Dudes, I have hit the mother lode and found the baddest of bad movies. I give you: NYC: Tornado Terror.
What did I learn from this magnificent Sci Fi production?
-- Random tiny tornados can lick the isle of Manhattan, and then form several killer tornados, and no one will even think to leave the area. No, they'll still hang out outside, having brunch and walking dogs in the "West Village" and "Central Park."
-- The main female character (named Cassie, of course. I've come to the conclusion that every lazyily named woman in a movie is either a Cassie or Kate), calls 911 to report - wait for it - people getting frozen to death inside a tornado "outside the 59th Street subway station." Because there's, like, only one of those and the rescue squad will know EXACTLY where to go when you tell them that.
-- You CAN blow up the weather. All it takes is some dry ice and a crazy scientist based out of the super-secret....
-- ...Garden State Spaceport (I laughed. out. loud.), which, judging by the views, is somewhere in the vicinity of my apartment.
-- St. Elmo's Fire is just one of the hazards of a tornadic activity. When it starts licking the Empire State Building? You DIE. Let me repeat:
-- "NASA doesn't own the atmosphere." You guys, I was so glad to learn that.
-- Stray lightning bolts can sneak into NYC buildings, hover around menacingly, kill someone, and come back to life to kill some more.
-- When you are trapped under the arm of the Statue of Liberty (don't ask) and someone is rescuing you, and there's a sign above your head, the word "center" on that sign will be spelled "centre." Because you know
-- If you are the mayor (the lone American in the cast -- because you know an Ohio native is going to do the NYC accent better than a Canuck) and you don't listen to the underdog but do listen to the NASA "government" guy, you will DIE.
-- The tornados "moving east to Brooklyn" and moving off Manhattan is cheer-worthy. Because apparently no one cares if hipsters and Russian mobsters and Italian grandmas die or anything.
And now I'm bummed because my DVR failed me and I missed the first half hour. It doesn't appear to be on Netflix or Amazon (gee, I wonder why?) and Sci Fi isn't repeating it anytime soon. This means this quality film is going to have to wait to be shown at a Bad Movie Night, which is a major bummer, because I didn't even highlight the funniest parts -- seriously.
Come back to me, NYC: Tornado Terror. Come back to me.