Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Why I Love Flight of the Conchords

My crankiness the other night was instantly alleviated by this song alone. Because this show just gets me.

TGBJCYOAM Question No. 8

June! After reading JK Rowling's chat with Potter fans (spoilers ahoy, just so you know), and knowing that you and many readers of this blog are Harry Potter fans, I am going to reinstate the TGBJCYOAM for these Harry-like questions, which you must answer on your own blogs:

You are a witch or wizard...

-- What is your Patronus?
Either a a blue-claw crab or a pony

-- What is your wand made out of?
Ash (like a bat!) and horsetail

-- Which Hogwarts house would you be placed in?
This is a question that bugged me throughout my reading of the books. I think everyone would want to be Gryffindor, but I'm not sure I'm "worthy" enough. I'm not evil enough to be a Slytherin, don't think I'm book-smart enough to be a Ravenclaw, and aren't Hufflepuffs a bit...too nice? Though, through reading on Wikipedia, it says Hufflepuffs value "hard work, loyalty, patience, friendship and fair play above all else" which I guess works for me. I guess this is why the Sorting Hat makes these decisions...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Cabin in the Woods Seems Quite Inviting

Can we trick all the assholes on the planet, particularly the outrageously rude ones with giant feet and rolling chairs, to climb into a rocket ship and shoot them off into outer space? Would anyone miss them?

I swear to god, I just feel like I'm encountering all life's douchebags lately, and it's really starting to piss me off.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Allow Me to Ruin Your Day

The following video has made the rounds on the internet quite a bit the last few months, but I've only recently discovered it. And since my department loves anything YouTube, I showed it to them. And now I think Art is significantly weirded out and Jason is barely speaking to me. Elizabeth, however, was transfixed. She brought up the point that "Chocolate Rain falling from the sky wouldn't be bad....it would be delicious!" as the singer, Tay, seems to think it's a sign of negativity. Also, the aformentioned co-workers are all wearing Chocolate Brown today, as if they knew what was coming. Rana and I are wearing summer-y hues, and therefore impervious.



It'll be in your head alllllllll day, so click at your own risk.

Now, if They Had a DeLorean and 1.21 Gigawatts, That'd Be Another Story

So there's this whole confuzzlement over what should happen if A-Rod hits No. 500 in the resumed game this evening.

If Rodriguez hits a home run in the resumed game, it will be quite reasonably celebrated as his 500th, but it technically will be inserted into his June 28 statistics and become his 493rd.

And his home run Wednesday night in Kansas City, previously his 499th, will be promoted to No. 500.

So, depending on one’s point of view, he will either never have hit his 500th home run, or have hit it twice.


Bitch, please, it's still No. 500 if he hits it tonight because I go by a thing called the calendar and as of July 27 at 11:37 a.m. with no time machine in sight, Alex Rodriguez has hit 499 home runs. This is where MLB can be just a bit ridiculous in its countings of things.

Of course, the birthday boy could just hold off till the regularly scheduled game to hit 500, and then this will be completely moot.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Dear Yankees,

Could you find some way to acquire Jarrod Saltalamacchia? I know, I know, he's a catcher and you've already got Jorge, but you do not currently have a player that breaks the scale for surname awesomeness. I first heard it when Erica was watching a Braves game a few months ago, and when they said he had the longest name in the Majors, I was like, "Whoa, we needs him and his six syllables." I mean, wouldn't it be great when you're pretending to be Italian and angry and instead of gesturing with your hands and saying "Jesus Christ" you can be all "Saltalamacchia! What are you thinking, Torre?" I know, you see it too now! It would be the best Yankee name since Mike Pagliarulo. Don't underestimate that kind of value! And he could be spared the embarrassment of having his name practically falling off the back of his shirt, such is its length, because the Yankees don't wear their names on their jerseys. It's a win-win for everyone!

And also: He's young and good and Jorge's getting up there. And yeah. Young and good.

Okay, hope you take my request to heart. You know you love the name too. Admit it.

Love, KB

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

That'll Lift Your Spirits!

