Monday, March 31, 2008

Commencing Annual Ulcer. Hooray!

Out of ESPN's 19 experts polled, only 8 of them have the Yankees making the playoffs this year. With only one saying they'll reach the World Series (and lose).

Here's hoping my six-months-in-the-future self is sending a big old "shut up, ESPN" into the universe. Because, god...

Sunday, March 30, 2008

17 1/2 Hours and Counting...

Why am I getting so invested in Davidson right now when they've screwed me twice in my Tournament pool thus far? I'm, like, clapping when that Curry kid hits a three and yelling at him when he misses. I didn't even know who he was two weeks ago. Though I do feel a little bad for Kansas, as the crowd and the announcers are all sounding verrrrrry underdog happy right now... but not too bad, as if they lose, it negates my putting Wisconsin in the Final Four and it will likely mess up my co-workers who picked them. 
Ah well, the game has just ended and the announcers sound so friggin' deflated. Even Greg Gumble looks pissed. It's college kids who likely will never play another basketball game after this season, guys. Let it go.

God, I really need baseball back to funnel all my pent-up sports junkieism into....

Note to Self

When hosting a Bad Movie Night, it is probably a safe bet that anything involving stigmatic twins (seriously), strippers, nonchalant blood-oozing bus passengers, hairless cats, crazed piano teachers and murder-by-glass-cake-knives, as well as terrible dialogue, will be interminable, and therefore no one should be subjected to its torture again. And that is why I must warn all of you about the terribleness that is I Know Who Killed Me. Because unless you're guessing what La Lohan is gagging on (thanks for that, Ken), there isn't much awesomely bad badness going on -- it's just a clusterfuck of monstrous proportions that will leave you and your guests more confounded than humored.
I mean, it makes Glitter, which we watched afterward (and inspired such audience questions as "You'd eat a deer dick?"), look like Casablanca in comparison. 

It's THAT bad.

Friday, March 28, 2008

It's Kind of an Annual Post Now

It's the last weekend without baseball for at least six months!


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Exchange of the Day

"It's like All the Presidents Men in here…Robert Redford's on the phone in the corner..."

"...talking about Ashley Tisdale."

Mona the Mets Fan and Production Guy Jeff on the new office.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Moving on Up

Jeter and A-Rod get acquainted with their new, climate-controlled digs while KB marvels at an actual window. Who knew?

Sunday, March 23, 2008

And Then There Was One


The Yankee Chicken takes a break from cupcake preparedness training to say it's been a pleasure counting down the last 12 weeks with y'all.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Quotes of the Day

"You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a porn picture." -- Production Guy Jeff on the endless amount of naked lady resources available to today's youth.

"I mean, that would be like me seeing the chick from Escape Witch Mountain." -- Production Guy Jeff, on kids today getting to see a former Disney princess like Lindsay Lohan sans clothes.

Doo doo da doo doo doo da doo doo

Okay, that was my best attempt at the CBS NCAA basketball theme thingy, so sorry if that went over everyone's heads. Anyway. Yesterday at this time I was merely wistfully nostalgic about the tourney. Today I am pysched, y'all, as I have joined an office pool, something I haven't done for the NCAA Tournament in years.

My Final Four? UNC, Memphis, UCLA and Wisconsin...yeah, I know, that one's probably going to kill me. As is Memphis, because I only realized after the fact that Texas will have a good chance at beating them in the Elite Eight since they will be playing in their home state. But what the hey. I went with my gut on those (and based the rest on road performance -- because I want to be at least a little smart when it comes to these things) and there's no turning back now.

But yeah...Go Bruins! I wouldn't know any of your players from Adam and I've never even been to California, but my gut said you and I listened. Don't bring me down, dudes.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Separated at Birth?

I've finally figured out why I can't embrace David A. on American Idol (I'm not spelling his name out for fear his legions of admirers will attack this blog):

Yes, he has an unfortunate resemblance to a "cute" 80s phenomenon that I always found kind of...frightening.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Where's Alistair Cooke When You Need Him?

