classics, with maybe a little Maya Angelou thrown in from time to time. (I'm sure, however, that because she was born in a time when scurvy wasn't still a major issue that she doesn't deserve a mention, but that's besides the point.) I can't claim to be an English Lit professor with knowledge of all the cirriculums in all the world, but I find it hard to believe that I'd visit any college nowadays and NOT see them reading "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" or "Ode on a Grecian Urn." And just because these students might pick up a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix after studying such "greats", I don't think it means that this country is being "dumbed down". It means we've evolved enough to appreciate ALL KINDS OF WRITING.

Besides, some of the old stuff is hard to get into, if you don't have the patience or the time for it. Sometimes, you just want to read and be taken in, not have to sit there and figure out the metaphors and whatnot. That doesn't make you stupid -- it makes you in the mood for what you're in the mood for.

I went to the Yale University bookstore and bought and read a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." I suffered a great deal in the process (OH, JUST FIND A GIANT LADDER, CLIMB IT AND GET OVER YOUR BAD SELF, SIR). The writing was dreadful; the book was terrible.

Okay, you HATED the book. But let's remember, YOU hated it. The masses love it. Now, since it is subjective, I'd say neither party is "right" in their stance. (And I know that when I hate a book, that doesn't make the people who do like it beneath my contempt). However, to insinuate that these masses can't have a love of any other kinds of literature simply because this is what society has been reduced to -- loving a "terrible" book, and a CHILDREN'S BOOK at that -- is preposterous.

I'd think someone of his stature should be able to figure that out, but I'm just a Harry Potter reader. What do I know?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

A Mission for My Readers

Seriously, how hard could it be for me to find a navy-blue, bound sketchbook/journal? Visits to four Barnes and Nobles, Borders, Papyrus and four art-supply stores in Manhattan have turned up NOTHING. Why must EVERY journal/sketchbook be black? That is NOT a Yankee color. Neither are purple hand-made paper journals, red-leather bound sketchbooks nor spiral-bound lime green notebooks. How on earth did I find my old Yankee journal? It was only three year's ago, for crying out loud.

So to my NYC-area readers, if you happen to see a journal-sized navy blue, blank-paged (unlined) book, please let me know where it's been spotted. The future of my journaling at Yankee games hangs in the balance.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

If You Want My Chicken and You Think He's Sexy...

I don't know what's funnier — That someone did a Google Image search using the term "Sexy Yankee Fan" or that this picture is what they found as a result:


I'm not sure if it's The Chicken or the herbs that ooze more sex appeal.

Friday, February 09, 2007

This is a Very Serious Situation....ROXXXAAANNE

OK. So, is it wrong that I was pretty disappointed with this week's episode? Because I thought by having a wedding, it was the perfect opportunity to see ALL the characters interact outside of work and instead we get...Michael. Or more importantly, way-over-the-top Michael. I HATE when the show does this because it's banking on me finding his cringeworthy-ness funny, and aside from his Princess Bride shout-out tonight, I wanted to kick him. Anyway.

The good?

-- Stanley finally getting to dump his Pam/Roy toaster at another wedding.

-- Dwight thinking the world needs another plague.

-- Toby's WAY awesome moment of glee.

-- The return of Scrantonicity.

-- Jim's very bitter commentary toward the end (sidebar: I've been in his shoes, and I've been in Pam's shoes too. So while some may think this is the writers' way of dragging shit out, I think it's being portrayed pretty fantastically and realistically, which is always nice) because it means he's pissed, and he and Pam need to have one big-ass blowout, and I reeeeeallly hope one is in the offing.

-- Kelly wearing a white dress and tiara and me realizing I know someone just like her...but can't figure out who it is.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Temperature's Rising...


TK, the Copy Department mascot, warms his claws by the fire hazzard circa-1983 heater they've supplied for us so we don't have to wear scarves and gloves around the office like we were yesterday (it would've made a very cute Christmas card for next year).

I guess we're kind of lucky. 1)We couldn't even have these at my old job (although we used them in the summertime there because the AC was always too cold) 2)Apparently they're sold out of space heaters in the Midtown area, so at least we've got something and 3)Production has a heater that looks like it's "From the war" and far more scary than ours. It's name? "Farenheat". Aww yeah...

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

He's Not Going to Hollywood, But That's OK


The Chicken takes a break from judging American Idol contestants to get you in tune with the good news.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

SWF Seeks Someone to Make Ex Jealous

So I was on AOL the other day and was completely horrified by one of their ads for their Personals service. It said something along the lines of "Because you want to find someone before your ex does." Uh, what? This is why you should waste someone else's time -- so you can beat your ex in some silly game of Who Dates First even if you're not ready to date yet? Ew. And the sad thing is, someone will totally be taken in by this, especially if they are recently dumped and out for revenge or something. Double ew.

But You Don't Have to Take MY Word For It

Well, thanks to traffic, lazy-ass people riding the only working down escalator in Port Authority (instead of leaving one side open for walking folk, as is NYC etiquette), thus making me about 40 minutes later than I wanted to be, and people who are more rabid about books and the Yankees than I am (and are therefore willing to be at Barnes & Noble at 8 a.m. to get wristbands), I have been shutout of getting to see A-Rod at his book signing this afternoon. SIGH. I guess I'll just have to wait for LeVar Burton to bring back Reading Rainbow, and then feature A-Rod's book, narrated by Jeremy Irons or something, to see what all the fuss is about.