Taking me from my foul mood, I give you, Chuck Norris vs. The Bear. I never realized how hilarious Walker, Texas Ranger is until my co-workers started digging up some YouTube gold today. We've been giggling over several "fight" scenes, but this one, which came in an e-mail from Art with the subject line "One of the most..." followed by the message "...disappointing fights I've ever seen" takes the cake.

I'll Blame it on Potter Withdrawl

I'm just really in a mood today. I don't know why. That is all.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Done

If you want to read my take on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, go here I've post-dated it in an effort to keep my regular blog readers unspoiled. DO NOT CLICK THE LINK IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE BOOK.

You're welcome.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Leeeme Alone

dis

I've got some geekiness to attend to this weekend. Don't be expecting me to post about real life when Hogwarts is much, much more enhtralling by far. And if you share the snob's view that Harry Potter is a mere children's book and any adult reading it is immature and emotionally stunted, you can go jump off a cliff, you fucking Muggle. Mkay?

Quote of the Day

"I don't trust anyone else's penis, I only trust my own. Wait, I don't even trust my penis." -- Who else?

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Too Close for Comfort

So, yeah, you may have heard about this underground pipe from 1924 (yes, when the Yankees only had one World Series title, WWII hadn't happened yet and my grandparents were still children) that exploded yesterday causing utter chaos in Manhattan. It happened three blocks from my office, and I only missed out on the drama because I'd been released for the day about 10 minutes prior to the explosion. Some of my co-workers were not so fortunate -- from what I'm hearing, they all felt the explosion, the lights flickered, and when they saw the smoke on the street, they all pretty much freaked out and ran for the hills, and I can't say I blame them. Poor Art booked all the way to Penn Station, not knowing what was going on, and now says it feels like five years were taken off his life from those initial minutes when our co-workers looked out the window, saw the billowing smoke and yelled for everyone to get out.

This is what we've been conditioned to around here, and while it ended up being an act of God or what have you, I doubt that feeling of absolute fear is ever going to go away and that just plain sucks.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Yahoo Love Advice: Equal Opportunity Pigeon-Holer!

Look! Another attempt at douchebaggery from a Yahoo love advice giver! Aside from pigeon-holing all men and then speaking for them, he pretty much thinks that all women are subject to the behaviors he describes below. It's just a big old stereotype party! Read on!

11 Things Women Don't Know About Men

Plus one thing they probably do know, but won't admit



1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It's not just futile, it's physically impossible.


Right. Because I'm sure every time a woman is pissed off the dude is just cluuuuuuueless as to what it could be. Listen, I'm all about just coming out and saying what you're angry about and not playing mind games, but I've never heard a woman say "I'm pissed because you can't read my mind!" She's pissed about whatever's made her stew to begin with, not your lack of ESP, hon.

2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we're even dumb enough to admit it.

OK? I'm not sure why this is offensive. You're assuming that all of us are jealous and can't admit that other women are hot and we think you should be blind to it or something. Maybe you should stop lumping us all as insecure bitches.

3. Don't ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.

I guess I should have a cliched response of "Don't expect us to understand why you need to watch the game and not want to talk" because I'm sure that's the type of woman he's used to dealing with. But really, I don't have a fucking shoe fetish, asshole. In fact, I'm pretty sure all my girlfriends like to shop, but none of them go overboard for shoes...

4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.


And your penis is good, just not as good as it could be if it were bigger. GOD. His big mistake here is commenting on something that women have no control over. A person who, for whatever societal reason, isn't expected to "put on" their face to "look better" cannot seriously expect me to take this opinion with anything less than an eyeroll.

5. Ever notice how we don't fight with our male friends? That's why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.


Uh, are you saying you don't know how to fight because guys (who, historically, have started the most wars in the history of the world) don't fight and you're frustrated that you don't know how to argue? Or are you saying that it's frustrating that the fairer sex is the only one that starts fights? Because we're so emotional?

6. You care what you're wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you're naked when you open the front door, you won't hear an argument from us.

I actually don't have a problem with this, but then I'm pretty sure I've been complimented by straight men on how nice I look on certain days, and I'm usually fully clothed when that happens. I guess that makes them less of a guy or something...