With it being St. Patrick's Day today, I thought there would be some revelers staggering home on the train when my workday was through. And man, was I right. Today, I got what was maybe the green-beer equivalent of Masterpiece Theatre, complete with drunken 20-something guys from Northern NJ with light-up necklaces and lost loves and cell phone pictures.

One guy with shaggy hair and tattoos weaves his way onto the train and sits across from me. He seems content staring at the light-up Corona giveaway necklace he's wearing (sidebar: Doesn't Corona have the market cornered on Cinco de Mayo? Do they really need to be hawking themselves on St. Patrick's Day? Anwyay.) until a few minutes later, when two fratty looking guys bedecked in green dump themselves in the seats across from him, and soon a conversation is struck up.

Somehow they get on the subject of women, or should I say "girls" and over the roar of the train I can make out that the conversation has changed from jovial drunken bonding to Moments of Introspection and Self-Doubt, as the shaggy guy is talking about a lost love.

"We were engaged for three years," I hear him say, and all I can think is, "Man, how very Pam and Roy" and even the other drunk guys are like "Three years?" and tattooed guy seems lost in a Mexican-beer-induced reverie as he mentions that up until two weeks ago, they were getting married in April. He doesn't get misty or anything, but you can tell he's in that drunk/sentimental state (that I normally see girls in, so this was quite a change of pace), as he keeps repeating "three years, man, three years."

The other guys seem like they are uncomfortable with the Steel Magnolia-n turn of events, or just want to cheer the guy up, so they start talking about something else entirely, until there's a pause, and I notice the tattooed guy is looking at his cell phone, and he suddenly goes "I mean, look at that..." and yes, he's still stuck on the gal who got away, and he lets the two other guys take a gander at her picture, and I shit you not when one of the guys pipes up, "She's got a great butt!"


I almost lost it at that point, so I turned up my music in the hopes of not hearing the rest of the conversation, thus breaking out in uncontrollable giggles. I don't know how the rest of their journey went, but I do know this: Tattooed guy and his lost lady love are SO getting back together by Cinco de Mayo. I'd bet money on it.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Bird Swatching


The Yankee Chicken takes a break from pondering the difference between "Winter Harbor" and "Pensive Sky" to paint you a picture of good news.

Tomorrow is Always Fresh With No Mistakes in It. Unless We're Talking a Prequel

UUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH. There is seriously going to be an Anne of Green Gables prequel (as if the third movie they made wasn't enough of an abomination) with Barbara Hershey as an old Anne. SERIOUSLY. What are the producers smoking? Why do they insist on ruining their initial product?

True "kindred spirits" will know what I'm talking about. Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea may be two of the most perfect made-for-TV movies EVER (by the same producers behind the prequel and the awful third installment, oddly enough). I love them now as much as I did when I first saw them when I was 9 years old. So when they said they were making a third part like 15 years after the first two, I was beyond psyched. And then I saw the end result, which I almost didn't get through, because the magicalness of the first two was completely gone. This was due mostly to the fact that they didn't go off the L.M. Montgomery books and made it a WWI movie instead of a lovely Prince Edward Island jaunt as the other two had been.

And now I'm worried about how they're going to re-write history with a prequel. Like, I've heard that Anne's parents apparently die differently than was described in Anne of Green Gables. And apparently, someone else wanted to adopt Anne before the Cuthberts. Really? WTF?

I hate when people get greedy and the end result is stupidity.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Quote of the Night

"I can't believe that out of all the movies on On Demand, we watched Mask." -- Rana

And as a result of watching said movie, my friends and I are now convinced that if I should move to the suburbs, my sleeping time and sanity will be challenged by motorcycle-crazed neighbors and their motorcycle-crazed friends. Because that has to be the next logical step in noisy neighbordom.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Song Long, Sucka Old Friend

Our office is moving in a little over a week, and when this happens, we will have to say goodbye to an old friend:

I know. I don't know what we'll do in the summer, when it's like a comfortable 68 degrees inside instead of like, 86.9, but we've grown quite attached to the MovinCool Classic Plus 14, so it'll be a bummer leave it behind. Although Production Guy Jeff suggested we toss it out the window our last day here, which sounds kind of theraputic in itself...

