Thursday, November 13, 2008

If You Lived Here, You Wouldn't Be Home By Now

So for the last few months I've been subjected to these two apartment complex ads in the PATH stations. I didn't really give them that much thought until I noticed something....:

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Do you see that these ads have one striking similarity -- and I'm not talking the lack of, you know, actually showing what the apartments look like. Because what is it you want in a living space? A gourmet kitchen? A window in your living room? The ability to touch foreheads with your significant other? Especially if it involves the woman draping her arms around the man's neck? Yes, that must be it!

For real, if I didn't have to be subjected to these things on a daily basis I would think they were ads for a dating service. Especially The Thread, which is all "The chemistry was good...the setting was perfect" I know sex sells and all, but WHAT does CHEMISTRY have to do with plunking over $300,000 on a CONDO? Especially since you aren't showing me "the setting." And I know Union City might be a hard sell to the yuppies they are so obviously courting with this thing (especially since what it doesn't tell you is that UC is only serviced by bus, which stops service at 2 a.m. -- I'm not sure that's, like, cool for someone who wants to partay it up in NYC) but why can't you show just a little bit more than just a plank or two of the wood floor? Makes me think that your apartments are fug or something. Why would I hike all the way out to Union City to see it? Because, I'm sorry, The Thread, you can pretty much get nookie anywhere. Your living space is not the issue.

And the Exchange is just as bad -- although they CAN tout that it's a quick ride by train into the city (but what they don't tell you is that NJ Transit trains ALSO stop running at 2 a.m. -- you're gonna take a cab From Manhattan all the way to Secaucus? Good luck with that, since cabbies are pretty loath to take anyone to the dreaded other side of the Hudson, and also charge at least 40 bucks.) But what, exactly, is an evolved commute? Yes, you will be standing upright on the crowded train bound for the lower Manhattan (because they also neglect to tell you that on the way into NYC, you will be the last stop on a suburban commuter train)? And what does "forward living" mean? You get a view, as the (doctored?) photo implies (that looks like Weehawken's view, right across the river from Manhattan. Secaucus, which is more in land? Um, no.)? But why would you need a view when you can touch foreheads and stare at your lovah?

1 comment:

hopbitters said...

Sorry to interrupt, but I just have to say... Nick Swisher?! Seriously? Was it that .742 OPS that caught your eye, Brian? Or maybe the fact that he can switch hit, so you can use his .332 OBP against righties AND lefties? Like any good Dick Tracy character, his name tells you pretty much tells you what he does. Speaking of names, I bet Cash saw "Kanekoa Texeira" in the deal and thought he was getting Teixeira.

OK, I'm done now.