7. You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we're all over it.


Hooooooeeeeeee is someone bit-ter! I feel like he's talking to me here, because I detest all of the above, but then I also like to BEFRIEND guys before dating them, because wanting to be comfortable with a dude is just bitchy and cold of me -- sorry if that's not the fast-track to the sack or the altar or whatever it is you're looking for. I do know PLENTY of single women who do participate in all the things mentioned -- so why aren't you dating them? Wait, don't go near them. I'll have to stop being friends with them if that happens.

8.There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.

Yawn. Because all of us gals hold grudges and keep them stored in our uterus for special occasions, like vintage wine.

9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.

Yes, because I know ALL men are helpless creatures incapable of putting together a meal for themselves and can't get one unless the women-folk make them a plate and this is the ONLY equal gesture women have for getting flowers. PUHLEASE. This also assumes that women know how to cook better than a man or something, and that...sorry, had to go take my pie out of the oven...is just so outdated it isn't even funny.


10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!

Because all women are territorial vipers, you see, and when she's cutting your penis down to size in front of your guy friends, this is the best way to go about doing it. Oh, yeah, and all men are insecure and can't tolerate being called "honey" or something in front of the boys, when they're safe in the knowledge that they are getting laid on a consistent basis while their guffawing buddies are not. I am sure.

11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn't mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.

But when we're conversing with you, we'd better make sure we've got our makeup on because that's when we look our best. Am I getting this right?

12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend's a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who's giving you advice about the jerk.)

If the nice guy is you, sorry, I'd rather be with an honest jerk than a douchebag who thinks he can speak for all his male counterparts in all the world while simultaneously insulting me and my sex.

OY.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Damn Kids

So, I love VH1's World Series of Pop Culture -- I love that the categories are pretty broad, I love that the teams are all made up of average looking people who make trivia night a habit, and I love that it's pretty much get-to-the-question programming, unlike, say the gross drag-out that Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was. HOWEVER. I've learned that I hate geeks. Young geeks. Pretentious young geeks. Pretentious young geeks who were born years after myself, and who are so freaking arrogant about movies, music, etc. that happened, like, decades before they were born and you know the only reason they are this way is because they've managed to out-wit the rest of their generation merely by taking an interest in stuff that happened pre-98 Degrees and Furbies and they therefore think they are teh shit.

I'm thinking of this one team in particular who just got my hackles up so much, I almost threw my remote, which I have not done since the Dark Days of 2004. Maybe they aren't really that bad in real life, but their delivery just KILLS me. Like, when Pat Kiernan gives the lyrics to "Rapper's Delight" saying it's from 1980, and the boy genius answering is all "like, duh, it's the only rap song from 1980 -- Sugar Hill Gang" and you want to kick his ass because he is so pompous about an event that happened LIGHT YEARS before he was born. And he says it with such a superior authority, like "Duh, EVERYONE knows this" when it's like "Yeah, some of us know it because we grew up with it not because we saw it on I Love the 80s, so get off your high horse Smarmy McSmarmypants." Or something.

And on another note, how could two guys roughly around my age NOT know the opening lines to "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty? The hell?

Exchange of the Day

Jason, after reading this incredibly pompous column about how Harry Potter is responsible for all the world's illiteracy or something just as ridiculous: Oh, man, I'm reading this thing about Harry Potter. I don't think you're going to like it...

KB: Uh-oh. Don't tell me she's going to kill off A-Rod too.

Jason: Yeah, and the last word of the book is going to be "Booooooo."

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Why I Love "Yankees on Deck"

Because you get to see ├╝bercrank Mike Mussina get all excited about coming across a Greatest American Hero T-shirt (and checking to see if it's in his size so he can buy it), and other assorted awesome shows of the 70s and 80s, after revealing that he's wearing a Sanford and Son tee under his sweatshirt. Also: He wears a Devo hat. Which rules.