As Promised...

Oh gee, thanks, neighbors, for keeping your screaming, slamming kid awake till 1 a.m. so I have to do something like blog to kill time. I mean, it's not like I need to sleep or anything. I take it this means you really want to know my favorite Beatles songs too. Okay then!

The great thing about the Beatles is that ALL of their music is infinitely listenable. Even the songs that I don't rank among my faves, I like. There are very few artists I can say this about. But here are the ones I'd take on a desert island, in no particular order.

Oh! Darling -- I first heard this while watching an ice-skating exhibition when I was like 14 and thinking "That song is beyond awesome." As an adult, I totally appreciate it on a different level, because when Paul is screamingly angstful on the "WHEN YOU TOLD ME, YOU DIDN'T NEED ME ANYMORE" part, it's like, man, he's totally lived through having his heart stepped on too (just like Tim Riggins!) and the song almost becomes theraputic.

Revolution -- Because it was stuck in my head when (CLOSE YOUR EYES, ERICA) Jim Leyritz took Mark Wohlers deep in Game 4 of the 1996 World Series. You say you want a revolution, indeed.

Two of Us -- It's got kind of non-sensical lyrics, but it's about best friends, which there can never be enough songs about. I mean, even that Jackson Browne/Clarence Clemons song where Daryl Hannah is in the video even though Jackson was apparently beating her up and...oh, I'm straying off topic now because I'm overtired. But yeah, I love this song.

Here Comes the Sun -- I love the George Harrison version, and I also am a fan of Richie Havens' take (does that make me a closet hippie?). It captures that moment of just wanting to get past the crap and enjoy things, like the promise of spring.

She's a Woman -- Lyrically, it's not the most, um, challenging song, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

Eight Days a Week -- It's ridiculously poppy to like the nth degree, but it's so freaking catchy.

Let it Be -- This might be one of the most perfect songs ever recorded. Like, it's not about one thing per se, yet it still moves people because of the meaning it takes on for them when they hear it. And that sounded very Paula Abdul, and I apologize, but I can't think of a better way to explain it.

I Want You (She's So Heavy) -- I never really gave this song much thought until I heard it played on, of all things, a record player. I mean, the sound the guitar makes is just insane. You can HEAR the emotion in it. But it doesn't sound quite as good on the iPod or CD. Go figure.

Saw Her Standing There -- A great Yankee Stadium song, as it usually comes on in the later innings, when things are going well, and a lot of the crowd is good and sauced and just salivates to "OOOOH!" at the appropriate moment. Paul McCartney was at a game once where this happened, and he got all into it too which was awesome.

Rocky Raccoon -- When I was little, I had a puppet raccoon named Rocky, probably after this song. But the song itself is actually hilarious, though I think it was probably the result of a lot of drugs and not sense of humor so much.

A Day in the Life -- It's two songs for the price of one! I'm not really sure if it has a meaning, but it sure sounds great.

Blackbird -- It's utter simplicity on an album that has A LOT going on, makes it quite the standout.

Hey Jude -- Because the island is going to need a big old singalong every now and then, you know?

And since it appears that Steph isn't the only Beatles fan among my readership, what songs do the rest of y'all fancy?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

First Idol Post of the Season -- I Know!

Yes, I have been watching American Idol this season, and while I'm actually enjoying it more than I have in the past (the contestants this year are all solid, for once), I haven't really had much to say about it. Until I saw this tonight:

Now, when I heard Chikezie, who I have not been a huge fan of at all this season, was doing "She's a Woman," one of my favoritest Beatles songs, I was all "Oh nooooooo." And then he busted this out, and holy crap did I love it. I don't know if he did the arrangement or if someone put it together for him, but whoever thought of a bluegrass opening is one of the ballsiest and smartest people out there because it just worked. As did the joy that was completely radiating from Chikezie as he sang this, so props to him for actually looking like he was having fun with material he was previously unfamiliar with.