But I'm not bitter. Oh no, because it made me realize something -- for all the jackholes who think A-Rod can't make it in this town because he "isn't liked", this must be some kind of proof that he is, in fact, kind of accepted. I mean, for an author event to require wristbands, and then those wristbands being made available at 8 a.m. and people actually arriving that early to get them, when it's a -2 windchill outside, and those wristbands being all gone an hour later...well, it would make me think that there are some people out there who think he's alright. At least among the literate set.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Super, Thanks for Asking!

It's not often you get to watch the Super Bowl with people who, like, actually care about a team involved. So when our usual Super Bowl host Jesse and his siblings Melissa and Steve are all way pulling for the Colts, the Hoboken Crew kind of has to as well. I can't remember when an entire Super Bowl party was on the same page, so let's go to the video tape

I told you, it's a Colts fan who's hosting.

Who’s doing the halftime show?

All: Prince.

Eric: Ohhhhh.

"They got some big ol’ white guys on that team." – Dexter, on the Bears during the coin toss.

"Jess, pour a shot NOW," -- Jesse's brother Steve after the Bears' kickoff return TD.

The Bears look dominant in the first quarter:
Me: Oh, don't worry. The Bears are just shooting their load early.

Dexter: KB with a very good, yet disgusting point.

"It’s like a Monday night at Butter. We’ll be dancing on banquets before you know it." -- Me on the partylike atmosphere, complete with Jesse's parents coming and bringing Jello shots.

"At this pace, Jesse, you’re going to be throwing up at halftime" – Eric, after the Bears score, and another shot ensues.


Everyone, including the football novices Dexter and Vicki, screaming when Bears fumble and Colts get possession, “I don’t even know what just happened.” -- Vicki to Dexter.

I’d like to take this moment to note that while it is pouring down rain in Miami, that I am not at the Super Bowl to make it happen. I swear.

“This is exci – I still don’t know what happened.” -- Dexter

"PUT IT OUTSIDE!” -- Jesse, after realizing that he may jinx the Colts by donning an Indianapolis sweatshirt, thus hurling it across the room like it was rabid or something.

Some thoughts at halftime:

-- I don’t care how rainy it is, your ass had better be in your seat the entire game if it’s the freaking Super Bowl. I’VE sat through worse for a regular season game, you candy-ass “fans.”

-- Do the teenagers in the pit even know who Prince IS?

-- Bob Denver apparently had some really good guitar solos.

-- Christina would kill David Spade, not marry nor sleep with him. I think she's in the same boat as a lot of people.

As the second half begins, Dexter sings a Jackson Five song about Indiana.

Dexter: Michael Jackson’s pulling for the Colts right now

Eric: Michael Jackson’s pulling something else right now.

“But you’re not f’ing her posse, you’re f’ing her!" -- Liana to Dexter on....oh, never mind.

My magazine being read, in happier times

A whole big discussion of celebrity whores escalates into people taking my magazine and yanking it from each other, at which point I have to remind everyone that I put a lot of hard work into that magazine.

“Yeah! Here’s KB”s hard work! How do you like it?” -- Eric, smacking Dexter upside the head with the rolled-up magazine.

It's all fun and games till the high-definition doesn't even matter anymore.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Didn't Ben Franklin Have Syphilis?

Last night wasn't as laugh-out-loudable on the first watch, but it felt like a set-up episode for Sweeps, so I'll take it. Things that made me guffaw:

-- The look on Ryan's face when the stripper started her routine.

-- Michael literally calling the stripper "Stripper" when he asked her advice on "secret-secrets."

-- Michael calling Ben Franklin a sleazebag

-- Dwight being 99 percent sure that it wasn't the real Ben Franklin.

It was a tough episode to watch (but in a good way) because of the awkwardness between Jim and Pam, and then Pam and Karen (seriously, this show is the bomb when it comes to portraying people in tough spots). And while I was like "Uh, Karen, your boyfriend told you last week that he has feelings for another woman, and you're TALKING it through?" I realize that they are painting her as becoming more desperate to hang onto Jim in any way, and that we have to conveniently forget things from last episode to understand this.

Why do I get the feeling that the shit's gonna hit the fan whenever Phyllis' wedding takes place (I don't read spoilers, but I assume this will be an episode unto itself)? And why can't I wait till next Thursday?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Of Books and Third Basemen

On Tuesday, Steph and I are going on a mission to see A-Rod talk about his children's book at Barnes & Noble. I don't know if we have to pretend to be children or what, but we will get in there, oh yes. I'm sure it will make for an eventful blog post, so watch this space.

If anyone boos him, there will be hell to pay. I don't care if they are in a stroller and can't spell salary, they will have to deal with me.

In Which I Am Dionne Warwick (Kinda)


You see this? I wrote that and stuck it on my cubicle shelf a few months ago, when the Idol auditions were first taking place. There'd been a leak of some people who made it to Hollywood, and I saw this dude's name, found his MySpace, and judging by his looks and experience (backup singer for Xtina) decided he'd make the Final 12, and maybe win the whole thing. He appeared last night and was good, the best of the night, but his voice isn't as powerful as I was hoping. We'll see.

Perhaps this will be the year where I guess the correct winner from the beginning. Hmmm...