Friday, July 13, 2007

One More WEEEEEEEEEE!K

This is exactly what I won't be doing when I get Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The last books, well, yeah, I was guilty of skipping to the last page and daring to take a glance to see what characters were still living (I'm not sure I can forgive JK Rowling if any of the main three die). This time, I want to be unspoiled, which is also why I intend to finish it as fast as humanly possible, seeing as how idiot people out there will probably be blabbing about it on the bus or in a bathroom or some loudmouth newsperson will spill the ending. I want to be untainted, man.

Exactly a week from now, Erica and I will be heading from the Yankee game to a Harry Potter Midnight Madness at a city Barnes & Noble, each of us quickly heading home to dive right into the Hogwarts action. I CANNOT WAIT.

You think I am a geek. I really don't care.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Search Term of the Day

Picture 1

I seriously don't want to know...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Because You Know You Want to Be Pissed Off Too, Ladies

Oh, LORD. This dude, a relationship expert, no less, has figured out what it is that we women want. You know, because a woman wouldn't just want to enjoy a man's company or something. GOD.

10 secrets you need to know

1. All women like surprises; women believe they should be surprised at least once a month.
Yes, I expect a once-a-month surprise -- it's called my electric bill, which I never know what the price going to be. Seriously, though, I don't BELIEVE I need to be surprised at all. The dude being himself is enough. Don't speak for me, douchebag.

2. All women have fantasies. A man should take the time to find out her fantasy.
Um, sometimes a fantasy is a fantasy for a reason. What's he going to do about it, anyway?

3. Women want a man to be sensitive yet fight for them if they needed to.
Why do you think Adrian picked Rocky? Every girl wants a guy who could beat up those insensitive louts who lurk on most corners and write poetry at the same time. YAWN.

4. Women want a man to be gentle and rough at the same time.
When the fuck did Yogi Berra become a love and sex guru? Dude, I'll tell you when I want you to be gentle, and I'll tell you when I want you to be rough. They are not the same thing, I am not stupid.

5. Women want to be told they're beautiful, then after a time told they're sexy.
Either is a compliment -- it's nice to hear both any time. This implies, however, that women are insecure and need to be reassured they're sexy "after a time." I'm sorry, if a man has to be reminded to call me "sexy" and it's not coming from a sincere place, I'm going to smell that from a mile away. I'll thank him for patronizing me, though, since my feelings are so tender and sweet and need to be boosted with something he read on the internet.

6. Women want their man to notice when another man tries to pick them up, but refrain from jealousy.
This is all sorts of fucked up right here. I'm not even going to touch it.

7. Women will alter their appearance with a new hairstyle or buy something skimpy for themselves, not a man.
Isn't he wise, girls? He totally gets us and our independence! GAG. This is like he watched Kellie Taylor choose herself or very special Oprahs one too many times because, in all honesty, when it comes to "skimpy" clothes, I'm only going to get that stuff when there's someone who will appreciate it. Do you know how uncomfortable some skimpy underwear is? Yeah, unless I'm getting something out of that, I'm not wearing it exclusively for me.

8. A woman will groom herself that day if there is a chance for her to meet someone that night.
See, a woman will throw on a lacy dental floss thong and itchy matching bra for herself and herself alone, but when she brushes her hair or puts on some mascara? It's because she wants to snatch her a man, y'all! And "groom herself"? What am I, a fucking baboon?

9. Women believe in the fairytale and will look at most men in the first 30 seconds as if they could be the prince they have been looking for.
This is the printed equivalent of waving a red flag in front of the steaming bull that is KB, and hi, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Let's break this down because I can't even compute this as one thought. Must be that suffocating red-hot girdle I'm wearing for me cutting off the air to my brain:

Women believe in the fairytale...
Stop right there, Casanova. Show of hands among my female readership -- how many of you, way past your childhoods with a brain in your heads, believe that a fairytale is how life turns out? How many of you believe that we all live "happily ever after" after we're rescued from our evil...stepwhatevers... And never have a problem, ever, ever again once we're in lurve? I suppose none of us live in the real world where, if we want to pair up, we merely want a good guy who we're attracted to and who feels the same about us and see where it goes from there. Nah, we want the rainbows and signing birds and bunnies and the castle with life's perfections all crammed inside.

...will look at most men in the first 30 seconds...
Yes, because you can tell SO much about a guy just by looking at him for half a minute.