This makes me think I have to do a post of my favorite Beatles songs. Steph will probably be the only one who will enjoy that, but, yeah, it's totally coming...

Shameless Self-Promotion

If you don't know by now that my main goal in life is to finish writing a book, then you haven't been reading this blog long enough. And if you don't know that needing motivation is my main problem in acheiving said goal, then that's probably because I've never really mentioned that before, because who really wants to say that about themself? So, in order to motivate myself, I've been posting my current idea on another blog, and have only told a chose few about it because I don't want some jackass stealing my idea, my thunder and the millions that I need to make in order to get a towel warmer in my bathroom.

But since I know I have blog readers who actually come here every day (and who are not thunder-stealing jackasses), I thought I'd let you guys in on it. But I still need to be careful with random thunder stealers who may happen upon this blog, so if you'd like to read my story, e-mail and I'll send you the link.

ETA: If you've written to me and I don't get back to you within a day, leave a comment here, as Yahoo has been giving me some issues lately...

Monday, March 10, 2008

Because The Voice of God is the Voice of God. Accept No Substitutes

I don't know how I missed this but if it's true, jeez that just takes the wind out of my pre-season sails. The dude who did that last game I was at (let's try to forget the outcome) was just... no. Perhaps I've been spoiled all these years, but I don't know if I can tolerate someone who isn't as awesome as Bob Sheppard. Talk about big shoes to fill.

Although, while I knew Bob was somewhat ancient, I had no idea that he's NINETY-SEVEN YEARS OLD. God freaking bless him.

Returning the Favor

So Jamie over at No Day But Today has added me to her blogroll, and I am beyond honored with that — and my nickname "Karen the Silver-Tongued" — because she's a pretty terrific writer and also understands the need for a good for stand-mixer.

I now return to my regularly-scheduled deadline H-E-double hockey sticks.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

To the Tick-Tock Ya Don't Stop


The Yankee Chicken takes a break from springing forward to let you know that that time is drawing nearer.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Saturday Night Fight Card: KB vs. Nature's Wrath

I think I just had one of the most insane (and actually quite frightening) weather experiences I've ever encountered. I mean, I've lived through wicked windstorms and downpours and whatnot, but never while I was outside, thus making me slam myself against the side of a building in the hopes of not getting blown into Bayonne.

See, it was rainy all day, but it had withered to a drizzle and the radar showed that the rain was pretty much gone. So I ventured into the city to hit up The Strand and J.Crew and Home Depot (paint swatches...woo!) and it was quite lovely, what with it being like 60 degrees, with the setting sun starting to peek out from behind the clouds. It remained like this while I made my way down into the PATH station to go home.

And then I get back to Jersey City, and I swear to god, it was like all hell had broken loose, and the weather had done some coke and steroids and was ready to party. First off, know that it is ALWAYS windy by the PATH station here, because it's situated near these weirdly angled high-rises, with the Hudson River a few blocks away. Tonight, since they are fixing a stairwell on the side of the station that's closest to my apartment (and least windy), I decided to go to the far side of the station and work my way back when I got outside, seeing as how it was so nice and pretty in New York when I left it 20 minutes prior, and a little more of a walk would've been pleasant.

Oh HELL no, it wasn't.

I get up the stairs, encountering the normal windyness, and then I turn outside and good freaking god, the first thing that happens is my Yankee hat gets blown from my head, and I have to chase it down, hearing all the street signs around me rattling like they're about to take flight and impale something. Also, it's hard to breathe with the wind raging in your face, which is not cool, but it was the least of my worries as my hat took priority at that moment. Then, when I turn back around, I get blown back, losing my footing and almost falling over. That's when I see that the rain is coming down sideways, and the wind does its best to destroy my favorite duck umbrella, which I've had for 8 years, and I was all "Oh no you don't, bitch" and manage to somehow close it and stuff it away, thus making me get drenched.

I'm all freaked out that I'm going to become a human projectile and get blown into traffic, because I pretty much can't walk, but somehow I push my way across the street to one of the weirdly angled high-rises, and back myself into it. There's a couple there trying to lift a baby out of a stroller, which the wind is fighting them for possession (what a greedy sonofabitch, right?), and they manage to scoot themselves next to me.