...as if they are the prince they are looking for.
I haven't been looking for a regular guy with regular-guy qualities, but a prince, you hear, a man wearing a crown and cape, my whole life! To rescue me! You just get me, advice-giver dude!


10. If a woman really likes a man, she will spend all day trying to look good for him and still not feel perfect, yet at times she will not be made up and feel perfect.
Spend ALL DAY looking good for him? That's a woman who needs help, dude, not a woman you want to hook up with.

Disturbed

What were Fox's advertising honchos smoking when they came up with the latest All-Star Game commercial? You know, the one with all the players riding the San Fran trolleys (one representing the AL and the other the NL, with all their representative guys smiling and goofing off and thinking of flowers in their hair and Rice-A-Roni and Full House) and then Vlad and David Wright decide to have an interleague pissing contest and hit warp speed or whatever it is trolleys do when they reach their fastest, and then after racing recklessly through the streets, the trolleys ultimately go flying off the tracks into San Francisco Bay WITH ALL THE PLAYERS STILL ON THEM. And you don't see any of them climbing out, either. I'm sorry, I don't want to think about A-Rod and Jeter and all their basebally All Star friends DROWNING. Or as Eric put it "That's like $500 million dollars gone right there."

Yikes.

Monday, July 09, 2007

When Copy Editors Get Creative

The ever-quotable Jason is blogging! In a way. For months, the Copy Department and other assorted co-workers have gotten to see his like-whoa artistic ability first-hand (think Thomas Kinkade, but bitchin'. While Thomas is the "painter of light" Jason is the "draw-er of badass'"). Now, he's sharing his talents with the rest of the world.

I've told Jason that I want him to try and capture Derek Jeter's "sex face" next. You will know what that is when you see it.

Team No. 5, All the Way

From Time Magazine's five ways to make sense of the Barry Bonds phenomenon.

5. It doesn't matter--A-Rod will surpass him

Don't sweat it. Bonds won't be the home-run king for long. Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez, 31, is about to become the youngest player to reach 500 home runs. He led the majors with 28 home runs through June. Ten more seasons of 25 dingers, which A-Rod can belt blindfolded, and he's right around 750. "Nobody has A-Rod's God-given ability," says Minnesota Twins All-Star center fielder Torii Hunter. "Nobody. That's why he's the $250 million man. He's definitely going to break that record."

There's something oddly appealing about A-Rod. He has the propensity to be all human as well as all star. He's seen a shrink. And he's been seen escorting a stripper in Toronto. He badly wants to be liked yet criticizes Yankee fans. He can't hit in the post-season. While Bonds is entangled in a federal perjury investigation and Major League Baseball's steroid probe, A-Rod's trials are of the lighter variety. Thank goodness. It will be nice to just smile about a slugger once again.


I've given up the whole Bonds argument thing because the situation can be spun in whatever way you want it to and it's almost pointless to even think about it too hard -- he's going to break the record whether he got there by cheating, or whether he got there by cheating. But that fifth reason? Well, yeah, I can like that one. A lot.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Homer Bush is an Old Timer?

NO HE IS NOT.

Rainbow Connection: The Lovers, The Dreamers and...EDWAR!

Well, last night was pretty much worth the price of admission, if you like a lot of action and drama (which in baseball computes to whatever is the opposite of a pitcher's duel) in your night at the ballpark. And yet the entire time the Yankees were blowing leads and getting them back and blowing them again, I was calm and zen-like and deep down knew they would win, even though Steph pointed out that the Yankees haven't beaten the Angels on a Friday night in the last three seasons.

Let me back-track, though to before the game started. I'm strolling to the subway with Jason and I tell him that there's a chance of scattered thunderstorms and that I was concerned and he's rendered deaf from sitting with the MovinCool all day and is like " What is a SCAT STORM?" which, with all the types of precipitation I've sat through, an actual shitstorm wouldn't surprise me in the least. It's like a sign of things to come, as it isn't actual rain (or poop -- ewww) that Steph and I have to fear falling from the heavens. Nay, it is beer. More on that later. We do get a rainbow, however, as we're sitting there in the early going, and this gigantic mass of cloud comes rumbling toward the Stadium, but nicely keeps itself a few miles from us. And then, very faintly beyond the left-centerfield wall and local buildings a rainbow pops up. I tried to get a picture with my cellphone, but yeah, that was pretty useless. Trust me, though, it was there, which meant, hell yeah, pot 'o gold!