This whole time, the wind is, like, freaking out, and it's pouring, but we're not getting wet because the wind is blowing from behind us, and behind us is the building. It was truly bizarre. I tried to extract myself from the building, because I thought it wouldn't be so bad once I got past the high-rises (and was also a bit concerned that my own building would be blown away when I got home), but when I go to turn the corner of the building, I get blown back. I had to try this three or four times before the wind died down enough for me to find my footing and get back home.

I swear to god, commuting should never be that challenging, man.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Quote of the Day

"I hope your hair feels extra silky this weekend." -- Production Guy Jeff, in a high-pitched, sarcastic...oh, you kind of had to be there.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Ain't it Shocking What Love Can Do?

So tonight on the PATH train, I was sitting next to this largish man who kept moving to the groove of his iPod, mouthing the words as he, uh, grooved. It wasn't until my own iPod was between songs that I could hear what was coming out of his headphones. And that would be "So Emotional" by Whitney Houston.

I swear, I love the unmined comedy of public transportation.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008


So The Yankee Chicken and I were just having a dance-off in our PJs to Michael Jackson's "PYT" when this news came down. Yes, it looks like Friday Night Lights is coming back (probably airing first on DirecTV, then NBC, but who cares?)! Woo!!!!

Now shoo, all of you, and go catch up on the first and second seasons so you'll be all caught up and ready to discuss in the fall. You'll be glad you did.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

There's a Mountain Lion in My Office

What, you thought I was kidding?

Monday, March 03, 2008


So I've been feeling quite disenchanted with some things lately. Not depressed, and not angry, just kind of fed up, with things like creepy drunk guys on the train who seem intent on creeping out you and everyone around you, Chewboken and Sasquatch's love child next door, feeling like the only person in the office who knows how to change the goddamn water cooler (when I have no upper body strength to speak of), fickleness in people you never expected it from, the fact that a pair of sneakers may have messed up my right heel, feeling like I'm washing dishes all the time, feeling cut off from people you once felt close to, people being shady, and the general clusterfuck that has become my brain-sucking Mondays. None of it is too serious, mind you, but a bunch of piled-up mid-level irritations can make you do things like... want to blog about it.

I'm guessing it's just wintertime that has brought this surge of feelings, and since I don't want to be one of those bitter, cranky 80-year-olds at the age of 30, I think to myself, "What Would Bruce Do?" Because if anyone has confronted these feelings of Grrrrr and spun something positive out of it, it's Mr. Springsteen. Or at least he's given the appearance of that via song.

It feels like every Monday, I am listening to "The Promised Land," because it sums up my feelings right now quite nicely:

I've done my best to live the right way
I get up every morning and go to work each day
But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold
Sometimes I feel so weak I just want to explode (THIS IS GENERALLY THE CASE ON MONDAY NIGHTS)

Explode and tear this town apart
Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart
Find somebody itching for something to start

And then the last verse, which, I read somewhere that someone once said that nobody writes a third verse like Bruce Springsteen, and it's so damn true here:

There's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm
Gonna be a twister to blow everything down
That ain't got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted


The great thing about Bruce is that he writes the most optimistically angsty lyrics you'll ever hear, as if just making yourself be above the pettiness is a start in the right direction. I want to do that, embrace it and be beyond dumbass people and the mind-numbing details of everyday life and just enjoy myself. Because who really wants to be a bitter ass when baseball season is almost here?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Ken Singleton! Michael Kay! Endless Geico Commercials! It's Back!


The Yankee Chicken takes a break from weeping tears of joy to offer these words of hope.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Memories, Like the Corners of My Mind

So this is my first time in five years that I am not in Hoboken for its annual day of debauchery. As much as I hated being outside on Faux St. Patrick's Day, the people watching from our window was always beyond awesome. Remember the Great Yuppie Brawl of '05 (mentioned at the bottom of the post)? Or that time that old-man bagpiper guy yelled "show us your tits" to the girls on fourth floor of our building? Good times.