But if Andy Pettitte is a leprechaun, he SUCKS, y'all, as everyone was after his lucky charms last night and they downright brutalized his ass in the process of stealing them. But had that not happened, we never would have gotten to see EDWAR! and even though he was iffy at best and let the game tie up again, he still got the win, which WOO! We also got to see one of the biggest offensive Yankee nights I'd ever witnessed in person, an A-Rod homer, a suicide squeeze, middle-aged people participate in the Yankee Match Game, some nifty defense on both sides, a guy next to me confess his love to the Yankee Stadium Marlboro Man, and another win, guys, a win!

OK, and now for the narrowly avoided beer squall. At one point, Steph and I are sandwiched between two rows of friends. The people in front and behind us are really nice as they talk over us, but one friend behind me...yeah, let's just say he was beyond plastered and just slightly loud. He also says he's a Friday season-ticket holder with the row in front of us, and since I've never seen anyone in front of us be THAT obnoxious (that's usually reserved for Carb Face and his Posse of Douchebags next to us), I almost don't believe him. He's balancing a beer precariously in the crook of his arm in the third inning and Steph and I look at each other and have the exact same thought and ask the girls in front of us if they'd like to trade seats so they can be closer to their friends. And thank GOD we did, because by the eighth inning, Drunky ends up spilling his entire beer all over our former seats, soaking his friends and pissing off the guys sitting next to our old seats. His friends seemed way embarrassed by him and hauled ass out of there after that.

I'm telling you, if you ever want to learn about the evils of alcohol, just come sit in my section, I swear. It's a fucking cautionary tale every week. And it's getting just slightly annoying.

Oh, and to the loud-mouth Red Sox fan who kept going on about "13 1/2" in the subway station, it's 11, assclown. If you're going to brag, at least do it correctly.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

New Favorite Player Time!

Between the bizarro glasses, his string-bean frame, striking out all three of the first big-league hitters he ever faced, and having a name like EDWAR, you just have to be destined for awesomeness.

Also, that he is 26 and referred to as "a kid" by the YES announcers warms my heart greatly, as it means I am only four years removed from kiddom. Woo!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Hamstrings and Whoever Invented Them Need to DIE

I'm going to pull mine right now, just so I can be like all the cool kids. Of course that's why that phony A-Rod did it, right?

FEH.

Quote of the Day

"I'm not good at air guitar, so I'd have to play air bass." -- Jason

This Makes Me Sad

How smart are you?

If I'm smarter than that much of the country, well, we're all in trouble.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Perspective

You know, yeah, this Yankee season sucks major ass, but for some reason, I can't get all really bitter about it. I've come to realize there are worse things in life than a losing season, and there are even worse things in baseball. For instance, losing in a Game 7 in the bottom of the 9th after being one strike away from winning the World Series. Or blowing a three-game lead in the ALCS to your most hated rival. Or losing in extra innings to be eliminated from the first playoff series you can remember. For all the people who say "Well, at least they MADE it to the playoffs in those instances" does that make the losing then any better? Because for me, that they made it that far and blew it makes it that much more...sucky. At least I have no expectations of them right now. I mean, they can't break my heart if I they don't get me all crazed with hope only for them to snatch it away. So I can watch them and just enjoy each individual game, even if they do look completely lost right now. I will merely feel "meh" and bummed if they don't make the playoffs, unlike the stabbing pains I feel when I see avoid highlights of 1995 or 2001 or 2004. I'm not saying I like what's going on in Yankeeland right now, but it doesn't make me want to vomit whenever I think about it.

Tis better to have loved and lost in the playoffs? No. Tis better to spend an offseason and subsequent months following not having to avoid every sports medium lest you have to see your team's meltdown replayed over and over and over again. I'm just sayin'.